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2022 Fear of failure High Energy Happiness Self Care Sunday

Success Is Not Always What You See

That change you are working to effect in your own life?

Just because other people can’t see it or applaud yet, IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT HAPPENING!

Success is not always what you can see.

Just because it’s not on Facebook or Instagram doesn’t mean that quiet, steady acts of brilliance and commitment are not happening quietly and powerfully every minute of the day.

Saluting all you quiet achievers.

Keep up that amazing work.

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2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

Joy Of Missing Out

I have lost count of the number of gigs/parties/events I have missed out on over the years while I am teaching my fabulous yoga students of an evening. I absolutely love what I do, but I do get the odd grump about missing something every now and again. Sometimes I see my friends from corporate days doing a big glitzy thing on Facebook. The sort of industry event with black ties and champagne and fabulous shoes that I would have been at in years gone by, and I feel I am missing out, just a bit, as I potter about in my yoga pants.

I see numerous clients who are upset about missing out on career opportunities or family opportunities or travel opportunities or run-away-and-join-the-circus opportunities.  If I had a dollar for every time ‘I hate missing out’ has been uttered, I would have enough to host my own black tie and champagne event! In fact, I hear that FOMO (fear of missing out) is now actually in the urban dictionary, e.g. ‘Even though he was exhausted, John’s FOMO got the best of him and he went to the party.’

Here’s the thing. We have so many opportunities today that we live in the age of ‘missing out’. Which actually is a fantastic thing. Not a bad thing at all. I should be saying ‘I missed out!’ with joy and not regret. Why? Because missing out means I had a choice to do something else. It meant I chose another thing and I am actually so lucky to have that choice.

There are so many women around the world who miss out on things because they have no choice. Things like getting to vote, having financial independence, having a career outside the home that doesn’t require a ‘male guardian’. In Saudi Arabia, it is still illegal for women to drive, for example.  Many do not even have the choice over what they wear.

So, when I drive myself to class (rather than to the party I fancied), I am calling out my FOMO for what it is. And I think you should, too. This is all part of the energy-boosting process of embracing empowered choice. Missing out is a fantastic thing. I’ve missed out because I made the choice to run my own fabulous, thriving business. To be financially independent. To drive myself to class. On my own. In my yoga pants.

Missing out is confirmation that I have infinite choice in my life and that I am using it. And that is something to be very happy about indeed. Not the fear of missing out, but the joy of missing out. I shall call it JOMO. JOMO is the new FOMO, my friends. You heard it here first.

I wrote a blog post on this back in 2013 and had many comments from, in particular, mums of young kids. Karen said, ‘As a stay-at-home mum I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on those fabulous work events, too, and today I felt like I was missing out because a friend told me they were having a beer with Friday lunch … those were the days. But, and that but is huge, I’ve chosen not to miss out on my kids growing up, which I think in the long run is way more important than that beer I so feel like on a hot day like today. I have actually made a choice I feel lucky and thrilled to have made, and that’s a good thing to know!

Excerpt taken from The Busy Woman’s Guide To High Energy Happiness – Louise Thompson

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2020 Happiness High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Post Lockdown

Dance In Your Own Space

Remember “Dirty Dancing?” The late Patrick Swayze in his prime. The kooky Jennifer Grey (whatever happened to her?) in the most archetypal 80’s movie of froth and fun and burning romance. Oh, the sweet agony of love!

Well, you know the scene where he is teaching her to dance? There is a bit where she keeps stepping on him, not holding her arms rigid to create the space between them. “Look, spaghetti arms” he says, marking it out with his arms. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don’t go into yours, you don’t go into mine. You gotta hold the frame”. By being aware of that space between them and honouring it in the way they moved, they both performed so much better. Then, later… the long-awaited moment with the clinch, the tension unbearable, he moves in to kiss her…”You’re invading my dance space. This is my dance space” she retorts coquetishly “That’s yours. Let’s cha-cha”.

Here’s the thing about smart busy people who have no energy. They are doing a heap of stuff for other people.

Maddy, the extra young grandmother who was doing the parenting for her daughter’s daughter. Harriet who was making 3 meals a day, 7 days a week for her entirely grown-up family of self-sufficient men. Sarah who was breadwinning and working herself literally to the bone to support her entirely capable husband and brother. I see it again, and again and again. Belinda who ran herself ragged doing everything for “the business” from the marketing and comms to fixing the printer at any hours or the day or night. Whatever it took.

Understand this.

If you take more responsibility that is actually reasonable, and you make that your role, then eventually everyone around you will expect that. Let’s be honest, if someone was happy to get up and feed your child in the middle of the night and you could sleep through, or make and clear up all your meals, or pay your rent, or do all your work so you don’t have to pay to hire someone else…well…that great isn’t it!? They must love doing that shit, if they keep doing it. That’s the obvious assumption to make.

Basically what has happened is you have stepped into someone else’s dance space, scooped up their responsibilities, and in a completely non-manipulative way (usually) that suits the other party just fine too. They think you LIKE doing all that stuff!!! So they step away. So you keep doing it. So the more you do. And the more tired you get.

This may or may not be accompanied by moaning. “I have to get to the supermarket, if I asked Bob to do it it would never happen”, or “If I don’t pick up that project it just won’t get done and the business will suffer”. Well sure, honey. But  – hear this – the status quo is never going to change if there is no consequences for the other party. If there is no pain point to get attention for someone to step up and own their own dance space they ain’t gonna just spontaneously do it.

The fascinating thing is that when YOU change up the status quo, provide the pain point or consequences, in a consistently delivered way then things change faster than you can ever believe. My clients are blown away by how quickly the people in their lives will step up into the void in their dance space if they themselves leave it.

So, make the change Spaghetti Arms. Get real, where are you actually stepping past the boundary of your own dance space into someone else’s? Start by step back, but in a smart transitioned way like Harriet did with her houseful of grown men for whom she was doing all the washing and cooking. She calmly explained why the change needed to happen and exactly what each person would be responsible for, She trained them on the new menu. She ordered the groceries so it would be easy and smooth and a good experience for everyone as they got started. She praised their efforts even when things were a little burned to start with. She didn’t expect perfection straight away (of course they are not going to do it exactly like you, but you know what, if you want more energy then you need to accept that some things will be done other people’s way, and that’s just fine). Guide them, then step back from their dance space and leave that space for them to step into. If you are permanently blocking it they will never step up or in.

YOU need to create the space. Now. Let’s Cha-Cha.

You can get the full series of questions and actions steps from this chapter in my (excellent and super helpful, if I say so myself!) book High Energy Happiness.

 

Louise Thompson signature

 

 

 

 

 

Louise working on her laptop with coffee in hand

 

You can order a signed copy of my book  High Energy Happiness here and I will get it sent straight out to you.  Enjoy! 

 

 

Categories
Dream and Goals Emotional Honesty High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Love the Skin You're In Positive Thought Strategy Reduce Stress Relationships Self Care and Self Love

Change The Game

This picture meme I came across at random is everything I believe.

Physical wellbeing is *obviously* really important.

But it is often given far higher importance than our emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing.

Change The Game

The interesting thing is that when we attend to our mental, emotional and spiritual health (with smart, easy to apply coaching tools) we start to feel comfortable in our own skin in a way we may never have done: and that becomes the foundation for almost effortless physical health choices.

Those diets that stop, start, stop, start: you just start to eat healthy ongoing because you want to.

It stops being hard, and becomes the obvious choice.

That excessive habit wagon you have fallen in and off time and time again? You don’t need another 30-Day miracle boot camp promising you the world or a gym membership that lapses and you feel guilty about; you need to attend to your boundaries, learn why you worry about stuff and exactly how to stop it, and generally expand your level of self-awareness and trust: and, guess what…you’ll exercise regularly because you want to, because it’s just what you do. No fuss. No struggle.

That crazy lack of rest and downtime, running on empty and lack of balance? Do the deep work and watch that fall into place. Start honouring your mind and body with appropriate self-care without force or guilt.

If you are O.V.E.R. doing the same thing, listening to the same old promises, falling on and off the same ole wagon with the same ole excuses…

Do. Something. Different.

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Do. Something. Different. For. You.

Something that the woman you want to be in 2019 will thank you for.

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Feel different?

Change. The. Game.

Join 700 smart women in my life coaching Academy, and do wellbeing differently.

We have been doing it differently in there for 3 years now.

We have a formula that changes the game because it changes YOU.

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Join up right now, you won’t regret it!

 

 

Categories
High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy Self Care and Self Love

Make A Joy List

By way of a pub quiz, a seriously startling fact has just come to my attention. It appears that Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, the movie, came out in 1986. Nineteen. Eighty. Freaking. Six!  Whaaaaat? Feel free to take a moment to mop your fevered brow and wonder where on earth the last 30 years just went. How can that be? Anyone?  Bueller?… Bueller?… Bueller?

It makes the immortal quote from Ferris himself even more poignant, Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”  Well, we don’t want that. We want to pack it with as many joyful and happy moments as possible. So, I thought a Joy List could be in order today.

We want our lives to be defined by as much light, love, laughter, and joy as possible. The more of that we have the more resilience we have to weather the inevitable squally patches we will all encounter. The thing is, when we are head down, bum up, absorbed in busy-ness and getting things done, actively seeing joy can be something we defer to later. Let’s not shall we? Let’s take a moment today to stop and look around at what brings us joy so we can deliberately sprinkle more of that stuff everywhere.

Make your own Joy List right here:

3 places that make me happy:

How much time do you spend there? How regular is it? Can you find a way to increase that? What do you need to do to make that happen? Or, if it’s somewhere far afield – like Mexico, say – can you bring a bit of a feel good Mexico vibe to you? Taco night. Hang that Mexican rug on the wall that you promised you would when you bought it in that dusty market. Get some special tequila. Can you bring the essence of that joyful place to you?

3 people who bring me joy and uplift me when I spend time with them:

Note: it might not be the people you feel you “should” be putting down there. That’s okay. It’s your Joy List, no one has to see it but you. How much time do you spend with the people who spark joy for you? If it’s your cousin but you only see each other once every few months, it’s time to up the priority. Maybe you can FaceTime more or maybe it’s a great excuse to organise a girls’ trip to Melbourne. Subtly realign the way you spend your time to get more of the people who lift you up.

3 times I laughed out loud in the last week:

Studies show kids laugh hundreds of times a day. Pure spontaneous joy. Adults – not so much. Half a dozen at best. Our lol score is pitiful. Who or what makes you laugh? Genuine joyful laughter? Make deliberate plans to tickle your funny bone more often.

3 activities that light me up

Where do you lose track of time? Get so absorbed that the minutes or hours fly by. Surfing? Knitting? Cooking? DIY-ing? Hiking? How much time do you actually spend doing that stuff? As a percentage of your week or month? What can you gently let go of in order to allow a little more joy time in?

We all have the same 10,080 minutes in a week. The same 8,769 hours in a year. We can’t change that. What we spend them on, where we spend them, and who with – we can. Cramming as much joy into each seems like a good plan to me. Life does indeed move pretty fast. Look around once in a while, don’t miss it.

 

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Categories
Dream and Goals Happiness High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

How to keep exercising in 2018

Hello! I’m baaaack! It’s good to see you looking so tanned and rested. You look so well, the break has clearly been super good for you.

What I want you to articulate is how you are feeling right now. What three words would you use to describe your emotional state over the summer break? Relaxed. Engaged. Excited, maybe. Or Connected, calm, joyful? See if you can name three prevalent emotions. We’ll circle back to them in a minute.

The thing with the luxurious long summer break  (I know, some of you still have weeks to go yet. Weeks!)  is that we sink into it and feel so good that we forget how life rolls the rest of the year. You know, when there is traffic. And rain. Pickups. Email. And so we set our resolutions for the New Year from this magical holiday place of connection, peace, calm and fun. “It’ll be easy! “we say. “This year is SO the year I go walking before work every day/join the gym and actually go to it/ lose 10kgs!”

This. Is. The. Year!”. And we really mean it. And we really feel it.

These resolutions feel like they are in the bag. We have such confidence in ourselves because we are projecting forwards from our place of connection, calm and fun. Everything feels doable from that energetic place. It’s a delicious place to be. Hell, we even convince ourselves we will not just join and go to the gym, but we like it when we get there! Of course, we will! We will become one of those people. The ones in front of the mirror. It’s on.

And then. Real life starts again and the resolutions start stopping. Why? Because what with the traffic, and drop-offs, and the email and what not we shift out of a feeling state of being calm, connected and fun when we MADE the resolution, to stressed, frustrated and harried (or similar) when we actually have to DO the resolution. So much harder to keep that intention going when we are in a completely different emotional state than when we committed to it.

What’s the secret?

Well, life is life, there is always going to be traffic, drop-offs, and email. Opting out is unlikely to be an option. So it’s deciding to get yourself back into the emotional state when you MADE the resolutions in order that you can actually carry them out. Figuring out how to bring Connected, calm, joyful to working out, rather than stressed, frustrated and harried. That might look like sorting workout clothes the night before so you are calm and organised (and maybe treating yourself to some cute new ones, go on, I give you full permission), or making a fixed date with your sister to meet on Tuesday’s for pilates so you look forward to the connection and joy that that interaction brings. Or it might be managing your own thought processes around it to bring calm and connection. “I should go workout, I said I would” is a demotivating energy of push unlikely to succeed long term. Choosing instead to think “Regular exercise s something I gift to myself in 2018, and I love having that precious time just for me” will connect you to the emotional state in which you made it, and get you there with consistency.

One of the main reasons so many resolutions fail is because they don’t take feelings into account. Feelings are ultimately the only reason why we do anything! Ignore them in goal setting at your peril.  For success, bottle that glorious holiday feeling you have right now so you can tap into it through the year to drive the change you seek.

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High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

What “I’m So Busy” really teaches us

Busy Busy Busy.

A quick word on busyness this morning. It’s a great topic, because – well, we are all super busy, right? Life is a veritable whirlwind these days. Which can be a good thing. Can be a bad thing. There is much that has been written on this topic in recent years since we all got so hyper-connected.

Here’s the really good thing about being busy. It’s like shining a spotlight on your true priorities. Not what you say your priorities are. What they really are. It’s like shining a spotlight on your goals and plans and wishes and wants. Not what you say that they are. What they really are.

Where our time goes consistently is a reflection of our true priorities.

When that friend or family member “would have loved to catch up, but life’s been so busy” – that’s not a reflection on how busy their life is – it’s a reflection of how important your spot is in their diary.

When you miss boot camp for the 4th time in a row – that’s a reflection that the thing you are doing instead – working late; looking after the kids; watching Netflix – that that’s is more important to you right now than your fitness.

When you are too busy to help out or to socialise in the lunchroom because you are checking Facebook for the 11th time that day – that’s not a judgement – it’s just a direct reflection that your virtual relationships are more important than your real life relationships that day.

If you are staying late because you have to get to inbox zero rather than organising date night, it’s a reflection that reducing anxiety around work tasks is more important than creating fun and connection with your partner.

When you drag yourself out of bed in the dark to train for that triathlon it’s a reflection that your body and completing that event is more important than a lie in.

When you turn down the party to work on your novel it shows your true priority is to be a published author.

When you skip Friday wines to take the kids to laser quest your true priorities are laid bare.

The thing about how busy life is these days is that we are confronted with an almost endless conveyor belt of choices for us to make over our time. We are constantly choosing whether we realise it or not. Every choice adds up to a pattern – when we look at our pattern of choices – that’s when our true priorities are revealed.  We are what we consistently do, not what we say we want to do or would like to do.

Busyness is not the enemy. It’s an amazing opportunity to assess your true priorities without judgement. This is not, repeat not, an opportunity for you to beat yourself (and everyone around you) up! It’s a chance to reflect on the real balance of your time and priorities. It’s an opening of awareness to reflect on your relationships and the respective energy and priority that they are for both you and the other person.

Busyness forces choice. And choice reveals our true priorities.

Have a look, without judgement, at what you consistently choose to prioritise. Is it in line with what you really want and who you truly want to be?

Categories
High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

How To Be Successful At Anything

How does anyone get to be really good at anything?

Look at the people you admire in any given field. Not necessarily famous people, or award winners or whatever – just successful people. How do they get to be so successful? What’s the common theme that connects them? The winning golfer and the on-to-it Mum, the high flying exec and the leading lady?

It’s very simple.

They focus on Their Own Stuff.

Which bit of your life are you doing really well in? Guaranteed that’s the area where you are focussing hardest on Your Own Stuff. Happy marriage – bet you are focused on loving communication, and date nights or whatever works for you. Fit, strong body? Sure as eggs are eggs, you are focused on eating well most of the time, getting organised to put healthy meals together and make exercise a regular thing. Focused on Your Own Stuff. Beautiful, immaculate home? I guarantee you make time to organise the plumber to fix the leak pronto. You clean or get it cleaned regularly. You fix up little maintenance issues as they arise. All. Your. Own. Stuff.

Where things have gone off the rails a bit is we tend to spend too much time focused Not On Our Stuff. If the bod isn’t rocking, we are likely continually prioritising other people’s needs and wants before the desperate screams of our own body. If our business isn’t thriving in the way we know it could, we are likely spending too much time on Facebook looking at other businesses skiting about how marvellously they are doing and thinking how our marketing doesn’t live up to theirs. Not Our Stuff. Career not really flying like it should? Highly likely we have been too shy in stepping up or speaking up for fear of what others might think about us. Again: Not Our Stuff.

Our Stuff is what we can influence today. Our Stuff is figuring out the small teeny tiny actions and choices we can make each moment that bring a bit more ease, flow and joy into each moment. Our Stuff is speaking up for ourselves. Our Stuff is prioritising our time and choices. Our Stuff is knowing we are not responsible for other people’s reactions. Our Stuff is taking a chance on our dreams.

Getting more focused on your own stuff turns stuff around super quickly. Good questions to get refocused on Your Own Stuff are:

1. This thing that’s winding me up / stressing me out – is this in fact, really, My Stuff? Or not? If it’s not your stuff – put it down!
2. This thing that’s important to me that’s not going as well as I’d like – how can I focus on this more (or differently) in order to move it towards where I want it to go?
3. If I weren’t worried about what anyone else thought of me/this, what would I do?
4. Is there a “should” involved here? If there is it’s usually a big fat clue the issue in question is coming from someone else’s agenda, not yours. Not. Your. Stuff.

The basic maths of the equation means that there are only 24 hours in the day, 525 600 minutes in a year. You get to say what quality of energy you bring to each of them. The reality is when we have our focus split across too many things and too much stuff that isn’t ours, we don’t get the success we seek in the areas that are truly important to us.

Number one tip to be successful at anything?

Focus. On. Your. Own. Stuff.

Categories
Energy Boosters High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

4 ways to beat the Winter Blues

It’s now past the longest day of the year – 21st June. Dark when you wake up. Dark when you get home from work. You are not alone if you feel that you lose your mojo during winter. Feeling down, tired and losing that natural zest for life you have in the summer. It’s easy to stay stuck on the couch with a case of the Winter Blues at this time of year so here are 4 strategies for you to beat it and stay happy through the chill:

1. Start the day with purpose

A good start to the morning is key, especially when you start and finish your work day in the dark. Make a plan the night before – what do you want to achieve the next day? Get organised with your food, gym kit, etc. – and start the day off positively. Get as much sunlight as you can during the day to naturally regulate your mood (even nipping out of artificial lights at lunchtime for a brisk walk around the block will help) and if you can squeeze your exercise in and move your body in the morning to set you up for the day.

2. Be social

Summer is full of BBQs and socials galore. It’s fun, it’s easy, and it’s pretty much wall to wall social interaction on tap. In the winter – not so much – as people tend to hunker down at home. Social interaction is a powerful mood booster so make an effort to deliberately create some winter socials – a midwinter Xmas; a board games challenge; poker night; Use your imagination create some winter traditions that connect you and your family and friends. Create some excuses for planned social interaction that don’t rely on perfect weather conditions, so you don’t repeatedly default to the couch.

3. Practice Extreme Self Care

When we have a bit of a summer glow, and we are outside a lot our self-care is naturally better (being seen in a bikini also strangely motivating!). Again this is something that can slip in the winter, so make a plan to keep your self-care standards high. From nurturing and pampering (long bubble baths, pedicures, facial, whatever that is for you) to regular exercise. If you are finding self-motivated exercise (e.g. running solo) harder as the nights draw in, join some organised group exercise like a dance class or boot camp – all you need to do is show up and then the energy of the teacher and the class will pull you through.

If you look good you feel good: and that is an instant remedy for the winter blues.

4. Attitude is everything

We get down when we fight reality.

Moaning about the weather does not make the weather any better.

And – news flash – it gets wet here every winter. It’s just what happens. So, accept that’s what creates our beautiful, clean, green environment, and accept it. It’s easy to get in a group where we can talk each other into being miserable which, although there is a sense of comradery to the moanfest, really helps no one.

Take the opportunity to reconnect with your New Years resolutions – reconfirm what you wanted to achieve and why – and get back on that horse. Get out of a winter rut by trying something new. Give a winter sport or an indoor activity or craft a go. Embrace the time and space we have for reflection at this time of year to stretch you out of your comfort zone creatively, physically or intellectually.

3 Final Thoughts On Chasing Away the Winter Blues:

1. Keep it in perspective. I was reminded that our weather is really not that bad when a Canadian friend was talking about winter at home. One day it got to minus thirty, and her eyelids froze shut. Froze shut! Exactly.

2. Now that we are past the 21st June we are actually on the way back to Summer! The longest day has passed. You are on the way back to sunshine already!

3. In my opinion, one never needs an excuse to go shoe shopping, but we should enthusiastically embrace any that do fortuitously come our way.

I believe that “Winter” is a mysterious code from Mother Nature for “Go buy a faaabulous new pair of boots, darling!”

And you can’t ignore Mother Nature can you?

You’re welcome.

 

Categories
Energy Boosters High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

The Upside of Feeling Down

As y’all know I am a big fan of thinking positive… but… sometimes stuff happens that really throws us off. We get upset by something someone says or doesn’t say. Does, or doesn’t do. Something that happens. Or doesn’t happen. There is a gap between what we expect or desire and what we actually get in reality. The bigger the gap, the more upset we are. And that expectation vs. reality gap brings us down.

Here’s the thing. Feeling down can actually be a real growth opportunity as long as it’s short-term and temporary*. Feeling down in the short term? Well, it’s a golden opportunity to learn something new about ourselves.

Feeling down – tells us very clearly what we DON’T want.

That clarity can be really illuminating and valuable. Knowing what we DON’T want gives us access to getting really clear on what we DO want. That’s even more valuable information. When we can define what we DO want, we are a billionty** percent more likely to actually get it.

Feeling down gives us the opportunity to see if there is another perspective we can take. Can we look at the situation differently? Maybe we don’t need to feel quite so down about it? Is there a silver lining we are missing? Can we think about it differently so we can feel differently about it?

Feeling down can prompt inspired action that moves us efficiently in the direction of what we DO want and out of the downer-making situation. Feeling down can be just the trigger we need to evaluate the only three sensible options we ever have:

1. Do I want to accept this situation? As it is? Accept it and stop fighting it. It is what it is. Put my energy and focus elsewhere.
2. Do I want to change this situation? How can I best change it, so it gives me more of what I do want?
3. Do I want to leave this situation? Is feeling down a message that this situation is no longer serving me? I don’t want to accept it – I don’t feel that I want to change it – my best course of action is to exit it altogether.

Feeling down can act as the impetus to move us confidently towards feeling better.

It’s a message, and indicator, to pay more attention. That there is something to be learned or evaluated here, not just that there is an emotion to be avoided because it feels uncomfortable. If we can sit with that feeling of down, just for a few moments (without trying to avoid it by drowning it out with TV, wine, overeating, excessive work, excessive busyness, excessive exercise) – it can reveal exactly what we need to know to move ourselves confidently towards a much brighter future. Welcoming a little bit of “down” as a learning opportunity rather than running from it can be the foundation of a whole heap of happiness if we let it.

* Feeling down ongoing and long term – is not good – see your GP – you may have depression. Get the support you need!
** According to scientific research.

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