Categories
2020 Communication Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy

What You Seek Is Seeking You

Ever feel like things just work out for other people more easily than you, or that life just not unfolding quite as it should.

Do you feel stuck in the struggle? I get it – and I see it – A LOT – with my clients, and I want to help you with that yucky feeling of stuckness today.

So, here’s the thing.

If you are feeling stuck about something it’s because your thinking is stuck about that issue.

If you want to get unstuck you have to be prepared to find a new way to think about that topic.

You can’t expect things to be different but your thinking to stay the same. Period.

Now, this may sound easy, but it isn’t. I see this often.

People desperately want a certain part of their life to be different in some way but they are utterly resistant to changing their point of view on it.

So they keep thinking the same negative thought pattern about it, over and over – for months, years, decades even – and they can’t understand they remain stuck in the same unwanted place.

If you think life is one long series of disappointing situations then it’s going to be one long series of disappointing situations. You are going to miss the small moments of good things that are literally littered through your day, as you will automatically filter them out. The shy smile from the guy on the bus. Missed it. The easy park you got right outside. Missed it. The compliment someone tried to pay you on your shoes. Missed it. Getting the last brownie in the store. Missed it. It will be a disappointing day. The person who doesn’t email you when they said they would. Saw that. The guy that pulled right out in front of you. Saw that. The rain cloud looming. Saw that. Very disappointing.

You get what you look for.

 In fact, you get more of what you look for.

 It’s self-perpetuating.

If you think that life is one never-ending struggle of never enough then that’s what it’s going to be. The free coffee on your coffee card. Missed it. The two for the price of one in the pharmacy. Missed it. The complimentary blow-dry. Missed it. The insurance paying out after a little dink in the car. Missed it. Hitting the car being terribly inconvenient. Saw that. The 10cent increase in gas. Saw that. The colleague that got a raise but you didn’t. Saw that.

What you notice and appreciate grows. Things to appreciate begets more things to appreciate. What you notice and denigrate grows. You notice more and more things to feel bad about.

If you want a life where you believe things are always working out for you your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life where you know there will always be enough your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life full of love and lightness your thinking needs to reflect that. That’s what you need to look for.

It’s very easy to get stuck in a loop where we are endlessly playing the same record on a particular issue. The “I’ll never meet anyone” track. Or the “Things work out for everyone but me” track. Or the “I hate my job” track.

It takes effort, willpower, willingness, and consistency to change the tune. The problem is we want to wait for the circumstances to change before we change the song. For the new lover to appear. Or the lottery win. Or the passion-filled new job. The trick is knowing that the fastest route to getting those things is to change your tune ahead of time. Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet said “what you seek is seeking you”.  It is. The way to speed up it finding you is to change your tune.

When you change the way you think about things, things change.

Happens every time.

What can you change your tune on today?

Because what you seek IS seeking you – if you look for it.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy

Why worrying makes bad stuff happen!

Worrying is a pointless activity. Fact!

Worrying is focusing on a fear that is not currently present.

It’s worrying about a thing that may or may not happen later.

Most of the time it doesn’t even happen, but all that mental energy, emotional energy and headspace is gone, you can’t get that back.

And here’s another thing. Worrying actually makes the thing you are worrying about more likely to happen.

Yep, that’s right.

Worrying actually makes the thing you are worrying about more likely to happen.

How?

Well, firstly, worry makes you filter. Filtering is selective awareness of what’s going on around you. Our brains are built to filter because otherwise we couldn’t cope with the sheer volume of information around us.

Here’s an example of filtering. I got a new car a couple of years ago. I wasn’t that fussed about what I got as long as it was small enough so I could park it  (ie. v small) and that it wasn’t another unreliable money eating machine.  I settled on a blue Mazda 3 , never really seen one before but it ticked all the boxes and we got a good deal. Then, when driving about in the shiny new reliable blue Mazda 3 a funny thing happened. They are EVERYWHERE! Blue Mazda 3’s? Every third car is a blue Mazda 3. So many in fact that twice I tried to get into the wrong parked car (der…that’s why we now have a sticker on the back window to stop me doing that).  Blue Mazda 3’s are super common but I honestly had never noticed one before I bought one, then I see them everywhere. Why? Filtering. My brain is filtering for the thing I put my attention on so I see it everywhere.

It’s how the brain works. So, if you are worrying about a thing, you are actually far more likely to find evidence for it as you have primed your brain to search for it. That makes worries far more likely to become real.

Reason number 2 that worrying makes the thing you don’t want more likely to happen is the basic Law Of Attraction. The more thoughts you put out there by continually worrying about a scenario you don’t want, the more likely The Universe is to energetically bring that back to you. That might be too woo-woo for you but I can assure you that it’s the truth. The Universe is programmed to bring you what you want. And it assumes that what you want is what you think about all the time. Worrying is a repetitive thought pattern. Hence, that’s what you are far more likely to get.

So, whether you like the brain science filtering explanation or the more woo-woo Law Of Attraction one, you can see that worrying is bad. And pointless.

Worrying is meditating on the thing you don’t want to happen.

So, stop it!

Decide what you DO want to happen, however unlikely that may seem, and focus your thoughts and energy on that.

It will make a HUGE difference to how enjoyable your day is and the outcome of the thing.

Have a great worry-free day.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Love Your Work

How to know you are living your purpose

I was ill a while back, in bed feeling sorry for myself surrounded by a sea of tissues. It was the day the cleaners come but nevertheless I just couldn’t drag myself out of bed. They will just have to clean around me I sniffed.

Jilly, my sweet and spritely South African cleaner, chatted away as she dusted. She had some holidays coming up over the next few weeks and she had to take her leave as she couldn’t carry it over any more.

“Are you going somewhere nice?” I mumbled, thinking a bit of Fijian sun was exactly what I needed to get rid of my cold.

“Oh no” she said brightly “I shall be at home. My husband is away on business so I am going to have a GOOD SPRING CLEAN without him in the way!”

She said it with such utter relish I would have been floored had I not already been lying down.

“But Jilly, you’re a cleaner. You clean all day! Every week! You are going to spend your holiday cleaning? Voluntarily?” I was incredulous.

“Oh yes” she said with utter conviction and glee, no doubt thinking of the sparkling clutter free cupboards in her spring clean “I love it!”

And there you have it. Someone who is living their purpose in the most joyful way.

It just goes to show that there is a perfect role out there for us all. And that our perfect role might be someone else’s worst nightmare but there is a place where we can all find our perfect fit. Where we are contributing to the world in a way that is far more than going through the motions or doing it for a paycheck. Where we are bringing joy to others and joy to ourselves.

In my job I see many people who are most definitely not living their purpose and helping them figure out what it actually is, is a whole heap of fun. But it is a rarity that someone walks into my office declaring “I love my job I do!” so I treasure Jilly for being one of those rare people who have naturally found their purpose and is living it with such surety and joy.

How do you know you are living your purpose?

Here are a few questions to ponder:

  • If you had all your monetary needs taken care of would you still want to do what you do for free?
  • If you unexpectedly have to do some work at the weekend are you resentful about it or does it not really bother you?
  • Do you lose yourself in your work and find the hours fly by as you are immersed in what you are doing, or do you find you are clock watching the minutes creep by?
  • Would you read books about your day job on the beach for pleasure?
  • Is checking emails on holiday a resentful chore or does it not really bother you at all.

I believe there that we all have a place where our unique skills, aptitudes, interests personality and passions meet where we feel truly engaged with our work. Finding it can be tricky but it is so worth the effort. It doesn’t mean there are not still bad days, or that we don’t enjoy the money, but life comes from a very different place when we connect our unique gifts with our profession.

Action Step:

Ask yourself those exploration questions. If the answer is a no to more than 2 then you may not be living your passion. If you need extra help to figure out what might be a fulfilling way to earn a living, check out my Life Coaching Academy Wellbeing Warriors.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Sick & Tired of feeling Sick & Tired

Why being “over it” is actually a good thing…

Call me crazy but I love hearing when clients or friends are “totally over it”. When they can’t look at another “fat picture” or drag themselves into the office for another soul-destroying day. I know that may seem mean because it means they are miserable, but I think of being over it, really, really over it, as a special kind of breakthrough.

There are two stages.

The early-stage where we just like to just talk about being “over it”. We actually secretly enjoy talking about our awful boss, or our nightmare mother. When people are really, truly over it however, they don’t want to talk about it. They have talked about it to death but that hasn’t made them thinner or their relationship happier or their career more lucrative.

When people are truly over it they can actually hear themselves repeating those same old lines and they are sick of hearing themselves. Moaning no longer cuts the mustard. We are actually boring ourselves.

Being “over it” feels awful. It can feel like despair, it can feel like we have no real options or choices, it can feel like nothing we might do will make a difference. It can feel lonely. It can feel isolating. But in actual fact when you strip this away rock bottom can be fundamentally liberating.

When we are so sick of a situation in our lives the choice has to be change.

Changing either how we choose to think about the situation or changing the situation itself. When we start to open the mind to the fact that there has to be another way then hey presto some solutions will start to present themselves. “Over it” becomes the first step on the pathway to something far better. When we reach rock bottom and are sick to death of a situation it can be just the springboard we need to move to a far brighter future.

Here’s the funny thing about being “over it”. You can’t really get over it, skip it, miss out the pain or the hassle or the scariness of sorting out whatever situation it is you are over. You can’t actually get over it without going through it. The way out is through whatever change is required not over. We are creatures of comfort as a rule so we tend to avoid the tough stuff, the convo with the boss about the payrise or the missed promotion, the meeting with the neighbor about their continually barking dog. But this is the way over to the other side of our pain, to front up and deal with whatever it is. To go through to come out the other side.

Good stuff starts to happen when the pain of being “over it” becomes greater than the perceived fear of changing the situation or our thoughts about it.

Learning not to be afraid of, or to resist “over it”, but to welcome it, can transform how quickly we move forward in life.

As the great Harry Potter author JK Rowling (and let’s face it she’s done okay latest novel notwithstanding!) famously said “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I built my life”.

Action Step: in what area of your life are you ”over it”? An energy-sucking friendship? A tired and outdated kitchen? Being unfit? Identify it and then choose to either change the way you feel about it or change the situation.

Remember the way out isn’t over it is through.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happy People Don't Do Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Resilience

Your Bedtime Story

What goes on between our ears has the biggest determination over what goes on in our hearts and in our lives.

One of the biggest areas where we can trip up is when we get facts confused with stories, or “the truth” confused with fairytales.

Have a think about a time when you had yourself absolutely convinced something utterly catastrophic was about to happen.

Lying awake turning over the prospect of imminent doom played out in excruciating and panic-inducing detail.  We have all done it. And then…and then…well, nothing happening. NOTHING! The sky totally did not fall in. The fan did not get hit with anything. All that worry, stress, drama and excess cortisol production for nothing.

It can be weirdly tempting to play out a worst-case scenario story as a bizarre sort of double-think mental insurance to ward off against disappointment or rejection. If we have already considered the worst then maybe…maybe… it won’t happen.

However, it’s a far easier way to live to know that whatever comes up –  if it comes up –  you are smart and capable and you will react and handle it. And so, therefore, you choose to wait until such time that might be necessary and divert your attention to happier thoughts in the meantime.

The stories we tell ourselves in our heads have the very real capacity to destroy our peace of mind with far more regularity than any outside event.

Look at it this way. What bedtime story do you read your 7-year-old son/daughter/grandson/granddaughter/nephew/niece? Is it a) Charlie And The Chocolate Factory or b) Nightmare On Elm Street?  Right. You wouldn’t dream of divulging the tales of Freddie Kruger’s bloody mayhem whilst you tuck them up as you want that child to sleep soundly, yes? (preferably right through the night uninterrupted, of course). You want to create the best conditions to do that; you know the content you fill their heads with at that pivotal moment is key – so you choose with discernment.

It’s the same at the cinema.  We know the emotional impact of a good story and so there are standard content rating systems for movies. We know how powerful those stories in the screen are so we want to choose age-appropriately and with discernment for the audience. This is obvious in the movie cinema.

We want the right story playing for whoever is watching it.

And yet, and yet. We are nowhere near as careful stewards of our own bedtime story routine. Replaying the tricky conversation with the boss whilst we clean our teeth: bad bedtime story. Thinking about whether that client is going to be furious or not as we turn down the covers: bad bedtime story. Turning over the backhanded compliment our mother in law paid and worrying about how that may play out at the weekend family barbeque: bad bedtime story. Figuring out if that friend deliberately blanked us at the school gate as we have upset them for reasons we know not: bad bedtime story. No wonder we don’t sleep well, or our days are filled with worry.

Our peace of mind is determined by the tone and content of the stories we tell ourselves through our waking hours.

And as for the stories we believe and repeat in the dead of night? They are the most powerful of all.

Make sure you choose appropriate bedtime reading for yourself.

Sweet dreams.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Energy Boosters Live Happy Inspiration

From My Heart To Yours …

If you could only see what I see…

Life can be brutal.  It can batter us so much that we lose sight of who we are at our core. Disconnect us from our soul and our souls calling. Make us feel trapped. Or stuck. Or not good enough. Or like things work out for everyone but us.

Part of my job is helping people reconnect with their essential brilliance.  To learn to trust it again and move forward with confidence and purpose. To encourage them towards the light when they have been temporarily stumbling in the dark.

That first session when all seems lost, and they have lost faith in themselves – I have a secret: I know it’s all going to be okay, and I so wish they could see what I can see. See in themselves and for themselves.

If you need it I hope that you can see a bit of it today in yourself too:

  • If only you could see what I see you would see that you are good enough.
  • If only you could see what I see you would ever doubt yourself again.
  • If only you could see what I see you would recognise yourself when you shine.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know the path ahead for you is becoming clear and strewn with dazzling opportunities you are yet to glimpse.
  • If only you could see what I see you would walk into a room with so much confidence you would light it up.
  • If only you could see what I see you would tell them you would never let anyone speak to you that way again.
  • If only you could see what I see you would speak your truth unapologetically and out loud.
  • If only you could see what I see you would look in the mirror and know your beauty.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know you do way more than enough.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know that you are more than enough.
  • If only you could see what I see you would embrace your glorious imperfection and release the grip on perfect.
  • If only you could see what I see you would find the courage you need to make the changes you fear.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know there are diamond bright days ahead.
  • If only you could see what I see you would be sure their opinion of you mattered not.
  • If only you could see what I see you would trust that everything was somehow falling into place for you even though you feel they are falling apart.
  • If only you could see what I see you would worry less and play way, way more.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know it will somehow all work out just fine.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know right down to the depths of your soul how blessed and brilliant you are.
  • If only you could see what I see you would grab that chance with both hands and not look back.
  • If only you could see what I see you would look in the mirror and smile at your reflection with a wink.
  • If only you could see what I see you would know how much you are loved.
  • If only you could see what I see you would test your wings and fly.

Look harder today.

You might just surprise yourself with what you can see.

Categories
Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Summer Summer time

Make A Summer Wish List With This Magic Ingredient

There is little more annoying than seeing your Facebook feed jammed with loads of smiling faces at an event you so tooooootally would have gone to, had you only known it was on and got your shizzle together to get tickets!

We are spoiled for choice with events and entertainment at this time of year stretching right through to March and April.

So for your Best Summer take half an hour out of your week now to do your prep, gather your ingredients for your your best summer and head FOMO off at the pass.

You spend half an hour prepping dinner each night; you can find half an hour to prep your best summer!

Think Memory Making.  At it’s very essence that is what will create our best summer. Experiences, both shared and individual.

What would make you look back and smile?

Who is integral to that?

Where is special to you?

What or who do you wish you make time for every year but don’t?

I do this with World Of Wearable Arts every damn year: I forget just how much I want to go until I actually see it all unfolding live and I’ve missed the boat…again!

Not this year: I am getting my booking in now and heading off the FOMO at the pass for 2020.

If all this talk of planning is bringing you out in hives, remember that there is a strange irony to the fact that when we invest a little time and energy upfront in planning the highlights, we ironically seem to have more time, not less, to be spontaneous and grab the opportunities that just come our way in the moment.

Structure magically creates space.

So make a Summer 2019/20 wish list this week.

Share it with the people that matter.

A little planning now not only sets you up for the best summer of shared experiences, but also allows you to luxuriate in one of the most delicious emotional states there is: anticipation.

Anticipation is an instant emotional wellbeing booster.  It allows you to feel good not just doing the thing but for weeks or months ahead you get a little rosy glow as well as some pre-match feel-good chat.

Putting more anticipation into life is an easy way to up your happiness quotient very quickly.

Best summer and feeling good now: what’s not to like about that?!

Categories
4 Dimensional Wellness Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Relationships Summer

We MUST catch up before Christmas!

We must catch up before Christmas!” – how often do you hear that in the last few weeks before Christmas?

When there is no actual time to do anything about it?! How many times do YOU say it, when you know there is no way you can really make it happen at that point, and you have a weirdly guilty feeling that you might just have said the exact same thing to them last year?

Okay, so sometimes this is just a social nicety that we say when we know full well we don’t want to really see them, and that they, in return, have no intention of seeing us either. Fine fine. Social niceties make the world a smoother place to navigate. We all know the game.

There are however likely a heap of people you genuinely DO want to see. And for one reason or another, your priorities have slipped over the winter and the social connection has not been there during the hunkering down period.

The quality of our life is largely defined by the quality (and quantity) of our social connections and interactions. Those connections give our life richness, purpose and meaning.

Given that is the case it doesn’t do any harm for us to put some additional intentionality and priority round it today.

Riddle me this:

  • Who, when you actually consider it, haven’t you seen this past year that you really would like to?
  • Who lights up your world? Who is worth going out of your way for?
  • Who do you ACTUALLY want to see before Christmas?
  • Who isn’t physically near you but is incredibly important to you? Can you plan a trip? Failing that can you surprise them with a Facetime or Skype call?
  • Who has made a positive impact on your life this year? Why? How do you want to acknowledge that?
  • Who do you want by your side at Christmas? Who do you want by your side at New Year?
  • Who do you keep saying you must get together, but don’t? Do you really want to see them? If so, get it sorted. If no, stop saying it.
  • Is there anyone with whom you want to clear the air or make amends with? Clear the air, and feel free for the new year. 
  • Is there a group thing where you can kill multiple birds  – by hosting or attending – to connect with three or more of the above people?
  • Can you organise an active catch up that is not just coffee or wine? A walk in the bush? Swim at the beach? Surf? Playpark with the kids? A shared activity builds more memories and connection.

 Not all connection needs to be one on one, and time-intensive.

This is a great reflection exercise, to make sure you include all the people who are truly important to you.

Your best summer will be only best summer when you have the best people at your side.

 

Categories
Live Happy Inspiration Love the Skin You're In Love your body Positive Thought Strategy Self Care and Self Love Summer time

Refresh Your Health Goals

Last week we looked at adding a generous dollop of planning along with the sunscreen to make for an optimum summer.

This week your mission is to use this summer on ramp time to refresh your health goals.

In winter we hibernate and hunker down, it’s a natural process both biologically and psychologically driven by the season. We tend to withdraw a bit socially, eat a bit too much comfort food and wear waaaaay too much black.

Feeling the sun’s rays on our skin once again brings a natural inclination to look at our body and how we are treating it.

It’s an inspiration beneficial to harness and so this week dedicate a little time to refreshing your health goals for summer.

  1. What’s great about your health and wellbeing right now? What’s going well?

 

2. What healthy habits do you have already on lock, that you are committed to continuing even when it’s the crazy busy few weeks before Christmas and the weather is amazing and you have been invited to 4 BBQ’s? What’s non-negotiable for you?

 

3. Which aspects of your health are not where you want them to be right now?

 

4. Which one or two of these bother you enough that you are committed to taking action about them? (If it’s a long list, that’s fine, just pick the one/two that bothers you MOST and address that with focus and commitment, don’t try and do everything).

 

5. What are you going to do differently to address them?

 

6. What do you need to decide about your time and resources to make the change you desire happen?

 

7. Do you need to ask right now for any additional support or resources to make that happen? (Babysitter? New trainers? Meditation Course?)

Summer is a time where it is happily SO much easier to get up earlier, exercise outdoors, eat lighter foods and so on.

We have such an amazing tailwind with health and wellbeing in summer – an effortless push from Mother Nature to be our healthiest best.

All we need to do is get on board with our own summer health reset, starting today.

Categories
Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Love the Skin You're In Summer time

7 Questions to create your BEST summer yet

Ah, the smell of summer time in the air! Don’t you just love feeling the mornings getting lighter and the breeze getting warmer.

We all love summer and it’s definitely true that you can feel the collective mood of the nation rising as the sun starts to rise a little earlier each morning.

I have a new series for you today to inspire you to make Summer 2019/20 your best yet.

We all know summer’s going to be good…because…summer!!!…but I have 8 top tips for you over the next 8 weeks to amp it up to the max with your wellbeing in mind.

A little extra planning and reflection now go a really long way to making this your best summer to date.

So – today’s first tip

#1. Summer by design, not by default

If Summer 2019/20 is to be your most fun, most connected, most energising yet, then that’s unlikely to happen by accident.

We are far enough out on the run-up now that you can make some great decisions that will affect your level of ease and enjoyment the whole summer long.

So, spend a little time planning by using these 7 questions:

  1. What was great about previous summers that you absolutely want to do again this year?

  2. What would be the three things that would THRILL you to have happen this summer?

  3. What three new activities or occasions do you absolutely want to include this summer?

  4. What did you feel you might have missed out on last year? What could have been better?

  5. What, be honest now, is getting kinda boring doing summer after summer? What are you ready to stop or switch up?

  6. Where are you getting pulled into other people’s summer agendas in a way that really doesn’t work for you?

  7. What are your favourite summer traditions? Is there anyone additional you want to include, or a way you want to put a twist on or expand your summer tradition?

Making the most of our precious months of glorious weather and squeezing the maximum juice out of the summer means investing in a generous sprinkle of planning.

A little planning might not sound summer-sexy – but the results sure are.

When you get the summer you want and deserve by design – not by default.

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