Categories
2020 2021 Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Relationships

It’s the most wonderfully dramatic time of the year!

Let’s talk Christmas Drama!

Christmas can be such a trigger as it thrusts people who are used to having their OWN say and OWN space together into a confined space, add in a heap of OLD dynamics (and alcohol!) and old expectations on behaviour and authority and you can get a really explosive mix!

Social conventions that usually apply between friends/ acquaintances/ colleagues often don’t apply in the same way with family so that restraint of social convention doesn’t hold as much water as it does in other situations where things would just not get said and tongues would temporarily get bitten to keep the peace.

This quote today I think is a really nice way of rising above.

We simply DON’T have to attend every argument we are invited to.

We can let other people play out their thing and choose not to get dragged in. To simply say “I’ve heard you” but then not follow them down the rabbit hole. For the few days of festive celebration, this can be a really liberating approach. Basically what happens is because you withdraw your energy from the complaint/argument it’s like a fire starved of oxygen: it will go out.

You become NO FUN to play that old argument/complaint dance with – and so – that person will go seek it elsewhere.

Remember – it’s YOUR energy and focus – YOU get to decide where it goes. You can decide to fuel the fire or starve it.

You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.

Isn’t that good to know?

Categories
2020 Communication Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy

What You Seek Is Seeking You

Ever feel like things just work out for other people more easily than you, or that life just not unfolding quite as it should.

Do you feel stuck in the struggle? I get it – and I see it – A LOT – with my clients, and I want to help you with that yucky feeling of stuckness today.

So, here’s the thing.

If you are feeling stuck about something it’s because your thinking is stuck about that issue.

If you want to get unstuck you have to be prepared to find a new way to think about that topic.

You can’t expect things to be different but your thinking to stay the same. Period.

Now, this may sound easy, but it isn’t. I see this often.

People desperately want a certain part of their life to be different in some way but they are utterly resistant to changing their point of view on it.

So they keep thinking the same negative thought pattern about it, over and over – for months, years, decades even – and they can’t understand they remain stuck in the same unwanted place.

If you think life is one long series of disappointing situations then it’s going to be one long series of disappointing situations. You are going to miss the small moments of good things that are literally littered through your day, as you will automatically filter them out. The shy smile from the guy on the bus. Missed it. The easy park you got right outside. Missed it. The compliment someone tried to pay you on your shoes. Missed it. Getting the last brownie in the store. Missed it. It will be a disappointing day. The person who doesn’t email you when they said they would. Saw that. The guy that pulled right out in front of you. Saw that. The rain cloud looming. Saw that. Very disappointing.

You get what you look for.

 In fact, you get more of what you look for.

 It’s self-perpetuating.

If you think that life is one never-ending struggle of never enough then that’s what it’s going to be. The free coffee on your coffee card. Missed it. The two for the price of one in the pharmacy. Missed it. The complimentary blow-dry. Missed it. The insurance paying out after a little dink in the car. Missed it. Hitting the car being terribly inconvenient. Saw that. The 10cent increase in gas. Saw that. The colleague that got a raise but you didn’t. Saw that.

What you notice and appreciate grows. Things to appreciate begets more things to appreciate. What you notice and denigrate grows. You notice more and more things to feel bad about.

If you want a life where you believe things are always working out for you your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life where you know there will always be enough your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life full of love and lightness your thinking needs to reflect that. That’s what you need to look for.

It’s very easy to get stuck in a loop where we are endlessly playing the same record on a particular issue. The “I’ll never meet anyone” track. Or the “Things work out for everyone but me” track. Or the “I hate my job” track.

It takes effort, willpower, willingness, and consistency to change the tune. The problem is we want to wait for the circumstances to change before we change the song. For the new lover to appear. Or the lottery win. Or the passion-filled new job. The trick is knowing that the fastest route to getting those things is to change your tune ahead of time. Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet said “what you seek is seeking you”.  It is. The way to speed up it finding you is to change your tune.

When you change the way you think about things, things change.

Happens every time.

What can you change your tune on today?

Because what you seek IS seeking you – if you look for it.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Happiness Happy People Don't Do Live Happy Inspiration

The Approval Trap

How to stop caring what other people think

Delightful client I’ll call “Evie”. A gentle sweet soul, making her way through life in a quiet and unassuming way. It turns out Evie is NOT doing a whole heap of things that would make her happy. Joining a choir. Making her own clothes. Taking a trip to Asia. Going for a promotion.

Why? Because she is so, so, very afraid that each choice will not meet with universal approval. What if she misses a note and people laugh? What if people don’t like that quirkily fashioned skirt? What if no one from the tour wants to talk to her in the temples of Thailand? What if she can’t do the new job perfectly and everyone knows it and thinks she shouldn’t have got it?

It paralyses her. And so. And so. She does none of these things.

And life stays small. Her fear of not receiving approval stops her from creating opportunities to make her own heart sing.

She has handed all her power away.

She is not alone.

Before you judge Evie take a look inside. There are way more of us who are closet approval seekers than you might think. The rise of social media and the selfie have fueled a culture of approval seeking. Ever had a little lift in mood as you got more “likes” than you anticipated; ever wondered what was wrong with that status update that it got so few (doesn’t anyone care?)?  Approval seeking comes in many forms, and when we base a piece of our self-worth on it we are in trouble. It means we have handed the power of how we feel about our own self directly into the hands of others. That we are dependent on receiving a certain response from outside ourselves in order to feel good on the inside. That, my friend, is a very dangerous way to live.

Look – we all want to be liked. OF COURSE, WE DO! It’s nice when people say nice things, compliment us, agree with us, support us. It feels awesome.

But it should never take the place of us being our own cheerleader.

The approval of others can add to and enhance our own validation of our choices, but it should never replace it.

The more your choice resonates for you at a deep level, that you approve of it heart and soul you’ll find the less you need someone else to approve.

You cannot, simply cannot put your self-esteem in the hands of other people dependent on whether they approve of your life choices, or their opinion on how funny/pretty/smart/hardworking you are or are not.

Some of these people you want approval from you don’t even like.

Hell, some of these people you don’t even know.

Listen. It’s a big ole world out there. There are a few, if any, choices that are going to meet with universal approval. For anyone. Even if you are…say, Beyonce. Even if you are a multitalented, gorgeous multimillionaire and philanthropist – there will always be someone who doesn’t like Beyonce! But that doesn’t mean Beyonce should stop being Beyonce and doing Beyonce type stuff.

It is not just unrealistic, but actually impossible, to expect “everyone” to approve of you all the time. It’s also something you simply CANNOT control. It’s time to call time on trying. Here’s your magic formula:

If you approve of your choices: that’s an essential ingredient for a happy, fulfilled life.

If other people approve of you / your choices: that’s a nice optional extra.

Other people’s approval is the cherry on top of the cake.

Your approval is the cake itself.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

Are You Too Nice?

What do people mean when they say you are “too nice”?

Do people ever tell you, you are “too nice”.

Maybe at work? Socially? At the school gate? Are you the “nice one” in the family?

What do you think?

Is “too nice” a good thing…or no?

Is it a compliment…or…not?

And what does being “too nice” really mean?

I bet you have never really thought about it…being the helpful soul I am, I am going to short cut it here for you.

But you are not going to like it… (sorry)…

Ready?

I’ll tell you what people mean when they say you are “too nice”.

They mean you are a pushover.

Sorry lovely, but they do.

“Too nice” is NOT a compliment.

It means they can get away with murder.

They mean your boundaries are so permeable that you are picking up the slack for others logistically, emotionally, practically, mentally, way too often.

They mean you get taken advantage of in a subtle but consistent way.

They mean that you usually don’t stand up for what you really need, and defer your priorities behind others way more than is actually good for you.

I hate to say it but “Too Nice” is a code. And it’s code for “Pushover”.

I know, right?!

So – look, I know you ARE a nice person, and you want to be thought of as nice. Totally makes sense, and I support that. So, let me help you do that today.

Firstly, understand that there is a HUGE difference between being a Nice Person, and being “Too Nice”.

What does being a Nice Person mean?

For me it means I am demonstrably thoughtful. Generous. Compassionate. Honest. Trustworthy. Good. I try to do good in my interactions. I know it’s not always possible but that’s the intention.

AND, secondly, I ALSO HAVE BOUNDARIES of what’s ok for me in terms of my time, commitment, finances, emotions, opinions, logistics. Boundaries that I am aware of, have consciously chosen, will voice, and will stand behind if required in a calm, uncomplicated way.

Being Nice is BOTH those things.

I can be a Nice Person AND have Good Boundaries.

However, when we are “Too Nice” we are being Nice at the EXPENSE of our boundaries.

We are making it one OR the other. Niceness OR Boundaries.

Essentially it boils down to: if I am nice then I can’t stand up for what I need. I need to be liked by others more than I need to look after myself and what’s truly ok for me. It’s become an either/or choice. Be nice, OR, have boundaries.

But – it’s actually NOT mutually exclusive.

You CAN Be Nice AND have appropriate boundaries about what you will and won’t accept in your life.

My personal definition of Nice is: “I am a nice person (really nice!)….but, be clear, I won’t allow you to p*ss me about”.  

Nice: good personal qualities + good boundaries.

Too Nice: good personal qualities + low or no boundaries.

Yes, we want to be nice.

But we don’t want to be “too nice”.

You get to define Nice.

I highly encourage you to do it.

Define what it means for you.

Be nIce. Don’t be too nice.

That way, everyone wins.

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

The REAL COST Of Not Taking Care Of Your Self-Care

Y’know good people, I am gonna just lay this down:

Y’all gotta stop treating self-care like it’s an optional extra!

  • Like it’s the thing you will do… once all the important sh*t is done.
  • Like it’s the side order of fries rather than the burger.
  • Like it’s an optional extra to think about…when you have time.
  • Like it’s a freaking LUXURY.
  • We treat self-care like there is NO COST to NOT doing it.

Be super clear:

If you are not taking care of your precious self

And by that, I mean not just your physical wellbeing

But your mental, emotional and spiritual health too

You will be practicing self-care-compensation instead: and it costs us far more than genuine self-care.

There is an immediate cost to not taking care of ourselves: it’s expensive and it looks like this:

  • We will be drinking wine to feel better after a hard day because we do not have a regular mental or emotional health practice to tap into to unwind and rebalance. Expensive.
  • We will be trying on 15 outfits and creating a floordrobe or buying clothes in sizes we don’t want to compensate for the activity we didn’t do. Expensive.
  • We will be buying shiny new shoes because they are the only thing we can guarantee to fit to compensate for the stress-eating we did. Expensive.
  • We will be losing our rag at someone we didn’t mean to, in a way we regret because we didn’t do our own emotional boundary work before we had the conversation. Expensive.
  • We will be feeling pissed off or sad when certain situations come up and reaching for our phone, wasting hours, as we endlessly scroll as an adult pacifier because we are not processing our emotions in a safe and considered way. Expensive.
  • We will feel tired and reach for extra coffee, tea, and energy drinks to keep going and pep us up because we are not listening and caring for the very real rest needs of our body. Expensive.

Here’s the thing.

If you think that self-care can always be put off til later…

It can’t.

You are ALWAYS taking care of yourself – and soothing uncomfortable emotions – it’s just HOW are you doing it?

Are you doing it in a conscious way that elevates your mind and body in a way that you choose that benefits you today, but also tomorrow?

Or are you doing self-care unconsciously in a way that just gets you through the day, numbing out, reducing anxiety. Mindless scrolling. Eating. Gossiping. Drinking. Faffing.

Room for improvement – right?

It’s time to start treating self-care

And I mean real self-care, (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) not just booking a massage once a year!

Not as an optional extra.

But as an ongoing essential part of healthy mind maintenance.

Quality self-care is the investment in ourselves that gives us the biggest return;

Because if we don’t make time for health, sooner or later we have to make time for illness of one sort or another.

Let’s commit to taking self-care off the optional extra list, and make it the main event.

Categories
2020 Dream and Goals Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Self belief

One Day…or Day One? You decide.

Here’s the thing about wellbeing. People put it off. And off and off.

It’s the thing that comes at the end of the To Do’s that we will take care of “when we have more time.”

Brutal Heads Up: you are never going to get “more time”.

In fact, today is the MOST time you are ever going to have.

You will NEVER be younger, or have more minutes, hours, days and years to spend on the planet effecting change internally or externally than you do this very day.

TODAY is the day when you have the most time.

Whatever it is you WANT, that you know would enhance your life and wellbeing:

Be it doing “Couch to 5K”.

Or knocking sugar on the head for good this time.

Or speaking kindly to yourself in the mirror.

Or setting clear and fair boundaries around the division of housework in your home

Or going to your gym class 3x a week as a non-negotiable.

Or drinking your hot water and lemon each morning.

Or whatever the hell it is that you want and intend for yourself.

That you KNOW will do you good – in terms of physical, mental or emotional health…

You will NEVER have more time to implement it.

And get started on that chain of good habit, one day at a time.

THAN you do TODAY.

And that, my friends is a fact.

Whatever you want in terms of prioritising and nourishing your mind, body and soul – it all comes from ONE firm commitment to start.

And the best day for that is undoubtedly today.

Not when you “have more time.”

YOU will NEVER get MORE time.

You are the youngest you will ever be – TODAY

Take that decision to make a positive step (that you want to take!) towards taking care of your wellness today.

Begin now.

One Day…or Day One?

You decide.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Self Care and Self Love

There are TWO types of Busy Person…which are you?

Life is busy. You sure don’t need a life coach to tell you that! However – there are two kinds of busy. Which one is more you?

There is active, focused, conscious busy …and there is frantic, rushing, juggling, largely unconscious busy.

The first feels energising, focused, controlled, productive. Let’s call that Purposeful Busy.

The other feels overwhelming, stressful, and out of control. That would be Stressful Busy.

Life is always going to be busy. It’s the 2020’s. That just how it is, we don’t really get to change that. What we DO get to control though is WHAT KIND of busy we are personally engaged in

BOTH are going to keep you doing stuff all day. Only one is going to not just feel good but move you nearer to where you want to go and the kind of life you want for ourselves.

We can all be busy all day and knackered at the end. That however doesn’t tell us if we have been being busy about the right things.

The defining factor is

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING BUSY ABOUT?

How much has been about obligation?

And how much about positive choice?

How much has required willpower? And how much has been breezy inspired action?

Stop. Take a minute. What ARE you filling your day with – to be so busy?!

Is it purposefully in alignment with the life you want to have for yourself a year, 3 years from now?

How much of your day is a building brick for the future, and how much is going through the motions or obligation driven?

A year from now if you want to be promoted is your busyness a small step in driving that outcome, or is it just busy work that someone else didn’t want to do that you didn’t want to say no to?

A year from now if you want to be strong and fit and in your old jeans is skipping that spin class because you were so busy a step towards that goal or a step away? What were you busy with instead?

A year from now if you want to be credit card debt-free did you take a tiny action towards that goal today? Or were you too busy to make a packed lunch and ate on the run again?

All these things are teeny tiny choices.

But that is how we get ANYWHERE! Lots of teeny tiny choices in a row.

To create anything of meaning in our life.

We have to be busy doing the right things.

Being busy per se is not enough.

The time will pass anyway.

It will get filled with tens of thousands of tiny choices anyway.

The difference between Purposeful Busy and Stressful Busy is a very clearly defined future goal, and the commitment to move towards it each day, in a tiny way – NO MATTER WHAT. Even if its inconvenient. Even if it means we let someone else down.  Even if we say no to some other stuff.

When we don’t do this – it means that our priorities shift weekly, daily, hourly, depending on who needs what. That is where we are Stressful Busy. That’s why we feel like we are rushing, and juggling between everything.

Because we are.

There is a better way.

When we have a purpose and we prioritise it.

When we are Purposefully Busy we are not LESS busy.

We are just busy about the right things.

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

The BIG lie you have been told about “Self-Care”

Yo, listen up lady. You’ve been sold a Big Fat Lie about Self-Care. BIG. Huge.

You’ve been sold a lie that Self-Care looks super nice and fluffy. That it looks like pedicures, bubble baths and avo on toast. That it smells of bubble-gum and candyfloss, and it lives, mainly on Insta, striking a well-lit pose.  I know you know what I’m talking about. Self-Care is BIG buck’s y’all. There are a LOT of vested interests in telling you that THIS perfectly manicured, utterly passive image, is what Self Care looks like.

Let me tell you something from coaching thousands and thousands of smart women to lead their healthiest, happiest lives peppered with continual personal growth:

Real Self Care is actually really ACTIVE: it’s WORK.  And sometimes it’s really HARD. And it pretty much always doesn’t look pretty.

Real Self Care doesn’t come with a pink bow on it – real Self-Care looks like this:

Sitting down and making a spreadsheet of all your debts and figuring out some sort of payment plan that will start to release you from crushing financial stress – THAT my friend, is not sexy, but it is Self-Care.

Walking away from that oh so gorgeous soulmate of a man, with the abs and the flowers and the smile, who also never turns up when he says, lets you down continually and intermittently ghosts – THAT, my friend, IS Self-Care.

Scheduling a meeting with your boss to talk through your responsibilities and workload, and remuneration in a well prepared, confident, assertive way – THAT, my friend, that is Self -Care all the way.

Politely saying no thanks to that girl’s get-together that inevitably makes you feel like crap and that you have to compete and yes you have known each other from school but they just don’t really get you anymore, but deciding not to go this year – THAT is Self-Care.

Calling ahead to the dinner party host to explain you are doing a particular health-related eating programme that you are really committed to sticking to – even at her event, and working out a few easy menu items that she can prepare or you can bring – THAT is Self-Care.

Here’s the thing:

Self-Care doesn’t always look like what’s EASY.

Self-Care is unlikely to be something that is PASSIVE.

And it’s usually not INDULGENT.

It’s not that indulgence is bad. Far from it – but bubble baths – they only feel indulgent when you are lying there knowing you can afford your mortgage.

Don’t mistake an enjoyable indulgence for Self-Care. Enjoy the indulgence, of course! Enjoy that good passive bubbly stuff that puts the cherry on the top of life – but don’t mistake it for the real WORK of caring for your beautiful self.

People wonder why they have a massage or spend the day at the spa, essentially “doing self-care” but then basically feel exactly the same about themselves, their body, and their life once they have left the spa and got home.

This is why. They have not been doing Self-Care! They have been doing Indulgence. Indulgence feels gooooooooddddd, (and I’m all for it) but – and this is the really important thing – it only feels good IN THE MOMENT.

Self-care? REAL Self-Care? My friends, real Self-Care is often HARD WORK in the moment. It’s about change. About challenge. About TRUTH. But – here’s the kicker – It LASTS. When you genuinely do what you need to do to really CARE for yourself – you feel better not just that day, but day after day after day.

Remember this:

Indulgence makes you shiny on the outside.

Self-Care lets you shine long term, from within.

 

 

Categories
2020 4 Dimensional Wellness Energy Boosters Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Self Care and Self Love

3 Steps To Sticking With It!

Let’s think about a healthy habit that you find easy to maintain.

Hands up who brushed their teeth this morning? Of course you did. Now, was that a hassle? Was that a major effort of willpower to convince yourself to do it? Of course not. You just got up, wandered into the bathroom and started brushing, right? Brushing your teeth is an effortlessly healthy habit that you put into practice twice a day without even thinking about it.

Why is it so easy?

One: Your action is in congruence with your deeply held belief, drummed into you since childhood, that oral health is important physically and socially. There is no internal dialogue that goes on every morning about whether teeth brushing is a good thing or not, you have already decided it is, so you act accordingly.

Two: It’s set up for you in a way that’s convenient and easy to action. The toothbrush is right next to the sink, with the toothpaste. Easy. And it happens at a regular time of day which further anchors the habit.

Three: We get an almost instant reward for carrying out the behaviour. Our teeth feel clean and nice and we can deliver a good morning kiss without fear of embarrassment.

Can we use these principles to establish other healthy habits? For sure. We need to make sure we cover all three steps.

  1. We deeply believe in why we are doing it.
  2. We make it convenient and easy to carry out
  3. We build in some sort of reward, especially if the activity itself isn’t yet intrinsically rewarding because it takes longer for the benefits to be apparent.

So, a couple of examples:

Habit we want to establish: reduce coffee intake, no coffee after midday

  1. Why: We are not enjoying feeling so wired and want to be able to sleep more soundly.
  2. Ease: We make it convenient by stocking up on a load of herbal teas and good quality decaf coffee in our desk drawer and at home.
  3. Reward: We reward ourselves with a non-food based treat after four days of successfully carrying it out eg. Meet with friends/ new magazine/ night at movies.

Habit we want to establish: increase exercise, a 15 minute walk daily

  1. Why: Moving our body daily is a commitment to future health and vitality, plus a valuable opportunity for downtime and reflection
  2. Ease: We make it convenient by keeping a pair of trainers in the boot of the car /under the desk so we can stop on the way home or scoot out at lunchtime if we miss our intended morning walking time
  3. Reward: We reward ourselves with a non-food based treat after four days of successfully carrying it out.

Don’t underestimate the value of having simple systems set up that support the change you want to effect.

The pair of trainers at work, the yoga mat in the boot of the car, the stash of herbal teas in the desk drawer can all make keeping the habit up as low maintenance as cleaning your teeth. I have a couple of friends who believe that green smoothies are the best way to start the day, but find mornings juggling getting the kids off to school just too frantic to make it happen regularly. One now spends a few minutes on a Sunday doing 5 little ziplock bags of spinach, kiwifruit, apple, etc so that all she has to do on Monday morning is grab the bag out of the fridge and throw the contents straight into the blender, no hassle. Another simply outsources it and has them delivered fresh weekly. Introducing simple systems that support habits can be the difference between them sticking or not.

What simple processes or systems could you put in place to support the healthy habits you want to establish? It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive.

It’s much more about reducing the hassle factor so it’s easier to do it, than to not do it. Just like cleaning your teeth!

 

 

 

Categories
2020 Happiness High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Post Lockdown

Dance In Your Own Space

Remember “Dirty Dancing?” The late Patrick Swayze in his prime. The kooky Jennifer Grey (whatever happened to her?) in the most archetypal 80’s movie of froth and fun and burning romance. Oh, the sweet agony of love!

Well, you know the scene where he is teaching her to dance? There is a bit where she keeps stepping on him, not holding her arms rigid to create the space between them. “Look, spaghetti arms” he says, marking it out with his arms. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don’t go into yours, you don’t go into mine. You gotta hold the frame”. By being aware of that space between them and honouring it in the way they moved, they both performed so much better. Then, later… the long-awaited moment with the clinch, the tension unbearable, he moves in to kiss her…”You’re invading my dance space. This is my dance space” she retorts coquetishly “That’s yours. Let’s cha-cha”.

Here’s the thing about smart busy people who have no energy. They are doing a heap of stuff for other people.

Maddy, the extra young grandmother who was doing the parenting for her daughter’s daughter. Harriet who was making 3 meals a day, 7 days a week for her entirely grown-up family of self-sufficient men. Sarah who was breadwinning and working herself literally to the bone to support her entirely capable husband and brother. I see it again, and again and again. Belinda who ran herself ragged doing everything for “the business” from the marketing and comms to fixing the printer at any hours or the day or night. Whatever it took.

Understand this.

If you take more responsibility that is actually reasonable, and you make that your role, then eventually everyone around you will expect that. Let’s be honest, if someone was happy to get up and feed your child in the middle of the night and you could sleep through, or make and clear up all your meals, or pay your rent, or do all your work so you don’t have to pay to hire someone else…well…that great isn’t it!? They must love doing that shit, if they keep doing it. That’s the obvious assumption to make.

Basically what has happened is you have stepped into someone else’s dance space, scooped up their responsibilities, and in a completely non-manipulative way (usually) that suits the other party just fine too. They think you LIKE doing all that stuff!!! So they step away. So you keep doing it. So the more you do. And the more tired you get.

This may or may not be accompanied by moaning. “I have to get to the supermarket, if I asked Bob to do it it would never happen”, or “If I don’t pick up that project it just won’t get done and the business will suffer”. Well sure, honey. But  – hear this – the status quo is never going to change if there is no consequences for the other party. If there is no pain point to get attention for someone to step up and own their own dance space they ain’t gonna just spontaneously do it.

The fascinating thing is that when YOU change up the status quo, provide the pain point or consequences, in a consistently delivered way then things change faster than you can ever believe. My clients are blown away by how quickly the people in their lives will step up into the void in their dance space if they themselves leave it.

So, make the change Spaghetti Arms. Get real, where are you actually stepping past the boundary of your own dance space into someone else’s? Start by step back, but in a smart transitioned way like Harriet did with her houseful of grown men for whom she was doing all the washing and cooking. She calmly explained why the change needed to happen and exactly what each person would be responsible for, She trained them on the new menu. She ordered the groceries so it would be easy and smooth and a good experience for everyone as they got started. She praised their efforts even when things were a little burned to start with. She didn’t expect perfection straight away (of course they are not going to do it exactly like you, but you know what, if you want more energy then you need to accept that some things will be done other people’s way, and that’s just fine). Guide them, then step back from their dance space and leave that space for them to step into. If you are permanently blocking it they will never step up or in.

YOU need to create the space. Now. Let’s Cha-Cha.

You can get the full series of questions and actions steps from this chapter in my (excellent and super helpful, if I say so myself!) book High Energy Happiness.

 

Louise Thompson signature

 

 

 

 

 

Louise working on her laptop with coffee in hand

 

You can order a signed copy of my book  High Energy Happiness here and I will get it sent straight out to you.  Enjoy! 

 

 

Don't forget!...

Grab your printable
workbook
worth $27… for free!

This 23-page
printable
LIFE COACHING
WORKBOOK
is for constructive,
guided reflection
so you come out of
tricky times stronger
than you went in!
My gift to you.

Worth $27