Categories
2020 Communication Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy

What You Seek Is Seeking You

Ever feel like things just work out for other people more easily than you, or that life just not unfolding quite as it should.

Do you feel stuck in the struggle? I get it – and I see it – A LOT – with my clients, and I want to help you with that yucky feeling of stuckness today.

So, here’s the thing.

If you are feeling stuck about something it’s because your thinking is stuck about that issue.

If you want to get unstuck you have to be prepared to find a new way to think about that topic.

You can’t expect things to be different but your thinking to stay the same. Period.

Now, this may sound easy, but it isn’t. I see this often.

People desperately want a certain part of their life to be different in some way but they are utterly resistant to changing their point of view on it.

So they keep thinking the same negative thought pattern about it, over and over – for months, years, decades even – and they can’t understand they remain stuck in the same unwanted place.

If you think life is one long series of disappointing situations then it’s going to be one long series of disappointing situations. You are going to miss the small moments of good things that are literally littered through your day, as you will automatically filter them out. The shy smile from the guy on the bus. Missed it. The easy park you got right outside. Missed it. The compliment someone tried to pay you on your shoes. Missed it. Getting the last brownie in the store. Missed it. It will be a disappointing day. The person who doesn’t email you when they said they would. Saw that. The guy that pulled right out in front of you. Saw that. The rain cloud looming. Saw that. Very disappointing.

You get what you look for.

 In fact, you get more of what you look for.

 It’s self-perpetuating.

If you think that life is one never-ending struggle of never enough then that’s what it’s going to be. The free coffee on your coffee card. Missed it. The two for the price of one in the pharmacy. Missed it. The complimentary blow-dry. Missed it. The insurance paying out after a little dink in the car. Missed it. Hitting the car being terribly inconvenient. Saw that. The 10cent increase in gas. Saw that. The colleague that got a raise but you didn’t. Saw that.

What you notice and appreciate grows. Things to appreciate begets more things to appreciate. What you notice and denigrate grows. You notice more and more things to feel bad about.

If you want a life where you believe things are always working out for you your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life where you know there will always be enough your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life full of love and lightness your thinking needs to reflect that. That’s what you need to look for.

It’s very easy to get stuck in a loop where we are endlessly playing the same record on a particular issue. The “I’ll never meet anyone” track. Or the “Things work out for everyone but me” track. Or the “I hate my job” track.

It takes effort, willpower, willingness, and consistency to change the tune. The problem is we want to wait for the circumstances to change before we change the song. For the new lover to appear. Or the lottery win. Or the passion-filled new job. The trick is knowing that the fastest route to getting those things is to change your tune ahead of time. Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet said “what you seek is seeking you”.  It is. The way to speed up it finding you is to change your tune.

When you change the way you think about things, things change.

Happens every time.

What can you change your tune on today?

Because what you seek IS seeking you – if you look for it.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Resilience

5 Signs You Are Being True To Yourself

It’s an interesting thing – some people just seem to be born knowing who they are and even from a small child you see them plough their individual furrow in life.

Their way, right from the Get Go. Right outta the gate, they are true to their unique take on the world and their place within it. The majority of us though…It. Takes. Time. So much people-pleasing to be done first, no! Decades of it! Myriad school, qualification, partner, career, home choices, and so on to be made to fit the vision that other people have or expect.

How does it look when you start trusting your own version of you? How do you know when you are starting to live more truly to yourself?

1. You can give yourself permission to change your mind
And – you can change your mind without calling it quitting and beating your sweet self up over it. You just know it’s not right for you. Maybe it was before. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was a mistake all along. But – regardless of what other’s judgement might be about you saying the course – you know it’s wrong and you give yourself permission to change direction anyway

2. You’ve outgrown a few relationships or situations and you are not clinging or feeling guilty about it.
Life is all about growth: internal and external, and it’s at different speeds and directions for us all. And that’s okay. You may outgrow friendship groups. Or relationships, or careers, or countries and all of that is ok. We are not meant to stay the same forever, and nor is anyone else. In such a global world of possibility and opportunity, our personal journeys are meant to overlap with many others – and we might be on parallel tracks for a bit and then one or the other might speed up. We are not left behind or in front. We are just on different tracks and that’s more than ok. Release with love.

3. You realise that life doesn’t feel good, all of the time, and that’s ok too.
This is a biggie. The “pursuit of happiness” after all is drummed into us left, right and centre from before we can walk. But – as humans we are created, programmed, to experience and process a range of human emotion: not just happiness. We might be happiness seeking machines, but we are also programmed to feel sadness, guilt, irritation, boredom, anger, resentment, fear. When we can observe these emotions for a moment without frantically trying to escape them (Booze! Drugs! Overworking! Exercising like crazy! Food! Sugar! Pizza! Oh, go on then just one more slice! Wine! Just a quick one!) we can discern what their message to us is – and how to course-correct ourselves. That it is actually easier to navigate which way happiness is when we know where it isn’t, and we can refine the road all the way. That it’s actually just more efficient to allow ourselves to feel sad, or scared or bored, to move through that feeling – than it is to keep and avoiding feeling it with one more wine. When you are being true to yourself you are being true to what you really feel.

4. Some people like you, some people don’t and that’s ok.
7 billion people on the planet. They ain’t all gonna like you and approve of you and all your choices. It’s an impossibility to even try. You do you. Let them do them. Don’t sweat the haters. Stay in your integrity. The more you love your choices the less you need other people to.

5. You have boundaries that you hold, no matter the consequences.
When you start realising that your boundaries are not things you put up to beat other people with, but merely lines in the sand that keep YOU safe, that you can stand behind – and other people can choose accordingly – that is a huge step on living a life that is true to yourself.

To be able to say “this is ok for me, and this, this is not, this I will not tolerate” and then let others choose how they will behave around you. There is an enormous sense of peace in that. Most will respect your boundary, and say “of course, that is no problem, I had no idea that was so important to you” and a few will not and test if you really mean it. Being able to voice a boundary is huge. Being able to stand firm on your boundary, and know what is a non-negotiable for you IS being true to you. At its very essence, it is where you – stand up and show up – for you.

To being true to yourself, my friend.

 

Louise Thompson signature

 

 

 

 

 

Louise working on her laptop with coffee in hand

Thank you so much for stopping by! I’m Louise Thompson: life coach, author and newspaper columnist – and I hope my words have lifted your day or given you something to ponder.

 

I’d love to send you Wellbeing Wednesday – my weekly newsletter with a fresh new blog stuffed with non-preachy wellbeing to get you inspired each week. My readers tell me I have a spooky knack of knowing just what’s going on for them and it’s like I read their mind! You can join my 20 000 readers and sign up just here and I will see you on Wednesday!

 

If you are ready to have me in your life as your coach, well I’d love that too. You can jump into my daily coaching Academy right here and we can get started – it’s my proudest life’s work and it changes lives, minds and hearts daily. If you are looking for more ease in your mind and your soul: I’ve got you. Have a sneak peek of what’s in store for you here.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Self belief Yoga

Dancing On The Edge Of Discomfort

I have a yoga principle for you today  –  that is also, in my opinion, a life principle.

In yoga teaching land we say “Work to your edge”.

Sounds very cool.

But…when I first started yoga waaaayyyy back many moons ago, and the teacher encouragingly whispered “Work to your edge, Louise” to me the first time, I thought… “edge of what, lady?!” I didn’t know what she was on about.

I later found out that “Working to your edge” means to take it to your “comfortable maximum”.

Basically, this is the place at the top of your body’s ability.

The edge of challenge and failure.

The place where if you worked any less you’d be slacking, any more and you’d fall on your ass or hurt yourself.

It’s a fine line, your edge.

I like to say it is “Dancing on the edge of discomfort” 

And here’s the important thing to know…

The edge of discomfort IS WHERE WE GROW.

That is where we find just how much we can expand our heart, our skills, our capacity, our LIFE.

The place where we are challenged, scared we will fall on our ass, fail, or fly.

Our edge for growth right now may be in business (do I try for that promotion? Start my own business?) in love (do I get vulnerable? Do I ask him/her out?) or in our body (do I take that crossfit class? Sign up to that race?).

In order to have a rounded, and expansive life we are touching our edge in all directions…

(when we are not, and we are too long in the comfort zone…that’s being “stuck in a rut”).

Taking it to the edge  – THAT, my friends,  is how we grow as humans.

(It is also what every module of Wellbeing Warriors is cleverly crafted to do).

To help you, in a safe, structured way, dance on the edge of your discomfort.

So, you can expand your self-awareness and skills and grow into the next level of yourself, 

To take you to experiencing your edge in a way you know you will not fall.

Growth  – in any area  of life  – does not happen in your comfort zone,

It happens on your edge.

So – today, my friend, find a way to test where the edge of your comfort zone lies.

Find that place between failing and flying.

And reach a little further,

Dancing on the edge is where all the good stuff is to be found.

You’ve got this.

Reach.

Categories
2020 Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Post Lockdown Reduce Stress Simplicity and Time Management

Tame That To Do List

Habits Of Happiness – Expectation Management

Here is an interesting phenomenon. In my experience, people tend to seriously OVER estimate what can be achieved in the short term, and UNDER estimate what can be achieved in the long term.

For example, if you are anything like me you start the day with a To-Do list thinking, yep, I can crack through at least 8 of those things today! Bring it on! I have a vision of crossing things off in a frenzy of activity, getting to the end of the day with a list satisfyingly scored with black lines detailing what has been accomplished. But yet, in reality, I will have a super busy day, and yet only 2 things get crossed off.  Some days not even that!

I was bemoaning this fact to my partner. He asked “How was your day”, and I responded “Good, but… I didn’t get done everything I wanted to get done”. “You ALWAYS say that!!!!” he said. “Always”. Irritatingly when I thought about it he was absolutely right. Almost every single day I would be beating myself up about the things I had NOT done. Rather than celebrating the progress on the things I HAD accomplished. I had fallen straight into the trap of overestimating what can be achieved in the short term, and it was sucking a bit of joy out of each (actually pretty damn productive!) day.

When we routinely overestimate what we can achieve in the short term it can create a whole heap of stress and overwhelm. By overestimating just how much can be done in a day we end up beating ourselves up for not being efficient enough. Organised enough. Quick enough. Good enough. It’s actually a pretty tiring pattern.

It’s a good observation, and I know I am not alone. My smart, high achieving, professional clients are usually in the same boat. It’s a good exercise to do a little expectation management on ourselves to reduce stress.

Interestingly this phenomenon seems to go hand in hand with underestimating what we can accomplish in the long term.

We can get so caught up in the frenzy of everyday life that we fail to put our head above the parapet long enough to set some real stretch goals for ourselves, big dreams that can be realised if we plan them properly with a 12-month time frame. Because we are so busy it’s easy to dismiss those dreams as just dreams, or too big to be reached so why bother. Whereas if we put our minds to it and break it down into the tiny steps we discussed last week, that big dream can become a big goal with a deadline that we can actually accomplish if we consciously choose it.

The secret to achieving more of the big stuff and reducing stress with the small stuff is to practice expectation management. Expect a little less of yourself daily, but a little more of yourself long term. It’s a subtle but effective shift in perception that can make a big difference.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

  • What DID I accomplish today? (not what did I NOT do!)
  • What are the three things I will accomplish this week come hell or high water? What are my real priorities this week?
  • What are three small things I can do this week that will step me towards my long term goals?

Action Step:

Cut yourself a little slack today, know you won’t get everything done on your list that you want to get done, BUT commit to putting into place at least one big, energising blow-your-mind dream that you can steadily move towards over the next 12 months.

You will surprised how much you can reduce the stress today, and increase the accomplishment in tomorrow.

Categories
2020 Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Self Care and Self Love Simplicity and Time Management

5 Things I no longer have time for…

Bet you can’t guess #3!

You can call it a post-Lockdown burst of clarity, or just getting older and wiser…but here are 5 things I have decided I am done with.

Being Done With feels incredibly relieving and I have a real sense of lightness about it – like having a really nice internal spring clean. What is also incredibly pleasing about being Done With 5 things…is that it opens up SO much emotional capacity, physical space and T I M E to do things I really care about.

I hope it might inspire you to do your own list …what are you Done With?

Here are mine for your inspo!

So, good people,  I Am Done With:

  1. Hangovers

So yeah, this is a big one to start with. I’ve been an enthusiastic drinker of alcohol all my adult life. It’s been at the centre of every celebration, commiseration and Friday night since the year dot. It’s been part of the best of times and the worst of times.

My shy, underconfident teenage self used it to make herself feel interesting and to burst through the thick layer of excruciating self-consciousness at house parties. My older self used it to make other people feel interesting at boring dinner and industry parties.

It’s been my constant companion in my ever-changing social setting all my adult life. Not so much the last 10 years or so, but y’know, a few wines a few times a week. A very normal amount. Certainly not a problem amount, just a few wines, like you do.

Then – in October last year – after one too many – I decided to Break Up With Booze. That I was D.O.N.E. For 30 days. But then…here we are in June – and I am STILL DONE! I’ve done sober birthdays, Christmas, black-tie speaking events, weddings, you name it I have done it with nothing stiffer than a soda and twist of lime.

And do you know what’s been the MOST surprising thing about it? After DECADES of social and convivial drinking, the absolute SHOCKER to me as been HOW FREAKING EASY IT HAS BEEN TO JUST STOP.

Just like that. I’ve had a drink on 3 occasions, and that’s IT. Not been drunk at all. Not even tipsy. Essentially, I have raised a few glasses in toast and that’s it.  And it’s been AWESOME.

I LOVE not drinking. I had NO IDEA that would happen. I LOVE having more energy and sparkle. I LOVE how much longer the weekends feel.

It’s taken my breath away how EASY it’s been, and how I have ZERO desire to go back. I’ll have the odd glass a few times a year if I want, or not if I don’t, but that’s it.

I’ve learned a LOT about doing it the easy way, the psychology of embracing a hangover-free life – and I’m going to teach it in a Sober October course later in the year – you can check out my Academy here if you are curious.  It really is about doing it EASY, without force, and I’m excited to teach that in-depth later in the year.

  1. Being Over Busy All The Time

Okay – second thing I am just DONE WITH is Being Busy All The Time. Being that person who is racing from one thing to the next all the time. Feeling like I am never “finished” and that there is always one more post to write, one more of my voluntary commitments that needs attention, something I should be doing for someone, some chore I should be on top of.

I have taken the enforced state of No Obligation during Lockdown to really prune my obligations. It’s meant making some hard decisions about what to let go of and gracefully release. And – do you know what…it’s EXTRAORDINARY!

Getting to the end of the day and feeling a sense of accomplishment that I have created all that I promised myself this day – but – that I am done for the day, and that things are not hanging over me. That there is more time and space to enjoy what I am actually creating (writing this for y’all, for example) rather than just wanting to get it ticked off so I can get onto the next thing.

I teach a concept called Life Maths to my clients and Academy members – and, y’know what people: IT WORKS. Less truly is more. Less obligations, less To Do’s equals more space more depth, more connection, more learning, more enjoyment, more fun. Life is just BETTER.

Doing All The Things  (just because you are capable and you can) is totally overrated, and I am cheerfully Done With It.

Life Maths is included in my 30 Day course Goals With Souls course in the Academy – you can dive in today for just $39 if you want to create more space for what you want in life.

  1. Ironing

Just – nah. Life is too short to iron. I only buy stuff that doesn’t need ironing. And I’ve got rid of my ironing board. Hurrah for me.

  1. Not feeling “cool enough”

I think this has been another benefit of lockdown – because NO ONE has been doing anything, all the FOMO just disappeared for us all. Poof! SO NICE!

It’s made me realise that actually a lot of the things I enjoy – ARE NOT COOL – BUT I DON’T CARE! Yes, I superlove catching up with a friend with an expensive mocktail in a nice bar wearing cute shoes…but …also…I really like switching my brain off and doing a jigsaw. SO uncool – right?! But…I’m done with caring. I like what I like. And I’m all in with it.

Bring on the jigsaws. I’m all about it.

Yoga. Yes, love it. Completely reconnecting with it.

Binging on Personal Development books and courses.

Being coached. Yes yes yes.

  1. 10,000 Steps a Day.

Mmmmm I know, that’s the Gold Standard number of steps we should all be doing every day. And if you are not, you are some sort of sedentary sloth-like loser. Well, y’know what – I am not buying into that anymore. The right number – for me – is 5000.

If I do more than that – that’s a bonus (and most days I do) – but I am not going to let the Steps Police live in my head when they are not aware of all other good stuff I do each day for my body.

I don’t want to feel BAD about my steps – when I am so active in a variety of ways each day that don’t get counted (except by my BODY, which – DUH – is the only ACTUAL place that they DO count!) – and I REFUSE to be held captive to a baseline that was set by a Japanese marketing agency in the ’60s (google it).

10000 steps DOESN’T WORK FOR ME, I am – quite cheerfully – done with it.

We use a much more evolved system in the Wellbeing Warriors Academy which you are welcome to dive into the two 30 Day courses on it, on-demand here called Witness The Fitness, and NEAT Up.

So – that’s my hot 5 things I am done with:

  1. Hangovers
  2. Being Busy All The Time
  3. Ironing
  4. Not feeling “cool” enough
  5. 10000 Steps a Day

What are YOU done with? I’d love to know.

You can find me on Facebook and / Instagram right here:

 

 

And you can work with me daily here.

Categories
2020 Communication Emotional Honesty Happiness Love your body Love Your Work Positive Thought Strategy Resilience Self Care and Self Love

Relationships: How to get EXACTLY what you want (at work and home)

Not getting what you want? Look at what you are giving.

Here’s an interesting thing. We are often not getting what we want. We may not be getting the money we feel we deserve. Or the amount of love and affection we want. Or the recognition we want. Or the help and support we need.

Not getting what we want is kinda part of the human condition.

What can we do about it?

Mostly what we do about it is have a nice big fat moan. Right?!

“My boss just doesn’t appreciate me like he should.” “My husband should support me more around the house.” “My mother is never loving towards me.” “My friend is never really interested in what I am doing, she never asks.”

Venting feels good.

It also keeps us focused on what we are NOT getting. The LACK or absence of the thing that we want.

Which doesn’t make much of a difference. If any. The situation will generally just perpetuate. We remain unloved. Disrespected. Undervalued. Unsupported. Whatever.

Here’s the thing: We can’t magically change other people to give us what we want.

We are not in direct control of that.

But, what we ARE in control of is ourselves. And what makes a powerful difference in these situations is to turn the question around. Instead of looking at what we are not getting, look at what we ARE in control of instead – and that is what we are GIVING.

Now I know when you feel hard done by the last thing you want to do is give MORE. I totally get that. And that’s not exactly what I mean. Dig a little deeper.

“If you are not happy with what you are getting –  have a good think about what you are giving.”

When I asked Janelle, who was feeling very let down by her husband for not supporting her fledging business, when was the last time she had demonstrated her support for his work she drew a blank. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had even asked him about his day let alone his work she was so wrapped up in her new project!  She was expecting him to do something for her she wasn’t prepared to do in return. She was, in fact, getting exactly what she was giving. Nothing.

When Polly was seething about her ex-husband continually disrespecting their longstanding childcare arrangements, I asked when she had last demonstrated respect for herself and re-stated her boundaries clearly, calmly and firmly, detailing the consequences of crossing those boundaries – she hadn’t. She was asking him to give her more respect for her boundaries than she was demonstrating to herself. She wanted him to respect what she wasn’t even prepared to respect herself enough to voice out loud.

Caron was fuming that her husband made a comment about how she looked in a particular outfit. When she looked at what she was actually giving in terms of respect to looking after her body and being appreciative of her own body she was hard pressed to answer with any positives at all. She was asking him to love something she was repeatedly saying and thinking was unworthy of love. She wanted him to give her something that was the exact opposite of what she was giving out.

Here’s the thing: We get back what we give.

If we disrespect our own boundaries we should be less surprised that others disrespect them too. If we do not love and appreciate our body we make it harder for others to do so. If we are always looking at how much money we don’t have and give out that message of “not enough” then we are going to get a feeling and a reality of not enough money.

This awareness is a GOOD thing. Because all of this is in our own hands!

We have the power to change up the dynamic and when we change what we give out we will get something different in return.

To paraphrase the great Rolling Stones… You can’t always get what you want.

But if you try sometimes (and look at what you are giving not just at what you are not getting) you might just find, you get what you need.

Categories
2020 Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Resilience

Anxiety Creeping In? 6 Quick Ways To Deal With It

When life gets frantic and we feel anxiety creeping in, it can paralyse us and make even the simplest decisions really hard.

We can procrastinate like crazy and that actually makes us feel more anxious!

We can feel this anxiety throughout our body, our shoulders get tense, our breathing shallow and we just want to get this thing SORTED RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT!

Here are my top strategies for instant anxiety reduction for when you are feeling stressed out about making a decision:

 

  • Know you always have a choice. There is nothing you HAVE to do other than breathe, everything after that is a choice. They may be hard choices granted but you have choice nevertheless. I try to be grateful that I am living somewhere in the world where as a woman I have complete control and choice in my life, not everyone is so lucky.
  • Hit pause. Breathe. Stop and Breathe. Breath through your nose only, breathe right down to your belly for a count of 4, then out through the nose for a count of 4. Repeat for 6 full breaths and then refocus on the task at hand from a calmer place.
  • Is it a problem or a fact that’s making you anxious? If it’s a problem then there IS a solution, take your time, step back and Figure. It Out. If there is no solution, well, then it’s not a problem that you have, honey, it is a fact. So accept it, however tough it make be, and move on. Focus where you can make a difference not where you can’t.
  • Walk away.  If a solution isn’t readily presenting itself then walk away and engage in a right brain activity. Painting, exercise, baking.  Your subconcious will then have the space it needs to help you come up with an anxiety reducing solution. The time I need yoga or a run most is EXACTLY when I think I don’t have time for it. So be brave and go for the counterintuitive option and create the space you need to decompress and gain perspective back. When you reengage your left brain you will often find the solution has presented itself.
  • When anxiety strikes repeat the following mantra to yourself, as you breath in, and again as you breathe out. Nice and slow. 6 full breaths. “ I have everything I need, and all is well”. Now doesn’t that feel better?
  • Ask yourself “Will this thing matter 10 years from now?” The answer 99% of the time is “Hell No”, so choose not to sweat the small stuff.

 

Ahhhhhh….now doesn’t that feel better?

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy

Why worrying makes bad stuff happen!

Worrying is a pointless activity. Fact!

Worrying is focusing on a fear that is not currently present.

It’s worrying about a thing that may or may not happen later.

Most of the time it doesn’t even happen, but all that mental energy, emotional energy and headspace is gone, you can’t get that back.

And here’s another thing. Worrying actually makes the thing you are worrying about more likely to happen.

Yep, that’s right.

Worrying actually makes the thing you are worrying about more likely to happen.

How?

Well, firstly, worry makes you filter. Filtering is selective awareness of what’s going on around you. Our brains are built to filter because otherwise we couldn’t cope with the sheer volume of information around us.

Here’s an example of filtering. I got a new car a couple of years ago. I wasn’t that fussed about what I got as long as it was small enough so I could park it  (ie. v small) and that it wasn’t another unreliable money eating machine.  I settled on a blue Mazda 3 , never really seen one before but it ticked all the boxes and we got a good deal. Then, when driving about in the shiny new reliable blue Mazda 3 a funny thing happened. They are EVERYWHERE! Blue Mazda 3’s? Every third car is a blue Mazda 3. So many in fact that twice I tried to get into the wrong parked car (der…that’s why we now have a sticker on the back window to stop me doing that).  Blue Mazda 3’s are super common but I honestly had never noticed one before I bought one, then I see them everywhere. Why? Filtering. My brain is filtering for the thing I put my attention on so I see it everywhere.

It’s how the brain works. So, if you are worrying about a thing, you are actually far more likely to find evidence for it as you have primed your brain to search for it. That makes worries far more likely to become real.

Reason number 2 that worrying makes the thing you don’t want more likely to happen is the basic Law Of Attraction. The more thoughts you put out there by continually worrying about a scenario you don’t want, the more likely The Universe is to energetically bring that back to you. That might be too woo-woo for you but I can assure you that it’s the truth. The Universe is programmed to bring you what you want. And it assumes that what you want is what you think about all the time. Worrying is a repetitive thought pattern. Hence, that’s what you are far more likely to get.

So, whether you like the brain science filtering explanation or the more woo-woo Law Of Attraction one, you can see that worrying is bad. And pointless.

Worrying is meditating on the thing you don’t want to happen.

So, stop it!

Decide what you DO want to happen, however unlikely that may seem, and focus your thoughts and energy on that.

It will make a HUGE difference to how enjoyable your day is and the outcome of the thing.

Have a great worry-free day.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happy People Don't Do Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Resilience

Your Bedtime Story

What goes on between our ears has the biggest determination over what goes on in our hearts and in our lives.

One of the biggest areas where we can trip up is when we get facts confused with stories, or “the truth” confused with fairytales.

Have a think about a time when you had yourself absolutely convinced something utterly catastrophic was about to happen.

Lying awake turning over the prospect of imminent doom played out in excruciating and panic-inducing detail.  We have all done it. And then…and then…well, nothing happening. NOTHING! The sky totally did not fall in. The fan did not get hit with anything. All that worry, stress, drama and excess cortisol production for nothing.

It can be weirdly tempting to play out a worst-case scenario story as a bizarre sort of double-think mental insurance to ward off against disappointment or rejection. If we have already considered the worst then maybe…maybe… it won’t happen.

However, it’s a far easier way to live to know that whatever comes up –  if it comes up –  you are smart and capable and you will react and handle it. And so, therefore, you choose to wait until such time that might be necessary and divert your attention to happier thoughts in the meantime.

The stories we tell ourselves in our heads have the very real capacity to destroy our peace of mind with far more regularity than any outside event.

Look at it this way. What bedtime story do you read your 7-year-old son/daughter/grandson/granddaughter/nephew/niece? Is it a) Charlie And The Chocolate Factory or b) Nightmare On Elm Street?  Right. You wouldn’t dream of divulging the tales of Freddie Kruger’s bloody mayhem whilst you tuck them up as you want that child to sleep soundly, yes? (preferably right through the night uninterrupted, of course). You want to create the best conditions to do that; you know the content you fill their heads with at that pivotal moment is key – so you choose with discernment.

It’s the same at the cinema.  We know the emotional impact of a good story and so there are standard content rating systems for movies. We know how powerful those stories in the screen are so we want to choose age-appropriately and with discernment for the audience. This is obvious in the movie cinema.

We want the right story playing for whoever is watching it.

And yet, and yet. We are nowhere near as careful stewards of our own bedtime story routine. Replaying the tricky conversation with the boss whilst we clean our teeth: bad bedtime story. Thinking about whether that client is going to be furious or not as we turn down the covers: bad bedtime story. Turning over the backhanded compliment our mother in law paid and worrying about how that may play out at the weekend family barbeque: bad bedtime story. Figuring out if that friend deliberately blanked us at the school gate as we have upset them for reasons we know not: bad bedtime story. No wonder we don’t sleep well, or our days are filled with worry.

Our peace of mind is determined by the tone and content of the stories we tell ourselves through our waking hours.

And as for the stories we believe and repeat in the dead of night? They are the most powerful of all.

Make sure you choose appropriate bedtime reading for yourself.

Sweet dreams.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Love the Skin You're In Love your body Love Your Work Positive Thought Strategy

Past Perfect

If you never feel quite good enough it’s likely that you are a bit of a perfectionist. Perfectionism is the ultimate double-edged sword: yes, it might propel us forward towards our goals BUT it is also the cause of a huge amount of stress, pressure, sleepless nights, procrastination, quitting, and generally diminished wellbeing.

Perfectionism sounds like it’s a good thing…but…on closer inspection… there is a big difference between being a balanced and happy high achiever, and a perfectionist. Your body, health, and happiness will really thank you for getting super clear on the difference.

Here’s the thing: Perfection is a mirage. It’s a standard you can never reach consistently.

It feels like…

  • Life will be PERFECT when you get that promotion…and then you get it…but then…it’s not perfect YET, because you could do it better, or faster, or more efficiently. So…the goalposts move.
  • Or Life will be PERFECT when you lose those 5kgs. And you lose them! BUT…you still don’t feel perfect YET because your bum is not perky enough / arms not toned enough / just another few kilos before you are “there”. The goalposts of perfect move…MIRAGE.
  • Or Life will be PERFECT and easy when the kids are old enough to go to school…but then…they are and they do…but it won’t be perfect UNTIL they are really settled…and then they settle but it won’t be perfect til they…etc etc. The goalposts of perfect move…MIRAGE.

If we could see life just as a series of moves that EXPAND US, IMPERFECTLY, in a forwards motion…rather than trying to reach perfection but never getting there either at all (or for more than 25 seconds) it would be a MUCH more realistic and relaxed way to live.

Where in your life is perfect a mirage you can never really reach?

The quest for Inbox Zero?
The nirvana of an empty washing basket and a tidy house?

List a mirage today.

Then let yourself off the hook.

You will never reach it, consistently, and that’s okay!

You can give yourself permission to know life is unfolding just fine as it is:  a work in progress in a state of imperfect but constant expansion.

 

Don't forget!...

Grab your printable
workbook
worth $27… for free!

This 23-page
printable
LIFE COACHING
WORKBOOK
is for constructive,
guided reflection
so you come out of
tricky times stronger
than you went in!
My gift to you.

Worth $27