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2022 Happiness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

It’s controversial but I think it’s 100% true

Much is made (by wellbeingey, feelgoodery people like me!) of “Being Present”. That we will all be healthier and happier if we are more connected to “the now” and present with who and what we are doing, when we are actually doing it.

 

There is however another equally important, yet far less discussed perspective to the “Be Present” position.

 

I also think it’s important to know:

 

*It’s TOTALLY okay not to be “on” 24/7 and engaged in every single convo going on around you.

 

* It’s TOTALLY okay to have an enjoyable, meandering, noodle on Instagram on your phone.

 

* It’s TOTALLY okay not to listen to every single word someone wants to share with you.

 

AS LONG AS YOU OWN YOUR ABSENCE.

 

If you can be present, and you choose to be present: BE ALL THERE.

 

If you don’t have the capacity, the time, the attention, or the mind space: LET THEM KNOW.

 

OWN YOUR ABSENCE.

 

It’s yours. You can do that. It belongs to you.

 

Be clear. Be unambiguous.

 

Say “I can see you have something on your mind you want to share but I just cannot give you my full attention right now. Can we talk properly over dinner?”

 

or

 

“Hon, I adore you, I’ve loved chatting with you over coffee – but I just need to check my email. I’d like to take 10 minutes and then resume the chats! – is that cool with you?”

 

or

 

Turn your phone on silent, go lay on the bed, and play on Instagram to your heart’s content with no one else expecting anything from you in that moment. Immerse yourself and enjoy.

 

If you are not going to be present (which is fine, no one can be all the time) OWN YOUR ABSENCE with clarity and intent.

 

Make sense? What a relief, eh? No-one can be present all the time, let’s stop beating ourselves up for it.

 

PS. Want a book that will change your life? Of course you do.

It’s here.

It’s beautiful.

Original.

Satisfyingly tickable

Make it yours ✅

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2022 Energy Boosters My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Need more sunshine in your pocket?

Sometimes (actually most of the time!) self-care can be SIMPLE…for example….

 

It’s less sunny in the winter (duh!) which has all sorts of impact on our delicately balanced circadian & ultradian biorhythms that govern our body’s performance & moods.

 

Despite the very real impact of the seasons on our physiology, life does not stop – we continue our commitments & obligations with no adjustment whatsoever to the very real seasonal impact on our body and mind.

 

Our internal rhythms may change quite significantly yet we expect – of others and ourselves – to continue with the demands of life as if nothing is any different.

 

One of the biggies here is the amount of sunlight we get.

 

Sunlight is a significant provider of Vitamin D in our bodies, as well as being involved in the regulation of serotonin (happy hormone) & melatonin (sleep regulating hormone). It’s also crucial to our mood & sleep levels.

 

Feeling a bit blue in the winter is a definite sign to try to get more blue sky in your day.

 

The obvious and fuhreee choice is, if you can work your day around it, to try & get a walk in at lunchtime. Go grab your sushi from the place four blocks away so you can get in your 15 minutes of sun rays.

 

Other options include checking out light boxes, lamps & alarm clocks that wake you with simulated natural sunlight, there are some excellent ones on the market.

 

My preferred option for a sunshine injection however, is obviously to get on a plane & head for the sun if time and budget allow & get in a winter sunshine break. For health reasons, of course!

 

Today, your self-care mission is to get at least 15 minutes of sunshine, and know you are doing great things for your body and mind as you make it happen. All the small things add up.

 

PS.  All small self-care actions ADD UP. They have a cumulatively positive effect on your body and mind. You can get 101 (very satisfyingly tickable! ✅) ideas in my new book 101 Self-Care Ideas that are not that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath! Click here to get inspiration and snappy action on tap. Did I mention it was tickable? So motivating! ✅

 

{ NB: If you think you might be suffering from a case of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) you should visit your GP ASAP. A continually super low mood in winter can require medical intervention.}

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2022 Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

The Selfishness question we all need to ask ourselves….

I want to talk about setting yourself a “Self-Care Baseline” today…

 

Self-care is often confused with selfishness, so frequently it comes so low down on people’s “To do” list – just under “clean out the garage” and “drop jacket at the drycleaners” that it hardly ever happens. When looking after ourselves is actually our most important job, why does it always seem to come last for most women?

 

What I see again and again is busy women juggling multiple responsibilities, like work and family, start thinking somewhere along the line that taking time out for themselves is selfish, or something that can ONLY happen when everyone else is taken care of. They are always at the end of the list, which builds resentment and saps energy.

 

As someone once debilitated by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I now look at things differently. I think that not putting your own self-care first is selfish. If you are run ragged by the demands of life you will NEVER be able to give your best to others – you’re depriving them of the wonderful person you can be. Racing to fulfil every demand without coming up for air means you can’t be truly present and connected in your interactions; you’re always thinking about “what next”.

 

Creating a self-care baseline is an important contract to make with yourself, whether it’s a monthly massage, an hour alone to read your favourite books, or a weekly Pilates class that’s a non-negotiable it’s the equivalent of putting your own oxygen mask on first in the plane before helping others. Being selfish actually becomes the most powerful thing you can do not just for yourself, but for everyone else too.

 

You don’t have to do All The Things, you don’t need to do self-care perfectly…just start with ONE thing and create a Self-Care Baseline that supports you and that you can look forward to, and say, that is MY THING I do for ME. It’s more important than you know.

 

PS. Want ideas to set your own Self-Care Baseline?

I’ve got 101 of them for you to choose from in my (satisfyingly tickable!) new book:101 Self-Care Ideas that are not that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath! Click here to see what it will do for you and grab it at a discount today.

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2022 Good Enough Love your body My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Listen up! We’ve been sold a Big Fat Lie about Self-Care. BIG. Huge!

Little bit of a myth buster today…

We’ve (and I mean YOU!) been sold a lie that self-care looks super nice and fluffy. That it looks like pedicures, bubble baths and avo on toast. That it smells of bubblegum and candyfloss, and it lives, mainly on Insta, striking a well-lit pose.  I know you know what I’m talking about. Self-care is BIG bucks: there are a LOT of vested interests in telling you that THIS perfectly manicured, utterly passive image, is what self-care looks like.

Let me tell you something from coaching thousands and thousands of smart women to lead their healthiest, happiest lives peppered with continual personal growth:

Real self-care is actually really ACTIVE: it’s WORK.  And sometimes it’s really HARD. And it pretty much always doesn’t look pretty.

Real self-care doesn’t come with a pink bow on it – real self-care looks like this:

  • Sitting down and making a spreadsheet of all your debts and figuring out some sort of payment plan that will start to release you from crushing financial stress – THAT my friend, is not sexy, but it IS self-care.
  • Walking away from that oh so gorgeous soulmate of a man, with the abs and the flowers and the smile, who also never turns up when he says, lets you down continually and intermittently ghosts – THAT, my friend, IS self-care.
  • Scheduling a meeting with your boss to talk through your responsibilities and workload, and remuneration in a well prepared, confident, assertive way – THAT, my friend, that is self-care all the way.
  • Politely saying no thanks to that girl’s get-together that inevitably makes you feel rubbish and that you have to compete and yes you have known each other from school but they just don’t really get you anymore, but deciding not to go this year – THAT is self-care.

? Calling ahead to the dinner party host to explain you are doing a particular health-related eating programme that you are really committed to sticking to, even at her event, and working out a few easy menu items that she can prepare or you can bring – THAT right there, is self-care.

Here’s the thing:

Self-care doesn’t always look like what’s EASY.

Self-care is unlikely to be something that is PASSIVE.

And it’s usually not INDULGENT.

It’s not that indulgence is bad. Far from it – but bubble baths…they only feel indulgent when you are lying there knowing you can afford your mortgage.

Don’t mistake an enjoyable indulgence for self-care. Enjoy the indulgence, of course! Enjoy that good passive bubbly stuff that puts the cherry on the top of life – but don’t mistake it for the real WORK of caring for your beautiful self.

People wonder why they have a massage or spend the day at the spa, essentially “doing self-care”, but then basically feel exactly the same about themselves, their body, and their life once they have left the spa and got home.

This is why. ???? ???? ??? ???? ????? ????-????! ???? ???? ???? ????? ??????????. Indulgence feels gooooooooddddd, (and I’m all for it) but – and this is the really important thing – it only feels good IN THE MOMENT.

Self-care? REAL self-care? My friends, real self-care is often HARD WORK in the moment.

It’s about change.

About challenge.

About TRUTH.

But – here’s the kicker – It LASTS.

When you genuinely do what you need to do to really CARE for yourself – you feel better not just that day, but day after day after day.

Remember this:

?????????? ????? ??? ????? ?? ??? ???????.

????-???? ???? ??? ????? ???? ????, ???? ??????.

 

PS. Switch up your self-care with 101 ideas guaranteed to make a REAL difference to your mood, your mind, your body and your LIFE with a copy of my brand-new digital book ‘101 Self Care Ideas that are NOT “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath’. For inspiration and motivation to tap into whenever you need it, grab your copy right here to see what it will do for you.

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2022 My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

If you are having a rough ride at the moment this one’s for you…

If you are having a rough ride at the moment this one’s for you…

There is no more important time to be taking good care of yourself than during a crisis. Unfortunately, this is generally when it feels the hardest to do it!

  • It’s difficult to connect with eating nourishing food being a priority when you have suffered such a huge loss that nothing can fill it. However, improved self-care is exactly what we need to do at this time.
  • We can meet adversity with more resolve when we have slept well, have eaten well, are hydrated, and up and dressed ready to face the world, even when we just want to hide under the duvet and hope it will all go away.
  • Going back to basics with sleep/nutrition/exercise non-negotiables gives us a platform of physical resiliency to deal with whatever faces us emotionally.​​​​
  • A crisis situation is what it is; but it is always going to be better to face it with a good night’s sleep and a full belly than being wired and tired.

When life has thrown a curve ball and looking after yourself feels like more than you can handle right now

  1. Reach out for support. People care. They WILL help you. At my darkest times I have been amazed at the kindness of friends gently shepherding my self-care forwards. Looking after me when I can’t do it myself.
  2. Don’t try and do All The Things. Just doing ONE piece of self-care will feel empowering and that you are controlling SOMETHING, when life itself feels out of control. Just do ONE good thing for yourself. Don’t set the bar too high. Just do ONE.
  3. If you need ideas, you can get my book (it’s so pretty and easy to use you will love it) and tick off one new self-care action each day. You don’t even need to have the energy to think of a thing, I’ve done it for you, and broken it down into 8 different categories of self-care. All you need to do is ONE a day. They will all gently move you forwards.

You can get it here: 101 Self-Care Ideas

Be good to you.

 

PS. One of the things readers have loved is the “tickable” format on the 101 Self Care Ideas, gently motivating to see your progress. Especially if you can’t affect much on other areas of life right now, you CAN do this small thing to replenish yourself. You can grab it here.

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Love your body Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

The REAL COST Of Not Taking Care Of Your Self-Care!

Today I want to talk to you about…drum roll puhleeease…the REAL COST Of Not Taking Care Of Your Self-Care.

Y’know good people, I am not going sugar coat it for you (I care about you too much for that)

I’m just going to say it:

Y’all gotta stop treating self-care like it’s an optional extra

Like it’s the thing you will do… once all the important sh*t is done.

Like it’s the side order of fries rather than the burger.

Like it’s an optional extra to think about…when you have time.

Like it’s a freaking LUXURY.

We treat self-care like there is NO COST to NOT doing it.

Be super clear:

If you are not taking care of your precious self

And by that, I mean not just your physical wellbeing

But your mental, emotional and spiritual health too

You will be practicing self-care-compensation instead: and it costs us far more than genuine self-care.

There is an immediate cost to not taking care of ourselves: it’s expensive and it looks like this:

  • We will be drinking wine to feel better after a hard day because we do not have a regular mental or emotional health practice to tap into to unwind and rebalance. ?????????.
  • We will be trying on 15 outfits and not feeling good in or buying clothes in sizes we don’t want to compensate for the activity we didn’t do. ?????????.
  • We will be buying shiny new shoes because they are the only thing we can guarantee to fit to compensate for the stress-eating we did. ?????????.
  • We will be losing our rag at someone we didn’t mean to, in a way we regret because we didn’t do our own emotional boundary work before we had the conversation. ?????????.
  • We will be feeling pissed off or sad when certain situations come up and reaching for our phone, wasting hours, as we endlessly scroll as an adult pacifier because we are not processing our emotions in a safe and considered way. ?????????.
  • We will feel tired and reach for extra coffee, tea and energy drinks to keep going and pep us up because we are not listening and caring for the very real rest needs of our body. ?????????.

 

Here’s the thing.

If you think that self-care can always be put off til later…

It can’t.

You are ALWAYS taking care of yourself – and soothing uncomfortable emotions – it’s just HOW are you doing it?

Are you doing it in a conscious way that elevates your mind and body in a way that you choose that benefits you today, but also tomorrow?

Or are you doing self-care unconsciously in a way that just gets you through the day, numbing out, reducing anxiety. Mindless scrolling. Eating. Gossiping. Drinking. Faffing.

Room for improvement – right?

It’s time to start treating self-care

And I mean real self-care, (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) not just booking a massage once a year!

Not as an optional extra.

But as an ongoing essential part of healthy mind maintenance.

Quality self-care is the investment in ourselves that gives us the biggest return;

Because if we don’t make time for health, sooner or later we have to make time for illness of one sort or another.

Let’s commit to taking self-care off the optional extra list, and make it an integrated priority of every day.

 

P.S. You don’t have to find this ONE, big magic bullet that will solve all your self-care and wellbeing issues and intentions. You just need to take ONE positive action forward. I give you all my BEST strategies to transform GOOD INTENTIONS into actual ACTION in The 14 Day Real Self-Care Kickstart. It’s a short course with a difference.  Click here to see what it will do for you. Just $97 for you today.

P.S.S. You can also grab a copy of my book for instant inspo and transform those wellbeing intentions into snappy choices that elevate your mental and physical health: 101 Self Care Ideas is right here, and just $17 today

Categories
2022 Communication Reduce Stress Relationships Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Getting other people to make change

Something that comes up ALL THE TIME in my coaching sessions today, thoughts on how life would be A LOT easier if….etc…

Life would be a LOT easier if only other people (boss/partner/sister/ex) changed what they were doing/saying so it suited us better or was (what we perceived to be) better for them. ?‍♀️

If other people were more reliable/fun/on to it/organised/truthful/adult/well intentioned/thoughtful, our lives (and potentially theirs) would be SO MUCH EASIER!

However….

Giving up the illusion that other people could/should/will change to suit us is a huge personal growth milestone.

 

?‍♀️ People will never change unless THEY want to.

?‍♀️ Even then it might not be consistent or lasting.

?‍♀️ People will not change unless they want to and are READY to.

 

You can try and cajole, beg, guilt, shame, plead…use logic, use emotion, but until it’s what they want and are ready for it’s not going to happen. It will be their timetable, not yours.

They will be ready when they are ready.

(Which might be NEVER)

 

?‍♀️ Change is hard – it requires choice and commitment.

?‍♀️ Parking the need for others to be different in order for us to be happy is HUGE

?‍♀️ It allows us to put that wasted energy where it can make a genuine difference

 

The ONLY place we can truly effect change

Changing ourselves ?

 

P.S. Ready to make some first steps towards supported change where you can make change the most easily? Well then, I have your back! Here are three ways to work with me:

Book: Start using the 16 easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas.

Course:  Dive into this short course and get your mind on what matters most…feel different inside and out in just 2 weeks, 14 Day Real Self-Care Kickstart.

Academy: My absolute number one recommendation is to join Wellbeing Warriors – there are so many modules in there to help you get unstuck. You will be so empowered with the immense personal insight you gain into yourself in the Coaching Academy that you will drop the desire to change others and relish the amazing change you are affecting in your own mental and physical health instead. It will change things for you more than you can ever imagine.

 

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

What I love about my job the MOST?

I wanted to talk abut this beautiful truth: YOU ARE THE GREATEST PROJECT YOU WILL EVER WORK ON.

It’s a beautiful truth to consider, and when I think about

What I love about my job the MOST?

(It’s hard to pick because there are a lot of things ?)

… so the best thing for me is that I get to share my FASCINATION with personal growth and how our minds work with other like-minded souls in a way that makes that KNOWLEDGE live, breath and create results and REAL CHANGE.

? We are all a Work In Progress

?We all have new insights to discover about ourselves that unlock peace and progress

?We are never done! There is always something new to learn about ourselves. There is ALWAYS a new level! How cool is THAT?! ?

 

The JOY I get from seeing my Academy members and clients unlock those aha moments, or make those difficult decisions that will set them free is immense.

?Life is LONG (if we are lucky)

?We are meant to keep LEARNING along the path.

❤ YOU are the greatest project you will EVER work on.

Categories
2022 Communication Self Care Sunday

Seriously people, we have to stop saying this…

If there is one phrase I would like to remove from the English language, it is “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.

Seriously people, we have to stop saying this to traumatised individuals.

I realise it’s coming from a place of good intent and trying to be helpful, but, IT IS NOT.

It utterly invalidates other people’s experience, pain and trauma…AND (as if that were not enough!) also implies they should somehow be GRATEFUL for their suffering as it’s creating some handy personal development ?

I can’t even!

I know when this has been said to me in the depths of personal hellscape, it made me feel…

a) ANGRY (you want me to to grateful for this hell?)

and

b) ALONE (you obviously have NO IDEA what I am really going through here or you would not have said something so insulting / idiotic)

 

So, please let’s stop using this phrase, I know it’s well intentioned but it is unhelpful verging on damaging.

If you are unsure of what to say to someone who is in a personal hellscape, try these instead..

“I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I’m here for you in any way you need”

or

“I don’t know what to say but I do know I care about you deeply, and you can share anything you need with me, I’m here”

or

“This is all so shocking, it’s going to take you time to come to terms with it. I’m here for you”

Because, whether what doesn’t kill you may or may not make you stronger (and if it does that strength will be a long way up the road) IT’S JUST NOT HELPFUL in the moment. What doesn’t kill you can steal your sense of self and make you wish it did. That trauma needs to be seen, honoured and healed, not dismissed.

Has anyone said it to you? Did it help? I thought not!

Let’s collectively consign this outdated phrase to the bin where it belongs.

If you are going through hell right now, please reach out to your most thoughtful, empathetic people. You are not alone ?

Categories
Fear of failure Self Care Sunday

Do you want things to change in your life?

We often want things in our life to change, but are unwilling to effect that change for the simple reason that it feel scary.

So, we wait for things to magically change themselves, which most of the time, they just don’t.

Avoidance of the temporary scared feeling can lead us to choose to stay stuck with the status quo for weeks, years, decades sometimes.

Thing is, feeling stuck is a very uncomfortable emotion to live with too.

So, in essence we are swapping experiencing one uncomfortable emotional state (fear) for another one (stuckness) rather than avoiding it all together.

Allowing ourselves to experience the temporary emotion of nerves, scariness, fear – is PART of creating positive change. It doesn’t last forever, but it is often an integral part of the ride.

The more we can accept it, welcome it even, the faster we can unstick ourselves and include more of what our heart desires in our life.

What’s more scary? Experiencing fear on the way to what you want, or, living in a state of stuck status quo long term? I know you know the answer.

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