By nature most of the readers of Wellbeing Wednesday are life’s big givers. I know you! You do a lot for others. You pick up. Put up. Do up. You love. You carry. You caress. You mend. You fix. You heal. You are, in short, pretty damn wonderful.
So, Takers Gonna Take. Givers Gonna Give. (I think that could be the title of a Taylor Swift song, no?) Anyway – here are two golden rules that gorgeous givers need to bear in mind so they don’t burn out:
1. You gotta set limits.
Know this: takers rarely set limits. Yes, yes, I know they “should” etc. etc. but really – in reality – they just DON’T. They assume you must be HAPPY to be doing all that stuff for them OR WHY WOULD YOU KEEP DOING IT?! Face it – that logic is hard to get around. It does, in fact, make absolute sense.
So if you are getting tired/resentful or pissed off about all the giving you are doing – IT’S YOUR JOB, YOUUUUUURS, to set the limits on how much and how often you give. That also, admit it, makes perfect and logical sense. Your time. Your energy. Your attention. YOUR LIMITS.
2. It’s not wrong for you to take every once in a while!
It’s actually energetically and karmically sound for you to sometimes be vulnerable, ask for help, ask for love, ask for what you need – and get it. Here’s the secret though:
Because you are so freaking good at naturally anticipating other people’s needs and wants and delivering them – because it’s so OBVIOUS to you what is lacking in a given situation – it’s dangerously easy for you to make the mistake of assuming that its that blindingly freaking obvious to everyone else when YOU need help, that its so foreheadsmackingly obvious you shouldn’t even need to ask.
But – actually – YOU DO. It’s not their gift – it’s yours. It might be insanely obvious to you, but its not obvious to them. Trust me. Just TELL THEM WHAT YOU NEED, without being whiney or begging or apologising in advance for actually needing something. Just Ask. Really. It pretty much always is as simple as that.
And then – BE OKAY WITH THE RECEIVING! I know it feels weird, when you are a natural giver, and then all of a sudden life throws a curly one and you need some help and you ask and you get it – but that’s a GOOD thing. It feels GOOD to the people around you, to whom you have given so much, to be able to give back to you for once. It restores natural balance. It’s good. Try and get a little more comfortable with receiving. It’s good for everyone. Next time someone tries to help you, go crazy and LET THEM!
That’s it. Continue with being your badass fabulous self. The world loves you and the people around you love you. Giving is awesome. Give with a big and open heart. Just remember if you feel any little twinges of resentment creeping in – check on your two golden rules:
- You set the giving limits. YOU.
- Sometimes it does everyone good for you to go into taking and receiving mode.
So ask yourself:
- In this situation ………………. I would like to adjust the limit I am giving by …………………………….doing/saying this thing differently. I feel good about this, it’s the right thing to do, for me – I know I am in charge of the limits I set on my time/energy/attention.
- I would love some help in this situation…………..and I am going to ask…………………………..to help me. I am open to getting and receiving some assistance and that feels good. I am not going to wait for them to magically notice and offer, I am simply going to ask for the support I need.
Giving is awesome, baby! Don’t you dare stop! Just remember to protect your energy, and to allow the opportunity for reciprocation in some manner. Both these things inspire more giving all round.
Go. Give. Be happy.