Louise Thompson

Why You Are Not Getting What You Want

Here’s a thing I think is interesting. When we set goals for the year (or resolutions, intentions or whatever terminology floats your boat) we get locked in on what we are going to get. Maybe we are going to get fit. Get a fabulous booty. Get promoted. Get to run our own business. Get a motorbike licence. Get to our goal weight. The getting is all good: we need to get absolute clarity on what we are setting our sights on and why.

What we routinely forget to do, however, is shed light onto what we are going to give up to get the thing we want to get. It’s not as sexy or exciting a question, and it can feel a little pessimistic just as the energy of the new intentions are being set – but a little advance consideration as to what might derail you means you are so much less likely to self-sabotage your goal later. This is especially important if this is the same goal you have set for the last few years running and not achieved (weight loss or consistent exercise, anyone?).

In order to gain something significant in our lives, it’s likely that something else will have to be sacrificed in order to make that happen. At the end of the day, it’s just maths. There are only so many hours, so much energy and money to go round.  We can pre-empt our goal being derailed due to overwhelm or the same old self-sabotage by getting clear upfront on what will go to make room for what we desire.

So – once you have decided what you want in 2018 – ask yourself: WHAT ARE YOU PREPARED TO GIVE UP TO GET IT?

It might be giving up the need to always be liked at work. Or giving up a lie-in at the weekend so you can join the cycling club. Or give up playing small or not speaking your mind at the PTA. Or give up making the same old excuses about not having time to exercise. Or give up saying yes when you mean no. Or giving up checking your phone in bed so you sleep better. Or giving up saying you’ll never meet anyone and go dating with an open attitude. Or give up spending time on/with certain people/tasks so you have the capacity to study. Or give up cooking from scratch each night so you have time to exercise. Or give up trying to please everyone all the time. Or give up having the house spotless so you have time to learn that new thing you have set your heart on.

In order to gain something significant, it’s likely you will have to sacrifice something else that will take you out of your zone of comfort. Figure out what’s previously blocked you or what no longer serves you and make the decision that what you want is a trade worth making.

Maybe you want to choose to give up the instant hit of gratification of playing on your phone in the evening to better connect with your loved ones. Or give up the lost hours of mindless TV in favour of reading more or joining that club. Or give up hiding behind “I’m fine”. Or give up hating on your body when you look in the mirror and praise it instead for what it can do. Or give up working through every lunch break. Or give up believing it’s your responsibility to make everyone happy so you can create a balanced life that allows your needs to be of equal importance. Or giving up routinely eating beyond physical satiety just because it tastes good.

We all know there’s no such thing as a free lunch. So, if you want to achieve something significant in 2018 get clear on what you are prepared to give up to get it. It’s right there if you want it enough.

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