Tag: 2020

It’s the most wonderfully dramatic time of the year!

Post author By Support Elf
Post date December 22, 2020
No Comments on It’s the most wonderfully dramatic time of the year!

Let’s talk Christmas Drama!

Christmas can be such a trigger as it thrusts people who are used to having their OWN say and OWN space together into a confined space, add in a heap of OLD dynamics (and alcohol!) and old expectations on behaviour and authority and you can get a really explosive mix!

Social conventions that usually apply between friends/ acquaintances/ colleagues often don’t apply in the same way with family so that restraint of social convention doesn’t hold as much water as it does in other situations where things would just not get said and tongues would temporarily get bitten to keep the peace.

This quote today I think is a really nice way of rising above.

We simply DON’T have to attend every argument we are invited to.

We can let other people play out their thing and choose not to get dragged in. To simply say “I’ve heard you” but then not follow them down the rabbit hole. For the few days of festive celebration, this can be a really liberating approach. Basically what happens is because you withdraw your energy from the complaint/argument it’s like a fire starved of oxygen: it will go out.

You become NO FUN to play that old argument/complaint dance with – and so – that person will go seek it elsewhere.

Remember – it’s YOUR energy and focus – YOU get to decide where it goes. You can decide to fuel the fire or starve it.

You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.

Isn’t that good to know?

Tags 2020, challenging beliefs, Christmas, Happiness, Relationships

2020 Communication Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy

What You Seek Is Seeking You

Post author By Support Elf
Post date December 8, 2020
No Comments on What You Seek Is Seeking You

Ever feel like things just work out for other people more easily than you, or that life just not unfolding quite as it should.

Do you feel stuck in the struggle? I get it – and I see it – A LOT – with my clients, and I want to help you with that yucky feeling of stuckness today.

So, here’s the thing.

If you are feeling stuck about something it’s because your thinking is stuck about that issue.

If you want to get unstuck you have to be prepared to find a new way to think about that topic.

You can’t expect things to be different but your thinking to stay the same. Period.

Now, this may sound easy, but it isn’t. I see this often.

People desperately want a certain part of their life to be different in some way but they are utterly resistant to changing their point of view on it.

So they keep thinking the same negative thought pattern about it, over and over – for months, years, decades even – and they can’t understand they remain stuck in the same unwanted place.

If you think life is one long series of disappointing situations then it’s going to be one long series of disappointing situations. You are going to miss the small moments of good things that are literally littered through your day, as you will automatically filter them out. The shy smile from the guy on the bus. Missed it. The easy park you got right outside. Missed it. The compliment someone tried to pay you on your shoes. Missed it. Getting the last brownie in the store. Missed it. It will be a disappointing day. The person who doesn’t email you when they said they would. Saw that. The guy that pulled right out in front of you. Saw that. The rain cloud looming. Saw that. Very disappointing.

You get what you look for.

In fact, you get more of what you look for.

It’s self-perpetuating.

If you think that life is one never-ending struggle of never enough then that’s what it’s going to be. The free coffee on your coffee card. Missed it. The two for the price of one in the pharmacy. Missed it. The complimentary blow-dry. Missed it. The insurance paying out after a little dink in the car. Missed it. Hitting the car being terribly inconvenient. Saw that. The 10cent increase in gas. Saw that. The colleague that got a raise but you didn’t. Saw that.

What you notice and appreciate grows. Things to appreciate begets more things to appreciate. What you notice and denigrate grows. You notice more and more things to feel bad about.

If you want a life where you believe things are always working out for you your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life where you know there will always be enough your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life full of love and lightness your thinking needs to reflect that. That’s what you need to look for.

It’s very easy to get stuck in a loop where we are endlessly playing the same record on a particular issue. The “I’ll never meet anyone” track. Or the “Things work out for everyone but me” track. Or the “I hate my job” track.

It takes effort, willpower, willingness, and consistency to change the tune. The problem is we want to wait for the circumstances to change before we change the song. For the new lover to appear. Or the lottery win. Or the passion-filled new job. The trick is knowing that the fastest route to getting those things is to change your tune ahead of time. Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet said “what you seek is seeking you”. It is. The way to speed up it finding you is to change your tune.

When you change the way you think about things, things change.

Happens every time.

What can you change your tune on today?

Because what you seek IS seeking you – if you look for it.

Tags 2020, flexible thinking, positive thinking

2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

Are You Too Nice?

What do people mean when they say you are “too nice”?

Do people ever tell you, you are “too nice”.

Maybe at work? Socially? At the school gate? Are you the “nice one” in the family?

What do you think?

Is “too nice” a good thing…or no?

Is it a compliment…or…not?

And what does being “too nice” really mean?

I bet you have never really thought about it…being the helpful soul I am, I am going to short cut it here for you.

But you are not going to like it… (sorry)…

Ready?

I’ll tell you what people mean when they say you are “too nice”.

They mean you are a pushover.

Sorry lovely, but they do.

“Too nice” is NOT a compliment.

It means they can get away with murder.

They mean your boundaries are so permeable that you are picking up the slack for others logistically, emotionally, practically, mentally, way too often.

They mean you get taken advantage of in a subtle but consistent way.

They mean that you usually don’t stand up for what you really need, and defer your priorities behind others way more than is actually good for you.

I hate to say it but “Too Nice” is a code. And it’s code for “Pushover”.

I know, right?!

So – look, I know you ARE a nice person, and you want to be thought of as nice. Totally makes sense, and I support that. So, let me help you do that today.

Firstly, understand that there is a HUGE difference between being a Nice Person, and being “Too Nice”.

What does being a Nice Person mean?

For me it means I am demonstrably thoughtful. Generous. Compassionate. Honest. Trustworthy. Good. I try to do good in my interactions. I know it’s not always possible but that’s the intention.

AND, secondly, I ALSO HAVE BOUNDARIES of what’s ok for me in terms of my time, commitment, finances, emotions, opinions, logistics. Boundaries that I am aware of, have consciously chosen, will voice, and will stand behind if required in a calm, uncomplicated way.

Being Nice is BOTH those things.

I can be a Nice Person AND have Good Boundaries.

However, when we are “Too Nice” we are being Nice at the EXPENSE of our boundaries.

We are making it one OR the other. Niceness OR Boundaries.

Essentially it boils down to: if I am nice then I can’t stand up for what I need. I need to be liked by others more than I need to look after myself and what’s truly ok for me. It’s become an either/or choice. Be nice, OR, have boundaries.

But – it’s actually NOT mutually exclusive.

You CAN Be Nice AND have appropriate boundaries about what you will and won’t accept in your life.

My personal definition of Nice is: “I am a nice person (really nice!)….but, be clear, I won’t allow you to p*ss me about”.

Nice: good personal qualities + good boundaries.

Too Nice: good personal qualities + low or no boundaries.

Yes, we want to be nice.

But we don’t want to be “too nice”.

You get to define Nice.

I highly encourage you to do it.

Define what it means for you.

Be nIce. Don’t be too nice.

That way, everyone wins.

Tags 2020, challenging beliefs, Happiness

2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

The REAL COST Of Not Taking Care Of Your Self-Care

Post author By Support Elf
Post date October 27, 2020
No Comments on The REAL COST Of Not Taking Care Of Your Self-Care

Y’know good people, I am gonna just lay this down:

Y’all gotta stop treating self-care like it’s an optional extra!

Like it’s the thing you will do… once all the important sh*t is done.
Like it’s the side order of fries rather than the burger.
Like it’s an optional extra to think about…when you have time.
Like it’s a freaking LUXURY.
We treat self-care like there is NO COST to NOT doing it.

Be super clear:

If you are not taking care of your precious self

And by that, I mean not just your physical wellbeing

But your mental, emotional and spiritual health too

You will be practicing self-care-compensation instead: and it costs us far more than genuine self-care.

There is an immediate cost to not taking care of ourselves: it’s expensive and it looks like this:

We will be drinking wine to feel better after a hard day because we do not have a regular mental or emotional health practice to tap into to unwind and rebalance. Expensive.
We will be trying on 15 outfits and creating a floordrobe or buying clothes in sizes we don’t want to compensate for the activity we didn’t do. Expensive.
We will be buying shiny new shoes because they are the only thing we can guarantee to fit to compensate for the stress-eating we did. Expensive.
We will be losing our rag at someone we didn’t mean to, in a way we regret because we didn’t do our own emotional boundary work before we had the conversation. Expensive.
We will be feeling pissed off or sad when certain situations come up and reaching for our phone, wasting hours, as we endlessly scroll as an adult pacifier because we are not processing our emotions in a safe and considered way. Expensive.
We will feel tired and reach for extra coffee, tea, and energy drinks to keep going and pep us up because we are not listening and caring for the very real rest needs of our body. Expensive.

Here’s the thing.

If you think that self-care can always be put off til later…

It can’t.

You are ALWAYS taking care of yourself – and soothing uncomfortable emotions – it’s just HOW are you doing it?

Are you doing it in a conscious way that elevates your mind and body in a way that you choose that benefits you today, but also tomorrow?

Or are you doing self-care unconsciously in a way that just gets you through the day, numbing out, reducing anxiety. Mindless scrolling. Eating. Gossiping. Drinking. Faffing.

Room for improvement – right?

It’s time to start treating self-care

And I mean real self-care, (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) not just booking a massage once a year!

Not as an optional extra.

But as an ongoing essential part of healthy mind maintenance.

Quality self-care is the investment in ourselves that gives us the biggest return;

Because if we don’t make time for health, sooner or later we have to make time for illness of one sort or another.

Let’s commit to taking self-care off the optional extra list, and make it the main event.

Tags 2020, Happiness, self care

2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Self Care and Self Love

There are TWO types of Busy Person…which are you?

Post author By Support Elf
Post date September 22, 2020
No Comments on There are TWO types of Busy Person…which are you?

Life is busy. You sure don’t need a life coach to tell you that! However – there are two kinds of busy. Which one is more you?

There is active, focused, conscious busy …and there is frantic, rushing, juggling, largely unconscious busy.

The first feels energising, focused, controlled, productive. Let’s call that Purposeful Busy.

The other feels overwhelming, stressful, and out of control. That would be Stressful Busy.

Life is always going to be busy. It’s the 2020’s. That just how it is, we don’t really get to change that. What we DO get to control though is WHAT KIND of busy we are personally engaged in

BOTH are going to keep you doing stuff all day. Only one is going to not just feel good but move you nearer to where you want to go and the kind of life you want for ourselves.

We can all be busy all day and knackered at the end. That however doesn’t tell us if we have been being busy about the right things.

The defining factor is

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING BUSY ABOUT?

How much has been about obligation?

And how much about positive choice?

How much has required willpower? And how much has been breezy inspired action?

Stop. Take a minute. What ARE you filling your day with – to be so busy?!

Is it purposefully in alignment with the life you want to have for yourself a year, 3 years from now?

How much of your day is a building brick for the future, and how much is going through the motions or obligation driven?

A year from now if you want to be promoted is your busyness a small step in driving that outcome, or is it just busy work that someone else didn’t want to do that you didn’t want to say no to?

A year from now if you want to be strong and fit and in your old jeans is skipping that spin class because you were so busy a step towards that goal or a step away? What were you busy with instead?

A year from now if you want to be credit card debt-free did you take a tiny action towards that goal today? Or were you too busy to make a packed lunch and ate on the run again?

All these things are teeny tiny choices.

But that is how we get ANYWHERE! Lots of teeny tiny choices in a row.

To create anything of meaning in our life.

We have to be busy doing the right things.

Being busy per se is not enough.

The time will pass anyway.

It will get filled with tens of thousands of tiny choices anyway.

The difference between Purposeful Busy and Stressful Busy is a very clearly defined future goal, and the commitment to move towards it each day, in a tiny way – NO MATTER WHAT. Even if its inconvenient. Even if it means we let someone else down. Even if we say no to some other stuff.

When we don’t do this – it means that our priorities shift weekly, daily, hourly, depending on who needs what. That is where we are Stressful Busy. That’s why we feel like we are rushing, and juggling between everything.

Because we are.

There is a better way.

When we have a purpose and we prioritise it.

When we are Purposefully Busy we are not LESS busy.

We are just busy about the right things.

Tags 2020, challenging beliefs, destress, flexible thinking, good stress bad stress

2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

The BIG lie you have been told about “Self-Care”

Post author By Support Elf
Post date September 15, 2020
No Comments on The BIG lie you have been told about “Self-Care”

Yo, listen up lady. You’ve been sold a Big Fat Lie about Self-Care. BIG. Huge.

You’ve been sold a lie that Self-Care looks super nice and fluffy. That it looks like pedicures, bubble baths and avo on toast. That it smells of bubble-gum and candyfloss, and it lives, mainly on Insta, striking a well-lit pose. I know you know what I’m talking about. Self-Care is BIG buck’s y’all. There are a LOT of vested interests in telling you that THIS perfectly manicured, utterly passive image, is what Self Care looks like.

Let me tell you something from coaching thousands and thousands of smart women to lead their healthiest, happiest lives peppered with continual personal growth:

Real Self Care is actually really ACTIVE: it’s WORK. And sometimes it’s really HARD. And it pretty much always doesn’t look pretty.

Real Self Care doesn’t come with a pink bow on it – real Self-Care looks like this:

Sitting down and making a spreadsheet of all your debts and figuring out some sort of payment plan that will start to release you from crushing financial stress – THAT my friend, is not sexy, but it is Self-Care.

Walking away from that oh so gorgeous soulmate of a man, with the abs and the flowers and the smile, who also never turns up when he says, lets you down continually and intermittently ghosts – THAT, my friend, IS Self-Care.

Scheduling a meeting with your boss to talk through your responsibilities and workload, and remuneration in a well prepared, confident, assertive way – THAT, my friend, that is Self -Care all the way.

Politely saying no thanks to that girl’s get-together that inevitably makes you feel like crap and that you have to compete and yes you have known each other from school but they just don’t really get you anymore, but deciding not to go this year – THAT is Self-Care.

Calling ahead to the dinner party host to explain you are doing a particular health-related eating programme that you are really committed to sticking to – even at her event, and working out a few easy menu items that she can prepare or you can bring – THAT is Self-Care.

Here’s the thing:

Self-Care doesn’t always look like what’s EASY.

Self-Care is unlikely to be something that is PASSIVE.

And it’s usually not INDULGENT.

It’s not that indulgence is bad. Far from it – but bubble baths – they only feel indulgent when you are lying there knowing you can afford your mortgage.

Don’t mistake an enjoyable indulgence for Self-Care. Enjoy the indulgence, of course! Enjoy that good passive bubbly stuff that puts the cherry on the top of life – but don’t mistake it for the real WORK of caring for your beautiful self.

People wonder why they have a massage or spend the day at the spa, essentially “doing self-care” but then basically feel exactly the same about themselves, their body, and their life once they have left the spa and got home.

This is why. They have not been doing Self-Care! They have been doing Indulgence. Indulgence feels gooooooooddddd, (and I’m all for it) but – and this is the really important thing – it only feels good IN THE MOMENT.

Self-care? REAL Self-Care? My friends, real Self-Care is often HARD WORK in the moment. It’s about change. About challenge. About TRUTH. But – here’s the kicker – It LASTS. When you genuinely do what you need to do to really CARE for yourself – you feel better not just that day, but day after day after day.

Remember this:

Indulgence makes you shiny on the outside.

Self-Care lets you shine long term, from within.

Tags 2020, challenging beliefs, Happiness, self care

2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Self Care and Self Love

3 Steps To Sticking With It!

Post author By Support Elf
Post date September 1, 2020
No Comments on 3 Steps To Sticking With It!

Let’s think about a healthy habit that you find easy to maintain.

Hands up who brushed their teeth this morning? Of course you did. Now, was that a hassle? Was that a major effort of willpower to convince yourself to do it? Of course not. You just got up, wandered into the bathroom and started brushing, right? Brushing your teeth is an effortlessly healthy habit that you put into practice twice a day without even thinking about it.

Why is it so easy?

One: Your action is in congruence with your deeply held belief, drummed into you since childhood, that oral health is important physically and socially. There is no internal dialogue that goes on every morning about whether teeth brushing is a good thing or not, you have already decided it is, so you act accordingly.

Two: It’s set up for you in a way that’s convenient and easy to action. The toothbrush is right next to the sink, with the toothpaste. Easy. And it happens at a regular time of day which further anchors the habit.

Three: We get an almost instant reward for carrying out the behaviour. Our teeth feel clean and nice and we can deliver a good morning kiss without fear of embarrassment.

Can we use these principles to establish other healthy habits? For sure. We need to make sure we cover all three steps.

We deeply believe in why we are doing it.
We make it convenient and easy to carry out
We build in some sort of reward, especially if the activity itself isn’t yet intrinsically rewarding because it takes longer for the benefits to be apparent.

So, a couple of examples:

Habit we want to establish: reduce coffee intake, no coffee after midday

Why: We are not enjoying feeling so wired and want to be able to sleep more soundly.
Ease: We make it convenient by stocking up on a load of herbal teas and good quality decaf coffee in our desk drawer and at home.
Reward: We reward ourselves with a non-food based treat after four days of successfully carrying it out eg. Meet with friends/ new magazine/ night at movies.

Habit we want to establish: increase exercise, a 15 minute walk daily

Why: Moving our body daily is a commitment to future health and vitality, plus a valuable opportunity for downtime and reflection
Ease: We make it convenient by keeping a pair of trainers in the boot of the car /under the desk so we can stop on the way home or scoot out at lunchtime if we miss our intended morning walking time
Reward: We reward ourselves with a non-food based treat after four days of successfully carrying it out.

Don’t underestimate the value of having simple systems set up that support the change you want to effect.

The pair of trainers at work, the yoga mat in the boot of the car, the stash of herbal teas in the desk drawer can all make keeping the habit up as low maintenance as cleaning your teeth. I have a couple of friends who believe that green smoothies are the best way to start the day, but find mornings juggling getting the kids off to school just too frantic to make it happen regularly. One now spends a few minutes on a Sunday doing 5 little ziplock bags of spinach, kiwifruit, apple, etc so that all she has to do on Monday morning is grab the bag out of the fridge and throw the contents straight into the blender, no hassle. Another simply outsources it and has them delivered fresh weekly. Introducing simple systems that support habits can be the difference between them sticking or not.

What simple processes or systems could you put in place to support the healthy habits you want to establish? It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive.

It’s much more about reducing the hassle factor so it’s easier to do it, than to not do it. Just like cleaning your teeth!

Tags 2020, challenging beliefs, flexible thinking, Reduce Stress, Start Your Day Right

2020 Happiness High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Post Lockdown

Dance In Your Own Space

Remember “Dirty Dancing?” The late Patrick Swayze in his prime. The kooky Jennifer Grey (whatever happened to her?) in the most archetypal 80’s movie of froth and fun and burning romance. Oh, the sweet agony of love!

Well, you know the scene where he is teaching her to dance? There is a bit where she keeps stepping on him, not holding her arms rigid to create the space between them. “Look, spaghetti arms” he says, marking it out with his arms. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don’t go into yours, you don’t go into mine. You gotta hold the frame”. By being aware of that space between them and honouring it in the way they moved, they both performed so much better. Then, later… the long-awaited moment with the clinch, the tension unbearable, he moves in to kiss her…”You’re invading my dance space. This is my dance space” she retorts coquetishly “That’s yours. Let’s cha-cha”.

Here’s the thing about smart busy people who have no energy. They are doing a heap of stuff for other people.

Maddy, the extra young grandmother who was doing the parenting for her daughter’s daughter. Harriet who was making 3 meals a day, 7 days a week for her entirely grown-up family of self-sufficient men. Sarah who was breadwinning and working herself literally to the bone to support her entirely capable husband and brother. I see it again, and again and again. Belinda who ran herself ragged doing everything for “the business” from the marketing and comms to fixing the printer at any hours or the day or night. Whatever it took.

Understand this.

If you take more responsibility that is actually reasonable, and you make that your role, then eventually everyone around you will expect that. Let’s be honest, if someone was happy to get up and feed your child in the middle of the night and you could sleep through, or make and clear up all your meals, or pay your rent, or do all your work so you don’t have to pay to hire someone else…well…that great isn’t it!? They must love doing that shit, if they keep doing it. That’s the obvious assumption to make.

Basically what has happened is you have stepped into someone else’s dance space, scooped up their responsibilities, and in a completely non-manipulative way (usually) that suits the other party just fine too. They think you LIKE doing all that stuff!!! So they step away. So you keep doing it. So the more you do. And the more tired you get.

This may or may not be accompanied by moaning. “I have to get to the supermarket, if I asked Bob to do it it would never happen”, or “If I don’t pick up that project it just won’t get done and the business will suffer”. Well sure, honey. But – hear this – the status quo is never going to change if there is no consequences for the other party. If there is no pain point to get attention for someone to step up and own their own dance space they ain’t gonna just spontaneously do it.

The fascinating thing is that when YOU change up the status quo, provide the pain point or consequences, in a consistently delivered way then things change faster than you can ever believe. My clients are blown away by how quickly the people in their lives will step up into the void in their dance space if they themselves leave it.

So, make the change Spaghetti Arms. Get real, where are you actually stepping past the boundary of your own dance space into someone else’s? Start by step back, but in a smart transitioned way like Harriet did with her houseful of grown men for whom she was doing all the washing and cooking. She calmly explained why the change needed to happen and exactly what each person would be responsible for, She trained them on the new menu. She ordered the groceries so it would be easy and smooth and a good experience for everyone as they got started. She praised their efforts even when things were a little burned to start with. She didn’t expect perfection straight away (of course they are not going to do it exactly like you, but you know what, if you want more energy then you need to accept that some things will be done other people’s way, and that’s just fine). Guide them, then step back from their dance space and leave that space for them to step into. If you are permanently blocking it they will never step up or in.

YOU need to create the space. Now. Let’s Cha-Cha.

You can get the full series of questions and actions steps from this chapter in my (excellent and super helpful, if I say so myself!) book High Energy Happiness.

You can order a signed copy of my book High Energy Happiness here and I will get it sent straight out to you. Enjoy!

Tags 2020, achievement, challenging beliefs, Relationships

2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Resilience

5 Signs You Are Being True To Yourself

Post author By Support Elf
Post date August 11, 2020
No Comments on 5 Signs You Are Being True To Yourself

It’s an interesting thing – some people just seem to be born knowing who they are and even from a small child you see them plough their individual furrow in life.

Their way, right from the Get Go. Right outta the gate, they are true to their unique take on the world and their place within it. The majority of us though…It. Takes. Time. So much people-pleasing to be done first, no! Decades of it! Myriad school, qualification, partner, career, home choices, and so on to be made to fit the vision that other people have or expect.

How does it look when you start trusting your own version of you? How do you know when you are starting to live more truly to yourself?

1. You can give yourself permission to change your mind
And – you can change your mind without calling it quitting and beating your sweet self up over it. You just know it’s not right for you. Maybe it was before. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was a mistake all along. But – regardless of what other’s judgement might be about you saying the course – you know it’s wrong and you give yourself permission to change direction anyway

2. You’ve outgrown a few relationships or situations and you are not clinging or feeling guilty about it.
Life is all about growth: internal and external, and it’s at different speeds and directions for us all. And that’s okay. You may outgrow friendship groups. Or relationships, or careers, or countries and all of that is ok. We are not meant to stay the same forever, and nor is anyone else. In such a global world of possibility and opportunity, our personal journeys are meant to overlap with many others – and we might be on parallel tracks for a bit and then one or the other might speed up. We are not left behind or in front. We are just on different tracks and that’s more than ok. Release with love.

3. You realise that life doesn’t feel good, all of the time, and that’s ok too.
This is a biggie. The “pursuit of happiness” after all is drummed into us left, right and centre from before we can walk. But – as humans we are created, programmed, to experience and process a range of human emotion: not just happiness. We might be happiness seeking machines, but we are also programmed to feel sadness, guilt, irritation, boredom, anger, resentment, fear. When we can observe these emotions for a moment without frantically trying to escape them (Booze! Drugs! Overworking! Exercising like crazy! Food! Sugar! Pizza! Oh, go on then just one more slice! Wine! Just a quick one!) we can discern what their message to us is – and how to course-correct ourselves. That it is actually easier to navigate which way happiness is when we know where it isn’t, and we can refine the road all the way. That it’s actually just more efficient to allow ourselves to feel sad, or scared or bored, to move through that feeling – than it is to keep and avoiding feeling it with one more wine. When you are being true to yourself you are being true to what you really feel.

4. Some people like you, some people don’t and that’s ok.
7 billion people on the planet. They ain’t all gonna like you and approve of you and all your choices. It’s an impossibility to even try. You do you. Let them do them. Don’t sweat the haters. Stay in your integrity. The more you love your choices the less you need other people to.

5. You have boundaries that you hold, no matter the consequences.
When you start realising that your boundaries are not things you put up to beat other people with, but merely lines in the sand that keep YOU safe, that you can stand behind – and other people can choose accordingly – that is a huge step on living a life that is true to yourself.

To be able to say “this is ok for me, and this, this is not, this I will not tolerate” and then let others choose how they will behave around you. There is an enormous sense of peace in that. Most will respect your boundary, and say “of course, that is no problem, I had no idea that was so important to you” and a few will not and test if you really mean it. Being able to voice a boundary is huge. Being able to stand firm on your boundary, and know what is a non-negotiable for you IS being true to you. At its very essence, it is where you – stand up and show up – for you.

To being true to yourself, my friend.

Thank you so much for stopping by! I’m Louise Thompson: life coach, author and newspaper columnist – and I hope my words have lifted your day or given you something to ponder.

I’d love to send you Wellbeing Wednesday – my weekly newsletter with a fresh new blog stuffed with non-preachy wellbeing to get you inspired each week. My readers tell me I have a spooky knack of knowing just what’s going on for them and it’s like I read their mind! You can join my 20 000 readers and sign up just here and I will see you on Wednesday!

If you are ready to have me in your life as your coach, well I’d love that too. You can jump into my daily coaching Academy right here and we can get started – it’s my proudest life’s work and it changes lives, minds and hearts daily. If you are looking for more ease in your mind and your soul: I’ve got you. Have a sneak peek of what’s in store for you here.

Tags 2020, challenging beliefs, decision making, Happiness, Reduce Stress

2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Self belief Yoga

Dancing On The Edge Of Discomfort

Post author By Support Elf
Post date August 4, 2020
No Comments on Dancing On The Edge Of Discomfort

I have a yoga principle for you today – that is also, in my opinion, a life principle.

In yoga teaching land we say “Work to your edge”.

Sounds very cool.

But…when I first started yoga waaaayyyy back many moons ago, and the teacher encouragingly whispered “Work to your edge, Louise” to me the first time, I thought… “edge of what, lady?!” I didn’t know what she was on about.

I later found out that “Working to your edge” means to take it to your “comfortable maximum”.

Basically, this is the place at the top of your body’s ability.

The edge of challenge and failure.

The place where if you worked any less you’d be slacking, any more and you’d fall on your ass or hurt yourself.

It’s a fine line, your edge.

I like to say it is “Dancing on the edge of discomfort”

And here’s the important thing to know…

The edge of discomfort IS WHERE WE GROW.

That is where we find just how much we can expand our heart, our skills, our capacity, our LIFE.

The place where we are challenged, scared we will fall on our ass, fail, or fly.

Our edge for growth right now may be in business (do I try for that promotion? Start my own business?) in love (do I get vulnerable? Do I ask him/her out?) or in our body (do I take that crossfit class? Sign up to that race?).

In order to have a rounded, and expansive life we are touching our edge in all directions…

(when we are not, and we are too long in the comfort zone…that’s being “stuck in a rut”).

Taking it to the edge – THAT, my friends, is how we grow as humans.

(It is also what every module of Wellbeing Warriors is cleverly crafted to do).

To help you, in a safe, structured way, dance on the edge of your discomfort.

So, you can expand your self-awareness and skills and grow into the next level of yourself,

To take you to experiencing your edge in a way you know you will not fall.

Growth – in any area of life – does not happen in your comfort zone,

It happens on your edge.

So – today, my friend, find a way to test where the edge of your comfort zone lies.

Find that place between failing and flying.

And reach a little further,

Dancing on the edge is where all the good stuff is to be found.

You’ve got this.

Reach.

Tags 2020, challenging beliefs, flexible thinking, Happiness

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