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2022 Good Enough Love your body My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Listen up! We’ve been sold a Big Fat Lie about Self-Care. BIG. Huge!

Little bit of a myth buster today…

We’ve (and I mean YOU!) been sold a lie that self-care looks super nice and fluffy. That it looks like pedicures, bubble baths and avo on toast. That it smells of bubblegum and candyfloss, and it lives, mainly on Insta, striking a well-lit pose.  I know you know what I’m talking about. Self-care is BIG bucks: there are a LOT of vested interests in telling you that THIS perfectly manicured, utterly passive image, is what self-care looks like.

Let me tell you something from coaching thousands and thousands of smart women to lead their healthiest, happiest lives peppered with continual personal growth:

Real self-care is actually really ACTIVE: it’s WORK.  And sometimes it’s really HARD. And it pretty much always doesn’t look pretty.

Real self-care doesn’t come with a pink bow on it – real self-care looks like this:

  • Sitting down and making a spreadsheet of all your debts and figuring out some sort of payment plan that will start to release you from crushing financial stress – THAT my friend, is not sexy, but it IS self-care.
  • Walking away from that oh so gorgeous soulmate of a man, with the abs and the flowers and the smile, who also never turns up when he says, lets you down continually and intermittently ghosts – THAT, my friend, IS self-care.
  • Scheduling a meeting with your boss to talk through your responsibilities and workload, and remuneration in a well prepared, confident, assertive way – THAT, my friend, that is self-care all the way.
  • Politely saying no thanks to that girl’s get-together that inevitably makes you feel rubbish and that you have to compete and yes you have known each other from school but they just don’t really get you anymore, but deciding not to go this year – THAT is self-care.

? Calling ahead to the dinner party host to explain you are doing a particular health-related eating programme that you are really committed to sticking to, even at her event, and working out a few easy menu items that she can prepare or you can bring – THAT right there, is self-care.

Here’s the thing:

Self-care doesn’t always look like what’s EASY.

Self-care is unlikely to be something that is PASSIVE.

And it’s usually not INDULGENT.

It’s not that indulgence is bad. Far from it – but bubble baths…they only feel indulgent when you are lying there knowing you can afford your mortgage.

Don’t mistake an enjoyable indulgence for self-care. Enjoy the indulgence, of course! Enjoy that good passive bubbly stuff that puts the cherry on the top of life – but don’t mistake it for the real WORK of caring for your beautiful self.

People wonder why they have a massage or spend the day at the spa, essentially “doing self-care”, but then basically feel exactly the same about themselves, their body, and their life once they have left the spa and got home.

This is why. ???? ???? ??? ???? ????? ????-????! ???? ???? ???? ????? ??????????. Indulgence feels gooooooooddddd, (and I’m all for it) but – and this is the really important thing – it only feels good IN THE MOMENT.

Self-care? REAL self-care? My friends, real self-care is often HARD WORK in the moment.

It’s about change.

About challenge.

About TRUTH.

But – here’s the kicker – It LASTS.

When you genuinely do what you need to do to really CARE for yourself – you feel better not just that day, but day after day after day.

Remember this:

?????????? ????? ??? ????? ?? ??? ???????.

????-???? ???? ??? ????? ???? ????, ???? ??????.

 

PS. Switch up your self-care with 101 ideas guaranteed to make a REAL difference to your mood, your mind, your body and your LIFE with a copy of my brand-new digital book ‘101 Self Care Ideas that are NOT “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath’. For inspiration and motivation to tap into whenever you need it, grab your copy right here to see what it will do for you.

Categories
4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Good Enough Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

Wellbeing Is A Verb…

Wellbeing is a verb…it’s something you DO, not something you POSSESS.

It’s not something you ACHIEVE, like a DEGREE…

a certificate on the wall you will have for life, that no-one can ever take away…

Wellbeing a a state of continual, life-long, DOING…

one action, after the next, after the next,

like riding a bicycle, pedal after pedal after pedal…

it’s the perpetual movement that stops you falling over.

With wellbeing there is no getting “THERE”,

there is no settled final destination,

no silver bullet, no “one thing”, “one secret”,

its a million tiny ACTIONS, DOINGS… wellbeing is self-love in ACTION.

It’s not that one-off achievement that you’ll get sorted one day once life is “less busy” (it will never be).

it’s something you commit to in the now, amongst the busyness, an integral part of the busyness…

there’s never a better time to look after our mental health and physical wellbeing than today,

and tomorrow,

and the day after that and the day after that.

The sooner I realised that (and my god it took me a lot longer than it should!)

and I stopped waiting for the right time or that right bit of magical wellbeing information I was missing,

that’s when it all started to fall into place.

Wellbeing is a verb…it’s something you DO, not something you POSSESS.

DO something for the future you TODAY.

Rinse and repeat tomorrow.

Accept it will never be “done” and do it anyway. 

 

Categories
2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Fear of failure Good Enough Live Happy Inspiration Self belief

How I Got Over My Fear Of Failure…

Falling not failing.

I have a new yoga teacher. She is a willowy blonde goddess, improbably flexible and radiant in all ways. She is also funny and nice, goddamn it. My posse of yoga girls and I have a bit of a girl crush, as we try and emulate her grace and strength. Last night she had us trying some fiendishly difficult arm balances (Parsva Bakasana if you are interested). Demonstrating this asymmetrically balance effortlessly, a picture of poise right down to her perfectly pointed toes, she encouraged us to follow. “How hard can it be?” we muttered trying to get to grips with it. Pretty hard as it turns out. We persevered, the sound of the chilled yoga tunes almost entirely drowned out by the noise of arses and foreheads hitting the floor. Annoying. Difficult. Tiring. Hot. Very easy to give up and put it in the Too Hard Basket. Just wait it out till she moves onto the next pose.

But then? But then she says this:

“Keep falling. I love it when people fall. It means you are committed.”

Oh, lady that is good. You don’t just have beautiful arms but much wisdom too.

I think this is a core principle for life. If we could love falling more we would all go further and do more.

The fear of falling stops so many of us from trying things that could be amazing, if only we would accept it was going to be harder than we thought, take longer than we thought and we probably will fall on our ass a few times. We pull ourselves up short of training for that new career; jumping into that new relationship; creating that side hustle business; volunteering for the things we have never done before; trying the scary but cool new hobby, all the time. If we are not going to be good at it quickly we can stop ourselves from starting. We fail to commit because we are scared of falling. We don’t want to hurt ourselves. We don’t want to be seen to fail again. We don’t want to go through the learning process where we are going to fall far more often than we nail it. We fail to commit because we fear the fall.

And the thing is, the fall is generally not as bad as we think. The fall is just part of getting out of our comfort zone. Trying something or someone new.

Falling is actually an intrinsic part of the process of anything new, not a reason not to commit in the first place.

Look around at the things you are proud of that you have accomplished. Look at those who have accomplished things which you would like to emulate. Some of the time it’s down to aptitude or luck but much of the time the only difference between us and them is that they have been willing to let themselves fall, and not judge themselves for it. That they have learned to love the fall. That it’s been a badge of their commitment not a signal of their failure.

Falling means you took a risk. It means you showed up. It means you didn’t quit.

Falling doesn’t mean failing. Falling means you committed.

How would life be different if you learned to love the fall?

 

Categories
2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Dream and Goals Good Enough Live Happy Inspiration

Do You Ever Secretly Feel “Not Good Enough”?

The secret to making 2021 count.

There are as many dreams of a different, more fulfilling life than there is tea in China. Each dream as unique as the person. However, the underlying reason why we don’t step up and move towards our dreams is usually the same.

Do any of these ring a bell with you?

• The middle manager who really wants to be a nutritionist but is scared it won’t work out and they can’t make money
The gorgeous girl who has been unlucky in love and is reluctant to get into online dating, or, who does it, but then cancels the dates at the last minute.
• The busy mum who wants to get fit but can’t get a consistent exercise programme going
The new lawyer who graduated with a hard-won degree but it absolutely loathes dragging themselves into the law office each day. They slap on a brave game face and get on with it despite the misery.
• The Dad who loves his family but hates his job, but can’t leave because he is the breadwinner.
The girl who wants to travel and do the OE but has no one to go with so doesn’t book it and never goes.
• The girl who does the part-time training in massage and wants to make a full time living out of it, but is too scared to make the leap.
The spouse who is desperately unhappy but can’t have the conversation to either improve or leave the marriage.

It’s so easy for us to “get by”, day after day. Not truly connected with what makes us happy and fulfilling our life’s purpose. And then the next day, and the next day after that. And before we know it years have gone by in the “it’s okay” zone, but the amount of time we feel truly connected, alive and at peace is next to nothing.

Why?

The number one reason I see people holding themselves back is a fear that on some level they won’t be “good enough”.

• Not good enough to make a new business in the wellbeing field make enough money and be successful enough to support a good lifestyle
Not good enough to trust that there is a loving and respectful partner out there who will make her soul sing. Not good enough to be loved completely and be loved in return.
• Not good enough to put herself and the needs of her body first sometimes, that doing that will mean she is a not good enough mum, that she is selfish.
Not good enough to pack in the shiny yet unfulfilling career path and do something that the family might not approve of. Not good enough to stand up to the inevitable familial pressure.
• Not good enough to make the break and create a career change that is bold yet pragmatic. Not good enough to make the leap.
Not good enough to make friends along the trail. What if people don’t like me? What if I never meet anyone?
• Not good enough to do the non-traditional thing. That’s for other people, the brave ones who are good enough. More talented. More special.
Not good enough to make a stand and stick to it. Not good enough to live my own and make an independent life. I’ll never make it work.

Not good enough is a universal fear. It’s also a universal lie. And believing it keeps us playing small in the world. It dashes countless hopes and dreams. It’s an all-pervasive, silent assassin of living our life’s purpose.

When you look around at people who are living their life’s mission, what do you see? You see that they do feel good enough to give it a go. To back themselves. To trust that when they are honouring the messages of their soul that things will work out. That they have the courage, resilience, and passion to overcome any obstacle.

People who are living their life’s purpose don’t wait to feel good enough to make it happen. They know that that feeling comes from the action of leaping towards their passion.

Because – here’s the secret they are in on:

You are ALREADY good enough.

Why? Because “Good Enough” is an impossible standard to define. When you think about it, what does it even MEAN? Define for me someone who is good enough? Hard right? We are all imperfectly imperfect. No-one, and everyone, is already good enough.

If we wait to feel good enough on some level before summoning the courage to live the life we know we are meant to live, we will be waiting a very long time. We have to take action before we feel good enough, in the knowledge that the truth is we are already more than good enough to handle whatever comes up.

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is proceeding with your soul’s calling DESPITE the fear.

You are ALREADY good enough.

You can do this. Make 2021 count.

 

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