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2023 Happiness Positive Thought Strategy

1 rule to be really successful at anything.

A question for you: How does anyone get to be really good at anything?

Look at the people you admire in any given field. Not necessarily famous people, or awards winners or whatever – just successful people. How do they get to be so successful? What’s the common theme that connects them? The winning golfer and the Always Onto It Mum, the high flying medic and the leading lady?

It’s very simple.

They focus on Their Own Stuff.

Which bit of your life are you doing really well in?

Guaranteed that’s the area where you are focussing hardest on Your Own Stuff. Happy marriage? Bet you are focused on regular loving communication, and date nights or whatever works for you.

Fit, strong body? Sure as eggs are eggs, you are focused on eating well most of the time, getting organised to put healthy meals together, and make exercise a regular thing. Focused on Your Own Stuff.

Beautiful immaculate home? I can guarantee you make time to organise the plumber to fix the leak pronto. You clean or get it cleaned every week. You fix up little maintenance issues as they arise. All. Your. Own. Stuff.

Where things have gone off the rails a bit is we are tending to spend too much time focused Not On Our Stuff. If the bod isn’t rocking we are likely continually prioritising other peoples needs and wants before the desperate whispers of our body.

If our business isn’t thriving in the way we know it could we are likely spending too much time on Facebook looking at other businesses banging on about how marvellously they are doing and thinking how our marketing doesn’t live up to theirs. Not Our Stuff.

Career not really flying like it should? Highly likely we have been too shy in stepping up or speaking up for fear of what others might think about us. Again: Not Our Stuff.

What is our stuff is what we can influence today?

Our stuff is figuring out the teeny-tiny actions and choices we can make that bring a bit more ease, flow and joy into each moment.

Our stuff is speaking up for ourselves.

Our stuff is prioritising our time and choices.

Our stuff is knowing we are not responsible for other people’s reactions.

Our stuff is taking a chance on our dreams.

Getting more focused on Your Own Stuff turns stuff around super quickly.

Good questions to get refocused on your own stuff are:

  1. This thing that’s winding me up / stressing me out – is this in fact my stuff. Or not? If it’s not your stuff – put it down!
  2. This thing that’s important to me that’s not going as well as I’d like – how can I focus on this more or differently in order to move it towards where I want it to go?
  3. If I weren’t worried about what anyone else thought of me/this what would I do? (N.B. What others think about you is THEIR stuff, not yours).
  4. Is there a “should” involved here? If there is it’s usually a big fat clue the issue in question is coming from someone else’s agenda not yours. ​​​​​​​Not. Your. Stuff.

Basic maths means that there are only 24 hours in the day, 525 600 minutes in a year. You get to say what quality of energy you bring to each of them. The reality is when we have our focus split across too many things, and too much stuff that isn’t ours we don’t get the success we seek in the areas that are truly important to us.

Number one tip to be successful at anything?

Focus. On. Your. Own. Stuff.

Categories
2023 Energy Boosters Happiness Self Care Sunday

This. Is. Real. Self. Care

My whole damn week went TOTALLY sideways this week, and I suspect I am not the only one. If you are in the same boat this Sunday I want you to know: YOU ARE DOING BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE!

​​​​​​​

Your brain defaults to seeing “The Gap” of where you want to be…the chores undone, the emails not replied to, the yoga class not made, the story not read, the kitchen bench not decluttered…you know, The Gap between YOU and Superwoman who is “on top of everything”.

 

This default perspective is unhelpful. Makes us feel bad. We need to consciously direct our brain to “The Gain” instead. The sore knee kissed better. The midday meeting that got an outcome. The lunch boxes were packed. The kindly Good Morning to the elderly neighbour. The bins put out. The swift lunchtime walk. The dentist appointment booked. The twenty six emails that DID get replied to.

 

Look. Life is LIFE. It will NEVER be complete til we are.

 

There will ALWAYS be stuff that’s UNDONE.

 

You can’t use DONE-NESS as your measure of how good your day was.

 

Train your brain to see not The Gap, but The Gain.

 

I promise you: you are doing better than you are judging yourself for.

 

Remove the unattainable yardstick of “done”, you will never reach it anyway.

 

Redirect your attention, and your COMPASSION to give your sweet self a break: I promise you, you are doing better than you think you are.

 

This. Is. Real. Self. Care. #thisisrealselfcare

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2023 Happiness Self belief Self Care Sunday

When “its complicated”

This week, an important perspective to consider in order to keep your mental health high, in these times when people will flake out on you at the drop of a text:

 

No-one is really EVER “too busy” for you.

 

If it’s truly important to them – THEY WILL FIND A WAY.

 

The truth of the matter is:

 

Something or someone else is more important. So, it’s being prioritised. Over you.

 

We say “it’s complicated” but… it’s not.

 

We excuse it under “he/she has got a lot on”

 

But the truth is that they care about something else MORE.

 

It’s literally that simple.

 

Please stop torturing yourself and making excuses for why that date / old friend / colleague keeps flaking on you.

 

They are just not that bothered is all.

 

Go pour your beautiful energy where it’s needed, valued and appreciated.

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2023 Happiness

Don’t call it too early

What do these things have in common?

 

The client who is distraught at the collapse of her marriage after finding her husband of 4 years had been cheating for 3, sure she would be a single mother forever and ever, and her life was over. O.V.E.R. A short time later, serendipitously meeting an old school friend, getting together, as an eager co-parent, and happier than ever before. “It was all worth it to be as happy as I am now, I’d never have found out how great things could be if I hadn’t gone through that”.

 

The client who was sure that the eleventy-billionth restructure at the corporate she had devoted the last 12 years of her working life to would end in redundancy. Which it did. Handily just before Christmas. “The market is so tight I’ll never find anything and Big Restructure Corp is all I know…this is a DISASTER”. She is already happy as a clam in a new role, in a medium-sized company with a whole different perspective on people management and culture – she is relaxed, sleeping well, and loving her work in a way she had forgotten she ever could. “Best thing everrrrrrr!” she laughs.

 

The old family friend who got royally blindsided by his business partner embezzling the company funds behind his back. A young family of 4 to support he never saw it coming. Total financial destruction. Overnight. “I had no choice, I just had to go and do this job that I honestly thought was beneath me. I would never have done that work before”. Turned out that the owners loved what he did so much they offered to fund a whole new business partnership that he ended up selling down the line for millions.

 

I could list dozens of these, and let’s be honest – you can too. A slew of personal anecdotes exist of someone “failing” cataclysmically, only to later snatch a much more prized victory from the jaws of defeat. What they “failed at” and left behind later becoming something they wouldn’t even want for themselves anymore. That what awaited on the other side of that failure was something so much shiner, a much bigger success they could ever have imagined for themselves.

 

The lesson in these common tales is that we tend to take score way too early. That if you are in the grip of what seems like an unmitigated failure right now, to see that perhaps…just perhaps…it’s a foundation leading you to something way superior. You just can’t see it yet. Perhaps it’s not a failure at all. Perhaps there was something you needed to learn there. Something you needed to let go of, in an albeit brutal fashion, in order to make way for something that will serve you better in the future.

 

Consider the possibility that it’s not a failure at all. Maybe it’s just incomplete success in disguise. Doesn’t that feel better? Whether it’s in the career area, or the money area, or the relationship space, or the owning your own home space or the health and fitness place – whatever it may be for you – maybe you are not in a place of failure at all. You are just in the transition phase of incomplete success.

 

So hold fast. Don’t call it too soon. The fat lady hasn’t even started warming up yet.

 

P.S. Want to change your life today? Join the Wellbeing Warriors Coaching Academy here…the gold standard in looking after your own mental health and physical wellbeing. You will never look back.

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2023 Good Enough Self Care Sunday

Are you stuck in a vicious cycle of non-acceptance?

One of the hardest lessons in life is accepting the fact that some situations will never go back to how they were.

The longer we wrestle with trying and wishing we could just “go back” the unhappier we will be. We can get stuck in a vicious cycle of non-acceptance.

Credit: Tiny Buddha

Acceptance of something treasured ending or breaking or changing is one of the hardest leaps in mind and heart.

However peace, hope and new beginnings are on the other side of that acceptance.
Sometimes we can only go forwards.

 

Even if we don’t like it, acceptance is the way

Categories
2023 Live Happy Inspiration Self Care Sunday

Where does personal growth come from?

This week I want to give you perspective on Where Personal Growth Comes From? Good question, right?

 

Well…it comes from THREE places:

 

1. From the crap that happens to us in life: unwanted CURVEBALLS force us to grow, whether we like it or not, to expand to cope with whatever craptastic event has come our way.

 

2. From positive circumstances that come into our life: new baby / new job / more money / OPPORTUNITIES that are welcome but stretch us to meet them.

 

3. When we CHOOSE to expand and grow as people by CREATING INTENTIONAL personal growth. This might be signing up for a half-marathon, or for a programme of guided personal growth like my coaching Academy. This is where you consciously choose you are ready to EXPAND who you are, and who you are BECOMING.

Image: Kaya Toast For The Soul

Notice the first two are largely PASSIVE: we grow by default because of what life throws AT us. It’s a kind of uncontrolled personal growth: it just happens TO us, we HAVE to grow to COPE.

The third option is OUR CHOICE. Its ACTIVE. It’s where we say to ourselves that we are READY for MORE of something in our lives. That we will DELIBERATELY CREATE

CHALLENGE for ourselves in order to grow and become the expanded version of ourselves we can be.

The challenge we choose in order to stimulate our personal growth might be PHYSICAL (learning to windsurf, dropping eating sugar), it might be MENTAL (getting on top of our finances or learning techniques to reduce overthinking), it might be EMOTIONAL (having that difficult conversation we have been avoiding) or it might be SPIRITUAL in terms of personal expansion (developing a meditation practice).

We CANNOT help but GROW through life because life WILL throw things at us – good and bad, wanted and unwanted – all the way through life…till the day we die! That is a fact.

What I find the coolest… is the people with the CAPACITY to SEEK ADDITIONAL personal growth through CHOICE. That they actively STEP TOWARDS expansion and make it happen for themselves through challenge, as well as the inevitable coping with what life brings.

(My Coaching Academy is like a COCOON for CHOSEN personal growth. An incubator for it. A safe, supported space where it can be created in a gradual but irresistible draw forwards. I bloody love that I get to create that for a living.)

However, you get your GROWTH, passively or actively, know that it’s all about a reaction to CIRCUMSTANCES.

Either your GROWTH RESPONSE to meet circumstances that happen TO you. This is inevitable. Plus, your GROWTH RESPONSE to circumstances you CHOOSE to introduce into your life in order to CHALLENGE and change you.

I want you to know, that although crap in your life does indeed make you grow, there are two other ways to do it! I call them the THREE C’s!

So, we have:

1. Curveballs &Crap

2. Challenges

3. Choice

Does this ring bells for you? You can let me know here if it’s a helpful perspective for you to consider! If you are ready for more of Option 3 “Choice” you can see how that would look for you here.

Some of us have done FAR too much of our growth in the first category… this is your sign to re-align those ratios!

Categories
2023 Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Time to stop with the “You should just…”

Recently, I observed someone who was sharing (with a certain amount of bravery I might add) the details of a breakup with a friend (sister?) in a cafe. They were met with a disappointing lack of empathy and a heap of really unhelpful “advice” they so clearly were SO not ready for.

 

It was hard to hear! This is what I would have liked the friend/sister to have known…

 

Just how annoying the “You should just…” is when you share something that is troubling you 

 

Some of the time we are just venting or processing out loud and not looking for input or solutions. Having a solution rammed down our throat and our hurt invalidated does NOT feel good and it not helpful!

 

We can all get better at this and model helpful behaviour so we have more chance of getting it in return later.

 

 “That sounds hard. Tell me more”

 

“That sounds really tough. Do you want to bounce possible solutions or do you just need to vent right now? What do you need? I’m listening”.

 

“I haven’t been in your shoes on this but I’d love to help you. What do you need most right now?”

 

If someone is ASKING for your input and advice – give it! That fresh perspective can be SO helpful. But…listen closely before you jump in…ARE they asking for it yet?!  Maybe the most helpful thing you can do in this moment is listen really closely and offer a shoulder.

 

If you are not sure if it’s time to offer possible solutions – just ASK! It’s hard to see someone we care about suffering, but timing is everything. You may have the perfect solution if perspective but they need to be READY to HEAR it!

 

Also, bear in mind…you can only ever know a small slice of what’s really going on for them. Even if you feel you have been directly in their shoes, YOU HAVEN’T!

 

So BE KIND

 

And if you are on the receiving end, don’t be be afraid to ask for what you need – people welcome clarity (even if that clarity is telling them to button it!) Listen to what’s helpful but only take what resonates.

 

Only YOU know what it’s like to BE YOU in the situation you are in. Take that support but also trust hard in your own intuition to know what’s right for you

Image: Tiny Buddha

 

PS. Want some non-preachy, helpful advice that works on YOUR timing?

I’ve got a lovely ways you can do that right now:

Book: Start using the easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas for only NZ $17 (that’s approx. $10 USD or £9 GBP). >>>Click here to learn more.<<<

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Change The Game ✨⁠

This random quote I came across nails everything I believe about wellbeing, and inspired me to offer you a lovely freebie too (link is at the end to grab it, just read on!)

 

Physical wellbeing is *obviously* really important.⁠

But it is often given far higher importance than our emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing.⁠

The interesting thing is that when we attend to our mental, emotional and spiritual health we start to feel comfortable in our own skin in a way we may never have done: and that becomes the foundation for almost effortless physical health choices.⁠

Those diets that stop, start, stop, start: you just start to eat healthy ongoing because you want to.⁠ It stops being hard, and becomes the obvious choice.⁠ Do the deep work and see it click into place.

That exercise habit wagon you have fallen on and off time and time again? You don’t need another 30-Day miracle boot camp promising you the world or a gym membership that lapses and you feel guilty about; you need to attend to your boundaries, learn why you self-sabotage and exactly how to stop it and, guess what…then you’ll exercise regularly because you want to, because it’s just what you do. No fuss. No struggle.⁠ Do the deep work and see it click into place. 

That crazy lack of rest and downtime, running on empty and lack of balance? Do the deep work and watch that fall into place without you trying. Start honouring your mind and body with appropriate self-care without force or guilt.⁠

If you are O.V.E.R. doing the same thing, listening to the same old promises, falling on and off the same ole wagon with the same ole excuses…⁠

Do. Something. Different.⁠

Learn how to take care of your wellbeing – emotional, mental and spiritual FIRST – and watch your physical wellbeing fall into place.⁠

Do. Something. Different. For. You.⁠

 

Do the deep work and see it click into place.

Something that the woman in the mirror will thank you for.⁠

You want change?⁠

You want to look different?⁠

Feel different?⁠

 

Then do different.

 

Do the deep work.

Change. The. Game.

 

PS. Want to do a little deep work: here is a LOVELY FREEBIE from me to you, and it’s the PERFECT TIME OF YEAR TO DO IT. Download my 7-Step Life Review Workbook here, grab a cuppa and a pen and dive in. Insight into what makes you tick awaits. For you. For fuh-ree. With my love!

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Private Life Coaching Self Care Sunday

The #1 quality that means people will get the most from life coaching is…

You know what is the #1 thing that means people will get the most from life coaching?

 

Having a clear idea on their problems? On their goals? Clarity on their desires? Awareness of their boundaries?

 

It’s not what you think.

 

My VIP clients and my amazing Coaching Academy members have ONE defining quality in common to get the results they do:

 

And that is READINESS.

 

🔥They are sick and TIRED of the status quo.

 

🔥They want things to be different MORE than they want to get sympathy when talking about them.

 

🔥They are ready to be CURIOUS about their patterns and choices (not judgmental, curious).

 

They are READY to leave the COMFORT BLANKET OF DISCOMFORT (yes, discomfort can be so familiar it feels more comfortable than change) (IKR)

If you want to change your life, and have the health, wealth, meaning, relationships you deserve you have to be READY to leave behind the comfort bubble of excuses, or of feeling sorry for yourself, or having other people feel sorry for you…

 

What you want is right on the other side of being READY for it.

 

READINESS is EVERYTHING.

 

And…the best bit?

 

It’s only one decision away 💛

 

What are you ready for ?

 

PS. Ready to work with me?! I hope so. Here are just three ways we can do that…

Book: Start using the 101 easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas.

Video Coaching:  Order a White Witch Video Note on any situation that is driving you up the wall and I’ll give you the tools and perspective you need to unlock it in a 72 hours turnaround.  You want coaching on demand? You’ve got it! White Witch Video Notes (Note: this one is Academy members ONLY )

Academy: My absolute number one recommendation is to join the Wellbeing Warriors Coaching Academy – there are so many modules in there to help you get unstuck. You will learn more about yourself and how to conquer your fear of change in a supported environment.  Life (and your busy brain!) will never be the same, you can check it out and join the WAITLIST right here: Wellbeing Warriors Coaching Academy

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2022 Emotional Honesty Self Care Sunday

Ever feel like everyone else kinda has their shit together, but you?

Sometimes (actually most of the time!) self-care can be SIMPLE…for example….

 

Ever feel like everyone else kinda has their shizzle together, but you?

 

If you ARE one of life’s gloriously creative, scattered, always running late, no idea where your car keys are, did I feed the kid/cat/parking meter people…I want to talk to you today and let you know….

 

THAT IS FABULOUS! You bring energy, and fun, and fabuloucity to this increasingly measured and judgy world.

 

Please – OWN YOUR FABULOCITY!

 

Please stop being down on yourself because you are not as “together” as some of your friends/family/colleagues.

 

And know this…YOU DO BEST WHEN YOU PLAY THE LONG GAME…so don’t worry about having your shizzle together and your hair perfect today…focus on the quality of your connections and direction over the long term, and in the words of the great Elizabeth Gilbert “embrace the glorious mess that you are”

 

I have so many clients and Coaching Academy members who were getting down on themselves before learning that it’s not just OKAY to be who they are, but to fully EMBRACE, OWN AND REVEL IN THEIR MORE FLEXIBLE APPROACH TO LIFE.

 

Set yourself free, darling, stop being hard on yourself for not having your shizzle  together – because – in the long run – it matters not! You categorically DO NOT have to have your shizzle together all the time, in order to have a radically successful life.

 

So – own it, if this is you!

 

P.S. Want to feel like you DO have your shizzle together for a moment?! Tick one thing a day from my snappy self-care inspiration, that isn’t the usual “drink more water, oh and have a bubble bath” yawnathon? My book is amazing value, super pretty and…it’s satisfyingly TICKABLE – nothing makes us feel more like we have it all together than a tick in a box! ✅✅✅ You can get it right here.

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