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2022 High Energy Happiness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Adulting is mainly….THIS!

Doncha just love this meme? 

It’s funny because we all know it rings true.

Thing is, shouldn’t adulting be more than this?!

More than the “daily grind”.

We have totally normalised tiredness in our culture.

Filed permanently pushing through each day under “it is what it is”.

Accepting that being knackered and endlessly juggling balls is just the way life is.

Thing is, being tired all the time is NOT normal. 

Being tired is NOT (repeat not!) a sign to get another flat white.

Continual tiredness is NOT NORMAL.

It is a sign to look at your boundaries and your priorities. 

Easier to just get an espresso and ignore the big questions and the messages from our body, I know…

I did that. For years and years and yeeeears. Ended up descending into a hellish burnout that meant I was bedridden for four months and couldn’t work AT ALL for over a year. I couldn’t in fact do any effective adulting for over  a year. Wowsers.

(You can read all about this in my Penguin published book High Energy Happiness, and get a copy delivered to your door if you like 😊)

Ignoring my continual tiredness was a very expensive mistake! Hiding my tiredness in caffeine was okay short-term but disastrous long term. It was really counterproductive adulting. I had no idea there was another way to do life. I just did what I had always done. And that’s what I know many of you will do. You will start 2023 all full of excitement and good intentions, but you will end the year on your knees physically and emotionally exhausted, like every damn year.

There is another way. 

If you are living life from one coffee to the next, I’d love to invite you to think about doing adulting differently in 2023 and have me as your coach.

We will be opening the doors to my Coaching Academy where we will be coaching on those boundaries and priorities in a supported environment at New Year. I’d love to help you do adulting differently next year. You can waitlist right here.

If you are feeling knackered, it’s affecting your adulting, and you want to see where you are on the 7 Stages of Tiredness you can download that for free here. It’s pretty illuminating, and I wish I had known this information before I burned myself out completely! ​​​​​​​

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Change The Game ✨⁠

This random quote I came across nails everything I believe about wellbeing, and inspired me to offer you a lovely freebie too (link is at the end to grab it, just read on!)

 

Physical wellbeing is *obviously* really important.⁠

But it is often given far higher importance than our emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing.⁠

The interesting thing is that when we attend to our mental, emotional and spiritual health we start to feel comfortable in our own skin in a way we may never have done: and that becomes the foundation for almost effortless physical health choices.⁠

Those diets that stop, start, stop, start: you just start to eat healthy ongoing because you want to.⁠ It stops being hard, and becomes the obvious choice.⁠ Do the deep work and see it click into place.

That exercise habit wagon you have fallen on and off time and time again? You don’t need another 30-Day miracle boot camp promising you the world or a gym membership that lapses and you feel guilty about; you need to attend to your boundaries, learn why you self-sabotage and exactly how to stop it and, guess what…then you’ll exercise regularly because you want to, because it’s just what you do. No fuss. No struggle.⁠ Do the deep work and see it click into place. 

That crazy lack of rest and downtime, running on empty and lack of balance? Do the deep work and watch that fall into place without you trying. Start honouring your mind and body with appropriate self-care without force or guilt.⁠

If you are O.V.E.R. doing the same thing, listening to the same old promises, falling on and off the same ole wagon with the same ole excuses…⁠

Do. Something. Different.⁠

Learn how to take care of your wellbeing – emotional, mental and spiritual FIRST – and watch your physical wellbeing fall into place.⁠

Do. Something. Different. For. You.⁠

 

Do the deep work and see it click into place.

Something that the woman in the mirror will thank you for.⁠

You want change?⁠

You want to look different?⁠

Feel different?⁠

 

Then do different.

 

Do the deep work.

Change. The. Game.

 

PS. Want to do a little deep work: here is a LOVELY FREEBIE from me to you, and it’s the PERFECT TIME OF YEAR TO DO IT. Download my 7-Step Life Review Workbook here, grab a cuppa and a pen and dive in. Insight into what makes you tick awaits. For you. For fuh-ree. With my love!

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2022 Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Is putting myself first selfish?

If you are having a rough ride at the moment this one’s for you…

It’s been a crazy busy couple of months as I race to get two houses moved into one. At the weekend I realised I had rescheduled out all of my own important commitments this week in order to work around various client and family requests. I was more than happy to do it at the time but as I reached the weekend I was aware I was completely frazzled! It was a good reality check for me: I could feel a bad habit creeping back in: the need to please, to not be perceived as “selfish” and the inability to say no!

Rescheduling what’s important to you (your run/yoga session/coffee with a friend) because someone else’s needs require fulfilling has a short-term psychological payoff. We feel like a good person for going out of our way to help someone else, or putting the needs of our client/employer/child/spouse before our own. They are happy: therefore we are happy.

As an occasional thing it’s absolutely a win-win: everyone gains in happiness and our sacrifice of personal needs is balanced by the feelgood factor of helping someone else get what they need. Score!

As a long-term strategy, however, it’s a disaster. If we consistently put other people’s needs before our own then it leads to burnout and resentment. I see many clients who have fallen into this trap. I see it a lot with mums who make time to taxi their kids to 17 different after-school activities but can’t seem to make time for one damn thing for themselves in the week, or the next week, or the week after that. Also, with busy professionals who defer their weekly game of squash, or acting class in order to get that big project at work finished. And then the next week there is another important, urgent work issue. And the next. And on it goes.

It’s faulty thinking. Somehow, we get into the habit of deferring our own perfectly valid needs because other people’s needs matter more. Their happiness matters more. Meeting their needs becomes more important. It doesn’t make sense and here is why. If needs matter, then all people’s needs matter, not just your boss/husband/child, but yours too. Either everybody’s needs count, or nobody’s count.

A wise old boss once put it to me this way: “if you say yes to everything Louise, what is your yes worth?” Being able to sometimes say “no” and stick to it makes your “yes” much more valuable.

It’s your job to stand up for what you need to be healthy and happy, even if that means that someone else doesn’t get what they need (or think they need) all the time.

The opposite of selfish is selfless. And this is absolutely what we get. We are so busy trying to avoid being selfish that we get less of ourselves, less of what matters to us in our lives.

I’d like us to think about being “self-full” instead of selfish. That we can carve out time to replenish ourselves, and we should. When we do this, we have so much more juice in the tank to give to others. It’s that classic analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask first in a crashing plane so you can then help others.

When we have commitments to our own needs in terms of what is a good life-work balance for us, what we need to look after our own physical, emotional and spiritual health, then we have so much more to serve the world.

PS. Want some snappy self-care inspiration RIGHT NOW that isn’t the usual “drink more water, oh and have a bubble bath” yawnathon? I got ya! Download my latest book 101 Self-Care Ideas right here. It’s amazing value, super pretty and…it’s satisfyingly TICKABLE so you can see your progress!

That’s ONE thing you can do for you, right now. You’re welcome 🙂

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2022 Good Enough Love the Skin You're In Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

It’s time to let perfectionism go for the mirage it is.

I have come across a beautiful and timeless Japanese art called  “kintsukuroi”, which is the practice of repairing broken pottery with gold.

 

Cracked and shattered items are lovingly pieced back together and the cracks flooded with liquid gold.

 

The piece is no longer perfect, but its repair is proudly on view in precious metal, integral to its new form, which only serves to make the piece more beautiful – not despite its breaks, but because of them.

The deeper meaning of this art is to consider: what if we saw ourselves the same way?

 

We all go through astonishing heartbreak and life explosions, from which we will never be quite the same. 

 

There will be wounds, and we might try to hide them … but they are there.

 

We might think we are no longer as good, worthy, or tarnished in some way once the storms of life hit and we are no longer box-fresh perfect.

 

But what if we believed that we were not just okay because we have had a few breaks along the way…but that we are more beautiful because of it? 

 

That our beauty actually lies within our imperfection and our transcendence of life’s slings and arrows?

 

That our uniqueness, flaws, scars, idiosyncrasies, are an integral part of the fabric that makes us imperfectly perfect?

 

That our survival and our ability to prevail in the case of hardship adds depth and richness?

 

This is life.

 

Not one of us gets out without getting a bit battered along the way, as well as screwing up royally a few times ourselves too.

 

No one, anywhere, at any time, has lived a perfect life.

 

Maybe it’s time to let perfectionism go for the mirage it is.

 

We are all good people; doing the best we can, with what we have, and what we know.

 

And you know what – that’s perfectly good enough right there.

 

What say you? Ready to relinquish the mirage of perfection for a little kintsukuroi? To fill our scars with liquid gold? To celebrate their beauty because we survived?

 

We are all worthy, not just despite the breaks we have experienced, but because of them. 

 

P.S. Three ways we can work together:

Book: Start using the 16 easy-to-implement mental and emotional health tips from my newest (super pretty, super effective) book, 101 Self Care Ideas.

Course:  Dive into this short course and get your mind on what matters most…feel different inside and out in just 2 weeks, 14 Day Real Self-Care Kickstart.

Academy: Want to waitlist for The Coaching Academy for 2023? Your best self awaits. Jump on the list here.

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2022 Emotional Honesty My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Wonder…or weapon?

Ah, big thought for you today…and a very cool graphic:

 

Worry is essentially wondering about whether something bad is going to happen to us or not. Wondering is our imagination on fire. But is it

 

Wonder…or weapon? 💣

 

That stuff you are worrying about? 99% of it is not going to happen.

 

😯 Worry is literally using your own imagination AS A WEAPON – AGAINST YOUR SWEET SELF.

Image: https://www.yeahitschill.com/

​​​​​​​

Please expend your precious mental and emotional energy filling your head with:

 

❣ Fun and splendid plans.

 

🌟 Uplifting daydreams and imaginings “wouldn’t it be cool if…”

 

❣ Appreciation for people and things in your life – big or small.

 

🌟 Connecting to your miraculous body and whatever it is doing right now so capably for you.

 

❣ Planning a treat, a phone call, an adventure for someone you care about.

 

Your imagination can be your greatest asset, or the source of self-inflicted wounds.

 

Wonder…or Weapon…?

 

You decide.

 

P.S. Wondering how you can do something positive for yourself today? Wonder no more. You can get my book: 101 Self Care Ideas that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath for just $17 (instead of $29) today. Grab it here. It’s pretty. You will love it.

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

One of the most moving emails I’ve ever received

You know all those shiny perfect photos of women on Instagram talking about how they are doing their “Inner Work”?

Well, here are the TWO most important things about doing Inner Work that they are not saying:

It’s a) done on the INSIDE, so no one else can SEE IT, or support you on the journey until they start to see changes on the OUTSIDE…which can take time.

It’s an INTERNAL JOURNEY for the first part of the way. Once change gets visible you will get motivation and support and cheerleading aplenty…at the start though? Not so much.

INNER WORK IS DONE ON THE INSIDE (of our brains and hearts)…not on INSTAGRAM. It’s inner. Not insta.

The second thing about Inner Work:

Is b) it is WERK. I talk a lot about the fact it is IMPOSSIBLE for us to “make” other people change against their will. The thing is, it’s also actually quite hard to get OURSELVES to change, even when we want TO!

Think about that trail of unfulfilled good intentions and resolutions in all of our rearview mirrors. Inner work is WORK.

Literally it’s like a JOB which requires intention, vision, a plan, commitment, willpower, belief, discipline, humour, resilience and so much more.

Just because it’s what we are choosing and want it doesn’t mean it is easy. It is still work! In my opinion it’s the most valuable work we can do, but it is still work. Effort and patience are required.

So, I want you to know, if you are finding your quest to be a calmer/healthier/better version of you and finding it a) lonely or b) hard that doesn’t not mean you are doing it wrong.

Inner work is literally an Inside Job. You have to go to work, on your own, without instruction or support, and crack it from the inside.

This is the transcript of the end of the video Shannon shared with me after 6 weeks of support in The Coaching Academy. It was such a heartfelt video she was crying, and it sure as hell made me cry too because it brought into such sharp relief just how HARD life can be to do this kind of thing on our own. And I was so glad she didn’t have to anymore. This is the end of what she said…

“…I think the coolest part for me has been in the group, everyone seems really great and supportive and all those things that you said.

You’d kind of expect it in the group but the cool thing for me is having visibility of other people doing the work to be better versions of themselves. I think a lot of the narrative in the world kind of generally is you know, you do your work, you do, you grow, you have to always be learning, always be growing, all these things, but you don’t actually see people doing the work – and it’s hard and you don’t see the people doing the hard bit and so I felt really alone and bad that I was working hard and to be a better version of myself and I was going to get there but I was really lonely in it and now I’m not.

I can see other people doing the work and feeling tired and keeping going, which was really the most amazing thing for me.

So, yeah, it’s that I can see people also wanting to be better versions of themselves in doing the work to get there. So that’s really cool.

Thank you very much for having me. And thank you for your messages and I will see you in the group. And have a great weekend. Thank you.”

How amazing is that? What a truly beautiful, enlightened, OBSERVANT young woman. She is so right. We really don’t SEE other people doing the hard yards of personal development. These days it’s been distilled down to a perfectly lit headshot, or a snappy meme. Becoming the best version of ourselves is SO much more than that. Inner Work is great work, but it can be lonely and it can be hard

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2022 Happiness Love your body Positive Thought Strategy Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

So simple, but she blew my mind with this statement…

Last week I met a friend of a friend who is eight-and-a-half months pregnant and radiant. She eats well, exercises regularly, makes self-care a priority and the results showed. And that’s no mean feat when she also has two under 5 to cope with.

 

Complimenting her on this rosy glow she said something so simple yet so extraordinary that it really struck me. She said “Well, I like to take care of myself”. It wasn’t “because I’m pregnant I need to take care of myself”, or “I should have the drink green smoothie” type of thing. It was a simple statement of fact, completely free from the obligation usually associated with diet and exercise. “I like to take care of myself”.

 

It was a statement that came with no force, no “have to” no “should”. She likes to, so she does.

 

Many of us find making time to eat well and exercise regularly a hassle.

 

There is never enough time and it’s forever on the to-do list and I think that is because we don’t think what she thinks. We think “I should take care of myself” or “I need to take care of myself”.

 

The energy of these statements is quite different, one is an obligation, or a chore. “I like to take care of myself” however sounds like a very pleasurable hobby, with a pleasurable hobby kind of positive energy, an easy thing to do because it’s so inherently likeable.

 

“I should take better care of myself” = a PUSH, a push of motivation and willpower to do “the right thing”.

 

“I like to take care of myself” = an inspirational PULL towards doing the right thing, with clean open energy because of its inherent likeability.

 

True fact: Being pulled to do something we like is easier, more pleasurable and more sustainable than being pushed by willpower to do something we don’t really like.

 

So, I started to make a list of things I like – travelling, spending time with my partner, shopping for shoes, boxing, that feeling I get at the end of a good yoga class and so on.

 

All those things are no effort for me and making steps towards them is a pleasure, not a chore. Researching the next travel destination, booking the tickets, packing – it’s a magical pull towards what I love. I actually get this rush I call “airport joy”; that moment when the bags have been checked, the voicemail message changed and everything is done. A new adventure awaits and all there is to do is to sit with a good book and wait for it to unfold.

 

Yes, I love that. Airport Joy. And I think it’s the same for having a fit healthy body. If we can tap into that feeling of what we like, what naturally draws us forward then it ceases to be a chore, or a “should” and transforms into a pleasurable hobby.

 

Make a list of things that you like ... the beach, the bed, a good book, crochet, hang gliding. Start identifying what you like. Notice the change in energy. Tap into that pull forward. Then see if you can extend that to the simple but powerful belief “I like to look after myself” and see how many positive choices flow from that foundation.

 

Buddha said “With our thoughts we make the world”. And so it is with our thoughts we make our body.

 

“I like to take care of myself” is a pretty damn good place to start. Pull, don’t push, towards the vitality you want.

 

PS. If you like to look after yourself, let me give you 101 ideas of how you can do that today…in a gorgeous tickable format, you can dip in and out of…one tick each day!

Click here and it’s on its way.

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2022 Happiness Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

It’s controversial but I think it’s 100% true

Much is made (by wellbeingey, feelgoodery people like me!) of “Being Present”. That we will all be healthier and happier if we are more connected to “the now” and present with who and what we are doing, when we are actually doing it.

 

There is however another equally important, yet far less discussed perspective to the “Be Present” position.

 

I also think it’s important to know:

 

*It’s TOTALLY okay not to be “on” 24/7 and engaged in every single convo going on around you.

 

* It’s TOTALLY okay to have an enjoyable, meandering, noodle on Instagram on your phone.

 

* It’s TOTALLY okay not to listen to every single word someone wants to share with you.

 

AS LONG AS YOU OWN YOUR ABSENCE.

 

If you can be present, and you choose to be present: BE ALL THERE.

 

If you don’t have the capacity, the time, the attention, or the mind space: LET THEM KNOW.

 

OWN YOUR ABSENCE.

 

It’s yours. You can do that. It belongs to you.

 

Be clear. Be unambiguous.

 

Say “I can see you have something on your mind you want to share but I just cannot give you my full attention right now. Can we talk properly over dinner?”

 

or

 

“Hon, I adore you, I’ve loved chatting with you over coffee – but I just need to check my email. I’d like to take 10 minutes and then resume the chats! – is that cool with you?”

 

or

 

Turn your phone on silent, go lay on the bed, and play on Instagram to your heart’s content with no one else expecting anything from you in that moment. Immerse yourself and enjoy.

 

If you are not going to be present (which is fine, no one can be all the time) OWN YOUR ABSENCE with clarity and intent.

 

Make sense? What a relief, eh? No-one can be present all the time, let’s stop beating ourselves up for it.

 

PS. Want a book that will change your life? Of course you do.

It’s here.

It’s beautiful.

Original.

Satisfyingly tickable

Make it yours ✅

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2022 Energy Boosters My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Need more sunshine in your pocket?

Sometimes (actually most of the time!) self-care can be SIMPLE…for example….

 

It’s less sunny in the winter (duh!) which has all sorts of impact on our delicately balanced circadian & ultradian biorhythms that govern our body’s performance & moods.

 

Despite the very real impact of the seasons on our physiology, life does not stop – we continue our commitments & obligations with no adjustment whatsoever to the very real seasonal impact on our body and mind.

 

Our internal rhythms may change quite significantly yet we expect – of others and ourselves – to continue with the demands of life as if nothing is any different.

 

One of the biggies here is the amount of sunlight we get.

 

Sunlight is a significant provider of Vitamin D in our bodies, as well as being involved in the regulation of serotonin (happy hormone) & melatonin (sleep regulating hormone). It’s also crucial to our mood & sleep levels.

 

Feeling a bit blue in the winter is a definite sign to try to get more blue sky in your day.

 

The obvious and fuhreee choice is, if you can work your day around it, to try & get a walk in at lunchtime. Go grab your sushi from the place four blocks away so you can get in your 15 minutes of sun rays.

 

Other options include checking out light boxes, lamps & alarm clocks that wake you with simulated natural sunlight, there are some excellent ones on the market.

 

My preferred option for a sunshine injection however, is obviously to get on a plane & head for the sun if time and budget allow & get in a winter sunshine break. For health reasons, of course!

 

Today, your self-care mission is to get at least 15 minutes of sunshine, and know you are doing great things for your body and mind as you make it happen. All the small things add up.

 

PS.  All small self-care actions ADD UP. They have a cumulatively positive effect on your body and mind. You can get 101 (very satisfyingly tickable! ✅) ideas in my new book 101 Self-Care Ideas that are not that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath! Click here to get inspiration and snappy action on tap. Did I mention it was tickable? So motivating! ✅

 

{ NB: If you think you might be suffering from a case of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) you should visit your GP ASAP. A continually super low mood in winter can require medical intervention.}

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2022 Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

The Selfishness question we all need to ask ourselves….

I want to talk about setting yourself a “Self-Care Baseline” today…

 

Self-care is often confused with selfishness, so frequently it comes so low down on people’s “To do” list – just under “clean out the garage” and “drop jacket at the drycleaners” that it hardly ever happens. When looking after ourselves is actually our most important job, why does it always seem to come last for most women?

 

What I see again and again is busy women juggling multiple responsibilities, like work and family, start thinking somewhere along the line that taking time out for themselves is selfish, or something that can ONLY happen when everyone else is taken care of. They are always at the end of the list, which builds resentment and saps energy.

 

As someone once debilitated by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I now look at things differently. I think that not putting your own self-care first is selfish. If you are run ragged by the demands of life you will NEVER be able to give your best to others – you’re depriving them of the wonderful person you can be. Racing to fulfil every demand without coming up for air means you can’t be truly present and connected in your interactions; you’re always thinking about “what next”.

 

Creating a self-care baseline is an important contract to make with yourself, whether it’s a monthly massage, an hour alone to read your favourite books, or a weekly Pilates class that’s a non-negotiable it’s the equivalent of putting your own oxygen mask on first in the plane before helping others. Being selfish actually becomes the most powerful thing you can do not just for yourself, but for everyone else too.

 

You don’t have to do All The Things, you don’t need to do self-care perfectly…just start with ONE thing and create a Self-Care Baseline that supports you and that you can look forward to, and say, that is MY THING I do for ME. It’s more important than you know.

 

PS. Want ideas to set your own Self-Care Baseline?

I’ve got 101 of them for you to choose from in my (satisfyingly tickable!) new book:101 Self-Care Ideas that are not that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath! Click here to see what it will do for you and grab it at a discount today.

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