One of the things about the human experience is that part of it is going to suck.
Experiencing Hard Times is a non-optional part of life, and anyone who tells you otherwise with their instagram-feed of perfection is lying! Given that going through the tough stuff is mandatory here are 7 perspectives you can apply to make the road just that little bit smoother – so keep you head up – and read on:
1. This Too Will Pass
Wise men and women know that the Bad Times WILL eventually pass – so, hang on my darling, Hang On. When you are IN IT, the darkness will seem endless – but, I can promise you it will pass. The light is there for you, and the sun will shine again. So know this is a chapter of your life, not Your Whole Life, and with that spirit implement as many of the below perspectives as you can.
2. You build courage and resilience from the hard times not the good
You have no idea how strong you are until you have to be really effing strong. You think you cannot survive it, but you can and you will. You have more strength that you think. Look back a lifetime and see how you have come through other stuff that you thought you couldn’t cope with beforehand. But. You know what – you did. Because here you are. Surviving and stuff. You can do it. You’ve done it before, and each time you become more resilient until you know, in the core of your soul, when you have seen the darkest of dark, that nothing, nothing can ever truly throw you off course again.
3. It makes you really clear on what you DON’T want in your life, and clarifies what you DO want
Nothing helps us define what we do want with more clarity than being hit across the head with what we don’t. A cheating spouse? Yep – your desire for faithful and trustworthy just got magnified x 1000. An illness crisis? Your desire for wellness and your commitment level to taking action just got amplified x 1000. That clarity is very powerful and very positive, and sometimes we need to see the dark in order to bring it into focus.
4. You can choose to grow strong in the broken places
Best quote ever about hitting rough times? Not just hitting them but transcending them:
“We are all broken and wounded in this world. Some choose to grow strong at the broken places.” ~ Harold J. Duarte-Bernhardt
Profoundly shitty stuff happens to just about everyone. Being a good person does not make you immune. Doing the right thing does not give you a pass. Being careful does not give you a bye. Making smart choices does not always deflect a shite storm that is determinedly headed your way. Bad stuff happens to good people ALL THE TIME. It’s what we do with our brokenness and our wounds that counts. We can let them define us, or we can transcend them by choosing to grow strong in the broken places. However dark it is right now, now you can choose strength. It’s not out there- it’s inside you.
5. You’ll Get By With a Little Help From Your Friends
If there is one golden shining light that I hear time and time again, it’s how amazing other people are when a crisis hits. From total strangers to the closest of loved ones, they rank together and step up in a way that is nothing short of miraculous. So – do not be afraid to ask for help. If this is your dark night of the soul reach out for angels in the shape of people who care about you and let them gently guide you back to the light. People have a capacity for compassion that is greater than you know when the chips are down. And that is a beautiful thing to know. So give when you can, take when you must.
6. You are learning and growing, even if you didn’t want to
The thing you might be learning is “I will never again trust that asshole with my keys/heart/home” but you are learning. And learning and growth are good and expansive. Your soul is meant to grow, however some lessons can be terribly painful to learn, it does not make them less valuable. Just exceptionally hard won.
7. Silver Linings exist if you look hard enough
Do they compensate for the entirely of your loss, trauma or crisis? Probably not. But does focusing on them rather than the extent of the loss or disappointment feel better? You bet your sweet ass it does. Dragging your attention to the light rather than ruminating on the darkness can be one of the biggest challenges of your life, but if you can force yourself to look at what you still DO have, or what is still going right rather than the big sucky shit storm that is not, the better you will be to brave the soul shrapnel that is flying. There is a wonderful Irish proverb that says,
“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you”
Even though you may have to look very, very, VERY hard for the sun, it WILL be there peeking out behind the clouds. Focus on it like your life depends on it. Because in a lot of ways it does.
If you are going through a hard time I hope these help – let me know what makes a difference for you.
Sending you love, light and virtual hugs,