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Tag: challenging beliefs

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2023 Happiness Self belief Self Care Sunday

When “its complicated”

This week, an important perspective to consider in order to keep your mental health high, in these times when people will flake out on you at the drop of a text:

 

No-one is really EVER “too busy” for you.

 

If it’s truly important to them – THEY WILL FIND A WAY.

 

The truth of the matter is:

 

Something or someone else is more important. So, it’s being prioritised. Over you.

 

We say “it’s complicated” but… it’s not.

 

We excuse it under “he/she has got a lot on”

 

But the truth is that they care about something else MORE.

 

It’s literally that simple.

 

Please stop torturing yourself and making excuses for why that date / old friend / colleague keeps flaking on you.

 

They are just not that bothered is all.

 

Go pour your beautiful energy where it’s needed, valued and appreciated.

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2023 Emotional Honesty Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Sorry, really NOT sorry…

What I’d love for you good people to ponder today is this:

 

I’m calling time on saying sorry for sh*t we don’t need to apologise for.

 

Have you noticed how much (especially as women) we tend to over-apologise and say sorry when it’s not actually required?! It’s a weird habit, and one worth revising. Things I am no longer apologising for:

 

  • Not always being available (time, attention and energy are limited, it’s not personal, it’s just freaking MATHS)
  • Prioritising the things that matter (to ME)
  • Not giving an answer right away (it’s ok to think about it)
  • Working at the pace that’s right for me on voluntary projects (it needs to fit in with my life, not the other way round!)
  • When it’s not actually MY FAULT there is an issue! (why the hell am I saying sorry – YOU say sorry!)

 

Forget the bubble bath. This. Is. Real. Self. Care. #thisisrealselfcare

 

What about you, my lovely? What do you want to STOP apologising for? This is a primary  boundary of self-care where we show up for ourselves. I’m all ears. Let me know here.

 

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2022 Good Enough Love the Skin You're In Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

It’s time to let perfectionism go for the mirage it is.

I have come across a beautiful and timeless Japanese art called  “kintsukuroi”, which is the practice of repairing broken pottery with gold.

 

Cracked and shattered items are lovingly pieced back together and the cracks flooded with liquid gold.

 

The piece is no longer perfect, but its repair is proudly on view in precious metal, integral to its new form, which only serves to make the piece more beautiful – not despite its breaks, but because of them.

The deeper meaning of this art is to consider: what if we saw ourselves the same way?

 

We all go through astonishing heartbreak and life explosions, from which we will never be quite the same. 

 

There will be wounds, and we might try to hide them … but they are there.

 

We might think we are no longer as good, worthy, or tarnished in some way once the storms of life hit and we are no longer box-fresh perfect.

 

But what if we believed that we were not just okay because we have had a few breaks along the way…but that we are more beautiful because of it? 

 

That our beauty actually lies within our imperfection and our transcendence of life’s slings and arrows?

 

That our uniqueness, flaws, scars, idiosyncrasies, are an integral part of the fabric that makes us imperfectly perfect?

 

That our survival and our ability to prevail in the case of hardship adds depth and richness?

 

This is life.

 

Not one of us gets out without getting a bit battered along the way, as well as screwing up royally a few times ourselves too.

 

No one, anywhere, at any time, has lived a perfect life.

 

Maybe it’s time to let perfectionism go for the mirage it is.

 

We are all good people; doing the best we can, with what we have, and what we know.

 

And you know what – that’s perfectly good enough right there.

 

What say you? Ready to relinquish the mirage of perfection for a little kintsukuroi? To fill our scars with liquid gold? To celebrate their beauty because we survived?

 

We are all worthy, not just despite the breaks we have experienced, but because of them. 

 

P.S. Three ways we can work together:

Book: Start using the 16 easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas.

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2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

Joy Of Missing Out

I have lost count of the number of gigs/parties/events I have missed out on over the years while I am teaching my fabulous yoga students of an evening. I absolutely love what I do, but I do get the odd grump about missing something every now and again. Sometimes I see my friends from corporate days doing a big glitzy thing on Facebook. The sort of industry event with black ties and champagne and fabulous shoes that I would have been at in years gone by, and I feel I am missing out, just a bit, as I potter about in my yoga pants.

I see numerous clients who are upset about missing out on career opportunities or family opportunities or travel opportunities or run-away-and-join-the-circus opportunities.  If I had a dollar for every time ‘I hate missing out’ has been uttered, I would have enough to host my own black tie and champagne event! In fact, I hear that FOMO (fear of missing out) is now actually in the urban dictionary, e.g. ‘Even though he was exhausted, John’s FOMO got the best of him and he went to the party.’

Here’s the thing. We have so many opportunities today that we live in the age of ‘missing out’. Which actually is a fantastic thing. Not a bad thing at all. I should be saying ‘I missed out!’ with joy and not regret. Why? Because missing out means I had a choice to do something else. It meant I chose another thing and I am actually so lucky to have that choice.

There are so many women around the world who miss out on things because they have no choice. Things like getting to vote, having financial independence, having a career outside the home that doesn’t require a ‘male guardian’. In Saudi Arabia, it is still illegal for women to drive, for example.  Many do not even have the choice over what they wear.

So, when I drive myself to class (rather than to the party I fancied), I am calling out my FOMO for what it is. And I think you should, too. This is all part of the energy-boosting process of embracing empowered choice. Missing out is a fantastic thing. I’ve missed out because I made the choice to run my own fabulous, thriving business. To be financially independent. To drive myself to class. On my own. In my yoga pants.

Missing out is confirmation that I have infinite choice in my life and that I am using it. And that is something to be very happy about indeed. Not the fear of missing out, but the joy of missing out. I shall call it JOMO. JOMO is the new FOMO, my friends. You heard it here first.

I wrote a blog post on this back in 2013 and had many comments from, in particular, mums of young kids. Karen said, ‘As a stay-at-home mum I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on those fabulous work events, too, and today I felt like I was missing out because a friend told me they were having a beer with Friday lunch … those were the days. But, and that but is huge, I’ve chosen not to miss out on my kids growing up, which I think in the long run is way more important than that beer I so feel like on a hot day like today. I have actually made a choice I feel lucky and thrilled to have made, and that’s a good thing to know!‘

Excerpt taken from The Busy Woman’s Guide To High Energy Happiness – Louise Thompson

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2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Communication Emotional Honesty

This is the Complaints Department – how can I help you?

Comfort V’s resolution. 

I have a complaint to make! Specifically about the amount of complaining that goes on. Go on, tell me, list it right now – what’s one thing/person/situation that’s really winding you up right now? Something that’s been frustrating for a while.

Go: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Okay. Now list for me the last person you told about this problem:  ________________________________________________________________________________

And, just for good measure – what would be a great resolution for you to this totally annoying sitch? What do you want to happen? What would fix it?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Roger that.

So – here’s the thing. What is horribly common with most ongoing complaints, is that pretty much most of the time we don’t take the complaint to the person or place who can actually do something about it. We complain to our spouse about the marketing department delivering creative late again. We complain to our peer that one of our staff or our boss isn’t pulling their weight. We complain to our best friend that our partner doesn’t help round the house enough. We tell the boys that the golf pro is always late turning up for the scheduled lesson. We tell the lady in the coffee shop on the adjacent table that the coffee is good but the cake is a bit dry. We tell the girls that the daycare doesn’t do as much educational play as they should. We tell everyone on Facebook that the flight was delayed. And so on.

Essentially we take our complaints  – not to the Complaints Department  – but to Menswear On Three, or Home Furnishings in the basement. And – sympathetic though those departments may be – they cannot fix the problem. And so – whilst we may feel temporary relief at venting – the situation perpetuates, and our complaining continues.

Why do we so often take our complaint somewhere other than the source? It’s strange when you think about it, given that it’s only the source who actually has a potentially shot at fixing it.

Because its risk free that’s why. It does not require us to step up and be courageous enough to have a tough conversation or take tough action to schedule a meeting to take the Marketing Director to task. It’s much more comfortable to vent to Brenda about the daycare then go meet with the centre manager and say the standard isn’t acceptable and ask what potential changes could be made. It’s easier to gossip in the café than risk offending the nice barista over the disappointing cake. It’s easier to vent with the girls/boys than have an uncomfy convo with the spouse about sex or housework or money. It’s easier to complain about the pay than to front up and ask for a payrise or go do the training course that would put us in line for promotion. Complaining feels like relief because it’s stress free and it’s risk free. Essentially complaining to people other than the source keeps us well within our comfort zone.

The real question then is – do we want to feel comfortable more than we want the situation resolved?  Or, do we want the situation resolved more than we want to feel comfortable?

If the answer is to choose comfort over resolution – then we will be stuck in the loop of complaining for much time to come. And that’s okay – if that is indeed what we want. Stop holding out for a magical resolution or for things to just magically fix themselves and stay comfortable with the venting and the problem itself.

However – if we decide we want the situation resolved and are prepared to feel uncomfortable temporarily in order to achieve that, then a whole new world opens up to us:

If we accept a degree of risk. If we speak up. Request what we want. Demand what we want. Give options. Change our communication. Try something new. Try an alternative. Leave. If we take our complaint to the actual place it has any chance of being resolved – the Complaints Department  – it will require varying degrees of courage – but the only way OUT of a niggling ongoing complaint situation is THROUGH – you have to take it to the place where you can get resolution. And that is the source.

For sure, take your advice and sounding board from others as a sense check if that feels good. A second opinion can be really useful. But then – if you find you are complaining about the same thing for the third coffee catch up in a row  – its time to take the bull by the horns and take it to where it actually belongs.

Be brave.  Take a risk. Ask for efficiency. Ask for respect. Ask for bonus air miles. Ask for a raise.  Ask for fresh baked cake.

The real Complains Department can help you with all of that. You’ve just got to ask.

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2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Fear of failure Good Enough Live Happy Inspiration Self belief

How I Got Over My Fear Of Failure…

Falling not failing.

I have a new yoga teacher. She is a willowy blonde goddess, improbably flexible and radiant in all ways. She is also funny and nice, goddamn it. My posse of yoga girls and I have a bit of a girl crush, as we try and emulate her grace and strength. Last night she had us trying some fiendishly difficult arm balances (Parsva Bakasana if you are interested). Demonstrating this asymmetrically balance effortlessly, a picture of poise right down to her perfectly pointed toes, she encouraged us to follow. “How hard can it be?” we muttered trying to get to grips with it. Pretty hard as it turns out. We persevered, the sound of the chilled yoga tunes almost entirely drowned out by the noise of arses and foreheads hitting the floor. Annoying. Difficult. Tiring. Hot. Very easy to give up and put it in the Too Hard Basket. Just wait it out till she moves onto the next pose.

But then? But then she says this:

“Keep falling. I love it when people fall. It means you are committed.”

Oh, lady that is good. You don’t just have beautiful arms but much wisdom too.

I think this is a core principle for life. If we could love falling more we would all go further and do more.

The fear of falling stops so many of us from trying things that could be amazing, if only we would accept it was going to be harder than we thought, take longer than we thought and we probably will fall on our ass a few times. We pull ourselves up short of training for that new career; jumping into that new relationship; creating that side hustle business; volunteering for the things we have never done before; trying the scary but cool new hobby, all the time. If we are not going to be good at it quickly we can stop ourselves from starting. We fail to commit because we are scared of falling. We don’t want to hurt ourselves. We don’t want to be seen to fail again. We don’t want to go through the learning process where we are going to fall far more often than we nail it. We fail to commit because we fear the fall.

And the thing is, the fall is generally not as bad as we think. The fall is just part of getting out of our comfort zone. Trying something or someone new.

Falling is actually an intrinsic part of the process of anything new, not a reason not to commit in the first place.

Look around at the things you are proud of that you have accomplished. Look at those who have accomplished things which you would like to emulate. Some of the time it’s down to aptitude or luck but much of the time the only difference between us and them is that they have been willing to let themselves fall, and not judge themselves for it. That they have learned to love the fall. That it’s been a badge of their commitment not a signal of their failure.

Falling means you took a risk. It means you showed up. It means you didn’t quit.

Falling doesn’t mean failing. Falling means you committed.

How would life be different if you learned to love the fall?

 

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2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Dream and Goals Good Enough Live Happy Inspiration

Do You Ever Secretly Feel “Not Good Enough”?

The secret to making 2021 count.

There are as many dreams of a different, more fulfilling life than there is tea in China. Each dream as unique as the person. However, the underlying reason why we don’t step up and move towards our dreams is usually the same.

Do any of these ring a bell with you?

• The middle manager who really wants to be a nutritionist but is scared it won’t work out and they can’t make money
• The gorgeous girl who has been unlucky in love and is reluctant to get into online dating, or, who does it, but then cancels the dates at the last minute.
• The busy mum who wants to get fit but can’t get a consistent exercise programme going
• The new lawyer who graduated with a hard-won degree but it absolutely loathes dragging themselves into the law office each day. They slap on a brave game face and get on with it despite the misery.
• The Dad who loves his family but hates his job, but can’t leave because he is the breadwinner.
• The girl who wants to travel and do the OE but has no one to go with so doesn’t book it and never goes.
• The girl who does the part-time training in massage and wants to make a full time living out of it, but is too scared to make the leap.
• The spouse who is desperately unhappy but can’t have the conversation to either improve or leave the marriage.

It’s so easy for us to “get by”, day after day. Not truly connected with what makes us happy and fulfilling our life’s purpose. And then the next day, and the next day after that. And before we know it years have gone by in the “it’s okay” zone, but the amount of time we feel truly connected, alive and at peace is next to nothing.

Why?

The number one reason I see people holding themselves back is a fear that on some level they won’t be “good enough”.

• Not good enough to make a new business in the wellbeing field make enough money and be successful enough to support a good lifestyle
• Not good enough to trust that there is a loving and respectful partner out there who will make her soul sing. Not good enough to be loved completely and be loved in return.
• Not good enough to put herself and the needs of her body first sometimes, that doing that will mean she is a not good enough mum, that she is selfish.
• Not good enough to pack in the shiny yet unfulfilling career path and do something that the family might not approve of. Not good enough to stand up to the inevitable familial pressure.
• Not good enough to make the break and create a career change that is bold yet pragmatic. Not good enough to make the leap.
• Not good enough to make friends along the trail. What if people don’t like me? What if I never meet anyone?
• Not good enough to do the non-traditional thing. That’s for other people, the brave ones who are good enough. More talented. More special.
• Not good enough to make a stand and stick to it. Not good enough to live my own and make an independent life. I’ll never make it work.

Not good enough is a universal fear. It’s also a universal lie. And believing it keeps us playing small in the world. It dashes countless hopes and dreams. It’s an all-pervasive, silent assassin of living our life’s purpose.

When you look around at people who are living their life’s mission, what do you see? You see that they do feel good enough to give it a go. To back themselves. To trust that when they are honouring the messages of their soul that things will work out. That they have the courage, resilience, and passion to overcome any obstacle.

People who are living their life’s purpose don’t wait to feel good enough to make it happen. They know that that feeling comes from the action of leaping towards their passion.

Because – here’s the secret they are in on:

You are ALREADY good enough.

Why? Because “Good Enough” is an impossible standard to define. When you think about it, what does it even MEAN? Define for me someone who is good enough? Hard right? We are all imperfectly imperfect. No-one, and everyone, is already good enough.

If we wait to feel good enough on some level before summoning the courage to live the life we know we are meant to live, we will be waiting a very long time. We have to take action before we feel good enough, in the knowledge that the truth is we are already more than good enough to handle whatever comes up.

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is proceeding with your soul’s calling DESPITE the fear.

You are ALREADY good enough.

You can do this. Make 2021 count.

 

Categories
2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Dream and Goals Live Happy Inspiration

Incomplete Success

What do these things have in common?

The client distraught at the collapse of her marriage after finding her husband of 4 years had been cheating for 3, sure she would be a single mother forever and ever, and her life was over. O.V.E.R. A short time later serendipitously meeting an old school friend, getting together, he as an eager co-parent, and happier than ever before. “It was all worth it to be as happy as I am now, I’d never have found out how great things could be if I hadn’t gone through that”.

The client who was sure that the eleventy-billionth restructure at the corporate she had devoted the last 12 years of her working life to would end in redundancy. Which it did. Handily just before Christmas. “The market is so tight I’ll never find anything and Big Restructure Corp is all I know…this is a DISASTER”. She is already happy as a clam in a new role, in a medium-sized company with a whole different perspective on people management and culture – she is relaxed, sleeping well, and loving her work in a way she had forgotten she ever could. “Best thing everrrrrrr!” she laughs.

The old family friend who got royally blindsided by his business partner embezzling the company funds behind his back. A young family of 4 to support he never saw it coming. Total financial destruction. Overnight. “I had no choice I just had to go and do this job that I honestly thought was beneath me. I would never have done that work before”. Turned out that the owners loved what he did so much they offered to fund a whole new business partnership that he ended up selling down the line for millions.

I could list dozens of these, and let’s be honest – you can too. A slew of personal anecdotes exist of someone “failing” cataclysmically, only to later snatch a much more prized victory from the jaws of defeat. What they “failed at” and left behind later becoming something they wouldn’t even want for themselves anymore. That what awaited on the other side of that failure was something so much shiner, a much bigger success they could ever have imagined for themselves.

The lesson in these common tales is that we tend to take score too way early. That if you are in the grip of what seems like an unmitigated failure right now, to see that perhaps…just perhaps…it’s a foundation leading you to something way superior. You just can’t see it yet. Perhaps it’s not failure at all. Perhaps there was something you needed to learn there. Something you needed to let go of, in an albeit brutal fashion, in order to make way for something that will serve you better in the future.

Consider the possibility that failure is not failure at all. Maybe it’s just incomplete success in disguise. Doesn’t that feel better? Whether it’s in the career area, or the money area, or the relationship space, or the owing your own home space or the health and fitness place – whatever it may be for you – maybe you are not experiencing failure at all. You are just in the slightly messy transition phase of incomplete success. That’s all it is.

Incomplete success.

So hold fast. Don’t call it too soon. You can’t hear singing. The fat lady hasn’t even started warming up yet.

 

Categories
2021 Dream and Goals Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

Set your BEST goals: 12 questions to do it RIGHT + FREE PRINTABLE!

Make A Wish

Want to know why many goals fail? I’ll tell you why. Because they are not the right goals.

They are goals that have been slapped together in haste as a New Year’s Resolution or because they are The Expected Thing You Should Want and they will often fail because you simply don’t have the real motivational juice to take you through to the finishing line. In the case of the goals of expectation of others, the only thing worse than not achieving your goal IS achieving it.

So, how to set your goals on a firmer footing? Let’s them percolate for a moment in the form of wishes – let what YOU REALLY desire, (that’s YOU, not your mamma/gramps/boss/spouse/etc) simmer to the surface.

When you set that goal, you want to know it’s 110% the direction that’s RIGHT for you – so you WILL find the commitment required to make it happen.

So – spend a little time in the Wish Creation Department today. Allow yourself the time to explore, play, and create without the pressure of deadlines and tasks. Pause momentarily in the stage of kicking ideas around to see what feels right for you.

This is all about tapping into your imagination, creativity, and the voice of your inner self before you go hard out on the doing. You want to be doing the RIGHT things in the RIGHT direction!

Download your  ‘‘What Do You Really Want’  Guided Workbook here.

There are some Wish Creating questions for you. Answer them honestly, don’t edit yourself. The first response that jumps into your head is usually the right one. Don’t second guess and doubt yourself. Whatever your first instinctive response is, is totally fine.

This is a judgment-free zone – we are just playing with thoughts and words here.

Just see what comes up for you before you rush into action.

Categories
2020 2021 Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Relationships

It’s the most wonderfully dramatic time of the year!

Let’s talk Christmas Drama!

Christmas can be such a trigger as it thrusts people who are used to having their OWN say and OWN space together into a confined space, add in a heap of OLD dynamics (and alcohol!) and old expectations on behaviour and authority and you can get a really explosive mix!

Social conventions that usually apply between friends/ acquaintances/ colleagues often don’t apply in the same way with family so that restraint of social convention doesn’t hold as much water as it does in other situations where things would just not get said and tongues would temporarily get bitten to keep the peace.

This quote today I think is a really nice way of rising above.

We simply DON’T have to attend every argument we are invited to.

We can let other people play out their thing and choose not to get dragged in. To simply say “I’ve heard you” but then not follow them down the rabbit hole. For the few days of festive celebration, this can be a really liberating approach. Basically what happens is because you withdraw your energy from the complaint/argument it’s like a fire starved of oxygen: it will go out.

You become NO FUN to play that old argument/complaint dance with – and so – that person will go seek it elsewhere.

Remember – it’s YOUR energy and focus – YOU get to decide where it goes. You can decide to fuel the fire or starve it.

You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.

Isn’t that good to know?

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