Tag: Goalsetting

19 ways to set your 2019 on FIRE!

Post author By Support Elf
Post date January 8, 2019
No Comments on 19 ways to set your 2019 on FIRE!

One of the greatest feelings is slipping into bed with fresh, clean, crisp new sheets. And, so it is with the clean sheet of a new year. A whole 365 days where we get to do better. Be better. Feel better. We can deliberately start afresh and draw a line under what’s been. Consign ignominious failures to the past! Stride out confidently into a new year unsullied by previous baggage! That new year crisp clean sheet feeling is hard to beat.

I thought I would create a series for you to implement this year; 19 strategies to set your 2019 on fire. One a week to ponder, to implement, to integrate. So we get to Easter feeling progress has been made, and things have most definitely been done. Layering progress up each week in a gradual rising tide of wellbeing, rather than self-starting 25-well-intentioned resolutions that have all fallen over by Anniversary weekend!

The process of expansion is part of the human condition, to want to be content but still have that desire to expand, progress, reach for more. And the fact of the matter, is we fall into a really common trap, especially at this time of year. We want different, we really do, but we approach getting it in the same way that we have failed to get it in the past. We start the same diet or exercise or meditation routine with familiar high hopes only to have it fizzle out just like last year. And the year before.

The thing is, if you want different, you gotta do different! And to do different you have to think different. And to think different – that takes new strategies being applied with consistency. It’s choosing the new path over the default, which is easy when there is that rush of new year enthusiasm and we are all rested and relaxed at the bach, but is considerably more challenging when we are back in the routine of the 9 to 5 and the pick ups and early starts and it’s raining and we can’t get a park.

So, we are going to step through 19 strategies together that will stretch and challenge you in 2019 – but not so much that you don’t have time to put them in place. Small but powerful steps forward. Each week we will layer them up so you can implement them as we go. It might be something to do. Something to think. Something to say. Feel free to buy yourself a journal to accompany the series where you can make notes or track your progress. If you ask me nicely I will also make the series into a downloadable e-book for you at the end so you have it for easy reference. Am I good to you or what?!

One final note before we kick off 19 ways to set your 2019 on fire in mind, body and spirit: if your media feed is anything like mine it’s already crammed with ads trilling “New Year! New You!” I’d just like to say for the record: you absolutely don’t need a “new you”. The you you are is perfectly imperfect just as you are. Committing to an evolving you? Fantastic. A you expanding with personal growth and insight? Bring it on. You, actively creating more health and happiness? Yell to the yes. An expanding, evolving you: I am absolutely down with that. But a “new you”. I don’t buy into that at all. It is heavy with the implication that you now, the “old you” is somehow broken, and I don’t dig that in anyway. We are all the sum of what’s past, and we start from where we are with what we have. We are all works in progress that continue to evolve, and anyone who implies you are broken in some way is doing you a disservice and/or trying to sell you something you probably don’t need by cunningly triggering the “not good enough” hot button. Step away and step forwards instead. The you you are is imperfectly perfect and ready for more: which is exactly how it should be.

Bring on 2019: I have a feeling it’s going to be a great one.

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Tags achievement, challenging beliefs, flexible thinking, Goalsetting, New Years Resolutions

Emotional Honesty Positive Thought Strategy Self Care and Self Love

Are you more disciplined than you think?

Post author By Support Elf
Post date December 4, 2018
No Comments on Are you more disciplined than you think?

Last week a chance meeting with another self-development devotee led to a fascinating question of, “What is discipline?” Initially, it was a conversation around exercise and fitness, but of course, it’s a much, much bigger part of life than that.

Discipline sounds hard and harsh, but actually, it’s about choice. That we always have a choice. In some situations, the choice might be between two or three pretty unpalatable options, but a choice nonetheless. Discipline is choosing when there is a choice to be made, even when that decision is a hard one.

Discipline is to KEEP CHOOSING in favour of that outcome or destination even in the face of opposition.

Discipline is gathering our reserves to overcome obstacles when it’s so much easier to quit. Discipline is choosing in favour of our values – living them – not just stating them, but making a choice of integrity in the moment (which is, let’s face it, when it counts). Discipline is choosing what we want most over what we fancy right now.

What does she fancy right now? Netflix and pizza on the couch. What does she want most? To fit into her skinnies and zip them all the way up – so that means choosing less of the pizza or having a run first. What does he say his values are? Fidelity and family. So, that means choosing to walk away from the flirty colleague in the bar at midnight, however flattering and ego stroking it might feel in that moment. She’s the boss, so it’s steeling herself to make an unpopular but right choice to restructure and follow it through with conviction however tough it may be.

Discipline is self-governance in action.

It’s choosing to do the thing you don’t fancy right now (pounding the pavement in the rain / making the zillionth lunchbox / answering tedious emails) in order to serve a higher, longer-term purpose (finishing the marathon / keeping the children well-nourished / holding a job and making money to live on).

We all have moments where we take the route of least resistance. Have the second helping even though we are totally replete. Skip the workout because we can’t be arsed. Give someone good feedback when it really wasn’t a job well done because we wanted to avoid feeling anxious with a hard conversation. Not walking away when we know we should have. Not stepping up or speaking up when we know in our gut it was the right thing to do.

That’s human nature and none of us is perfect.

I think many of us think we are undisciplined – but actually, we are far more disciplined than we think. I generally see that people are lacking discipline in only one or two areas of life, but in the rest, they operate with a steely determination come what may. Channelling the same discipline of showing up to work or for our children into showing up for our body at the gym is actually a process of applying something we already know how to do, just in a different area of life.

When we practice discipline we can put ourselves in line for a far greater emotional payout down the line. When you look at some of your greatest achievements and proudest moments, you will see that most of them were built on a strong bedrock of discipline.

Discipline is more than a decision.

It’s a life practice, an ongoing series of choices. Discipline comes from discipulus, the Latin word for pupil, which infers that it’s a part of a process of learning. And so it is. When we know better we can choose better. And keep choosing better.

Essentially, discipline boils down to this: The choice between what feels good now or what will feel truly great later.

Tags achievement, decision making, enjoyment, flexible thinking, Goalsetting

Dream and Goals Emotional Honesty High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Love the Skin You're In Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Relationships Self Care and Self Love

Change The Game

This picture meme I came across at random is everything I believe.

Physical wellbeing is *obviously* really important.

But it is often given far higher importance than our emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing.

The interesting thing is that when we attend to our mental, emotional and spiritual health (with smart, easy to apply coaching tools) we start to feel comfortable in our own skin in a way we may never have done: and that becomes the foundation for almost effortless physical health choices.

Those diets that stop, start, stop, start: you just start to eat healthy ongoing because you want to.

It stops being hard, and becomes the obvious choice.

That excessive habit wagon you have fallen in and off time and time again? You don’t need another 30-Day miracle boot camp promising you the world or a gym membership that lapses and you feel guilty about; you need to attend to your boundaries, learn why you worry about stuff and exactly how to stop it, and generally expand your level of self-awareness and trust: and, guess what…you’ll exercise regularly because you want to, because it’s just what you do. No fuss. No struggle.

That crazy lack of rest and downtime, running on empty and lack of balance? Do the deep work and watch that fall into place. Start honouring your mind and body with appropriate self-care without force or guilt.

If you are O.V.E.R. doing the same thing, listening to the same old promises, falling on and off the same ole wagon with the same ole excuses…

Do. Something. Different.

Learn how to take care of your wellbeing – emotional, mental and spiritual – and watch your physical wellbeing fall into place.

Do. Something. Different. For. You.

Something that the woman you want to be in 2019 will thank you for.

You want change?

You want to look different?

Feel different?

Change. The. Game.

Join 700 smart women in my life coaching Academy, and do wellbeing differently.

We have been doing it differently in there for 3 years now.

We have a formula that changes the game because it changes YOU.

If you are ready for real change; then I’m ready for you.

Join up right now, you won’t regret it!

Tags achievement, challenging beliefs, decision making, enjoyment, Find Your Passion, flexible thinking, Goalsetting, Happiness, high energy, Life work balance, positive thinking

High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Self Care and Self Love

Make A Joy List

By way of a pub quiz, a seriously startling fact has just come to my attention. It appears that Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, the movie, came out in 1986. Nineteen. Eighty. Freaking. Six! Whaaaaat? Feel free to take a moment to mop your fevered brow and wonder where on earth the last 30 years just went. How can that be? Anyone? Bueller?… Bueller?… Bueller?

It makes the immortal quote from Ferris himself even more poignant, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Well, we don’t want that. We want to pack it with as many joyful and happy moments as possible. So, I thought a Joy List could be in order today.

We want our lives to be defined by as much light, love, laughter, and joy as possible. The more of that we have the more resilience we have to weather the inevitable squally patches we will all encounter. The thing is, when we are head down, bum up, absorbed in busy-ness and getting things done, actively seeing joy can be something we defer to later. Let’s not shall we? Let’s take a moment today to stop and look around at what brings us joy so we can deliberately sprinkle more of that stuff everywhere.

Make your own Joy List right here:

3 places that make me happy:

How much time do you spend there? How regular is it? Can you find a way to increase that? What do you need to do to make that happen? Or, if it’s somewhere far afield – like Mexico, say – can you bring a bit of a feel good Mexico vibe to you? Taco night. Hang that Mexican rug on the wall that you promised you would when you bought it in that dusty market. Get some special tequila. Can you bring the essence of that joyful place to you?

3 people who bring me joy and uplift me when I spend time with them:

Note: it might not be the people you feel you “should” be putting down there. That’s okay. It’s your Joy List, no one has to see it but you. How much time do you spend with the people who spark joy for you? If it’s your cousin but you only see each other once every few months, it’s time to up the priority. Maybe you can FaceTime more or maybe it’s a great excuse to organise a girls’ trip to Melbourne. Subtly realign the way you spend your time to get more of the people who lift you up.

3 times I laughed out loud in the last week:

Studies show kids laugh hundreds of times a day. Pure spontaneous joy. Adults – not so much. Half a dozen at best. Our lol score is pitiful. Who or what makes you laugh? Genuine joyful laughter? Make deliberate plans to tickle your funny bone more often.

3 activities that light me up

Where do you lose track of time? Get so absorbed that the minutes or hours fly by. Surfing? Knitting? Cooking? DIY-ing? Hiking? How much time do you actually spend doing that stuff? As a percentage of your week or month? What can you gently let go of in order to allow a little more joy time in?

We all have the same 10,080 minutes in a week. The same 8,769 hours in a year. We can’t change that. What we spend them on, where we spend them, and who with – we can. Cramming as much joy into each seems like a good plan to me. Life does indeed move pretty fast. Look around once in a while, don’t miss it.

If you liked this blog, you will lovelovelove my Coaching Academy.

Tags achievement, enjoyment, Goalsetting, Happiness, Happy People, joy, positive thinking

Dream and Goals Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Self Care and Self Love

Why You Are Not Getting What You Want

Post author By Support Elf
Post date July 24, 2018
No Comments on Why You Are Not Getting What You Want

Here’s a thing I think is interesting. When we set goals for the year (or resolutions, intentions or whatever terminology floats your boat) we get locked in on what we are going to get. Maybe we are going to get fit. Get a fabulous booty. Get promoted. Get to run our own business. Get a motorbike licence. Get to our goal weight. The getting is all good: we need to get absolute clarity on what we are setting our sights on and why.

What we routinely forget to do, however, is shed light onto what we are going to give up to get the thing we want to get. It’s not as sexy or exciting a question, and it can feel a little pessimistic just as the energy of the new intentions are being set – but a little advance consideration as to what might derail you means you are so much less likely to self-sabotage your goal later. This is especially important if this is the same goal you have set for the last few years running and not achieved (weight loss or consistent exercise, anyone?).

In order to gain something significant in our lives, it’s likely that something else will have to be sacrificed in order to make that happen. At the end of the day, it’s just maths. There are only so many hours, so much energy and money to go round. We can pre-empt our goal being derailed due to overwhelm or the same old self-sabotage by getting clear upfront on what will go to make room for what we desire.

So – once you have decided what you want in 2018 – ask yourself: WHAT ARE YOU PREPARED TO GIVE UP TO GET IT?

It might be giving up the need to always be liked at work. Or giving up a lie-in at the weekend so you can join the cycling club. Or give up playing small or not speaking your mind at the PTA. Or give up making the same old excuses about not having time to exercise. Or give up saying yes when you mean no. Or giving up checking your phone in bed so you sleep better. Or giving up saying you’ll never meet anyone and go dating with an open attitude. Or give up spending time on/with certain people/tasks so you have the capacity to study. Or give up cooking from scratch each night so you have time to exercise. Or give up trying to please everyone all the time. Or give up having the house spotless so you have time to learn that new thing you have set your heart on.

In order to gain something significant, it’s likely you will have to sacrifice something else that will take you out of your zone of comfort. Figure out what’s previously blocked you or what no longer serves you and make the decision that what you want is a trade worth making.

Maybe you want to choose to give up the instant hit of gratification of playing on your phone in the evening to better connect with your loved ones. Or give up the lost hours of mindless TV in favour of reading more or joining that club. Or give up hiding behind “I’m fine”. Or give up hating on your body when you look in the mirror and praise it instead for what it can do. Or give up working through every lunch break. Or give up believing it’s your responsibility to make everyone happy so you can create a balanced life that allows your needs to be of equal importance. Or giving up routinely eating beyond physical satiety just because it tastes good.

We all know there’s no such thing as a free lunch. So, if you want to achieve something significant in 2018 get clear on what you are prepared to give up to get it. It’s right there if you want it enough.

If you liked this blog, you will lovelovelove my Coaching Academy.

Tags challenging beliefs, flexible thinking, Goalsetting, Happiness

Love Your Work Reduce Stress

2 Killer Questions To Beat Back To Work Blues!

Post author By Support Elf
Post date January 23, 2018
No Comments on 2 Killer Questions To Beat Back To Work Blues!

Happy Monday, people! For many of you today is The First Day Back At Work, and might be accompanied with that sinking feeling known as the Back To Work Blues, traditional in these parts late January each year. Well fear not good people, I have a top technique for you to get back into the swing of things.

There are two questions I recommend you ask yourself on Day 1 when you have the benefit of full energy and perspective having stepped back from the coal face for several weeks. When we are stuck on the hamster wheel of doing, doing, doing it can be hard to get the bigger picture we need to see what’s truly working for us and what’s not. When we are stressed and in the thick of it we tend to get caught up in the detail and just add more and more things to the To Do list. On Day 1 of a fresh new working year, whilst you have the benefit of a fresh and elevated perspective about what’s important it’s a great time to consider these two questions:

What’s one thing I am going to START doing in 2018?

What’s one thing I am going to STOP doing in 2018?

Deceptively simple questions. Rather than creating an exhaustive and overwhelming To Do list of goals, resolutions and projects that makes your heart sink just looking at it, try making a simple commitment on Day 1 to just one thing to START doing, and one thing to STOP doing that will refocus your energy on what you can control and kick your year off with focus.

So – you might want to START leaving on time on Tuesdays, or start filing emails as they come in rather than letting your inbox get out of control, or have one day a week that is designated meeting free so you can get bigger project work done. You might want to START making a regular lunch date with a mentor, or START fresh with a difficult client relationship or START speaking up for yourself more confidently.

You might want to STOP getting sucked into complaining conversations with Bob from Accounts or STOP repeatedly submitting your expenses late, or STOP bitching about the inventory system because it doesn’t actually change anything. You might want to STOP buying stuff from the vending machine or STOP being taken advantage of by a certain person who does not reciprocate. Or STOP habitually apologising when you haven’t done anything wrong.

Look at where your energy goes.

Who and what GIVES you energy and enthusiasm, and who and what DEPLETES it? There is a well-known quote that is variously attributed to Tony Robbins, Henry Ford and others that says

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

So if you want a little more from 2018, and are ready for more… maybe more fun, more responsibility, more growth…then you need to change something up. It really can be as simple as stopping something that after time for reflection doesn’t serve you (even though you may have habitually been carrying it out for years, decades even) and starting a life or work affirming attitude or behaviour that will have positive ripple effects through the year, starting something that you have no idea what the outcome or effects will be. But starting anyway.

So, if it’s your Day 1 today. Welcome back! Commit to something to start, and something to stop in 2018 and get set for a great year.

And for those of you who still have a week or more to go…enjoy… and have a cold one for the rest of us!

Tags challenging beliefs, decision making, enjoyment, feeling states, flexible thinking, Goalsetting

Happy People Don't Do Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Resilience

Why you don’t need a ‘New You’

Post author By Support Elf
Post date January 2, 2018
No Comments on Why you don’t need a ‘New You’

“Happy New Year! Happy New You!”

How many headlines will you see screaming that this month? Too many to count, I suspect.

I am going to be really subversive here (I know, I’m such a rebel) and kick off the first column of the New Year with a directly contradictory premise: You don’t need a “New You”.

The “You” you are is absolutely perfect in your imperfection. Anyone who tells you you are broken in some way is undermining your personal sovereignty. Especially anyone who tells you you are broken in order to sell something. You are not broken! You are whole and complete. Life and self-improvement is a PROCESS. A process means it’s ongoing. It doesn’t end until you do. It is never complete. Life is always in a state of beautiful incompletion.

We are all works in progress. For the whole of our lives. It is never “done”. It can never be done! We will be learning and growing into an ever-expanded version of our best self, our whole life. It’s a glorious process of growth. It’s about expansion and about improvement and inspiration. It’s about reaching a little higher, being a little braver, asking for a little more. It’s not about fixing something that’s broken. You are not broken and anyone who tells you you are is lying. Don’t believe them.

A New Year is simply a convenient time to dust off the cobwebs and assess where we are at with our life’s project. Our work in progress. It’s just a milestone in the journey. A reminder to pause and reflect.

So, this year I am offering you some different kinds of New Year resolutions. Ones that delight you rather than punish you. Goals that draw you forward effortlessly in the energy of growth rather than beating you up in the energy of “not quite good enough”. Principles that lift you up, rather than tear you down for not being smart, thin, fun, rich enough – or whatever.

Because you, you dear reader, are enough. Make your resolutions something that make your soul sing, not fill you with an increasing creeping feeling of dread. Resolve toward what makes you grow, not what you want to fix.

Resolve to laugh more in 2019.
Resolve to love more in 2019.
Resolve to smell the roses more in 2019.
Resolve to connect more in 2019.
Resolve to speak kindly to yourself, with love and compassion, in 2019.
Resolve to strive for progress not for perfection in 2019.
Resolve to honour your body and soul in 2019.
Resolve never to stop growing, learning and expanding in 2019.
Resolve to be all that you can be, the happiest version of yourself in 2019.

That’s what I wish for you. You are not broken. You never were. Embrace the glorious mess of all that you are and the beauty this year is going to unfold at your feet.

Happy New Year!

Tags challenging beliefs, enjoyment, flexible thinking, Goalsetting, New Years Resolutions, success

Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

6 Key Questions You Need To Ask Yourself To Review 2017

Post author By Support Elf
Post date December 5, 2017
No Comments on 6 Key Questions You Need To Ask Yourself To Review 2017

As John Lennon so beautifully sang “And so this is Christmas….and what have you done?”

Farewell

What would you like to farewell and leave behind in 2017? What have you outgrown? Perhaps it’s a relationship, or a social situation or obligation. Maybe you feel ready for a new career or a new location. What would you like to farewell, and gently close the door on?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Gratitude

What are you most grateful for in 2017? What worked out well for you, better perhaps than you anticipated? Who came into your life or stepped up in your life in a way that enhanced it? To what and to whom do you feel appreciative for their contribution to your life in 2017? Have you told them?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Accomplishment

What are your proudest achievements this year? Where did you give the most of yourself? When did you push yourself our of your comfort zone? Where and how did you grow? What are you finest accomplishments of the year?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lessons

What have you learned this year? About yourself? About others or the world? What do you want to repeat? Do more of? Less of? What worked? What didn’t? Why? What lessons do you wish to take from 2017?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Giving and Balance

Where did you give the most of yourself in 2017? Are you happy with where you put the share of your time, energy and attention? Are there areas where you wish you had invested more? Where do you wish you had given less? Where do you wish you had given more support? Where do you, on reflection, think you could have got more support? What are three ways you would like to balance your time or energy distribution differently in 2018?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Highlights

What were the best feeling moments of 2017? What are the highlights you will remember for life? Who and what made them special and why? What three words sum up 2018 for you personally?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Taking time, out of the hamster wheel frenzy of doing, to pause and reflect is so important. Effective change and growth comes from awareness of what’s working for us, and what is not. If we wish for a better tomorrow it is best built on the foundations of the lessons of today. I hope you can take a little time to just be this Christmas, and reflect on a good year well lived, and to build some anticipation for the brand shiny new one that is about to open up!

Tags achievement, Goalsetting, Happiness

Dream and Goals Live Happy Inspiration

What is at the heart of your resolution? Is it Resolve? – Part 3

Post author By Support Elf
Post date January 16, 2017
No Comments on What is at the heart of your resolution? Is it Resolve? – Part 3

Another part of our discussion on New Year’s Resolutions this week. I hope yours are coming along a treat! If not, I hope there is something here to inspire you to make that change you desire stick this year.

I want to start by looking at the language of the word ‘resolution’ itself.

New Year’s Resolution is a term that has become shared code for “this thing I do in January that I sorta kinda know won’t really last but I get really excited about for at least the first 4 days, then I just feel guilty and hope no one asks me about it”.

New Year’s resolutions have become a kind of collective joke we are all in on. We all go through the motions of discussing them together, and they sell a zillion magazines screaming about the “New Year! New You!” However, we start a resolution with the “oh well – at least you tried!” ringing in our ears almost before we start! No wonder the majority of resolutions fail at the first hurdle – our definition of resolution has become a communal byword for temporary intention.

Resolution is actually so much more than that.

Resolution means “the process of resolving a problem”.

It’s about being really honest and saying I have a problem that’s gone on for long enough – and I want a final resolution to it. It’s determination; a steadfastness; a firm choice. It’s putting a stake in the ground – this is a problem for me: I don’t want to live with it anymore: I am resolving it. It’s not about being interested in solving the problem. Or I kinda would like to have it go away. Or a want or a desire to have the problem solved, a “like to have”. It’s about resolving it will be so.

A resolution will fail unless it has true resolve at its core.

Resolve means doing whatever it takes. Resolve means re-prioritising. Resolve means change even if it’s uncomfortable. Resolve means saying no to something. Resolve means saying yes to something else. Resolve means This. Is. Happening. And I will make the rest of my life flow around it.

At the end of the day, the reason most New Year’s resolutions fade to grey within the first weeks or months is not that we don’t really, really want those things – but – that we intend and are interested in them happening more than we are absolutely resolved that they will occur. Essentially most New Year’s Resolutions are actually New Year’s Intentions in disguise.

An intention is easy to continue if the way ahead is clear and the sailing is smooth, but when the seas of life get stormy, you need that steely inner resolve to overcome bailing out when life gets busy. It is resolve that will keep going no matter what. It is true resolve that determines if you reach your destination come what may.

What’s at the heart of your resolution is mission critical. Is it a “like to have”, “interested in having” or is it true resolve? It’s a fundamental quality to know – the success of your resolution depends on it.

So, if your resolution has already slid quietly away, consider that perhaps it was not a resolution at all but an intention. That’s okay. It doesn’t have to be New Year’s Day for you to recommit – you can do it this very day. Start now. Resolve. Make it so.

Tags Goalsetting, New Years Resolutions, Resolve

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