Category: Self Care and Self Love

Is “Worry Mode” your default setting?

Post author By Support Elf
Post date March 30, 2023
No Comments on Is “Worry Mode” your default setting?

I have something for you to ponder today…do you have “Worry Mode” set as your default?! SO many of us do, or know someone who does. It’s an exhausting way to live, or to be around.

If your brain is always automatically trying to find what could go wrong in your plan or dream, or your nearest and dearest are doing that on your behalf (disguised as “caring” and “being helpful”), it is not only a total buzz killer and mood downer, it creates doubt and therefore procrastination. It costs you focus, time and quite often, money.

We can end up slipping into “Worry Mode” being our default habit of thought, and therefore our most constant mood. It’s easily done, and it’s deceptively destructive. The REALLY IMPORTANT thing to realise is that that is ALL it is…a HABIT or thought. And like any bad habit, with focus and intention, it can be broken and replaced with something healthier.

When we are stuck in worry mode we are continually asking the WRONG questions…:

What could go wrong with this?

Why might this not work out?

What if this all goes wrong. What could you lose?

Who might this upset? Who might not like it?

I’m all for a pragmatic, objective assessment of reality and risk; it’s essential before any significant venture. However, “Worry Mode” as a default before any damn decision…is absolutely life and positivity sapping.

Here are some far healthier questions for you busy brain to be asking instead:

What if things work out super well? What’s possible?

What if my hard work pays off?

What could go better than I think here?

Who might help me?

How can I make this as enjoyable as possible?

Excessive worry is just a bad habit of thought.

You know about habits

They are not permanent.

They are not written in stone.

They live in your brain and you can change them any time you like.

How about now?!

How good would that feel?

What if it’s easier than you think?

What if it goes even better than you imagine?

Who might help you?*

How can you make it as enjoyable as possible?

Mmmmmm…food for thought, yes?!

*That would be ME! I can help you! You can start by clicking here for the The Real Self Care Kickstart, which the elves have put on special for you today!

Tags 2023, self care

2023 Emotional Honesty Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Sorry, really NOT sorry…

What I’d love for you good people to ponder today is this:

I’m calling time on saying sorry for sh*t we don’t need to apologise for.

Have you noticed how much (especially as women) we tend to over-apologise and say sorry when it’s not actually required?! It’s a weird habit, and one worth revising. Things I am no longer apologising for:

Not always being available (time, attention and energy are limited, it’s not personal, it’s just freaking MATHS)
Prioritising the things that matter (to ME)
Not giving an answer right away (it’s ok to think about it)
Working at the pace that’s right for me on voluntary projects (it needs to fit in with my life, not the other way round!)
When it’s not actually MY FAULT there is an issue! (why the hell am I saying sorry – YOU say sorry!)

Forget the bubble bath. This. Is. Real. Self. Care. #thisisrealselfcare

What about you, my lovely? What do you want to STOP apologising for? This is a primary boundary of self-care where we show up for ourselves. I’m all ears. Let me know here.

Tags 2023, achievement, challenging beliefs, self care sunday

2023 Happy People Don't Do Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

When is it okay NOT to be considerate?

Post author By Support Elf
Post date March 11, 2023
No Comments on When is it okay NOT to be considerate?

Today’s blog is inspired by a few lovely clients and members who have been feeling taken for granted. What can we learn? Let’s dive into an exploration of consideration today…just might ring some bells for you,!

I like to think of myself as a considerate person. I expect you do too!

I’d like to ask a controversial question today on that topic:

When is it okay to stop being considerate?

I think there is a very specific time when this is more than okay:

It’s when YOU aren’t being considered.

When there is a consistent pattern that YOU are not being considered or factored in.

(consistent pattern is important, we can all have an off day)

I’ve seen it with a number of clients lately

Walking on eggshells around a sibling who is routinely dismissive and inconsiderate of their needs, situation and emotions. Not receiving acknowledgement, let alone reciprocity, for their consideration.

Trying to please an unpleasable colleague by picking up some of their share of work, which is a favour never returned. The consideration of helping them out taken totally for granted.

Supporting a friend’s business in various ways over time, being happy to do it! But realising over many years that there has been exactly zero support of her own equally important business. Realising on closer inspection that lack of consideration indicates it’s not quite the close friendship of value they thought in a number of ways.

These examples of a lack of consideration might be SUPER DISAPPOINTING realisations.

However, I can promise you, they are good to know.

Consideration is part of the social glue of life: it keeps the wheels running smoothly socially, personally, professionally, relationally.

Thing is consideration takes time, focus, effort, choice, attention, emotional management, logistical management – it’s a long list.

Consideration may be what’s polite but it’s not a free pass

And it can be very much taken for granted

Pay attention if it’s not being reciprocated

Consideration is a two-way street

It’s something you can grant with grace

And it is something you can also gracefully withdraw

That doesn’t mean you need to be as difficult as hell

It just means you withdraw the energetic compromise of considering their needs

and emotions equally with (or higher than) your own

It’s simply a recalibration of your emotional investment

Which you are perfectly entitled to make

When is it okay to stop being considerate?

When you are not being considered, my friend.

Tags 2023, self care, self care sunday, Take Responsibility

2023 Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Time to stop with the “You should just…”

Post author By Support Elf
Post date March 11, 2023
No Comments on Time to stop with the “You should just…”

Recently, I observed someone who was sharing (with a certain amount of bravery I might add) the details of a breakup with a friend (sister?) in a cafe. They were met with a disappointing lack of empathy and a heap of really unhelpful “advice” they so clearly were SO not ready for.

It was hard to hear! This is what I would have liked the friend/sister to have known…

Just how annoying the “You should just…” is when you share something that is troubling you

Some of the time we are just venting or processing out loud and not looking for input or solutions. Having a solution rammed down our throat and our hurt invalidated does NOT feel good and it not helpful!

We can all get better at this and model helpful behaviour so we have more chance of getting it in return later.

“That sounds hard. Tell me more”

“That sounds really tough. Do you want to bounce possible solutions or do you just need to vent right now? What do you need? I’m listening”.

“I haven’t been in your shoes on this but I’d love to help you. What do you need most right now?”

If someone is ASKING for your input and advice – give it! That fresh perspective can be SO helpful. But…listen closely before you jump in…ARE they asking for it yet?! Maybe the most helpful thing you can do in this moment is listen really closely and offer a shoulder.

If you are not sure if it’s time to offer possible solutions – just ASK! It’s hard to see someone we care about suffering, but timing is everything. You may have the perfect solution if perspective but they need to be READY to HEAR it!

Also, bear in mind…you can only ever know a small slice of what’s really going on for them. Even if you feel you have been directly in their shoes, YOU HAVEN’T!

So BE KIND

And if you are on the receiving end, don’t be be afraid to ask for what you need – people welcome clarity (even if that clarity is telling them to button it!) Listen to what’s helpful but only take what resonates.

Only YOU know what it’s like to BE YOU in the situation you are in. Take that support but also trust hard in your own intuition to know what’s right for you

PS. Want some non-preachy, helpful advice that works on YOUR timing?

I’ve got a lovely ways you can do that right now:

Book: Start using the easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas for only NZ $17 (that’s approx. $10 USD or £9 GBP). >>>Click here to learn more.<<<

Tags 2023, Happiness, self care

2023 4 Dimensional Wellness Happy People Don't Do Self Care and Self Love

How do you know you are D.O.N.E. with something?

Post author By Support Elf
Post date February 14, 2023
No Comments on How do you know you are D.O.N.E. with something?

Collage with a woman covering her face and screaming mouths. Bullying, abuse, harassment. Concept.

A big curly question for you this week, one that came up this week in the live weekly coaching session in the Wellbeing Warriors Coaching Academy that I thought would help lots of you today:

How do you know you are D.O.N.E. with something?

When it’s D.O.N.E. rather than done.

That you are Capital D Done. End of the road D.O.N.E. That is what I am talking about.

How do you know you are truly D.O.N.E. with that relationship that does not light either of you up?

How do you know you are truly D.O.N.E. with that career that sucks your soul?

How do you know you are truly D.O.N.E. with that friendship that feels subtly undermining and “off”?

How do you know you are truly D.O.N.E. with that house? That place? That feeling that you are not where you are meant to be?

How do you know you are truly D.O.N.E. with that obligation you made with the best of intentions way back when?

How do you know you are truly D.O.N.E. with that way of handling that person or situation?

How do you know you are truly D.O.N.E. with that way of thinking about a certain thing? Complaining about a certain person or situation?

How do you know you are D.O.N.E. with that unhealthy coping strategy / bad habit that you know doesn’t serve you?

That you are D.O.N.E. with squeezing yourself into a certain sized box in order to satisfy others perception of who and how you should be?

I will tell you:

You will know when you are completely D.O.N.E. with something when you give it up and you feel freedom instead of loss.

You will know you are D.O.N.E. when the (often massive) hassle or intense pain of walking away is preferable to putting up with whatever it is for even One. More. Second.

People think being D.O.N.E. is a bad thing.

That it is a bad thing to throw your hands in the air and proclaim: that’s it, you are D.O.N.E.

Or to silently sit through whatever it is but whisper quietly to yourself as you get in the car afterwards “That’s it. Last time. I am D.O.N.E. “

It can be a loud moment that brings the room to a standstill.

Or it can be one as quiet as the grave that you whisper only to yourself.

We associate that moment with having failed. With having lost control.

I actually think the moment we completely connect in our hearts that we are D.O.N.E. is our moment of greatest power.

When we are truly D.O.N.E. with one particular way of being or living it opens our brain and heart up to find a different way, a new way, an alternative way. It forces ingenuity and courage.

Being truly D.O.N.E. with something can become the solid foundation on which we create the next chapter of our LIFE.

We fear being D.O.N.E. thinking being D.O.N.E. is the end.

My friends, being D.O.N.E. sets you free.

Being D.O.N.E. is just the beginning.

The life you really want?

It’s right there, on the other side of whatever you are truly D.O.N.E. with.

What do you want to be DONE with?

P.S If you want to make a proactive choice to elevate your REAL self-care and wellbeing, you can get my book: 101 Self Care Ideas for just NZ $17 (instead of NZ $29) today. Click here to grab your copy. It’s pretty.

Tags 2023, flexible thinking, Happy People

2022 High Energy Happiness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Adulting is mainly….THIS!

Post author By Support Elf
Post date December 7, 2022
No Comments on Adulting is mainly….THIS!

Doncha just love this meme?

It’s funny because we all know it rings true.

Thing is, shouldn’t adulting be more than this?!

More than the “daily grind”.

We have totally normalised tiredness in our culture.

Filed permanently pushing through each day under “it is what it is”.

Accepting that being knackered and endlessly juggling balls is just the way life is.

Thing is, being tired all the time is NOT normal.

Being tired is NOT (repeat not!) a sign to get another flat white.

Continual tiredness is NOT NORMAL.

It is a sign to look at your boundaries and your priorities.

Easier to just get an espresso and ignore the big questions and the messages from our body, I know…

I did that. For years and years and yeeeears. Ended up descending into a hellish burnout that meant I was bedridden for four months and couldn’t work AT ALL for over a year. I couldn’t in fact do any effective adulting for over a year. Wowsers.

(You can read all about this in my Penguin published book High Energy Happiness, and get a copy delivered to your door if you like )

Ignoring my continual tiredness was a very expensive mistake! Hiding my tiredness in caffeine was okay short-term but disastrous long term. It was really counterproductive adulting. I had no idea there was another way to do life. I just did what I had always done. And that’s what I know many of you will do. You will start 2023 all full of excitement and good intentions, but you will end the year on your knees physically and emotionally exhausted, like every damn year.

There is another way.

If you are living life from one coffee to the next, I’d love to invite you to think about doing adulting differently in 2023 and have me as your coach.

We will be opening the doors to my Coaching Academy where we will be coaching on those boundaries and priorities in a supported environment at New Year. I’d love to help you do adulting differently next year. You can waitlist right here.

If you are feeling knackered, it’s affecting your adulting, and you want to see where you are on the 7 Stages of Tiredness you can download that for free here. It’s pretty illuminating, and I wish I had known this information before I burned myself out completely!

Tags 2022, high energy, self care sunday, stress relief

2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Change The Game ✨⁠

This random quote I came across nails everything I believe about wellbeing, and inspired me to offer you a lovely freebie too (link is at the end to grab it, just read on!)

Physical wellbeing is *obviously* really important.⁠

⁠

But it is often given far higher importance than our emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing.⁠

⁠

The interesting thing is that when we attend to our mental, emotional and spiritual health we start to feel comfortable in our own skin in a way we may never have done: and that becomes the foundation for almost effortless physical health choices.⁠

⁠

Those diets that stop, start, stop, start: you just start to eat healthy ongoing because you want to.⁠ It stops being hard, and becomes the obvious choice.⁠ Do the deep work and see it click into place.

⁠

That exercise habit wagon you have fallen on and off time and time again? You don’t need another 30-Day miracle boot camp promising you the world or a gym membership that lapses and you feel guilty about; you need to attend to your boundaries, learn why you self-sabotage and exactly how to stop it and, guess what…then you’ll exercise regularly because you want to, because it’s just what you do. No fuss. No struggle.⁠ Do the deep work and see it click into place.

⁠

That crazy lack of rest and downtime, running on empty and lack of balance? Do the deep work and watch that fall into place without you trying. Start honouring your mind and body with appropriate self-care without force or guilt.⁠

⁠

If you are O.V.E.R. doing the same thing, listening to the same old promises, falling on and off the same ole wagon with the same ole excuses…⁠

⁠

Do. Something. Different.⁠

⁠

Learn how to take care of your wellbeing – emotional, mental and spiritual FIRST – and watch your physical wellbeing fall into place.⁠

⁠

Do. Something. Different. For. You.⁠

Do the deep work and see it click into place.

⁠

Something that the woman in the mirror will thank you for.⁠

⁠

You want change?⁠

⁠

You want to look different?⁠

⁠

Feel different?⁠

Then do different.

Do the deep work.

⁠

Change. The. Game.

PS. Want to do a little deep work: here is a LOVELY FREEBIE from me to you, and it’s the PERFECT TIME OF YEAR TO DO IT. Download my 7-Step Life Review Workbook here, grab a cuppa and a pen and dive in. Insight into what makes you tick awaits. For you. For fuh-ree. With my love!

Tags 2022, flexible thinking, Happiness, self care sunday

2022 Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Is putting myself first selfish?

Post author By Support Elf
Post date November 7, 2022
No Comments on Is putting myself first selfish?

If you are having a rough ride at the moment this one’s for you…

It’s been a crazy busy couple of months as I race to get two houses moved into one. At the weekend I realised I had rescheduled out all of my own important commitments this week in order to work around various client and family requests. I was more than happy to do it at the time but as I reached the weekend I was aware I was completely frazzled! It was a good reality check for me: I could feel a bad habit creeping back in: the need to please, to not be perceived as “selfish” and the inability to say no!

Rescheduling what’s important to you (your run/yoga session/coffee with a friend) because someone else’s needs require fulfilling has a short-term psychological payoff. We feel like a good person for going out of our way to help someone else, or putting the needs of our client/employer/child/spouse before our own. They are happy: therefore we are happy.

As an occasional thing it’s absolutely a win-win: everyone gains in happiness and our sacrifice of personal needs is balanced by the feelgood factor of helping someone else get what they need. Score!

As a long-term strategy, however, it’s a disaster. If we consistently put other people’s needs before our own then it leads to burnout and resentment. I see many clients who have fallen into this trap. I see it a lot with mums who make time to taxi their kids to 17 different after-school activities but can’t seem to make time for one damn thing for themselves in the week, or the next week, or the week after that. Also, with busy professionals who defer their weekly game of squash, or acting class in order to get that big project at work finished. And then the next week there is another important, urgent work issue. And the next. And on it goes.

It’s faulty thinking. Somehow, we get into the habit of deferring our own perfectly valid needs because other people’s needs matter more. Their happiness matters more. Meeting their needs becomes more important. It doesn’t make sense and here is why. If needs matter, then all people’s needs matter, not just your boss/husband/child, but yours too. Either everybody’s needs count, or nobody’s count.

A wise old boss once put it to me this way: “if you say yes to everything Louise, what is your yes worth?” Being able to sometimes say “no” and stick to it makes your “yes” much more valuable.

It’s your job to stand up for what you need to be healthy and happy, even if that means that someone else doesn’t get what they need (or think they need) all the time.

The opposite of selfish is selfless. And this is absolutely what we get. We are so busy trying to avoid being selfish that we get less of ourselves, less of what matters to us in our lives.

I’d like us to think about being “self-full” instead of selfish. That we can carve out time to replenish ourselves, and we should. When we do this, we have so much more juice in the tank to give to others. It’s that classic analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask first in a crashing plane so you can then help others.

When we have commitments to our own needs in terms of what is a good life-work balance for us, what we need to look after our own physical, emotional and spiritual health, then we have so much more to serve the world.

PS. Want some snappy self-care inspiration RIGHT NOW that isn’t the usual “drink more water, oh and have a bubble bath” yawnathon? I got ya! Download my latest book 101 Self-Care Ideas right here. It’s amazing value, super pretty and…it’s satisfyingly TICKABLE so you can see your progress!

That’s ONE thing you can do for you, right now. You’re welcome 🙂

Tags 2022, flexible thinking, self care, self care sunday

2022 Good Enough Love the Skin You're In Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

It’s time to let perfectionism go for the mirage it is.

Post author By Support Elf
Post date October 30, 2022
No Comments on It’s time to let perfectionism go for the mirage it is.

I have come across a beautiful and timeless Japanese art called “kintsukuroi”, which is the practice of repairing broken pottery with gold.

Cracked and shattered items are lovingly pieced back together and the cracks flooded with liquid gold.

The piece is no longer perfect, but its repair is proudly on view in precious metal, integral to its new form, which only serves to make the piece more beautiful – not despite its breaks, but because of them.

The deeper meaning of this art is to consider: what if we saw ourselves the same way?

We all go through astonishing heartbreak and life explosions, from which we will never be quite the same.

There will be wounds, and we might try to hide them … but they are there.

We might think we are no longer as good, worthy, or tarnished in some way once the storms of life hit and we are no longer box-fresh perfect.

But what if we believed that we were not just okay because we have had a few breaks along the way…but that we are more beautiful because of it?

That our beauty actually lies within our imperfection and our transcendence of life’s slings and arrows?

That our uniqueness, flaws, scars, idiosyncrasies, are an integral part of the fabric that makes us imperfectly perfect?

That our survival and our ability to prevail in the case of hardship adds depth and richness?

This is life.

Not one of us gets out without getting a bit battered along the way, as well as screwing up royally a few times ourselves too.

No one, anywhere, at any time, has lived a perfect life.

Maybe it’s time to let perfectionism go for the mirage it is.

We are all good people; doing the best we can, with what we have, and what we know.

And you know what – that’s perfectly good enough right there.

What say you? Ready to relinquish the mirage of perfection for a little kintsukuroi? To fill our scars with liquid gold? To celebrate their beauty because we survived?

We are all worthy, not just despite the breaks we have experienced, but because of them.

P.S. Three ways we can work together:

Book: Start using the 16 easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas.

Course: Dive into this short course and get your mind on what matters most…feel different inside and out in just 2 weeks, 14 Day Real Self-Care Kickstart.

Academy: Want to waitlist for The Coaching Academy for 2023? Your best self awaits. Jump on the list here.

Tags 2022, challenging beliefs, self care, self care sunday

2022 Emotional Honesty My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Wonder…or weapon?

Ah, big thought for you today…and a very cool graphic:

Worry is essentially wondering about whether something bad is going to happen to us or not. Wondering is our imagination on fire. But is it

Wonder…or weapon? 💣

That stuff you are worrying about? 99% of it is not going to happen.

😯 Worry is literally using your own imagination AS A WEAPON – AGAINST YOUR SWEET SELF.

Image: https://www.yeahitschill.com/

Please expend your precious mental and emotional energy filling your head with:

❣ Fun and splendid plans.

🌟 Uplifting daydreams and imaginings “wouldn’t it be cool if…”

❣ Appreciation for people and things in your life – big or small.

🌟 Connecting to your miraculous body and whatever it is doing right now so capably for you.

❣ Planning a treat, a phone call, an adventure for someone you care about.

Your imagination can be your greatest asset, or the source of self-inflicted wounds.

Wonder…or Weapon…?

You decide.

P.S. Wondering how you can do something positive for yourself today? Wonder no more. You can get my book: 101 Self Care Ideas that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath for just $17 (instead of $29) today. Grab it here. It’s pretty. You will love it.

Tags 2022, flexible thinking, self care, self care sunday

ABOUT

ACADEMY

PROGRAMMES

BLOG

CONTACT

Don't forget to signup for your freebies!

Don't forget!...

Worth $27