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Category: Positive Thought Strategy

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2023 Happiness Positive Thought Strategy

1 rule to be really successful at anything.

Asian woman holding eyeglasses having problem with eye blur vision

A question for you: How does anyone get to be really good at anything?

Look at the people you admire in any given field. Not necessarily famous people, or awards winners or whatever – just successful people. How do they get to be so successful? What’s the common theme that connects them? The winning golfer and the Always Onto It Mum, the high flying medic and the leading lady?

It’s very simple.

They focus on Their Own Stuff.

Which bit of your life are you doing really well in?

Guaranteed that’s the area where you are focussing hardest on Your Own Stuff. Happy marriage? Bet you are focused on regular loving communication, and date nights or whatever works for you.

Fit, strong body? Sure as eggs are eggs, you are focused on eating well most of the time, getting organised to put healthy meals together, and make exercise a regular thing. Focused on Your Own Stuff.

Beautiful immaculate home? I can guarantee you make time to organise the plumber to fix the leak pronto. You clean or get it cleaned every week. You fix up little maintenance issues as they arise. All. Your. Own. Stuff.

Where things have gone off the rails a bit is we are tending to spend too much time focused Not On Our Stuff. If the bod isn’t rocking we are likely continually prioritising other peoples needs and wants before the desperate whispers of our body.

If our business isn’t thriving in the way we know it could we are likely spending too much time on Facebook looking at other businesses banging on about how marvellously they are doing and thinking how our marketing doesn’t live up to theirs. Not Our Stuff.

Career not really flying like it should? Highly likely we have been too shy in stepping up or speaking up for fear of what others might think about us. Again: Not Our Stuff.

What is our stuff is what we can influence today?

Our stuff is figuring out the teeny-tiny actions and choices we can make that bring a bit more ease, flow and joy into each moment.

Our stuff is speaking up for ourselves.

Our stuff is prioritising our time and choices.

Our stuff is knowing we are not responsible for other people’s reactions.

Our stuff is taking a chance on our dreams.

Getting more focused on Your Own Stuff turns stuff around super quickly.

Good questions to get refocused on your own stuff are:

  1. This thing that’s winding me up / stressing me out – is this in fact my stuff. Or not? If it’s not your stuff – put it down!
  2. This thing that’s important to me that’s not going as well as I’d like – how can I focus on this more or differently in order to move it towards where I want it to go?
  3. If I weren’t worried about what anyone else thought of me/this what would I do? (N.B. What others think about you is THEIR stuff, not yours).
  4. Is there a “should” involved here? If there is it’s usually a big fat clue the issue in question is coming from someone else’s agenda not yours. ​​​​​​​Not. Your. Stuff.

Basic maths means that there are only 24 hours in the day, 525 600 minutes in a year. You get to say what quality of energy you bring to each of them. The reality is when we have our focus split across too many things, and too much stuff that isn’t ours we don’t get the success we seek in the areas that are truly important to us.

Number one tip to be successful at anything?

Focus. On. Your. Own. Stuff.

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2023 Love Your Work Positive Thought Strategy Private Life Coaching

What if it DOESN’T happen for a reason?

Businessman pushing big stone up hill. Business start up difficulty, work struggle or effort. Man pull heavy rock boulder. Debt, job task problem, office hardship. Hard way to top. Vector illustration

A little something on the blog today for those of you who are struggling through at the moment. If anyone is saying to you “everything happens for a reason!” and you want to SCREAM as they say that…well, I’ve got something for you today.

 

I am the Queen of Finding The Silver Lining. The Duchess of Making Lemons Outta Lemonade. The High Priestess of Making The Best Of Things. I believe we have so much more room for optimism in our daily lives than we tend to create. I believe life is our life coaching laboratory and we can learn and improve so much just by approaching the day to day with consciousness: observing the patterns and meaning in what is going on around and inside of us. However. Recently a good friend lost her husband and so there is also that. Another friend has breast cancer and undergoing chemo. Many of you have recently lost your houses or livelihoods in extreme weather events. I’ve just heard that a friend’s sister-in-law has sepsis and has lost both her lower legs.  Both!

 

Sometimes you simply cannot put a positive spin on things. Sometimes things really are just bloody appalling. And it’s okay to let them be horrendous and not pretend otherwise.

 

Sometimes there is no hidden meaning for us to wrestle with.

 

Sometimes people trill “It will make you stronger!” and “it’s all happened for a reason!” in a well-meaning fashion that totally subverts the scale of your personal tragedy…. it’s okay to want to high five them, in the face, with a chair.

 

Sometimes you need to know it’s okay not to have your game face on. It’s okay to find a quiet corner and try to absorb the blow.

 

In order to rally (and you will) you need to acknowledge and feel the sides of your loss – the breadth and the depth of it. But what you don’t always need to do is find a hidden meaning.

 

Sometimes crappy things don’t have a purpose. They are just crappy. And that’s how it is.

 

Sometimes things don’t make sense in the moment, and they may never do. There is no hidden meaning or purpose. They just are.

 

You can drive yourself bonkers trying to work out why it happened to you, or how it will ultimately serve you, or what you inadvertently did to make it happen in the first place or what the hell it’s supposed to mean.

 

Here’s the thing. Periods of intense suffering are part of the human experience. I wish it were not so but it is. Transcending those periods are also part of the human experience. Those that do that with the most speed and grace are those who acknowledge the reality and scale of what’s occurred and don’t bury it in burgers or booze or pretend it’s fine when it really is not.

 

It’s okay not to always be strong and to let your game face slip for a time. You don’t have to always be strong. You can drop the mask of hardihood for a time. It’s okay.

 

Sometimes bad things just happen. They come. You endure. You rise. You move on. Maybe not the same as before but onward you will go.

 

There doesn’t need to be a hidden message or for it all to make sense. Maybe it will, ten, twenty years hence. Maybe it was all for a reason. Or maybe, it wasn’t and it won’t.

 

So you will get through. You cry. You get seriously unproductive for a while. You drop a few balls. You reach out. You hunker down. You endure. And then you move on.

 

Sometimes things are just bloody shocking. It happens to us all at some point, in a variety of hideous guises. You don’t need to find a purpose for it; you need to persevere through it. Look for your perseverance. It’s there. Be strong: keep going.

 

P.S. If you want support from me in the form of weekly answers to your questions and personal dilemmas, as well as an incredible community at your back and more coaching tools than you can conceive of then do check out my Life Coaching Academy. It’s the gold standard in strategic personal support and I’d be honoured to assist you through whatever is going on for you. You can also check out my VIP package if you need help. I’m here 🙂

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2023 Positive Thought Strategy

Just because things could have been different….

I was out walking this morning, it’s been raining A LOT (I know many of you will relate to that!) and the river is in flood. It’s a beautiful walk that I do most mornings. Today however, I couldn’t cross the bridge because of the raging water, so I picked my way through the mud on the less sunny side.

 

It got me to thinking about how in life we often have pivotal moments in life where we are presented with the choice of two paths. We may have absolutely envisaged ourselves over the bridge on the sunny side, but for whatever reason that is not the path we end up on:

 

Maybe someone else closed the bridge

 

Maybe the bridge was impassable despite our best efforts 

 

Maybe we were just too damn scared ourselves to cross the bridge

 

The point is, there was a fork in the road and we took the other path. We took (whether by force of circumstance, someone else’s fuckery, or by our own hand) a different path.

 

We can look over to that sunny side of the river and think that’s where we “should” be. That’s what we planned for ourselves after all.

 

That relationship

That career move

That house

That town

That health situation

 

But here is the thing, as I walked down the shady side this morning. I saw some twittering wild birds, said hello to an elderly lady with her even more elderly dog, and…oh…stop…pause, be still…I saw a little rabbit just munching on his breakfast not 3 metres away from me!

 

Just because things could have been different, doesn’t mean they would have been better. 

 

That relationship really might not have ended up being all that down the road.

 

That career move you so wanted may not have led where you thought.

 

That house you set your heart on maybe there is a better one coming.

 

That town you thought wanted maybe there is something special in the adventure in your second choice you could never have anticipated

 

That health situation that is so awful when it’s so acute may lead you down a whole different life path with what you learn.

 

There is an amazing old proverb that says if we were to look at the total pile of someone else’s problems, on reflection, most of us would rather pick back up our pile of our own issues.

 

I think so too with our choices. Sometimes it takes a LOT of time and perspective (a lot of water under the bridge so to speak) to pass before we can see it, but very often when we look back, we would not swap back to our original path choice.

 

We can see with the clarity of hindsight that just because things could have been different, doesn’t mean they necessarily would have been better. 

 

That now, we actually wouldn’t swap.

 

We are right where we are meant to be.

 

This thought gave me a lot of peace this morning as I walked along, so I hope it reaches whoever needs to hear it today.

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2022 Happiness Love your body Positive Thought Strategy Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

So simple, but she blew my mind with this statement…

Last week I met a friend of a friend who is eight-and-a-half months pregnant and radiant. She eats well, exercises regularly, makes self-care a priority and the results showed. And that’s no mean feat when she also has two under 5 to cope with.

 

Complimenting her on this rosy glow she said something so simple yet so extraordinary that it really struck me. She said “Well, I like to take care of myself”. It wasn’t “because I’m pregnant I need to take care of myself”, or “I should have the drink green smoothie” type of thing. It was a simple statement of fact, completely free from the obligation usually associated with diet and exercise. “I like to take care of myself”.

 

It was a statement that came with no force, no “have to” no “should”. She likes to, so she does.

 

Many of us find making time to eat well and exercise regularly a hassle.

 

There is never enough time and it’s forever on the to-do list and I think that is because we don’t think what she thinks. We think “I should take care of myself” or “I need to take care of myself”.

 

The energy of these statements is quite different, one is an obligation, or a chore. “I like to take care of myself” however sounds like a very pleasurable hobby, with a pleasurable hobby kind of positive energy, an easy thing to do because it’s so inherently likeable.

 

“I should take better care of myself” = a PUSH, a push of motivation and willpower to do “the right thing”.

 

“I like to take care of myself” = an inspirational PULL towards doing the right thing, with clean open energy because of its inherent likeability.

 

True fact: Being pulled to do something we like is easier, more pleasurable and more sustainable than being pushed by willpower to do something we don’t really like.

 

So, I started to make a list of things I like – travelling, spending time with my partner, shopping for shoes, boxing, that feeling I get at the end of a good yoga class and so on.

 

All those things are no effort for me and making steps towards them is a pleasure, not a chore. Researching the next travel destination, booking the tickets, packing – it’s a magical pull towards what I love. I actually get this rush I call “airport joy”; that moment when the bags have been checked, the voicemail message changed and everything is done. A new adventure awaits and all there is to do is to sit with a good book and wait for it to unfold.

 

Yes, I love that. Airport Joy. And I think it’s the same for having a fit healthy body. If we can tap into that feeling of what we like, what naturally draws us forward then it ceases to be a chore, or a “should” and transforms into a pleasurable hobby.

 

Make a list of things that you like ... the beach, the bed, a good book, crochet, hang gliding. Start identifying what you like. Notice the change in energy. Tap into that pull forward. Then see if you can extend that to the simple but powerful belief “I like to look after myself” and see how many positive choices flow from that foundation.

 

Buddha said “With our thoughts we make the world”. And so it is with our thoughts we make our body.

 

“I like to take care of myself” is a pretty damn good place to start. Pull, don’t push, towards the vitality you want.

 

PS. If you like to look after yourself, let me give you 101 ideas of how you can do that today…in a gorgeous tickable format, you can dip in and out of…one tick each day!

Click here and it’s on its way.

Categories
2020 Communication Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy

What You Seek Is Seeking You

What You Seek...

Ever feel like things just work out for other people more easily than you, or that life just not unfolding quite as it should.

Do you feel stuck in the struggle? I get it – and I see it – A LOT – with my clients, and I want to help you with that yucky feeling of stuckness today.

So, here’s the thing.

If you are feeling stuck about something it’s because your thinking is stuck about that issue.

If you want to get unstuck you have to be prepared to find a new way to think about that topic.

You can’t expect things to be different but your thinking to stay the same. Period.

Now, this may sound easy, but it isn’t. I see this often.

People desperately want a certain part of their life to be different in some way but they are utterly resistant to changing their point of view on it.

So they keep thinking the same negative thought pattern about it, over and over – for months, years, decades even – and they can’t understand they remain stuck in the same unwanted place.

If you think life is one long series of disappointing situations then it’s going to be one long series of disappointing situations. You are going to miss the small moments of good things that are literally littered through your day, as you will automatically filter them out. The shy smile from the guy on the bus. Missed it. The easy park you got right outside. Missed it. The compliment someone tried to pay you on your shoes. Missed it. Getting the last brownie in the store. Missed it. It will be a disappointing day. The person who doesn’t email you when they said they would. Saw that. The guy that pulled right out in front of you. Saw that. The rain cloud looming. Saw that. Very disappointing.

You get what you look for.

 In fact, you get more of what you look for.

 It’s self-perpetuating.

If you think that life is one never-ending struggle of never enough then that’s what it’s going to be. The free coffee on your coffee card. Missed it. The two for the price of one in the pharmacy. Missed it. The complimentary blow-dry. Missed it. The insurance paying out after a little dink in the car. Missed it. Hitting the car being terribly inconvenient. Saw that. The 10cent increase in gas. Saw that. The colleague that got a raise but you didn’t. Saw that.

What you notice and appreciate grows. Things to appreciate begets more things to appreciate. What you notice and denigrate grows. You notice more and more things to feel bad about.

If you want a life where you believe things are always working out for you your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life where you know there will always be enough your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life full of love and lightness your thinking needs to reflect that. That’s what you need to look for.

It’s very easy to get stuck in a loop where we are endlessly playing the same record on a particular issue. The “I’ll never meet anyone” track. Or the “Things work out for everyone but me” track. Or the “I hate my job” track.

It takes effort, willpower, willingness, and consistency to change the tune. The problem is we want to wait for the circumstances to change before we change the song. For the new lover to appear. Or the lottery win. Or the passion-filled new job. The trick is knowing that the fastest route to getting those things is to change your tune ahead of time. Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet said “what you seek is seeking you”.  It is. The way to speed up it finding you is to change your tune.

When you change the way you think about things, things change.

Happens every time.

What can you change your tune on today?

Because what you seek IS seeking you – if you look for it.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Resilience

5 Signs You Are Being True To Yourself

Girl on motorbike

It’s an interesting thing – some people just seem to be born knowing who they are and even from a small child you see them plough their individual furrow in life.

Their way, right from the Get Go. Right outta the gate, they are true to their unique take on the world and their place within it. The majority of us though…It. Takes. Time. So much people-pleasing to be done first, no! Decades of it! Myriad school, qualification, partner, career, home choices, and so on to be made to fit the vision that other people have or expect.

How does it look when you start trusting your own version of you? How do you know when you are starting to live more truly to yourself?

1. You can give yourself permission to change your mind
And – you can change your mind without calling it quitting and beating your sweet self up over it. You just know it’s not right for you. Maybe it was before. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was a mistake all along. But – regardless of what other’s judgement might be about you saying the course – you know it’s wrong and you give yourself permission to change direction anyway

2. You’ve outgrown a few relationships or situations and you are not clinging or feeling guilty about it.
Life is all about growth: internal and external, and it’s at different speeds and directions for us all. And that’s okay. You may outgrow friendship groups. Or relationships, or careers, or countries and all of that is ok. We are not meant to stay the same forever, and nor is anyone else. In such a global world of possibility and opportunity, our personal journeys are meant to overlap with many others – and we might be on parallel tracks for a bit and then one or the other might speed up. We are not left behind or in front. We are just on different tracks and that’s more than ok. Release with love.

3. You realise that life doesn’t feel good, all of the time, and that’s ok too.
This is a biggie. The “pursuit of happiness” after all is drummed into us left, right and centre from before we can walk. But – as humans we are created, programmed, to experience and process a range of human emotion: not just happiness. We might be happiness seeking machines, but we are also programmed to feel sadness, guilt, irritation, boredom, anger, resentment, fear. When we can observe these emotions for a moment without frantically trying to escape them (Booze! Drugs! Overworking! Exercising like crazy! Food! Sugar! Pizza! Oh, go on then just one more slice! Wine! Just a quick one!) we can discern what their message to us is – and how to course-correct ourselves. That it is actually easier to navigate which way happiness is when we know where it isn’t, and we can refine the road all the way. That it’s actually just more efficient to allow ourselves to feel sad, or scared or bored, to move through that feeling – than it is to keep and avoiding feeling it with one more wine. When you are being true to yourself you are being true to what you really feel.

4. Some people like you, some people don’t and that’s ok.
7 billion people on the planet. They ain’t all gonna like you and approve of you and all your choices. It’s an impossibility to even try. You do you. Let them do them. Don’t sweat the haters. Stay in your integrity. The more you love your choices the less you need other people to.

5. You have boundaries that you hold, no matter the consequences.
When you start realising that your boundaries are not things you put up to beat other people with, but merely lines in the sand that keep YOU safe, that you can stand behind – and other people can choose accordingly – that is a huge step on living a life that is true to yourself.

To be able to say “this is ok for me, and this, this is not, this I will not tolerate” and then let others choose how they will behave around you. There is an enormous sense of peace in that. Most will respect your boundary, and say “of course, that is no problem, I had no idea that was so important to you” and a few will not and test if you really mean it. Being able to voice a boundary is huge. Being able to stand firm on your boundary, and know what is a non-negotiable for you IS being true to you. At its very essence, it is where you – stand up and show up – for you.

To being true to yourself, my friend.

 

Louise Thompson signature

 

 

 

 

 

Louise working on her laptop with coffee in hand

Thank you so much for stopping by! I’m Louise Thompson: life coach, author and newspaper columnist – and I hope my words have lifted your day or given you something to ponder.

 

I’d love to send you Wellbeing Wednesday – my weekly newsletter with a fresh new blog stuffed with non-preachy wellbeing to get you inspired each week. My readers tell me I have a spooky knack of knowing just what’s going on for them and it’s like I read their mind! You can join my 20 000 readers and sign up just here and I will see you on Wednesday!

 

If you are ready to have me in your life as your coach, well I’d love that too. You can jump into my daily coaching Academy right here and we can get started – it’s my proudest life’s work and it changes lives, minds and hearts daily. If you are looking for more ease in your mind and your soul: I’ve got you. Have a sneak peek of what’s in store for you here.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Self belief Yoga

Dancing On The Edge Of Discomfort

Pretty yogi girl stretching

I have a yoga principle for you today  –  that is also, in my opinion, a life principle.

In yoga teaching land we say “Work to your edge”.

Sounds very cool.

But…when I first started yoga waaaayyyy back many moons ago, and the teacher encouragingly whispered “Work to your edge, Louise” to me the first time, I thought… “edge of what, lady?!” I didn’t know what she was on about.

I later found out that “Working to your edge” means to take it to your “comfortable maximum”.

Basically, this is the place at the top of your body’s ability.

The edge of challenge and failure.

The place where if you worked any less you’d be slacking, any more and you’d fall on your ass or hurt yourself.

It’s a fine line, your edge.

I like to say it is “Dancing on the edge of discomfort” 

And here’s the important thing to know…

The edge of discomfort IS WHERE WE GROW.

That is where we find just how much we can expand our heart, our skills, our capacity, our LIFE.

The place where we are challenged, scared we will fall on our ass, fail, or fly.

Our edge for growth right now may be in business (do I try for that promotion? Start my own business?) in love (do I get vulnerable? Do I ask him/her out?) or in our body (do I take that crossfit class? Sign up to that race?).

In order to have a rounded, and expansive life we are touching our edge in all directions…

(when we are not, and we are too long in the comfort zone…that’s being “stuck in a rut”).

Taking it to the edge  – THAT, my friends,  is how we grow as humans.

(It is also what every module of Wellbeing Warriors is cleverly crafted to do).

To help you, in a safe, structured way, dance on the edge of your discomfort.

So, you can expand your self-awareness and skills and grow into the next level of yourself, 

To take you to experiencing your edge in a way you know you will not fall.

Growth  – in any area  of life  – does not happen in your comfort zone,

It happens on your edge.

So – today, my friend, find a way to test where the edge of your comfort zone lies.

Find that place between failing and flying.

And reach a little further,

Dancing on the edge is where all the good stuff is to be found.

You’ve got this.

Reach.

Categories
2020 Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Post Lockdown Reduce Stress Simplicity and Time Management

Tame That To Do List

To Do List

Habits Of Happiness – Expectation Management

Here is an interesting phenomenon. In my experience, people tend to seriously OVER estimate what can be achieved in the short term, and UNDER estimate what can be achieved in the long term.

For example, if you are anything like me you start the day with a To-Do list thinking, yep, I can crack through at least 8 of those things today! Bring it on! I have a vision of crossing things off in a frenzy of activity, getting to the end of the day with a list satisfyingly scored with black lines detailing what has been accomplished. But yet, in reality, I will have a super busy day, and yet only 2 things get crossed off.  Some days not even that!

I was bemoaning this fact to my partner. He asked “How was your day”, and I responded “Good, but… I didn’t get done everything I wanted to get done”. “You ALWAYS say that!!!!” he said. “Always”. Irritatingly when I thought about it he was absolutely right. Almost every single day I would be beating myself up about the things I had NOT done. Rather than celebrating the progress on the things I HAD accomplished. I had fallen straight into the trap of overestimating what can be achieved in the short term, and it was sucking a bit of joy out of each (actually pretty damn productive!) day.

When we routinely overestimate what we can achieve in the short term it can create a whole heap of stress and overwhelm. By overestimating just how much can be done in a day we end up beating ourselves up for not being efficient enough. Organised enough. Quick enough. Good enough. It’s actually a pretty tiring pattern.

It’s a good observation, and I know I am not alone. My smart, high achieving, professional clients are usually in the same boat. It’s a good exercise to do a little expectation management on ourselves to reduce stress.

Interestingly this phenomenon seems to go hand in hand with underestimating what we can accomplish in the long term.

We can get so caught up in the frenzy of everyday life that we fail to put our head above the parapet long enough to set some real stretch goals for ourselves, big dreams that can be realised if we plan them properly with a 12-month time frame. Because we are so busy it’s easy to dismiss those dreams as just dreams, or too big to be reached so why bother. Whereas if we put our minds to it and break it down into the tiny steps we discussed last week, that big dream can become a big goal with a deadline that we can actually accomplish if we consciously choose it.

The secret to achieving more of the big stuff and reducing stress with the small stuff is to practice expectation management. Expect a little less of yourself daily, but a little more of yourself long term. It’s a subtle but effective shift in perception that can make a big difference.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

  • What DID I accomplish today? (not what did I NOT do!)
  • What are the three things I will accomplish this week come hell or high water? What are my real priorities this week?
  • What are three small things I can do this week that will step me towards my long term goals?

Action Step:

Cut yourself a little slack today, know you won’t get everything done on your list that you want to get done, BUT commit to putting into place at least one big, energising blow-your-mind dream that you can steadily move towards over the next 12 months.

You will surprised how much you can reduce the stress today, and increase the accomplishment in tomorrow.

Categories
2020 Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Self Care and Self Love Simplicity and Time Management

5 Things I no longer have time for…

Bet you can’t guess #3!

You can call it a post-Lockdown burst of clarity, or just getting older and wiser…but here are 5 things I have decided I am done with.

Being Done With feels incredibly relieving and I have a real sense of lightness about it – like having a really nice internal spring clean. What is also incredibly pleasing about being Done With 5 things…is that it opens up SO much emotional capacity, physical space and T I M E to do things I really care about.

I hope it might inspire you to do your own list …what are you Done With?

Here are mine for your inspo!

So, good people,  I Am Done With:

  1. Hangovers

So yeah, this is a big one to start with. I’ve been an enthusiastic drinker of alcohol all my adult life. It’s been at the centre of every celebration, commiseration and Friday night since the year dot. It’s been part of the best of times and the worst of times.

My shy, underconfident teenage self used it to make herself feel interesting and to burst through the thick layer of excruciating self-consciousness at house parties. My older self used it to make other people feel interesting at boring dinner and industry parties.

It’s been my constant companion in my ever-changing social setting all my adult life. Not so much the last 10 years or so, but y’know, a few wines a few times a week. A very normal amount. Certainly not a problem amount, just a few wines, like you do.

Then – in October last year – after one too many – I decided to Break Up With Booze. That I was D.O.N.E. For 30 days. But then…here we are in June – and I am STILL DONE! I’ve done sober birthdays, Christmas, black-tie speaking events, weddings, you name it I have done it with nothing stiffer than a soda and twist of lime.

And do you know what’s been the MOST surprising thing about it? After DECADES of social and convivial drinking, the absolute SHOCKER to me as been HOW FREAKING EASY IT HAS BEEN TO JUST STOP.

Just like that. I’ve had a drink on 3 occasions, and that’s IT. Not been drunk at all. Not even tipsy. Essentially, I have raised a few glasses in toast and that’s it.  And it’s been AWESOME.

I LOVE not drinking. I had NO IDEA that would happen. I LOVE having more energy and sparkle. I LOVE how much longer the weekends feel.

It’s taken my breath away how EASY it’s been, and how I have ZERO desire to go back. I’ll have the odd glass a few times a year if I want, or not if I don’t, but that’s it.

I’ve learned a LOT about doing it the easy way, the psychology of embracing a hangover-free life – and I’m going to teach it in a Sober October course later in the year – you can check out my Academy here if you are curious.  It really is about doing it EASY, without force, and I’m excited to teach that in-depth later in the year.

  1. Being Over Busy All The Time

Okay – second thing I am just DONE WITH is Being Busy All The Time. Being that person who is racing from one thing to the next all the time. Feeling like I am never “finished” and that there is always one more post to write, one more of my voluntary commitments that needs attention, something I should be doing for someone, some chore I should be on top of.

I have taken the enforced state of No Obligation during Lockdown to really prune my obligations. It’s meant making some hard decisions about what to let go of and gracefully release. And – do you know what…it’s EXTRAORDINARY!

Getting to the end of the day and feeling a sense of accomplishment that I have created all that I promised myself this day – but – that I am done for the day, and that things are not hanging over me. That there is more time and space to enjoy what I am actually creating (writing this for y’all, for example) rather than just wanting to get it ticked off so I can get onto the next thing.

I teach a concept called Life Maths to my clients and Academy members – and, y’know what people: IT WORKS. Less truly is more. Less obligations, less To Do’s equals more space more depth, more connection, more learning, more enjoyment, more fun. Life is just BETTER.

Doing All The Things  (just because you are capable and you can) is totally overrated, and I am cheerfully Done With It.

Life Maths is included in my 30 Day course Goals With Souls course in the Academy – you can dive in today for just $39 if you want to create more space for what you want in life.

  1. Ironing

Just – nah. Life is too short to iron. I only buy stuff that doesn’t need ironing. And I’ve got rid of my ironing board. Hurrah for me.

  1. Not feeling “cool enough”

I think this has been another benefit of lockdown – because NO ONE has been doing anything, all the FOMO just disappeared for us all. Poof! SO NICE!

It’s made me realise that actually a lot of the things I enjoy – ARE NOT COOL – BUT I DON’T CARE! Yes, I superlove catching up with a friend with an expensive mocktail in a nice bar wearing cute shoes…but …also…I really like switching my brain off and doing a jigsaw. SO uncool – right?! But…I’m done with caring. I like what I like. And I’m all in with it.

Bring on the jigsaws. I’m all about it.

Yoga. Yes, love it. Completely reconnecting with it.

Binging on Personal Development books and courses.

Being coached. Yes yes yes.

  1. 10,000 Steps a Day.

Mmmmm I know, that’s the Gold Standard number of steps we should all be doing every day. And if you are not, you are some sort of sedentary sloth-like loser. Well, y’know what – I am not buying into that anymore. The right number – for me – is 5000.

If I do more than that – that’s a bonus (and most days I do) – but I am not going to let the Steps Police live in my head when they are not aware of all other good stuff I do each day for my body.

I don’t want to feel BAD about my steps – when I am so active in a variety of ways each day that don’t get counted (except by my BODY, which – DUH – is the only ACTUAL place that they DO count!) – and I REFUSE to be held captive to a baseline that was set by a Japanese marketing agency in the ’60s (google it).

10000 steps DOESN’T WORK FOR ME, I am – quite cheerfully – done with it.

We use a much more evolved system in the Wellbeing Warriors Academy which you are welcome to dive into the two 30 Day courses on it, on-demand here called Witness The Fitness, and NEAT Up.

So – that’s my hot 5 things I am done with:

  1. Hangovers
  2. Being Busy All The Time
  3. Ironing
  4. Not feeling “cool” enough
  5. 10000 Steps a Day

What are YOU done with? I’d love to know.

You can find me on Facebook and / Instagram right here:

 

 

And you can work with me daily here.

Categories
2020 Communication Emotional Honesty Happiness Love your body Love Your Work Positive Thought Strategy Resilience Self Care and Self Love

Relationships: How to get EXACTLY what you want (at work and home)

Relationships

Not getting what you want? Look at what you are giving.

Here’s an interesting thing. We are often not getting what we want. We may not be getting the money we feel we deserve. Or the amount of love and affection we want. Or the recognition we want. Or the help and support we need.

Not getting what we want is kinda part of the human condition.

What can we do about it?

Mostly what we do about it is have a nice big fat moan. Right?!

“My boss just doesn’t appreciate me like he should.” “My husband should support me more around the house.” “My mother is never loving towards me.” “My friend is never really interested in what I am doing, she never asks.”

Venting feels good.

It also keeps us focused on what we are NOT getting. The LACK or absence of the thing that we want.

Which doesn’t make much of a difference. If any. The situation will generally just perpetuate. We remain unloved. Disrespected. Undervalued. Unsupported. Whatever.

Here’s the thing: We can’t magically change other people to give us what we want.

We are not in direct control of that.

But, what we ARE in control of is ourselves. And what makes a powerful difference in these situations is to turn the question around. Instead of looking at what we are not getting, look at what we ARE in control of instead – and that is what we are GIVING.

Now I know when you feel hard done by the last thing you want to do is give MORE. I totally get that. And that’s not exactly what I mean. Dig a little deeper.

“If you are not happy with what you are getting –  have a good think about what you are giving.”

When I asked Janelle, who was feeling very let down by her husband for not supporting her fledging business, when was the last time she had demonstrated her support for his work she drew a blank. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had even asked him about his day let alone his work she was so wrapped up in her new project!  She was expecting him to do something for her she wasn’t prepared to do in return. She was, in fact, getting exactly what she was giving. Nothing.

When Polly was seething about her ex-husband continually disrespecting their longstanding childcare arrangements, I asked when she had last demonstrated respect for herself and re-stated her boundaries clearly, calmly and firmly, detailing the consequences of crossing those boundaries – she hadn’t. She was asking him to give her more respect for her boundaries than she was demonstrating to herself. She wanted him to respect what she wasn’t even prepared to respect herself enough to voice out loud.

Caron was fuming that her husband made a comment about how she looked in a particular outfit. When she looked at what she was actually giving in terms of respect to looking after her body and being appreciative of her own body she was hard pressed to answer with any positives at all. She was asking him to love something she was repeatedly saying and thinking was unworthy of love. She wanted him to give her something that was the exact opposite of what she was giving out.

Here’s the thing: We get back what we give.

If we disrespect our own boundaries we should be less surprised that others disrespect them too. If we do not love and appreciate our body we make it harder for others to do so. If we are always looking at how much money we don’t have and give out that message of “not enough” then we are going to get a feeling and a reality of not enough money.

This awareness is a GOOD thing. Because all of this is in our own hands!

We have the power to change up the dynamic and when we change what we give out we will get something different in return.

To paraphrase the great Rolling Stones… You can’t always get what you want.

But if you try sometimes (and look at what you are giving not just at what you are not getting) you might just find, you get what you need.

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