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2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Sick & Tired of feeling Sick & Tired

Why being “over it” is actually a good thing…

Call me crazy but I love hearing when clients or friends are “totally over it”. When they can’t look at another “fat picture” or drag themselves into the office for another soul-destroying day. I know that may seem mean because it means they are miserable, but I think of being over it, really, really over it, as a special kind of breakthrough.

There are two stages.

The early-stage where we just like to just talk about being “over it”. We actually secretly enjoy talking about our awful boss, or our nightmare mother. When people are really, truly over it however, they don’t want to talk about it. They have talked about it to death but that hasn’t made them thinner or their relationship happier or their career more lucrative.

When people are truly over it they can actually hear themselves repeating those same old lines and they are sick of hearing themselves. Moaning no longer cuts the mustard. We are actually boring ourselves.

Being “over it” feels awful. It can feel like despair, it can feel like we have no real options or choices, it can feel like nothing we might do will make a difference. It can feel lonely. It can feel isolating. But in actual fact when you strip this away rock bottom can be fundamentally liberating.

When we are so sick of a situation in our lives the choice has to be change.

Changing either how we choose to think about the situation or changing the situation itself. When we start to open the mind to the fact that there has to be another way then hey presto some solutions will start to present themselves. “Over it” becomes the first step on the pathway to something far better. When we reach rock bottom and are sick to death of a situation it can be just the springboard we need to move to a far brighter future.

Here’s the funny thing about being “over it”. You can’t really get over it, skip it, miss out the pain or the hassle or the scariness of sorting out whatever situation it is you are over. You can’t actually get over it without going through it. The way out is through whatever change is required not over. We are creatures of comfort as a rule so we tend to avoid the tough stuff, the convo with the boss about the payrise or the missed promotion, the meeting with the neighbor about their continually barking dog. But this is the way over to the other side of our pain, to front up and deal with whatever it is. To go through to come out the other side.

Good stuff starts to happen when the pain of being “over it” becomes greater than the perceived fear of changing the situation or our thoughts about it.

Learning not to be afraid of, or to resist “over it”, but to welcome it, can transform how quickly we move forward in life.

As the great Harry Potter author JK Rowling (and let’s face it she’s done okay latest novel notwithstanding!) famously said “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I built my life”.

Action Step: in what area of your life are you ”over it”? An energy-sucking friendship? A tired and outdated kitchen? Being unfit? Identify it and then choose to either change the way you feel about it or change the situation.

Remember the way out isn’t over it is through.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happy People Don't Do Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Resilience

Your Bedtime Story

What goes on between our ears has the biggest determination over what goes on in our hearts and in our lives.

One of the biggest areas where we can trip up is when we get facts confused with stories, or “the truth” confused with fairytales.

Have a think about a time when you had yourself absolutely convinced something utterly catastrophic was about to happen.

Lying awake turning over the prospect of imminent doom played out in excruciating and panic-inducing detail.  We have all done it. And then…and then…well, nothing happening. NOTHING! The sky totally did not fall in. The fan did not get hit with anything. All that worry, stress, drama and excess cortisol production for nothing.

It can be weirdly tempting to play out a worst-case scenario story as a bizarre sort of double-think mental insurance to ward off against disappointment or rejection. If we have already considered the worst then maybe…maybe… it won’t happen.

However, it’s a far easier way to live to know that whatever comes up –  if it comes up –  you are smart and capable and you will react and handle it. And so, therefore, you choose to wait until such time that might be necessary and divert your attention to happier thoughts in the meantime.

The stories we tell ourselves in our heads have the very real capacity to destroy our peace of mind with far more regularity than any outside event.

Look at it this way. What bedtime story do you read your 7-year-old son/daughter/grandson/granddaughter/nephew/niece? Is it a) Charlie And The Chocolate Factory or b) Nightmare On Elm Street?  Right. You wouldn’t dream of divulging the tales of Freddie Kruger’s bloody mayhem whilst you tuck them up as you want that child to sleep soundly, yes? (preferably right through the night uninterrupted, of course). You want to create the best conditions to do that; you know the content you fill their heads with at that pivotal moment is key – so you choose with discernment.

It’s the same at the cinema.  We know the emotional impact of a good story and so there are standard content rating systems for movies. We know how powerful those stories in the screen are so we want to choose age-appropriately and with discernment for the audience. This is obvious in the movie cinema.

We want the right story playing for whoever is watching it.

And yet, and yet. We are nowhere near as careful stewards of our own bedtime story routine. Replaying the tricky conversation with the boss whilst we clean our teeth: bad bedtime story. Thinking about whether that client is going to be furious or not as we turn down the covers: bad bedtime story. Turning over the backhanded compliment our mother in law paid and worrying about how that may play out at the weekend family barbeque: bad bedtime story. Figuring out if that friend deliberately blanked us at the school gate as we have upset them for reasons we know not: bad bedtime story. No wonder we don’t sleep well, or our days are filled with worry.

Our peace of mind is determined by the tone and content of the stories we tell ourselves through our waking hours.

And as for the stories we believe and repeat in the dead of night? They are the most powerful of all.

Make sure you choose appropriate bedtime reading for yourself.

Sweet dreams.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Energy Boosters Live Happy Inspiration

From My Heart To Yours …

If you could only see what I see…

Life can be brutal.  It can batter us so much that we lose sight of who we are at our core. Disconnect us from our soul and our souls calling. Make us feel trapped. Or stuck. Or not good enough. Or like things work out for everyone but us.

Part of my job is helping people reconnect with their essential brilliance.  To learn to trust it again and move forward with confidence and purpose. To encourage them towards the light when they have been temporarily stumbling in the dark.

That first session when all seems lost, and they have lost faith in themselves – I have a secret: I know it’s all going to be okay, and I so wish they could see what I can see. See in themselves and for themselves.

If you need it I hope that you can see a bit of it today in yourself too:

  • If only you could see what I see you would see that you are good enough.
  • If only you could see what I see you would ever doubt yourself again.
  • If only you could see what I see you would recognise yourself when you shine.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know the path ahead for you is becoming clear and strewn with dazzling opportunities you are yet to glimpse.
  • If only you could see what I see you would walk into a room with so much confidence you would light it up.
  • If only you could see what I see you would tell them you would never let anyone speak to you that way again.
  • If only you could see what I see you would speak your truth unapologetically and out loud.
  • If only you could see what I see you would look in the mirror and know your beauty.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know you do way more than enough.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know that you are more than enough.
  • If only you could see what I see you would embrace your glorious imperfection and release the grip on perfect.
  • If only you could see what I see you would find the courage you need to make the changes you fear.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know there are diamond bright days ahead.
  • If only you could see what I see you would be sure their opinion of you mattered not.
  • If only you could see what I see you would trust that everything was somehow falling into place for you even though you feel they are falling apart.
  • If only you could see what I see you would worry less and play way, way more.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know it will somehow all work out just fine.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know right down to the depths of your soul how blessed and brilliant you are.
  • If only you could see what I see you would grab that chance with both hands and not look back.
  • If only you could see what I see you would look in the mirror and smile at your reflection with a wink.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know how much you are loved.
  • If only you could see what I see you would test your wings and fly.

Look harder today.

You might just surprise yourself with what you can see.

Categories
2020 Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Relationships Summer

5 ways to know a TRUE friend…

A good friend will not just tell you that it’s all going to be fine. Because sometimes it’s just not.

A good friend will turn up with cold wine and her best snacks and say that it’s not going to be fine, that it will be hard, but you will get through it.

A good friend will cancel her plans, cajole you to put your trainers on and get you running or walking that trail.

She knows it won’t fix or mend it, but that fresh air and movement will help in a subtle way.

A good friend will know that sometimes there are no words that will fix it, or make it better, but a gentle presence is reassuring in the darkness.

A good friend will check in and see how you are doing, even when there is nothing new to say.

Sometimes it’s not all going to be fine. And having someone say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” makes you want to kill them as they inadvertently invalidate your loss.

Sometimes a platitude won’t cut it.

But words of wisdom won’t either.

Sometimes it’s just hard. The only way out is through. And a good friend will walk it with you.

That the greatest thing they can do for you is to know they cannot heal it for you, but that you will not face it alone.

I hope you have not just one, but a good strong handful of these people in your life.

Hold onto and treasure those people like gold.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy

The Smile Jar

As we kick start 2020 I would love to set you up for your best, most brilliant year with a simple tool.

I’d like to think you have a year of grace and goodness in store!

In my experience of coaching thousands of people to health and happiness I have found that that much as we seek magic silver bullet solutions that change the wellbeing game (eg. starting a fantastic new job; leaving a hideous old relationship) the fabric of health and happiness really is woven from micro-moments of happy, than elusive silver-bullet game-changers.

By consciously putting more micro-moments of happy and well into life…life becomes elevated one tiny bite at a time.

There is a lovely technique called The Smile Jar, and you are in perfect time to get yourself set up for it right now for 2020.

All you need to do is buy/find/repurpose/beg/borrow or steal a pleasing-looking jar, and a bunch of post-it notes.

Each day you add one post-it note or scrap of paper that contained a moment that was pleasing, happy or successful.

It might be the compliment from the boss on that presentation you sweated over, the fact that your teen picked up their own towels off the bathroom floor without nagging, the unexpected message from a friend overseas, or finding that super cute dress you wanted 75% off in the sales. Maybe it was picking lemons off your own tree in the sunshine and making the most perfect gin and tonic, or getting a personal best on your morning run. The smile your granddaughter gave you after her ballet class or running into an old friend at the beach.

It can be anything.

The only criteria is that it made you smile!

Pick a happy moment, scribble it down, pop it in the jar.

You are filing a jar full of smiles.

This is a lovely one to do for the whole family.

I have had clients get a jar for each member of the family and it’s become part of the bedtime ritual for each child to add a moment of positivity or happiness to their jar at the end of each day as a gorgeous, positive family ritual that has endured for years.

At the end of the year, perhaps the day after Boxing Day each year when things have gone a little quiet you can sit and pull out each memory one by one.

Reconnect with what made you happy and all the moments that you have forgotten from your jar of smiles.

If you are having a bad day it’s also great to be able to dip into anytime, and remind you that life ain’t all bad.

Get yourself a Smile Jar for 2020, because, y’know, the small things in life…in the end, they ARE the big things.

Categories
2020 Live Happy Inspiration Love the Skin You're In New Year Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Self Care and Self Love

Why you DON’T need a “New You” this New Year!

“Happy New Year! Happy New You!”

How many headlines will you see screaming that this month? Too many to count, I suspect – and I also suspect another level of “New You” hysteria given its the turn not just of the year – but of the decade.  It’s going to be “New You”- tastic out there!

Here is my direct take on that noise:

Contrary to a million headlines of “wisdom” – YOU DO NOT NEED A “NEW YOU”. 

The “You” you are is absolutely perfect in your imperfection. Anyone who tells you you are broken in some way is undermining your personal sovereignty. Especially anyone who tells you you are broken in order to sell something.

You are not broken! You, my darling,  are whole and complete.

Life and self-improvement is a PROCESS. A process means it’s ongoing. It doesn’t end until you do. It is never complete.

Life is always in a state of beautiful incompletion.

We are all works in progress. For the whole of our lives.

It is never “done”. It can never be done!

We will be learning and growing into an ever-expanded version of our best self, our whole life. It’s a glorious process of growth.

It’s about expansion and about improvement and inspiration.

It’s about reaching a little higher, being a little braver, asking for a little more. It’s not about fixing something that’s broken.

You are not broken and anyone who tells you you are is lying. Don’t believe them!

A New Year is simply a convenient time to dust off the cobwebs and assess where we are at with our life’s project.

Our work in progress. It’s just a milestone in the journey. A reminder to pause and reflect.

So, this year I am offering you some different kinds of New Year resolutions.

Ones that delight you rather than punish you.

Goals that draw you forward effortlessly in the energy of growth rather than beating you up in the energy of “not quite good enough”.

Principles that lift you up, rather than tear you down for not being smart, thin, fun, rich enough – or whatever.

Because you, you dear reader, are enough.

Make your resolutions something that makes your soul sing not fill you with an increasing creeping feeling of dread.

Resolve toward what makes you grow, not what you want to fix.

Resolve to laugh more in 2020
• Resolve to love more in 2020.
Resolve to smell the roses more in 2020.
• Resolve to connect more in 2020.
Resolve to speak kindly to yourself, with love and compassion, in 2020.
• Resolve to strive for progress not for perfection in 2020.
• Resolve to honour your body and soul in 2020.
• Resolve never to stop growing, learning and expanding in 2020.
Resolve to be all that you can be, the happiest version of yourself in 2020.

That’s what I wish for you. You are not broken. You never were.

Embrace the glorious mess of all that you are and the beauty this year is going to unfold at your feet.

Happy New Year.

Categories
Dream and Goals Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Summer time

The 6 Key Questions YOU need to review!

As John Lennon so beautifully sang, “And so this is Christmas….and what have you done?”

Here are some thought starters for you to ponder (perhaps with a journal and a cold beer in hand) over the summer to bring this past year to a considered close and set yourself up for the best of all things in the New Year.

 

  1. Farewell

What would you like to farewell and leave behind this year? What have you outgrown? Perhaps it’s a relationship or a social situation or an obligation. Maybe you feel ready for a new career or a new location. What would you like to farewell and gently close the door on?

 

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  1. Gratitude

What are you most grateful for this past year? What worked out well for you, better perhaps than you anticipated? Who came into your life or stepped up in your life in a way that enhanced it? To what and to whom do you feel appreciative for their contribution to your life this year? Have you told them?

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  1. Accomplishment

What are your proudest achievements this year? Where did you give the most of yourself? When did you push yourself our of your comfort zone? Where and how did you grow? What are your finest accomplishments of the year?

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  1. Lessons

What have you learned this year? About yourself? About others or the world?  What do you want to repeat? Do more of? Less of? What worked? What didn’t? Why? What lessons do you wish to take from this past year?

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  1. Giving and Balance

Where did you give the most of yourself this year? Are you happy with where you put the share of your time, energy and attention? Are there areas where you wish you had invested more? Where do you wish you had given less? Where do you wish you had given more support? Where do you, on reflection, think you could have got more support? What are three ways you would like to balance your time or energy distribution differently in the New Year?

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  1. Highlights

What were the best feeling moments this year? What are the highlights you will remember for life? Who and what made them special and why? What three words sum up this year for you personally?

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Taking time out of the hamster wheel frenzy of doing, to pause and reflect is so important.

Effective change and growth comes from awareness of what’s working for us and what is not.

If we wish for a better tomorrow it is best built on the foundations of the lessons of today.

I hope you can take a little time to just be this holiday season, and reflect on a good year well-lived and to build some anticipation for the brand shiny new one that is about to open up!

Categories
Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Summer Summer time

Make A Summer Wish List With This Magic Ingredient

There is little more annoying than seeing your Facebook feed jammed with loads of smiling faces at an event you so tooooootally would have gone to, had you only known it was on and got your shizzle together to get tickets!

We are spoiled for choice with events and entertainment at this time of year stretching right through to March and April.

So for your Best Summer take half an hour out of your week now to do your prep, gather your ingredients for your your best summer and head FOMO off at the pass.

You spend half an hour prepping dinner each night; you can find half an hour to prep your best summer!

Think Memory Making.  At it’s very essence that is what will create our best summer. Experiences, both shared and individual.

What would make you look back and smile?

Who is integral to that?

Where is special to you?

What or who do you wish you make time for every year but don’t?

I do this with World Of Wearable Arts every damn year: I forget just how much I want to go until I actually see it all unfolding live and I’ve missed the boat…again!

Not this year: I am getting my booking in now and heading off the FOMO at the pass for 2020.

If all this talk of planning is bringing you out in hives, remember that there is a strange irony to the fact that when we invest a little time and energy upfront in planning the highlights, we ironically seem to have more time, not less, to be spontaneous and grab the opportunities that just come our way in the moment.

Structure magically creates space.

So make a Summer 2019/20 wish list this week.

Share it with the people that matter.

A little planning now not only sets you up for the best summer of shared experiences, but also allows you to luxuriate in one of the most delicious emotional states there is: anticipation.

Anticipation is an instant emotional wellbeing booster.  It allows you to feel good not just doing the thing but for weeks or months ahead you get a little rosy glow as well as some pre-match feel-good chat.

Putting more anticipation into life is an easy way to up your happiness quotient very quickly.

Best summer and feeling good now: what’s not to like about that?!

Categories
Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters Live Happy Inspiration Relationships

Cruel Yule – when Christmas kicks your ass

Not too soon to start talking Christmas Lunch is it, my lovelies? My tree is already up so I reckon it’s fair game.

It’s got political over the years has Christmas Lunch. Who is hosting. Where. What’s to be eaten. Arrival times. Gift expectations. Who is doing the washing up. How soon is it impolite to leave. And I was going to write about that – but then I thought…y’know…you are smart people…you can figure that out. There will be a million bits of advice on how to delegate and bring a plate and whatnot.

Let’s talk about something else that probably won’t be covered: loss at Christmas.

Christmas is generally the most joyful time of year, but for someone going through a hard time it’s hands down the bleakest.

There is something unbelievably emotionally polarising about the festive season. There is nothing like being expected to be happy and jolly to focus the mind on what has been lost.

It is a cruel truth at Yule that for each person bemoaning how many presents they have to buy or wrap, someone else would dearly love to have that special someone to buy for. And, for everyone that loves it – from tinsel to turkey – there is someone who simply can’t wait for it to be over.

Family circumstances change all the time. Death, separation, divorce, estrangement, addiction, depression, emigration. When a season is all about family this can be hard. When you are used to being in the bosom of a family and then find you are suddenly but effectively childless and family-less after drop-off on Christmas Eve, it can be utterly discombobulating, post-divorce. When you are used to Dad cooking his special festive BBQ and he is suddenly not there your whole world is rocked to its core.

If you are in a good place this Christmas then all power to you! Squeeze every ounce of joy from it! But also, take just moment’s pause from the prep. Look up. Listen up. Is there anyone who might benefit from joining you? Someone feeling lonely, displaced, unwelcome? Or is there anyone in your circle you want to check in with and check they are doing okay?

If the thought of Christmas is incredibly confronting for your personal circumstances right now, I’m sorry and I see you. Please don’t be afraid to reach out to those around you. Just because they haven’t offered or haven’t asked you how you are doing does not, repeat NOT, mean they don’t care. Ask for what you need. And, please, accept that hand when it is offered. You are neither a bother or a burden and you are welcome.

We are just at the point now that those who are secretly panicking on the inside about getting through Christmas will really be feeling it, so this week make it your mission to spread a little Christmas cheer ahead of time.

“A rising tide lifts all boats” said J. F. K. The natural joyfulness of the season can lift those who need it most if we all share a little love today.

WHERE TO GET HELP:

If you are worried about your own or someone else’s mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider. However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call police immediately on 111.

OR IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE:

 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7)
• https://www.lifeline.org.nz/services/suicide-crisis-helpline
• YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633
• NEED TO TALK? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7)
• KIDSLINE: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• WHATSUP: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757 or TEXT 4202

Categories
4 Dimensional Wellness Dream and Goals Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters Live Happy Inspiration Love the Skin You're In Love your body Positive Thought Strategy Self Care and Self Love Summer

How to REALLY get a “Beach Body”…

There is an excellent meme that continues to circle about this time of year, year after year, about how to “Get a Beach Body”. It goes like this:

  1. Have a Body
  2. Go to the Beach

Which is all well and good of course, and jolly funny, unless we are secretly having a massive crisis of confidence about our body and we just want to hide inside as the sun comes out.

Improving body image is huge huge huge: and something that is dear to my heart in my coaching Academy. Having women work through the 30-day Self Esteem course and say they have worn a swimsuit or bikini to the beach for the first time in a decade and felt good in their own skin is the most rewarding work in the world. It absolutely thrills me to see that transformation in confidence and happiness.

Everyone deserves to feel at home in their body: it is the only place we have to live so any energy spent hating it rather than loving it is time and energy wasted.

Obviously I can’t replicate a 30-day course of personal growth and transformation in the next 176 words (do waitlist for the Academy if you want the real deal, you can do that here: https://iamawellbeingwarrior.com/wellbeing-warriors/) but I will say if you start focusing on these things it will definitely help.

Do what YOU need to do to feel more confident NOW.

Not when you get to that magical weight or whatever.

What makes you feel even a smidge more confident  – right NOW NOW NOW?

That gorgeous kaftan? Get it.

A pedicure so your feet look bright and beautiful when you see them? Do it.

Stop waiting.

Move towards confidence now.

If you can’t yet love (or even like) your body for how it looks, love your body for what it can DO.

It can, and does, do so much for you.

Concentrate on your capabilities, not your aesthetics.

Celebrate them.

Be proud of them.

And build on them.

Stop focusing on what you are trying to GET from your body, and look at what you are GIVING it instead.

Stop trying to GET a result (thinner / lighter / tighter /younger / etc) and look at what you can consistently GIVE instead as a service.

Give your body kind words.

Give it fresh food.

Give it a walk around the park or a run or a swim in the ocean in the sun.

Revel in what you can give.

Take your body to the beach, feel the sand between your toes and the sun on your skin and enjoy all summer has to offer.

That link for my Academy is below – I can’t tell you how much it will make you feel good on the inside: I believe every woman deserves that: summertime or not!

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