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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Love your body Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

The REAL COST Of Not Taking Care Of Your Self-Care!

Today I want to talk to you about…drum roll puhleeease…the REAL COST Of Not Taking Care Of Your Self-Care.

Y’know good people, I am not going sugar coat it for you (I care about you too much for that)

I’m just going to say it:

Y’all gotta stop treating self-care like it’s an optional extra

Like it’s the thing you will do… once all the important sh*t is done.

Like it’s the side order of fries rather than the burger.

Like it’s an optional extra to think about…when you have time.

Like it’s a freaking LUXURY.

We treat self-care like there is NO COST to NOT doing it.

Be super clear:

If you are not taking care of your precious self

And by that, I mean not just your physical wellbeing

But your mental, emotional and spiritual health too

You will be practicing self-care-compensation instead: and it costs us far more than genuine self-care.

There is an immediate cost to not taking care of ourselves: it’s expensive and it looks like this:

  • We will be drinking wine to feel better after a hard day because we do not have a regular mental or emotional health practice to tap into to unwind and rebalance. ?????????.
  • We will be trying on 15 outfits and not feeling good in or buying clothes in sizes we don’t want to compensate for the activity we didn’t do. ?????????.
  • We will be buying shiny new shoes because they are the only thing we can guarantee to fit to compensate for the stress-eating we did. ?????????.
  • We will be losing our rag at someone we didn’t mean to, in a way we regret because we didn’t do our own emotional boundary work before we had the conversation. ?????????.
  • We will be feeling pissed off or sad when certain situations come up and reaching for our phone, wasting hours, as we endlessly scroll as an adult pacifier because we are not processing our emotions in a safe and considered way. ?????????.
  • We will feel tired and reach for extra coffee, tea and energy drinks to keep going and pep us up because we are not listening and caring for the very real rest needs of our body. ?????????.

 

Here’s the thing.

If you think that self-care can always be put off til later…

It can’t.

You are ALWAYS taking care of yourself – and soothing uncomfortable emotions – it’s just HOW are you doing it?

Are you doing it in a conscious way that elevates your mind and body in a way that you choose that benefits you today, but also tomorrow?

Or are you doing self-care unconsciously in a way that just gets you through the day, numbing out, reducing anxiety. Mindless scrolling. Eating. Gossiping. Drinking. Faffing.

Room for improvement – right?

It’s time to start treating self-care

And I mean real self-care, (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) not just booking a massage once a year!

Not as an optional extra.

But as an ongoing essential part of healthy mind maintenance.

Quality self-care is the investment in ourselves that gives us the biggest return;

Because if we don’t make time for health, sooner or later we have to make time for illness of one sort or another.

Let’s commit to taking self-care off the optional extra list, and make it an integrated priority of every day.

 

P.S. You don’t have to find this ONE, big magic bullet that will solve all your self-care and wellbeing issues and intentions. You just need to take ONE positive action forward. I give you all my BEST strategies to transform GOOD INTENTIONS into actual ACTION in The 14 Day Real Self-Care Kickstart. It’s a short course with a difference.  Click here to see what it will do for you. Just $97 for you today.

P.S.S. You can also grab a copy of my book for instant inspo and transform those wellbeing intentions into snappy choices that elevate your mental and physical health: 101 Self Care Ideas is right here, and just $17 today

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Self Care and Self Love

Not investing in my wellbeing cost me over $100k…

I want to explore why someone wouldn’t invest in their mental health and physical wellbeing.

It’s usually one of these three things…

  1. “It will just take care of itself  and doesn’t need proactive support” (weirdly, this is how 95% of the population expect their mental health to work, to just “just be okay” or “fix itself” or “look after itself”).
  2. “I will get to it later… I’m super busy right now…”
  3. “I can’t afford it” (she says on a phone priced over a thousand dollars, in three hundred dollar shoes)

Let’s take each of these three in turn: 

  1. Mental Health

Our mental health does not exist in a vacuum. We don’t get taught skills to proactively manage our mental health and mood at school. The quality of our LIFE is determined by the quality of our mental health. Why do we place SO little value on proactively supporting it and expect it to happen magically all by itself? 

The fact is, it doesn’t, does it?! That’s why we are a nation of people self-medicating with wine o’clock, cheese and crackers, endless scrolling, avoiding hard conversation and potential conflict, being riddled with resentment and still not speaking up, cake, gossip, pushing down emotions and pretending we are fine…and on and on and on. 

Mental Health doesn’t take care of itself. It takes effort and structure. We all know this. The quality of our LIFE is determined by the quality of our mental health. It’s time to invest in that. You can do it with me in a super cost-effective and pleasurable way.

  1. I’m Super Busy.

Yeah yeah! We will get to taking care of our wellbeing (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) “when there is time” OR we will look after ONE aspect of our wellbeing (usually physical), but NOT the others (a perfectly instagrammable arse when you are still totally miserable inside is not the recipe for a happy life). 

We need to STOP WAITING FOR THE PERFECT TIME to take care of our wellbeing. The perfect time is NOW. We just need to stop looking at it as “all or nothing” and take perfectly imperfect action daily!

The rest of life will flow ROUND IT. You will never be less busy. You need a wellbeing system that is DESIGNED to work WITH busy. I can help you with this!

  1. I can’t afford it.

It’s easy to say we can’t afford it, til we have a health crisis and then we realise it’s the only thing that is actually WORTH ANYTHING! I got into wellbeing after exiting a very successful corporate career having compromised my health to the point of being bedridden in my 30’s. At that point a six-figure salary meant jack, because I couldn’t even dress myself, let alone leave my house! 

What you think is important is suddenly not important when your health is compromised. The truth is we cannot NOT AFFORD TO INVEST IN OUR WELLBEING. A year of being ill and unable to work cost me well over $100K, if I’d been in my Academy and supporting myself as I should have, I would have saved myself…(wait for it) $99,621. HA!

IKR?!

Today I want to talk about you re-joining the Wellbeing Warriors Academy ahead of the price rise. 

Only YOU know if the time is right.

But equally, only YOU know if you are cheating yourself out of a healthier, happier, better supported you with one (or more) of these three falsehoods. 

The truth is your wellbeing does NOT magically take care of itself. You will never really be less busy than you are now. You can invest in your ongoing wellness and personal growth anyway. 

You don’t need to completely lose your health like I did to know how important it is to your enjoyment of life and how you support your friends and family. 

You know it’s your responsibility to look after yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. No one else is going to do it for you.

So, if you don’t have an effective system and strategy for making that an easy part of daily life, I’d like to help you with that!

Jump into Wellbeing Warriors before the price goes up.

From the end of July, the price is more than doubling from $379 to $997 for an annual membership. 

Why?

After seven years, it’s become obvious that the price has to go up. Otherwise, I’m underselling the program, which doesn’t do either of us any favours. I want to continue to host this incredible community of assisted personal growth for you, for the next seven years, and beyond! The only thing changing is that it’ll be done at a sustainable price that reflects the $20,000 value inside.

So, if you’ve been wanting to support your mental and physical health in a joyful, practical way — and if you’ve been thinking about JOINING THE WW ACADEMY— I’d love you to consider joining before the end of July 2022. 

If you join now, your WW membership will be “grandfathered” at the CURRENT rate ($379) for as long as you are an active member, and so, if you join now, you’ll be getting in at the best possible price and save $618 in your first year. 

CLICK HERE TO BEAT THE PRICE RISE

CLICK HERE TO WATCH TESTIMONIALS FROM OUR MEMBERS

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Self Care and Self Love

Why the cost of the Coaching Academy is going up in August

Earlier this week, I announced I’m significantly increasing the price of Wellbeing Warriors Coaching Academy after July 2022.

It’s been amazing getting so much feedback saying I should have done this years ago, and with the value you get in the Academy, it is still undercharging!

Today I want to explain to you why it’s important that I make this change, and make it now. 

We launched the Academy in 2015 (2015!) and made a commitment to each and every one of you that you would remain grandfathered at the rate you joined at, no matter the market rate. I believe so much in every woman having access to effective mental health and physical health support that I wanted to make the highest quality coaching service available at prices accessible to as many women as possible. 

(Just as a side note, my 1-2-1 services start at $5,000 and have a year’s waitlist. I wanted to offer effective coaching that was available instantly and for those who can’t afford the bespoke approach. In that context, a YEAR in the Academy for just $379 is an unbelievable steal.)

The last price increase was many years ago, and I absolutely honour every single grandfathered member rate, and look after those loyal members so well!

Here’s the thing though… in the last 7 years… you know this, I have held the PRICE, but I cannot hold the COST. In that time, the following costs have increased, and to a point where they can no longer be absorbed or subsidised:

  • Support elves (they don’t get paid in magic beans!)
  • Web elves
  • Advertising
  • Design Services
  • Image supply
  • Payment Gateway services and processing fees
  • Website hosting
  • Website continual improvements
  • Video production
  • Audio production
  • Accountancy fees
  • Bookkeeping fees
  • Software Subscriptions
  • Ongoing Training for staff and myself
  • Insurance and Tax Levies

This (and a lot more!) is what it takes to run a high-quality, global, hugely elegant and effective Coaching Academy, and over the last 7 years it’s all MORE, and therefore, the price will be moving to $997 for an annual membership. 

I will NOT COMPROMISE on the quality of service, either technically, or myself and the elves, that we deliver to our amazing members every month, so that is why we need to raise the $379 for TWELVE MONTHS of wellbeing support. 

So, I do not want you to think this decision has been taken lightly: it hasn’t, and in truth I should have done it YEARS ago. 

That’s why I wanted to give you the last opportunity to be GRANDFATHERED at the OLD rate BEFORE the completely necessary price rise comes into effect. 

If you value your wellbeing (which I know you do, or you would not be reading my work ever!) I hope you will consider why your wellbeing is worth investing in today.

Let me just start by saying there are many, many reasons you should proactively support your wellbeing. Too many reasons to mention. 

I’ll boil it down to the fact that Wellbeing Warrior members like to do things a bit differently. 

  1. They take responsibility for their wellbeing. They know no-one else can really impact it but them. They know wellbeing is a marathon not a sprint, so a programme that quietly but steadily supports them in the background is a better fit than a shiny “get flat abs in 6 days!!!” type instant “fit” thing. 
  2. They know real health is real health, and without it we have very little of value. Investing now in a small daily action reaps HUGE benefits over the long term. 
  3. They know they could do it alone, but in reality, they won’t. So having a compassionate, supportive structure that CONTAINS their personal growth and health work in an elegant way is JUST EASIER. It gets it done.

So for those reasons — and many more — I’d love you to consider joining the Wellbeing Warriors Academy. 

I don’t compromise on the quality we deliver in the WW Academy, and I don’t want YOU to compromise on the way you support your mental and physical health. 

If you’ve been wanting to support your mental and physical health in a joyful, practical way — and if you’ve been thinking about JOINING THE WW ACADEMY— I’d love you to do just that before the end of July 2022. 

If you join now, your WW membership will be “grandfathered” at the CURRENT rate ($379) for as long as you are an active member, and so you’ll be getting in at the best possible price.

So, if you’ve been thinking about supporting your mental and physical health in a practical system that works (rather than just wishing for different!) — now’s a great time to move forward.

Is NOW the time for you? I do hope so.

You can obviously join WW at a later time, but you’ll have to pay the new premium price. Get all of the details here ?

CLICK HERE TO BEAT THE PRICE RISE

CLICK HERE TO WATCH TESTIMONIALS FROM OUR MEMBERS

Not investing in my wellbeing cost me over $100k…

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Self Care and Self Love

How this busy Mum ditched the sugar and the drama… and GREW in confidence!

I want to share a story to illustrate how most women are sabotaging themselves with their approach to wellbeing.

Basically, creating the (super demoralising) boom-bust cycle of on and off the wagon with themselves, costing not just their progress but their sanity too!

Hopefully, this story will stop some people from doing the same! Because the question I really want you to keep in mind as you read this is…

“What would it be like if I stopped starting over?”

So, the heroine of today’s story is Marina.

Marina is a fabulous member in Wellbeing Warriors.

And it took Marina a looooong time to become a member!

I’m going to illustrate Marina’s journey for you so you “get it.”

Check out the image below ?

It represents Marina’s progress with the healthy habits she REALLY wanted to establish that would enhance her life the most… basically these were ditching sugar (and a few kilos whilst she was at it!), reducing alcohol, exercising 3x a week, and not losing her sh*t with her teenage sons on the regular. Learning how to meditate and reduce stress would also be a bonus, because work was high pressure. 

These didn’t seem like too much to ask from life, but as a busy working Mum it seemed to be an impossible task to keep all the plates spinning at the same time. 

If she ditched sugar she would get grumpy and be more irritable with the kids after a long day. 

If the weight started to come off, that would feel GREAT SUPER AMAZING for a few weeks, then life would throw a curveball like a new project at work and all that progress would just…poof!…evaporate and she would be back to square one. 

If she started exercising more she would feel great, but also, feel like she deserved a “treat” so somehow would weirdly start having more food treats and cheeky wines than before. 

She just couldn’t get all these habits to ALIGN. And, it was weirdly EXPENSIVE having them not line up. 

  • There were the shoes she bought herself because “you can never get too fat for your shoes can you?” purchase to make her feel better ($175).
  • The expensive haircuts she was getting to compensate for not feeling great in her clothes ($150 a go). 
  • The gym membership she only used sporadically ($40 a month) and KNEW she wasn’t getting the value from. 
  • The wine o’clock she was buying to relax because she was worried and stressed about things and it really was the only guaranteed way to switch off and unwind ($15 a bottle).
  • The “I’ve blown it I might as well” brunches ($30) and the “f*ck it” i might as well pizza ($20).

All these things that made her feel okay IN THE MOMENT, but really were ways to compensate from not being able to effectively reduce her mental stress and keep her wellbeing habits on track. 

You can see how stressful that is, and perhaps can relate to her somewhat too. I know I can.

When, in a moment of just wanting to do something, ANYTHING, different, Marina joined the Wellbeing Warriors Academy, she wasn’t sure what she was in for. She just wanted to get off this BOOM BUST cycle she had going. 

She took a few weeks just to suss out the vibe and the flow in the Academy and then dived right on it to taking action.

Small, but consistent action. 

She started with the Live module that month that was the “Imposter Syndrome” module… did the 2 minute daily challenge and practiced the tool that meant that her confidence in herself started to gently, subtly rise each day, so slowly she almost couldn’t notice it… but on Day 30 of the month when she looked back she couldn’t believe how far she had come. 

This gave her just the boost she needed to keep going. The next module she really connected with was “Saving The Craving” and she had a huge breakthrough in terms of taking the focus off her weight and onto a 30-Day challenge to remove sugar and flour from her diet to see how her mood and physiology felt without that sugar high. The change blew her away and because she was doing it with hundreds of other women round the world,  it just felt so much easier to be carried away in the energy of the group. She did ALL 30 days! Couldn’t believe she had stuck to it! Felt so much more energised, was sleeping better, way less moody, her skin looked years younger. Oh. Dropped 4.5kgs too

Marina was already feeling like a new woman and took the next month’s module “Better Boundaries”, where she understood exactly what boundaries were, and how to apply them in her own life for what was really the first time. They went from being an abstract concept that everyone talks about to being something really practical she could apply. She used the 5 Step Better Boundary technique with her teens and was AHHHHMAZED at the difference in her household. Made things easier at work too. Just one conversation, had in the right way, so much drama gone. 

And on to the next module…! Marina couldn’t wait for what I had in store the next month…

That’s the thing, I think, with wellbeing. Sometimes we don’t know what we REALLY NEED, we just know what we are doing isn’t working. We need a NEW approach, new tools, new accountability and support. 

Do you have a gameplan for how to switch up what you are doing? If you don’t — please consider joining the Wellbeing Warriors Coaching Academy. 

The time to do it is definitely right NOW as you will beat the price MORE THAN DOUBLING from $397 to $997?.

CLICK HERE TO BEAT THE PRICE RISE

Come on in! You cannot imagine where you will be in your mind and body a year from now!

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

Breaking through from burnout: When “I’m fine” is really a secret cry for help

Prisha is a busy mum and step-mum, who works part-time AND is an exceptional surveyor in the office. She juggles a lot, mostly with a smile, and is THAT FRIEND. You know, the one you go to who always helps you feel better and knows what to say. 

Prisha had a problem and that was – she was veeeerrry burned out. And that a lot of her “I’m fine!”’s were in fact covering up the fact she was utterly overwhelmed and feeling like she was a hamster on a wheel from the moment she woke up to the moment she closed her eyes at night. 

AND because she was already so busy, she absolutely did NOT have time for yet another spendy wellbeing programme or gym membership that would be gathering dust after the first week. She didn’t need more in her life, she was already up to her limit. 

Prisha joined the Coaching Academy as a bit of a cry for help, really. And she spent the first few weeks just checking in with the daily challenges, as she dipped into the Packing Light module that helped her dial down her tendency to overthink. 

Her big breakthrough came in one of the weekly Coach Spot LIVE sessions. It was a question another Academy member had asked about overwhelm in terms of extended family obligations, and as she listened to the advice and tools given on the live Prisha picked up a HUGE ‘AHA!’ moment for herself that changed the way she had been viewing her responsibilities and her boundaries. 

The other woman’s question unlocked her exact dilemma. Putting it into practice with a simple 5-step conversation (in the Better Boundaries module) changed SO MUCH in her office life and at home to create that breathing space she needed. It was suddenly so CLEAR when it wasn’t her wrestling with her own problem in her own head, but hearing someone get coached on something similar just unlocked that situation for her. 

That’s why we do a new LIVE Coach Spot every week inside the WW Academy. 

Those sorts of live conversations and interactions are BAKED INTO THE ACADEMY. I know it’s not just about the tools and resources in the module that month (and they are awesome!), it’s also about the opportunity to have your personal life issues coached.

One new perspective can be all it takes to unlock an issue that you have been wrestling with for YEARS.

I will never cease to be delighted by how much each weekly Coach Spot session helps SO many other members. There is a universality to what bothers us… and being able to see the nuggets of your own solution hidden in someone else’s question and answer is THE COOLEST THING. 

You might be surprised by how much you’ll get out of these weekly LIVE sessions. You don’t need to join me live (although great if you can!) all the coaching sessions are available for replay in a very tidy and indexed hub where you can go listen as you are out walking the dog or driving to work! 

If the LIVE Coach Spot sessions sound interesting to you, they are WEEKLY, and INCLUDED in your Wellbeing Warriors membership, and you can jump in now and enjoy AND beat the price rise?!

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE COACHING ACADEMY, SIGN UP BEFORE 31ST JULY TO BEAT THE PRICE RISE

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

What I love about my job the MOST?

I wanted to talk abut this beautiful truth: YOU ARE THE GREATEST PROJECT YOU WILL EVER WORK ON.

It’s a beautiful truth to consider, and when I think about

What I love about my job the MOST?

(It’s hard to pick because there are a lot of things ?)

… so the best thing for me is that I get to share my FASCINATION with personal growth and how our minds work with other like-minded souls in a way that makes that KNOWLEDGE live, breath and create results and REAL CHANGE.

? We are all a Work In Progress

?We all have new insights to discover about ourselves that unlock peace and progress

?We are never done! There is always something new to learn about ourselves. There is ALWAYS a new level! How cool is THAT?! ?

 

The JOY I get from seeing my Academy members and clients unlock those aha moments, or make those difficult decisions that will set them free is immense.

?Life is LONG (if we are lucky)

?We are meant to keep LEARNING along the path.

❤ YOU are the greatest project you will EVER work on.

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4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Good Enough Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

Wellbeing Is A Verb…

Wellbeing is a verb…it’s something you DO, not something you POSSESS.

It’s not something you ACHIEVE, like a DEGREE…

a certificate on the wall you will have for life, that no-one can ever take away…

Wellbeing a a state of continual, life-long, DOING…

one action, after the next, after the next,

like riding a bicycle, pedal after pedal after pedal…

it’s the perpetual movement that stops you falling over.

With wellbeing there is no getting “THERE”,

there is no settled final destination,

no silver bullet, no “one thing”, “one secret”,

its a million tiny ACTIONS, DOINGS… wellbeing is self-love in ACTION.

It’s not that one-off achievement that you’ll get sorted one day once life is “less busy” (it will never be).

it’s something you commit to in the now, amongst the busyness, an integral part of the busyness…

there’s never a better time to look after our mental health and physical wellbeing than today,

and tomorrow,

and the day after that and the day after that.

The sooner I realised that (and my god it took me a lot longer than it should!)

and I stopped waiting for the right time or that right bit of magical wellbeing information I was missing,

that’s when it all started to fall into place.

Wellbeing is a verb…it’s something you DO, not something you POSSESS.

DO something for the future you TODAY.

Rinse and repeat tomorrow.

Accept it will never be “done” and do it anyway. 

 

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2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

Joy Of Missing Out

I have lost count of the number of gigs/parties/events I have missed out on over the years while I am teaching my fabulous yoga students of an evening. I absolutely love what I do, but I do get the odd grump about missing something every now and again. Sometimes I see my friends from corporate days doing a big glitzy thing on Facebook. The sort of industry event with black ties and champagne and fabulous shoes that I would have been at in years gone by, and I feel I am missing out, just a bit, as I potter about in my yoga pants.

I see numerous clients who are upset about missing out on career opportunities or family opportunities or travel opportunities or run-away-and-join-the-circus opportunities.  If I had a dollar for every time ‘I hate missing out’ has been uttered, I would have enough to host my own black tie and champagne event! In fact, I hear that FOMO (fear of missing out) is now actually in the urban dictionary, e.g. ‘Even though he was exhausted, John’s FOMO got the best of him and he went to the party.’

Here’s the thing. We have so many opportunities today that we live in the age of ‘missing out’. Which actually is a fantastic thing. Not a bad thing at all. I should be saying ‘I missed out!’ with joy and not regret. Why? Because missing out means I had a choice to do something else. It meant I chose another thing and I am actually so lucky to have that choice.

There are so many women around the world who miss out on things because they have no choice. Things like getting to vote, having financial independence, having a career outside the home that doesn’t require a ‘male guardian’. In Saudi Arabia, it is still illegal for women to drive, for example.  Many do not even have the choice over what they wear.

So, when I drive myself to class (rather than to the party I fancied), I am calling out my FOMO for what it is. And I think you should, too. This is all part of the energy-boosting process of embracing empowered choice. Missing out is a fantastic thing. I’ve missed out because I made the choice to run my own fabulous, thriving business. To be financially independent. To drive myself to class. On my own. In my yoga pants.

Missing out is confirmation that I have infinite choice in my life and that I am using it. And that is something to be very happy about indeed. Not the fear of missing out, but the joy of missing out. I shall call it JOMO. JOMO is the new FOMO, my friends. You heard it here first.

I wrote a blog post on this back in 2013 and had many comments from, in particular, mums of young kids. Karen said, ‘As a stay-at-home mum I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on those fabulous work events, too, and today I felt like I was missing out because a friend told me they were having a beer with Friday lunch … those were the days. But, and that but is huge, I’ve chosen not to miss out on my kids growing up, which I think in the long run is way more important than that beer I so feel like on a hot day like today. I have actually made a choice I feel lucky and thrilled to have made, and that’s a good thing to know!

Excerpt taken from The Busy Woman’s Guide To High Energy Happiness – Louise Thompson

Categories
2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Communication Emotional Honesty

This is the Complaints Department – how can I help you?

Comfort V’s resolution. 

I have a complaint to make! Specifically about the amount of complaining that goes on. Go on, tell me, list it right now – what’s one thing/person/situation that’s really winding you up right now? Something that’s been frustrating for a while.

Go: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Okay. Now list for me the last person you told about this problem:  ________________________________________________________________________________

And, just for good measure – what would be a great resolution for you to this totally annoying sitch? What do you want to happen? What would fix it?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Roger that.

So – here’s the thing. What is horribly common with most ongoing complaints, is that pretty much most of the time we don’t take the complaint to the person or place who can actually do something about it. We complain to our spouse about the marketing department delivering creative late again. We complain to our peer that one of our staff or our boss isn’t pulling their weight. We complain to our best friend that our partner doesn’t help round the house enough. We tell the boys that the golf pro is always late turning up for the scheduled lesson. We tell the lady in the coffee shop on the adjacent table that the coffee is good but the cake is a bit dry. We tell the girls that the daycare doesn’t do as much educational play as they should. We tell everyone on Facebook that the flight was delayed. And so on.

Essentially we take our complaints  – not to the Complaints Department  – but to Menswear On Three, or Home Furnishings in the basement. And – sympathetic though those departments may be – they cannot fix the problem. And so – whilst we may feel temporary relief at venting – the situation perpetuates, and our complaining continues.

Why do we so often take our complaint somewhere other than the source? It’s strange when you think about it, given that it’s only the source who actually has a potentially shot at fixing it.

Because its risk free that’s why. It does not require us to step up and be courageous enough to have a tough conversation or take tough action to schedule a meeting to take the Marketing Director to task. It’s much more comfortable to vent to Brenda about the daycare then go meet with the centre manager and say the standard isn’t acceptable and ask what potential changes could be made. It’s easier to gossip in the café than risk offending the nice barista over the disappointing cake. It’s easier to vent with the girls/boys than have an uncomfy convo with the spouse about sex or housework or money. It’s easier to complain about the pay than to front up and ask for a payrise or go do the training course that would put us in line for promotion. Complaining feels like relief because it’s stress free and it’s risk free. Essentially complaining to people other than the source keeps us well within our comfort zone.

The real question then is – do we want to feel comfortable more than we want the situation resolved?  Or, do we want the situation resolved more than we want to feel comfortable?

If the answer is to choose comfort over resolution – then we will be stuck in the loop of complaining for much time to come. And that’s okay – if that is indeed what we want. Stop holding out for a magical resolution or for things to just magically fix themselves and stay comfortable with the venting and the problem itself.

However – if we decide we want the situation resolved and are prepared to feel uncomfortable temporarily in order to achieve that, then a whole new world opens up to us:

If we accept a degree of risk. If we speak up. Request what we want. Demand what we want. Give options. Change our communication. Try something new. Try an alternative. Leave. If we take our complaint to the actual place it has any chance of being resolved – the Complaints Department  – it will require varying degrees of courage – but the only way OUT of a niggling ongoing complaint situation is THROUGH – you have to take it to the place where you can get resolution. And that is the source.

For sure, take your advice and sounding board from others as a sense check if that feels good. A second opinion can be really useful. But then – if you find you are complaining about the same thing for the third coffee catch up in a row  – its time to take the bull by the horns and take it to where it actually belongs.

Be brave.  Take a risk. Ask for efficiency. Ask for respect. Ask for bonus air miles. Ask for a raise.  Ask for fresh baked cake.

The real Complains Department can help you with all of that. You’ve just got to ask.

Categories
2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Fear of failure Good Enough Live Happy Inspiration Self belief

How I Got Over My Fear Of Failure…

Falling not failing.

I have a new yoga teacher. She is a willowy blonde goddess, improbably flexible and radiant in all ways. She is also funny and nice, goddamn it. My posse of yoga girls and I have a bit of a girl crush, as we try and emulate her grace and strength. Last night she had us trying some fiendishly difficult arm balances (Parsva Bakasana if you are interested). Demonstrating this asymmetrically balance effortlessly, a picture of poise right down to her perfectly pointed toes, she encouraged us to follow. “How hard can it be?” we muttered trying to get to grips with it. Pretty hard as it turns out. We persevered, the sound of the chilled yoga tunes almost entirely drowned out by the noise of arses and foreheads hitting the floor. Annoying. Difficult. Tiring. Hot. Very easy to give up and put it in the Too Hard Basket. Just wait it out till she moves onto the next pose.

But then? But then she says this:

“Keep falling. I love it when people fall. It means you are committed.”

Oh, lady that is good. You don’t just have beautiful arms but much wisdom too.

I think this is a core principle for life. If we could love falling more we would all go further and do more.

The fear of falling stops so many of us from trying things that could be amazing, if only we would accept it was going to be harder than we thought, take longer than we thought and we probably will fall on our ass a few times. We pull ourselves up short of training for that new career; jumping into that new relationship; creating that side hustle business; volunteering for the things we have never done before; trying the scary but cool new hobby, all the time. If we are not going to be good at it quickly we can stop ourselves from starting. We fail to commit because we are scared of falling. We don’t want to hurt ourselves. We don’t want to be seen to fail again. We don’t want to go through the learning process where we are going to fall far more often than we nail it. We fail to commit because we fear the fall.

And the thing is, the fall is generally not as bad as we think. The fall is just part of getting out of our comfort zone. Trying something or someone new.

Falling is actually an intrinsic part of the process of anything new, not a reason not to commit in the first place.

Look around at the things you are proud of that you have accomplished. Look at those who have accomplished things which you would like to emulate. Some of the time it’s down to aptitude or luck but much of the time the only difference between us and them is that they have been willing to let themselves fall, and not judge themselves for it. That they have learned to love the fall. That it’s been a badge of their commitment not a signal of their failure.

Falling means you took a risk. It means you showed up. It means you didn’t quit.

Falling doesn’t mean failing. Falling means you committed.

How would life be different if you learned to love the fall?

 

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