You know that thing you are wrestling with, that just sort of won’t happen no matter how hard you try? Finding a new partner. Landing the great new job. Securing the house of your dreams. Those tricky things that no matter how much effort you put in, they stubbornly refuse to fall into place? Let’s look at those today.
There is a very interesting phenomenon that I notice when I compare the people for whom things do seem to fall into place quickly and more easily to those that don’t. Something really intangible that they are doing that seems to make a real difference to how things turn out, and how fast. The people where the new lover rocks up right on cue. The new job finds them with an unexpected headhunting call. They get the first house they want on the first auction.
What I observe is that the people that get what they want easily have let go of what they don’t want more easily and completely, than the people who take longer for the pieces to fall into place.
Without fail the clients I see in brand new and much-improved relationships are the ones who have surrendered the old relationship to the past with the least angst, however messily it ended. They have filed it under, “It’s over. It wasn’t a fit. I’m glad it’s done” rather than under “That shouldn’t have happened. Why did that happen? She/he is such an awful person.” Which keeps them stuck in the experience. One route is a much more peaceful surrender of that which is past to the past, the other keeps the energy of the past alive in the present. In short, they have let go with much more ease.
It’s hard to “Let Go”. I absolutely completely get it. “Just Let Go” can in fact be some of the most irritating advice out there because it can be so esoteric as to be impractical. “Oh right, Just Let Go, yeah? Thanks for sharing Yoda, but HOW exactly do I go about doing that?” Letting Go is hard because it implies we are releasing something but getting absolutely nothing in return. That seems inherently a bad deal so we resist creating this uncomfortable void. We avoid it. We avoid the void. We unintentionally hang on too tight to what is past. Refusing to release our grip, even if what we are actually clutching onto is past misery.
Holding on too tight means we are letting go in a HARD way. The people that move on the fastest and get the shiny new thing quickest – they are the ones who let it go EASY. The thing is this: when you let it go hard, then the new thing seems hard to come into your experience.
Obviously, I don’t have a scientific quantifiable study for this, you are just going to have to take my word for it and then try it through your own experience. Let’s face it; if the old way isn’t working you might as well try the new! Look around, and you will see this subtle principle in action left right and centre.
We have a saying that is “Easy Come. Easy Go”. It’s the ultimate happy go lucky mantra. What’s even more powerful I believe is to deliberately apply this in reverse: Easy Go. Easy Come. Let it go easy. Let it come easy. Stop looking back and wrestling with it. If you want the new thing, file away the old thing with ease. When you let it go easy, you let the next thing come easy.