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2023 Energy Boosters Self Care and Self Love

Is “Worry Mode” your default setting?

I have something for you to ponder today…do you have “Worry Mode” set as your default?! SO many of us do, or know someone who does. It’s an exhausting way to live, or to be around.

If your brain is always automatically trying to find what could go wrong in your plan or dream, or your nearest and dearest are doing that on your behalf (disguised as “caring” and “being helpful”), it is not only a total buzz killer and mood downer, it creates doubt and therefore procrastination. It costs you focus, time and quite often, money.

We can end up slipping into “Worry Mode” being our default habit of thought, and therefore our most constant mood. It’s easily done, and it’s deceptively destructive. The REALLY IMPORTANT thing to realise is that that is ALL it is…a HABIT or thought. And like any bad habit, with focus and intention, it can be broken and replaced with something healthier.

Great graphic: @worrywellbeing

When we are stuck in worry mode we are continually asking the WRONG questions…:

What could go wrong with this?

Why might this not work out? 

What if this all goes wrong. What could you lose? 

Who might this upset? Who might not like it? 

I’m all for a pragmatic, objective assessment of reality and risk; it’s essential before any significant venture. However, “Worry Mode” as a default before any damn decision…is absolutely life and positivity sapping.

 

Here are some far healthier questions for you busy brain to be asking instead:

What if things work out super well? What’s possible?

What if my hard work pays off?

What could go better than I think here?

Who might help me?

How can I make this as enjoyable as possible?

 

Excessive worry is just a bad habit of thought.

You know about habits

They are not permanent.

They are not written in stone.

They live in your brain and you can change them any time you like.

 

How about now?!

How good would that feel?

What if it’s easier than you think?

What if it goes even better than you imagine?

Who might help you?*

How can you make it as enjoyable as possible?

Mmmmmm…food for thought, yes?!

 

*That would be ME! I can help you! You can start by clicking here for the The Real Self Care Kickstart, which the elves have put on special for you today! 

 

Categories
2023 Energy Boosters Happiness Self Care Sunday

This. Is. Real. Self. Care

My whole damn week went TOTALLY sideways this week, and I suspect I am not the only one. If you are in the same boat this Sunday I want you to know: YOU ARE DOING BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE!

​​​​​​​

Your brain defaults to seeing “The Gap” of where you want to be…the chores undone, the emails not replied to, the yoga class not made, the story not read, the kitchen bench not decluttered…you know, The Gap between YOU and Superwoman who is “on top of everything”.

 

This default perspective is unhelpful. Makes us feel bad. We need to consciously direct our brain to “The Gain” instead. The sore knee kissed better. The midday meeting that got an outcome. The lunch boxes were packed. The kindly Good Morning to the elderly neighbour. The bins put out. The swift lunchtime walk. The dentist appointment booked. The twenty six emails that DID get replied to.

 

Look. Life is LIFE. It will NEVER be complete til we are.

 

There will ALWAYS be stuff that’s UNDONE.

 

You can’t use DONE-NESS as your measure of how good your day was.

 

Train your brain to see not The Gap, but The Gain.

 

I promise you: you are doing better than you are judging yourself for.

 

Remove the unattainable yardstick of “done”, you will never reach it anyway.

 

Redirect your attention, and your COMPASSION to give your sweet self a break: I promise you, you are doing better than you think you are.

 

This. Is. Real. Self. Care. #thisisrealselfcare

Categories
2022 Energy Boosters Self Care Sunday

7 Things that will change your life

Killer graphic to share with you today showing 7 things that will change your life.

It’s an interesting one as there are many things we THINK will change our life, but then in reality…DON’T.

We think changing our job will change our life, improve our work/life balance etc, but often it DOESN’T because we take our exact same mindset and boundaries and just put them behind a different desk.

We THINK joining that gym will change our body and life, but often it doesn’t because after the initial rush of enthusiasm we DON’T ACTUALLY GO consistently because we haven’t worked out the mindset that led to us not prioritising our wellbeing in the first place.

We THINK that booking a MASSAGE will change our stress and relax us, but it DOESN’T because however strokey-la-la it is and however much whale music is played when we are driving home our mind is STILL worried about the stuff that was stressing us out on the way there.

In short there are a LOT of fixes we think will change our life or our mood BUT DON’T.

What to do? Well, here are 7 things that will genuinely change your life:

  1. How you spend your morning
  2. What you read (hello smart reader of mine!)
  3. How you talk to yourself
  4. What you listen to
  5. The people you hang out with (bonus points if you are in a community like my Coaching Academy)
  6. What you watch
  7. How consistent you are with the things that really matter to you

The good news about these 7 things that will genuinely improve your life?

They are ALL under our own DIRECT CONTROL. We don’t need anyone else’s input or a particular circumstance to happen.

We can start improving one (or all of them) ANY TIME. We can just start.

Changing life for the better is available to us in every moment.  Our timing. Our control.

What’s ONE of those 7 things you could take action on today?

Categories
2022 Energy Boosters My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Need more sunshine in your pocket?

Sometimes (actually most of the time!) self-care can be SIMPLE…for example….

 

It’s less sunny in the winter (duh!) which has all sorts of impact on our delicately balanced circadian & ultradian biorhythms that govern our body’s performance & moods.

 

Despite the very real impact of the seasons on our physiology, life does not stop – we continue our commitments & obligations with no adjustment whatsoever to the very real seasonal impact on our body and mind.

 

Our internal rhythms may change quite significantly yet we expect – of others and ourselves – to continue with the demands of life as if nothing is any different.

 

One of the biggies here is the amount of sunlight we get.

 

Sunlight is a significant provider of Vitamin D in our bodies, as well as being involved in the regulation of serotonin (happy hormone) & melatonin (sleep regulating hormone). It’s also crucial to our mood & sleep levels.

 

Feeling a bit blue in the winter is a definite sign to try to get more blue sky in your day.

 

The obvious and fuhreee choice is, if you can work your day around it, to try & get a walk in at lunchtime. Go grab your sushi from the place four blocks away so you can get in your 15 minutes of sun rays.

 

Other options include checking out light boxes, lamps & alarm clocks that wake you with simulated natural sunlight, there are some excellent ones on the market.

 

My preferred option for a sunshine injection however, is obviously to get on a plane & head for the sun if time and budget allow & get in a winter sunshine break. For health reasons, of course!

 

Today, your self-care mission is to get at least 15 minutes of sunshine, and know you are doing great things for your body and mind as you make it happen. All the small things add up.

 

PS.  All small self-care actions ADD UP. They have a cumulatively positive effect on your body and mind. You can get 101 (very satisfyingly tickable! ✅) ideas in my new book 101 Self-Care Ideas that are not that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath! Click here to get inspiration and snappy action on tap. Did I mention it was tickable? So motivating! ✅

 

{ NB: If you think you might be suffering from a case of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) you should visit your GP ASAP. A continually super low mood in winter can require medical intervention.}

Categories
2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

Joy Of Missing Out

I have lost count of the number of gigs/parties/events I have missed out on over the years while I am teaching my fabulous yoga students of an evening. I absolutely love what I do, but I do get the odd grump about missing something every now and again. Sometimes I see my friends from corporate days doing a big glitzy thing on Facebook. The sort of industry event with black ties and champagne and fabulous shoes that I would have been at in years gone by, and I feel I am missing out, just a bit, as I potter about in my yoga pants.

I see numerous clients who are upset about missing out on career opportunities or family opportunities or travel opportunities or run-away-and-join-the-circus opportunities.  If I had a dollar for every time ‘I hate missing out’ has been uttered, I would have enough to host my own black tie and champagne event! In fact, I hear that FOMO (fear of missing out) is now actually in the urban dictionary, e.g. ‘Even though he was exhausted, John’s FOMO got the best of him and he went to the party.’

Here’s the thing. We have so many opportunities today that we live in the age of ‘missing out’. Which actually is a fantastic thing. Not a bad thing at all. I should be saying ‘I missed out!’ with joy and not regret. Why? Because missing out means I had a choice to do something else. It meant I chose another thing and I am actually so lucky to have that choice.

There are so many women around the world who miss out on things because they have no choice. Things like getting to vote, having financial independence, having a career outside the home that doesn’t require a ‘male guardian’. In Saudi Arabia, it is still illegal for women to drive, for example.  Many do not even have the choice over what they wear.

So, when I drive myself to class (rather than to the party I fancied), I am calling out my FOMO for what it is. And I think you should, too. This is all part of the energy-boosting process of embracing empowered choice. Missing out is a fantastic thing. I’ve missed out because I made the choice to run my own fabulous, thriving business. To be financially independent. To drive myself to class. On my own. In my yoga pants.

Missing out is confirmation that I have infinite choice in my life and that I am using it. And that is something to be very happy about indeed. Not the fear of missing out, but the joy of missing out. I shall call it JOMO. JOMO is the new FOMO, my friends. You heard it here first.

I wrote a blog post on this back in 2013 and had many comments from, in particular, mums of young kids. Karen said, ‘As a stay-at-home mum I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on those fabulous work events, too, and today I felt like I was missing out because a friend told me they were having a beer with Friday lunch … those were the days. But, and that but is huge, I’ve chosen not to miss out on my kids growing up, which I think in the long run is way more important than that beer I so feel like on a hot day like today. I have actually made a choice I feel lucky and thrilled to have made, and that’s a good thing to know!

Excerpt taken from The Busy Woman’s Guide To High Energy Happiness – Louise Thompson

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Self Care and Self Love

There are TWO types of Busy Person…which are you?

Life is busy. You sure don’t need a life coach to tell you that! However – there are two kinds of busy. Which one is more you?

There is active, focused, conscious busy …and there is frantic, rushing, juggling, largely unconscious busy.

The first feels energising, focused, controlled, productive. Let’s call that Purposeful Busy.

The other feels overwhelming, stressful, and out of control. That would be Stressful Busy.

Life is always going to be busy. It’s the 2020’s. That just how it is, we don’t really get to change that. What we DO get to control though is WHAT KIND of busy we are personally engaged in

BOTH are going to keep you doing stuff all day. Only one is going to not just feel good but move you nearer to where you want to go and the kind of life you want for ourselves.

We can all be busy all day and knackered at the end. That however doesn’t tell us if we have been being busy about the right things.

The defining factor is

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING BUSY ABOUT?

How much has been about obligation?

And how much about positive choice?

How much has required willpower? And how much has been breezy inspired action?

Stop. Take a minute. What ARE you filling your day with – to be so busy?!

Is it purposefully in alignment with the life you want to have for yourself a year, 3 years from now?

How much of your day is a building brick for the future, and how much is going through the motions or obligation driven?

A year from now if you want to be promoted is your busyness a small step in driving that outcome, or is it just busy work that someone else didn’t want to do that you didn’t want to say no to?

A year from now if you want to be strong and fit and in your old jeans is skipping that spin class because you were so busy a step towards that goal or a step away? What were you busy with instead?

A year from now if you want to be credit card debt-free did you take a tiny action towards that goal today? Or were you too busy to make a packed lunch and ate on the run again?

All these things are teeny tiny choices.

But that is how we get ANYWHERE! Lots of teeny tiny choices in a row.

To create anything of meaning in our life.

We have to be busy doing the right things.

Being busy per se is not enough.

The time will pass anyway.

It will get filled with tens of thousands of tiny choices anyway.

The difference between Purposeful Busy and Stressful Busy is a very clearly defined future goal, and the commitment to move towards it each day, in a tiny way – NO MATTER WHAT. Even if its inconvenient. Even if it means we let someone else down.  Even if we say no to some other stuff.

When we don’t do this – it means that our priorities shift weekly, daily, hourly, depending on who needs what. That is where we are Stressful Busy. That’s why we feel like we are rushing, and juggling between everything.

Because we are.

There is a better way.

When we have a purpose and we prioritise it.

When we are Purposefully Busy we are not LESS busy.

We are just busy about the right things.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Self Care and Self Love

3 Steps To Sticking With It!

Let’s think about a healthy habit that you find easy to maintain.

Hands up who brushed their teeth this morning? Of course you did. Now, was that a hassle? Was that a major effort of willpower to convince yourself to do it? Of course not. You just got up, wandered into the bathroom and started brushing, right? Brushing your teeth is an effortlessly healthy habit that you put into practice twice a day without even thinking about it.

Why is it so easy?

One: Your action is in congruence with your deeply held belief, drummed into you since childhood, that oral health is important physically and socially. There is no internal dialogue that goes on every morning about whether teeth brushing is a good thing or not, you have already decided it is, so you act accordingly.

Two: It’s set up for you in a way that’s convenient and easy to action. The toothbrush is right next to the sink, with the toothpaste. Easy. And it happens at a regular time of day which further anchors the habit.

Three: We get an almost instant reward for carrying out the behaviour. Our teeth feel clean and nice and we can deliver a good morning kiss without fear of embarrassment.

Can we use these principles to establish other healthy habits? For sure. We need to make sure we cover all three steps.

  1. We deeply believe in why we are doing it.
  2. We make it convenient and easy to carry out
  3. We build in some sort of reward, especially if the activity itself isn’t yet intrinsically rewarding because it takes longer for the benefits to be apparent.

So, a couple of examples:

Habit we want to establish: reduce coffee intake, no coffee after midday

  1. Why: We are not enjoying feeling so wired and want to be able to sleep more soundly.
  2. Ease: We make it convenient by stocking up on a load of herbal teas and good quality decaf coffee in our desk drawer and at home.
  3. Reward: We reward ourselves with a non-food based treat after four days of successfully carrying it out eg. Meet with friends/ new magazine/ night at movies.

Habit we want to establish: increase exercise, a 15 minute walk daily

  1. Why: Moving our body daily is a commitment to future health and vitality, plus a valuable opportunity for downtime and reflection
  2. Ease: We make it convenient by keeping a pair of trainers in the boot of the car /under the desk so we can stop on the way home or scoot out at lunchtime if we miss our intended morning walking time
  3. Reward: We reward ourselves with a non-food based treat after four days of successfully carrying it out.

Don’t underestimate the value of having simple systems set up that support the change you want to effect.

The pair of trainers at work, the yoga mat in the boot of the car, the stash of herbal teas in the desk drawer can all make keeping the habit up as low maintenance as cleaning your teeth. I have a couple of friends who believe that green smoothies are the best way to start the day, but find mornings juggling getting the kids off to school just too frantic to make it happen regularly. One now spends a few minutes on a Sunday doing 5 little ziplock bags of spinach, kiwifruit, apple, etc so that all she has to do on Monday morning is grab the bag out of the fridge and throw the contents straight into the blender, no hassle. Another simply outsources it and has them delivered fresh weekly. Introducing simple systems that support habits can be the difference between them sticking or not.

What simple processes or systems could you put in place to support the healthy habits you want to establish? It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive.

It’s much more about reducing the hassle factor so it’s easier to do it, than to not do it. Just like cleaning your teeth!

 

 

 

Categories
2020 Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Post Lockdown Reduce Stress Simplicity and Time Management

Tame That To Do List

Habits Of Happiness – Expectation Management

Here is an interesting phenomenon. In my experience, people tend to seriously OVER estimate what can be achieved in the short term, and UNDER estimate what can be achieved in the long term.

For example, if you are anything like me you start the day with a To-Do list thinking, yep, I can crack through at least 8 of those things today! Bring it on! I have a vision of crossing things off in a frenzy of activity, getting to the end of the day with a list satisfyingly scored with black lines detailing what has been accomplished. But yet, in reality, I will have a super busy day, and yet only 2 things get crossed off.  Some days not even that!

I was bemoaning this fact to my partner. He asked “How was your day”, and I responded “Good, but… I didn’t get done everything I wanted to get done”. “You ALWAYS say that!!!!” he said. “Always”. Irritatingly when I thought about it he was absolutely right. Almost every single day I would be beating myself up about the things I had NOT done. Rather than celebrating the progress on the things I HAD accomplished. I had fallen straight into the trap of overestimating what can be achieved in the short term, and it was sucking a bit of joy out of each (actually pretty damn productive!) day.

When we routinely overestimate what we can achieve in the short term it can create a whole heap of stress and overwhelm. By overestimating just how much can be done in a day we end up beating ourselves up for not being efficient enough. Organised enough. Quick enough. Good enough. It’s actually a pretty tiring pattern.

It’s a good observation, and I know I am not alone. My smart, high achieving, professional clients are usually in the same boat. It’s a good exercise to do a little expectation management on ourselves to reduce stress.

Interestingly this phenomenon seems to go hand in hand with underestimating what we can accomplish in the long term.

We can get so caught up in the frenzy of everyday life that we fail to put our head above the parapet long enough to set some real stretch goals for ourselves, big dreams that can be realised if we plan them properly with a 12-month time frame. Because we are so busy it’s easy to dismiss those dreams as just dreams, or too big to be reached so why bother. Whereas if we put our minds to it and break it down into the tiny steps we discussed last week, that big dream can become a big goal with a deadline that we can actually accomplish if we consciously choose it.

The secret to achieving more of the big stuff and reducing stress with the small stuff is to practice expectation management. Expect a little less of yourself daily, but a little more of yourself long term. It’s a subtle but effective shift in perception that can make a big difference.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

  • What DID I accomplish today? (not what did I NOT do!)
  • What are the three things I will accomplish this week come hell or high water? What are my real priorities this week?
  • What are three small things I can do this week that will step me towards my long term goals?

Action Step:

Cut yourself a little slack today, know you won’t get everything done on your list that you want to get done, BUT commit to putting into place at least one big, energising blow-your-mind dream that you can steadily move towards over the next 12 months.

You will surprised how much you can reduce the stress today, and increase the accomplishment in tomorrow.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Energy Boosters Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress

How A Niggle List Can Change Your Life

I bought a new kettle this week. A fancy glass one with 4 preset temperatures. I know, I know, we are living life on the edge here at Thompson Towers.

The old kettle was so old and tired the ON switch wouldn’t stay ON. How annoying is that? I had however, developed a cunning little workaround of weighing down the ON switch with the scrubby washing-up brush. Except then of course it doesn’t turn off so I have to remember to go back in the middle of cleaning my teeth or whatever and catch it when it boils.

Not until I had my shiny new kettle boiling away like a dream that I realised what a ridiculous time-consuming rigmarole the old situation with the kettle was. It annoyed me every single morning and a couple of cuppa times throughout the day. Every day! For…I am embarrassed to say, about 6 months.

And now. Ahhhhhhhh! Nothing. The kettle just boils. Just like that. Easy. Bliss!  My day starts perfectly.

Why on earth did I wait so long to replace my sort of working but let’s face broken kettle? It was a drain on my energy and my attention three times a day, every single day! The new kettle hardly broke the bank so it’s not a money thing. And I am a pretty organised person so it’s not a logistics thing. What then?

I have decided it’s a “workaround” thing. Because I had a jury-rigged system that was working round the problem I put up with it for 5 months and 29 days longer than I would if the damn thing had just blown up.

Life,  I have discovered is full of these jury-rigged workarounds and half-arsed jobs. Things that sort of work but are basically an energy-draining niggle every time we come into contact with them.

I made a Niggle List…what in my day to day life was I putting up with that was an energy-draining annoyance? The certificates I had framed but that had not actually made their way up onto the wall but gathered dust by the wall.  The posh oil pourer thing that doesn’t pour properly giving either a trickle or flooding whatever I am trying to cook. The fact that somehow we only seem to have one wooden spoon so I am forever washing it up. The lack of a playlist for the gym on my i-phone that I only remember every time I pull my trainers on. And so on.

These are all TEENY TINY things. Teeny tiny niggles. But when you are experiencing them two or three times a day or week they all add up to a cumulative low-level irritation and a little bit of our happy positive energy is leaked away.

What’s interesting is that all these little Niggles only seem to take 5 minutes or less, (and more often than not, little to no money) to fix.  Inspired by the energy boost of the kettle I resolved to address my Top 5 Niggles this week. The certificates are up. I have 3 new wooden spoons. The playlist is done. The fancy oil pourer thing is in the donate to charity bag. I can’t believe how much clearer and lighter I feel! It’s no coincidence that I have had an extraordinarily productive week.

By clearing some of the small niggles in life energy drains are plugged allowing us the headspace to concentrate on the big issues.

Try it this week and boost your energy!

Action Step:

Write a Niggle List. What are the Top 10 things in your day to day life or environment that irritate you? The overflowing magazine rack where you can’t find what you need? The broken zip on your favourite pants? The just too bright bedside light on your side of the bed?  Write them down and then address them, 5 this week, 5 next. Clear the small niggles in your life to give more energy and headspace for the big ones!

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Sick & Tired of feeling Sick & Tired

Why being “over it” is actually a good thing…

Call me crazy but I love hearing when clients or friends are “totally over it”. When they can’t look at another “fat picture” or drag themselves into the office for another soul-destroying day. I know that may seem mean because it means they are miserable, but I think of being over it, really, really over it, as a special kind of breakthrough.

There are two stages.

The early-stage where we just like to just talk about being “over it”. We actually secretly enjoy talking about our awful boss, or our nightmare mother. When people are really, truly over it however, they don’t want to talk about it. They have talked about it to death but that hasn’t made them thinner or their relationship happier or their career more lucrative.

When people are truly over it they can actually hear themselves repeating those same old lines and they are sick of hearing themselves. Moaning no longer cuts the mustard. We are actually boring ourselves.

Being “over it” feels awful. It can feel like despair, it can feel like we have no real options or choices, it can feel like nothing we might do will make a difference. It can feel lonely. It can feel isolating. But in actual fact when you strip this away rock bottom can be fundamentally liberating.

When we are so sick of a situation in our lives the choice has to be change.

Changing either how we choose to think about the situation or changing the situation itself. When we start to open the mind to the fact that there has to be another way then hey presto some solutions will start to present themselves. “Over it” becomes the first step on the pathway to something far better. When we reach rock bottom and are sick to death of a situation it can be just the springboard we need to move to a far brighter future.

Here’s the funny thing about being “over it”. You can’t really get over it, skip it, miss out the pain or the hassle or the scariness of sorting out whatever situation it is you are over. You can’t actually get over it without going through it. The way out is through whatever change is required not over. We are creatures of comfort as a rule so we tend to avoid the tough stuff, the convo with the boss about the payrise or the missed promotion, the meeting with the neighbor about their continually barking dog. But this is the way over to the other side of our pain, to front up and deal with whatever it is. To go through to come out the other side.

Good stuff starts to happen when the pain of being “over it” becomes greater than the perceived fear of changing the situation or our thoughts about it.

Learning not to be afraid of, or to resist “over it”, but to welcome it, can transform how quickly we move forward in life.

As the great Harry Potter author JK Rowling (and let’s face it she’s done okay latest novel notwithstanding!) famously said “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I built my life”.

Action Step: in what area of your life are you ”over it”? An energy-sucking friendship? A tired and outdated kitchen? Being unfit? Identify it and then choose to either change the way you feel about it or change the situation.

Remember the way out isn’t over it is through.

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