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Tag: self care

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2023 Energy Boosters Self Care and Self Love

Is “Worry Mode” your default setting?

I have something for you to ponder today…do you have “Worry Mode” set as your default?! SO many of us do, or know someone who does. It’s an exhausting way to live, or to be around.

If your brain is always automatically trying to find what could go wrong in your plan or dream, or your nearest and dearest are doing that on your behalf (disguised as “caring” and “being helpful”), it is not only a total buzz killer and mood downer, it creates doubt and therefore procrastination. It costs you focus, time and quite often, money.

We can end up slipping into “Worry Mode” being our default habit of thought, and therefore our most constant mood. It’s easily done, and it’s deceptively destructive. The REALLY IMPORTANT thing to realise is that that is ALL it is…a HABIT or thought. And like any bad habit, with focus and intention, it can be broken and replaced with something healthier.

Great graphic: @worrywellbeing

When we are stuck in worry mode we are continually asking the WRONG questions…:

What could go wrong with this?

Why might this not work out? 

What if this all goes wrong. What could you lose? 

Who might this upset? Who might not like it? 

I’m all for a pragmatic, objective assessment of reality and risk; it’s essential before any significant venture. However, “Worry Mode” as a default before any damn decision…is absolutely life and positivity sapping.

 

Here are some far healthier questions for you busy brain to be asking instead:

What if things work out super well? What’s possible?

What if my hard work pays off?

What could go better than I think here?

Who might help me?

How can I make this as enjoyable as possible?

 

Excessive worry is just a bad habit of thought.

You know about habits

They are not permanent.

They are not written in stone.

They live in your brain and you can change them any time you like.

 

How about now?!

How good would that feel?

What if it’s easier than you think?

What if it goes even better than you imagine?

Who might help you?*

How can you make it as enjoyable as possible?

Mmmmmm…food for thought, yes?!

 

*That would be ME! I can help you! You can start by clicking here for the The Real Self Care Kickstart, which the elves have put on special for you today! 

 

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2023 Happiness Positive Thought Strategy

1 rule to be really successful at anything.

Asian woman holding eyeglasses having problem with eye blur vision

A question for you: How does anyone get to be really good at anything?

Look at the people you admire in any given field. Not necessarily famous people, or awards winners or whatever – just successful people. How do they get to be so successful? What’s the common theme that connects them? The winning golfer and the Always Onto It Mum, the high flying medic and the leading lady?

It’s very simple.

They focus on Their Own Stuff.

Which bit of your life are you doing really well in?

Guaranteed that’s the area where you are focussing hardest on Your Own Stuff. Happy marriage? Bet you are focused on regular loving communication, and date nights or whatever works for you.

Fit, strong body? Sure as eggs are eggs, you are focused on eating well most of the time, getting organised to put healthy meals together, and make exercise a regular thing. Focused on Your Own Stuff.

Beautiful immaculate home? I can guarantee you make time to organise the plumber to fix the leak pronto. You clean or get it cleaned every week. You fix up little maintenance issues as they arise. All. Your. Own. Stuff.

Where things have gone off the rails a bit is we are tending to spend too much time focused Not On Our Stuff. If the bod isn’t rocking we are likely continually prioritising other peoples needs and wants before the desperate whispers of our body.

If our business isn’t thriving in the way we know it could we are likely spending too much time on Facebook looking at other businesses banging on about how marvellously they are doing and thinking how our marketing doesn’t live up to theirs. Not Our Stuff.

Career not really flying like it should? Highly likely we have been too shy in stepping up or speaking up for fear of what others might think about us. Again: Not Our Stuff.

What is our stuff is what we can influence today?

Our stuff is figuring out the teeny-tiny actions and choices we can make that bring a bit more ease, flow and joy into each moment.

Our stuff is speaking up for ourselves.

Our stuff is prioritising our time and choices.

Our stuff is knowing we are not responsible for other people’s reactions.

Our stuff is taking a chance on our dreams.

Getting more focused on Your Own Stuff turns stuff around super quickly.

Good questions to get refocused on your own stuff are:

  1. This thing that’s winding me up / stressing me out – is this in fact my stuff. Or not? If it’s not your stuff – put it down!
  2. This thing that’s important to me that’s not going as well as I’d like – how can I focus on this more or differently in order to move it towards where I want it to go?
  3. If I weren’t worried about what anyone else thought of me/this what would I do? (N.B. What others think about you is THEIR stuff, not yours).
  4. Is there a “should” involved here? If there is it’s usually a big fat clue the issue in question is coming from someone else’s agenda not yours. ​​​​​​​Not. Your. Stuff.

Basic maths means that there are only 24 hours in the day, 525 600 minutes in a year. You get to say what quality of energy you bring to each of them. The reality is when we have our focus split across too many things, and too much stuff that isn’t ours we don’t get the success we seek in the areas that are truly important to us.

Number one tip to be successful at anything?

Focus. On. Your. Own. Stuff.

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2023 Happy People Don't Do Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

When is it okay NOT to be considerate?

Today’s blog is inspired by a few lovely clients and members who have been feeling taken for granted. What can we learn? Let’s dive into an exploration of consideration today…just might ring some bells for you,!

 

I like to think of myself as a considerate person. I expect you do too!

 

I’d like to ask a controversial question today on that topic:

 

When is it okay to stop being considerate? 

 

I think there is a very specific time when this is more than okay:

 

It’s when YOU aren’t being considered. 

 

When there is a consistent pattern that YOU are not being considered or factored in.

(consistent pattern is important, we can all have an off day)

 

I’ve seen it with a number of clients lately

 

Walking on eggshells around a sibling who is routinely dismissive and inconsiderate of their needs, situation and emotions. Not receiving acknowledgement, let alone reciprocity, for their consideration.

 

Trying to please an unpleasable colleague by picking up some of their share of work, which is a favour never returned. The consideration of helping them out taken totally for granted.

 

Supporting a friend’s business in various ways over time, being happy to do it! But realising over many years that there has been exactly zero support of her own equally important business. Realising on closer inspection that lack of consideration indicates it’s not quite the close friendship of value they thought in a number of ways.

 

These examples of a lack of consideration might be SUPER DISAPPOINTING realisations.

 

However, I can promise you, they are good to know.

 

Consideration is part of the social glue of life: it keeps the wheels running smoothly socially, personally, professionally, relationally.

 

Thing is consideration takes time, focus, effort, choice, attention, emotional management, logistical management – it’s a long list.

 

Consideration may be what’s polite but it’s not a free pass

 

And it can be very much taken for granted

 

Pay attention if it’s not being reciprocated

 

Consideration is a two-way street

 

It’s something you can grant with grace

 

And it is something you can also gracefully withdraw

 

That doesn’t mean you need to be as difficult as hell

 

It just means you withdraw the energetic compromise of considering their needs

and emotions equally with (or higher than) your own

 

It’s simply a recalibration of your emotional investment

 

Which you are perfectly entitled to make

 

When is it okay to stop being considerate? 

 

When you are not being considered, my friend.

Categories
2023 Positive Thought Strategy

Just because things could have been different….

I was out walking this morning, it’s been raining A LOT (I know many of you will relate to that!) and the river is in flood. It’s a beautiful walk that I do most mornings. Today however, I couldn’t cross the bridge because of the raging water, so I picked my way through the mud on the less sunny side.

 

It got me to thinking about how in life we often have pivotal moments in life where we are presented with the choice of two paths. We may have absolutely envisaged ourselves over the bridge on the sunny side, but for whatever reason that is not the path we end up on:

 

Maybe someone else closed the bridge

 

Maybe the bridge was impassable despite our best efforts 

 

Maybe we were just too damn scared ourselves to cross the bridge

 

The point is, there was a fork in the road and we took the other path. We took (whether by force of circumstance, someone else’s fuckery, or by our own hand) a different path.

 

We can look over to that sunny side of the river and think that’s where we “should” be. That’s what we planned for ourselves after all.

 

That relationship

That career move

That house

That town

That health situation

 

But here is the thing, as I walked down the shady side this morning. I saw some twittering wild birds, said hello to an elderly lady with her even more elderly dog, and…oh…stop…pause, be still…I saw a little rabbit just munching on his breakfast not 3 metres away from me!

 

Just because things could have been different, doesn’t mean they would have been better. 

 

That relationship really might not have ended up being all that down the road.

 

That career move you so wanted may not have led where you thought.

 

That house you set your heart on maybe there is a better one coming.

 

That town you thought wanted maybe there is something special in the adventure in your second choice you could never have anticipated

 

That health situation that is so awful when it’s so acute may lead you down a whole different life path with what you learn.

 

There is an amazing old proverb that says if we were to look at the total pile of someone else’s problems, on reflection, most of us would rather pick back up our pile of our own issues.

 

I think so too with our choices. Sometimes it takes a LOT of time and perspective (a lot of water under the bridge so to speak) to pass before we can see it, but very often when we look back, we would not swap back to our original path choice.

 

We can see with the clarity of hindsight that just because things could have been different, doesn’t mean they necessarily would have been better. 

 

That now, we actually wouldn’t swap.

 

We are right where we are meant to be.

 

This thought gave me a lot of peace this morning as I walked along, so I hope it reaches whoever needs to hear it today.

Categories
2023 Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Time to stop with the “You should just…”

Recently, I observed someone who was sharing (with a certain amount of bravery I might add) the details of a breakup with a friend (sister?) in a cafe. They were met with a disappointing lack of empathy and a heap of really unhelpful “advice” they so clearly were SO not ready for.

 

It was hard to hear! This is what I would have liked the friend/sister to have known…

 

Just how annoying the “You should just…” is when you share something that is troubling you 

 

Some of the time we are just venting or processing out loud and not looking for input or solutions. Having a solution rammed down our throat and our hurt invalidated does NOT feel good and it not helpful!

 

We can all get better at this and model helpful behaviour so we have more chance of getting it in return later.

 

 “That sounds hard. Tell me more”

 

“That sounds really tough. Do you want to bounce possible solutions or do you just need to vent right now? What do you need? I’m listening”.

 

“I haven’t been in your shoes on this but I’d love to help you. What do you need most right now?”

 

If someone is ASKING for your input and advice – give it! That fresh perspective can be SO helpful. But…listen closely before you jump in…ARE they asking for it yet?!  Maybe the most helpful thing you can do in this moment is listen really closely and offer a shoulder.

 

If you are not sure if it’s time to offer possible solutions – just ASK! It’s hard to see someone we care about suffering, but timing is everything. You may have the perfect solution if perspective but they need to be READY to HEAR it!

 

Also, bear in mind…you can only ever know a small slice of what’s really going on for them. Even if you feel you have been directly in their shoes, YOU HAVEN’T!

 

So BE KIND

 

And if you are on the receiving end, don’t be be afraid to ask for what you need – people welcome clarity (even if that clarity is telling them to button it!) Listen to what’s helpful but only take what resonates.

 

Only YOU know what it’s like to BE YOU in the situation you are in. Take that support but also trust hard in your own intuition to know what’s right for you

Image: Tiny Buddha

 

PS. Want some non-preachy, helpful advice that works on YOUR timing?

I’ve got a lovely ways you can do that right now:

Book: Start using the easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas for only NZ $17 (that’s approx. $10 USD or £9 GBP). >>>Click here to learn more.<<<

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Private Life Coaching Self Care Sunday

The #1 quality that means people will get the most from life coaching is…

You know what is the #1 thing that means people will get the most from life coaching?

 

Having a clear idea on their problems? On their goals? Clarity on their desires? Awareness of their boundaries?

 

It’s not what you think.

 

My VIP clients and my amazing Coaching Academy members have ONE defining quality in common to get the results they do:

 

And that is READINESS.

 

🔥They are sick and TIRED of the status quo.

 

🔥They want things to be different MORE than they want to get sympathy when talking about them.

 

🔥They are ready to be CURIOUS about their patterns and choices (not judgmental, curious).

 

They are READY to leave the COMFORT BLANKET OF DISCOMFORT (yes, discomfort can be so familiar it feels more comfortable than change) (IKR)

If you want to change your life, and have the health, wealth, meaning, relationships you deserve you have to be READY to leave behind the comfort bubble of excuses, or of feeling sorry for yourself, or having other people feel sorry for you…

 

What you want is right on the other side of being READY for it.

 

READINESS is EVERYTHING.

 

And…the best bit?

 

It’s only one decision away 💛

 

What are you ready for ?

 

PS. Ready to work with me?! I hope so. Here are just three ways we can do that…

Book: Start using the 101 easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas.

Video Coaching:  Order a White Witch Video Note on any situation that is driving you up the wall and I’ll give you the tools and perspective you need to unlock it in a 72 hours turnaround.  You want coaching on demand? You’ve got it! White Witch Video Notes (Note: this one is Academy members ONLY )

Academy: My absolute number one recommendation is to join the Wellbeing Warriors Coaching Academy – there are so many modules in there to help you get unstuck. You will learn more about yourself and how to conquer your fear of change in a supported environment.  Life (and your busy brain!) will never be the same, you can check it out and join the WAITLIST right here: Wellbeing Warriors Coaching Academy

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2022 Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Is putting myself first selfish?

If you are having a rough ride at the moment this one’s for you…

It’s been a crazy busy couple of months as I race to get two houses moved into one. At the weekend I realised I had rescheduled out all of my own important commitments this week in order to work around various client and family requests. I was more than happy to do it at the time but as I reached the weekend I was aware I was completely frazzled! It was a good reality check for me: I could feel a bad habit creeping back in: the need to please, to not be perceived as “selfish” and the inability to say no!

Rescheduling what’s important to you (your run/yoga session/coffee with a friend) because someone else’s needs require fulfilling has a short-term psychological payoff. We feel like a good person for going out of our way to help someone else, or putting the needs of our client/employer/child/spouse before our own. They are happy: therefore we are happy.

As an occasional thing it’s absolutely a win-win: everyone gains in happiness and our sacrifice of personal needs is balanced by the feelgood factor of helping someone else get what they need. Score!

As a long-term strategy, however, it’s a disaster. If we consistently put other people’s needs before our own then it leads to burnout and resentment. I see many clients who have fallen into this trap. I see it a lot with mums who make time to taxi their kids to 17 different after-school activities but can’t seem to make time for one damn thing for themselves in the week, or the next week, or the week after that. Also, with busy professionals who defer their weekly game of squash, or acting class in order to get that big project at work finished. And then the next week there is another important, urgent work issue. And the next. And on it goes.

It’s faulty thinking. Somehow, we get into the habit of deferring our own perfectly valid needs because other people’s needs matter more. Their happiness matters more. Meeting their needs becomes more important. It doesn’t make sense and here is why. If needs matter, then all people’s needs matter, not just your boss/husband/child, but yours too. Either everybody’s needs count, or nobody’s count.

A wise old boss once put it to me this way: “if you say yes to everything Louise, what is your yes worth?” Being able to sometimes say “no” and stick to it makes your “yes” much more valuable.

It’s your job to stand up for what you need to be healthy and happy, even if that means that someone else doesn’t get what they need (or think they need) all the time.

The opposite of selfish is selfless. And this is absolutely what we get. We are so busy trying to avoid being selfish that we get less of ourselves, less of what matters to us in our lives.

I’d like us to think about being “self-full” instead of selfish. That we can carve out time to replenish ourselves, and we should. When we do this, we have so much more juice in the tank to give to others. It’s that classic analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask first in a crashing plane so you can then help others.

When we have commitments to our own needs in terms of what is a good life-work balance for us, what we need to look after our own physical, emotional and spiritual health, then we have so much more to serve the world.

PS. Want some snappy self-care inspiration RIGHT NOW that isn’t the usual “drink more water, oh and have a bubble bath” yawnathon? I got ya! Download my latest book 101 Self-Care Ideas right here. It’s amazing value, super pretty and…it’s satisfyingly TICKABLE so you can see your progress!

That’s ONE thing you can do for you, right now. You’re welcome 🙂

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2022 Good Enough Love the Skin You're In Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

It’s time to let perfectionism go for the mirage it is.

I have come across a beautiful and timeless Japanese art called  “kintsukuroi”, which is the practice of repairing broken pottery with gold.

 

Cracked and shattered items are lovingly pieced back together and the cracks flooded with liquid gold.

 

The piece is no longer perfect, but its repair is proudly on view in precious metal, integral to its new form, which only serves to make the piece more beautiful – not despite its breaks, but because of them.

The deeper meaning of this art is to consider: what if we saw ourselves the same way?

 

We all go through astonishing heartbreak and life explosions, from which we will never be quite the same. 

 

There will be wounds, and we might try to hide them … but they are there.

 

We might think we are no longer as good, worthy, or tarnished in some way once the storms of life hit and we are no longer box-fresh perfect.

 

But what if we believed that we were not just okay because we have had a few breaks along the way…but that we are more beautiful because of it? 

 

That our beauty actually lies within our imperfection and our transcendence of life’s slings and arrows?

 

That our uniqueness, flaws, scars, idiosyncrasies, are an integral part of the fabric that makes us imperfectly perfect?

 

That our survival and our ability to prevail in the case of hardship adds depth and richness?

 

This is life.

 

Not one of us gets out without getting a bit battered along the way, as well as screwing up royally a few times ourselves too.

 

No one, anywhere, at any time, has lived a perfect life.

 

Maybe it’s time to let perfectionism go for the mirage it is.

 

We are all good people; doing the best we can, with what we have, and what we know.

 

And you know what – that’s perfectly good enough right there.

 

What say you? Ready to relinquish the mirage of perfection for a little kintsukuroi? To fill our scars with liquid gold? To celebrate their beauty because we survived?

 

We are all worthy, not just despite the breaks we have experienced, but because of them. 

 

P.S. Three ways we can work together:

Book: Start using the 16 easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas.

Course:  Dive into this short course and get your mind on what matters most…feel different inside and out in just 2 weeks, 14 Day Real Self-Care Kickstart.

Academy: Want to waitlist for The Coaching Academy for 2023? Your best self awaits. Jump on the list here.

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2022 Emotional Honesty My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Wonder…or weapon?

Ah, big thought for you today…and a very cool graphic:

 

Worry is essentially wondering about whether something bad is going to happen to us or not. Wondering is our imagination on fire. But is it

 

Wonder…or weapon? 💣

 

That stuff you are worrying about? 99% of it is not going to happen.

 

😯 Worry is literally using your own imagination AS A WEAPON – AGAINST YOUR SWEET SELF.

Image: https://www.yeahitschill.com/

​​​​​​​

Please expend your precious mental and emotional energy filling your head with:

 

❣ Fun and splendid plans.

 

🌟 Uplifting daydreams and imaginings “wouldn’t it be cool if…”

 

❣ Appreciation for people and things in your life – big or small.

 

🌟 Connecting to your miraculous body and whatever it is doing right now so capably for you.

 

❣ Planning a treat, a phone call, an adventure for someone you care about.

 

Your imagination can be your greatest asset, or the source of self-inflicted wounds.

 

Wonder…or Weapon…?

 

You decide.

 

P.S. Wondering how you can do something positive for yourself today? Wonder no more. You can get my book: 101 Self Care Ideas that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath for just $17 (instead of $29) today. Grab it here. It’s pretty. You will love it.

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2022 Energy Boosters My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Need more sunshine in your pocket?

Sometimes (actually most of the time!) self-care can be SIMPLE…for example….

 

It’s less sunny in the winter (duh!) which has all sorts of impact on our delicately balanced circadian & ultradian biorhythms that govern our body’s performance & moods.

 

Despite the very real impact of the seasons on our physiology, life does not stop – we continue our commitments & obligations with no adjustment whatsoever to the very real seasonal impact on our body and mind.

 

Our internal rhythms may change quite significantly yet we expect – of others and ourselves – to continue with the demands of life as if nothing is any different.

 

One of the biggies here is the amount of sunlight we get.

 

Sunlight is a significant provider of Vitamin D in our bodies, as well as being involved in the regulation of serotonin (happy hormone) & melatonin (sleep regulating hormone). It’s also crucial to our mood & sleep levels.

 

Feeling a bit blue in the winter is a definite sign to try to get more blue sky in your day.

 

The obvious and fuhreee choice is, if you can work your day around it, to try & get a walk in at lunchtime. Go grab your sushi from the place four blocks away so you can get in your 15 minutes of sun rays.

 

Other options include checking out light boxes, lamps & alarm clocks that wake you with simulated natural sunlight, there are some excellent ones on the market.

 

My preferred option for a sunshine injection however, is obviously to get on a plane & head for the sun if time and budget allow & get in a winter sunshine break. For health reasons, of course!

 

Today, your self-care mission is to get at least 15 minutes of sunshine, and know you are doing great things for your body and mind as you make it happen. All the small things add up.

 

PS.  All small self-care actions ADD UP. They have a cumulatively positive effect on your body and mind. You can get 101 (very satisfyingly tickable! ✅) ideas in my new book 101 Self-Care Ideas that are not that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath! Click here to get inspiration and snappy action on tap. Did I mention it was tickable? So motivating! ✅

 

{ NB: If you think you might be suffering from a case of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) you should visit your GP ASAP. A continually super low mood in winter can require medical intervention.}

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