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2022 Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Is putting myself first selfish?

If you are having a rough ride at the moment this one’s for you…

It’s been a crazy busy couple of months as I race to get two houses moved into one. At the weekend I realised I had rescheduled out all of my own important commitments this week in order to work around various client and family requests. I was more than happy to do it at the time but as I reached the weekend I was aware I was completely frazzled! It was a good reality check for me: I could feel a bad habit creeping back in: the need to please, to not be perceived as “selfish” and the inability to say no!

Rescheduling what’s important to you (your run/yoga session/coffee with a friend) because someone else’s needs require fulfilling has a short-term psychological payoff. We feel like a good person for going out of our way to help someone else, or putting the needs of our client/employer/child/spouse before our own. They are happy: therefore we are happy.

As an occasional thing it’s absolutely a win-win: everyone gains in happiness and our sacrifice of personal needs is balanced by the feelgood factor of helping someone else get what they need. Score!

As a long-term strategy, however, it’s a disaster. If we consistently put other people’s needs before our own then it leads to burnout and resentment. I see many clients who have fallen into this trap. I see it a lot with mums who make time to taxi their kids to 17 different after-school activities but can’t seem to make time for one damn thing for themselves in the week, or the next week, or the week after that. Also, with busy professionals who defer their weekly game of squash, or acting class in order to get that big project at work finished. And then the next week there is another important, urgent work issue. And the next. And on it goes.

It’s faulty thinking. Somehow, we get into the habit of deferring our own perfectly valid needs because other people’s needs matter more. Their happiness matters more. Meeting their needs becomes more important. It doesn’t make sense and here is why. If needs matter, then all people’s needs matter, not just your boss/husband/child, but yours too. Either everybody’s needs count, or nobody’s count.

A wise old boss once put it to me this way: “if you say yes to everything Louise, what is your yes worth?” Being able to sometimes say “no” and stick to it makes your “yes” much more valuable.

It’s your job to stand up for what you need to be healthy and happy, even if that means that someone else doesn’t get what they need (or think they need) all the time.

The opposite of selfish is selfless. And this is absolutely what we get. We are so busy trying to avoid being selfish that we get less of ourselves, less of what matters to us in our lives.

I’d like us to think about being “self-full” instead of selfish. That we can carve out time to replenish ourselves, and we should. When we do this, we have so much more juice in the tank to give to others. It’s that classic analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask first in a crashing plane so you can then help others.

When we have commitments to our own needs in terms of what is a good life-work balance for us, what we need to look after our own physical, emotional and spiritual health, then we have so much more to serve the world.

PS. Want some snappy self-care inspiration RIGHT NOW that isn’t the usual “drink more water, oh and have a bubble bath” yawnathon? I got ya! Download my latest book 101 Self-Care Ideas right here. It’s amazing value, super pretty and…it’s satisfyingly TICKABLE so you can see your progress!

That’s ONE thing you can do for you, right now. You’re welcome 🙂

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2022 Emotional Honesty My book Self Care and Self Love Self Care Sunday

Wonder…or weapon?

Ah, big thought for you today…and a very cool graphic:

 

Worry is essentially wondering about whether something bad is going to happen to us or not. Wondering is our imagination on fire. But is it

 

Wonder…or weapon? 💣

 

That stuff you are worrying about? 99% of it is not going to happen.

 

😯 Worry is literally using your own imagination AS A WEAPON – AGAINST YOUR SWEET SELF.

Image: https://www.yeahitschill.com/

​​​​​​​

Please expend your precious mental and emotional energy filling your head with:

 

❣ Fun and splendid plans.

 

🌟 Uplifting daydreams and imaginings “wouldn’t it be cool if…”

 

❣ Appreciation for people and things in your life – big or small.

 

🌟 Connecting to your miraculous body and whatever it is doing right now so capably for you.

 

❣ Planning a treat, a phone call, an adventure for someone you care about.

 

Your imagination can be your greatest asset, or the source of self-inflicted wounds.

 

Wonder…or Weapon…?

 

You decide.

 

P.S. Wondering how you can do something positive for yourself today? Wonder no more. You can get my book: 101 Self Care Ideas that are not “drink more water” or have another damn bubble bath for just $17 (instead of $29) today. Grab it here. It’s pretty. You will love it.

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2022 Emotional Honesty Self Care Sunday

Ever feel like everyone else kinda has their shit together, but you?

Sometimes (actually most of the time!) self-care can be SIMPLE…for example….

 

Ever feel like everyone else kinda has their shizzle together, but you?

 

If you ARE one of life’s gloriously creative, scattered, always running late, no idea where your car keys are, did I feed the kid/cat/parking meter people…I want to talk to you today and let you know….

 

THAT IS FABULOUS! You bring energy, and fun, and fabuloucity to this increasingly measured and judgy world.

 

Please – OWN YOUR FABULOCITY!

 

Please stop being down on yourself because you are not as “together” as some of your friends/family/colleagues.

 

And know this…YOU DO BEST WHEN YOU PLAY THE LONG GAME…so don’t worry about having your shizzle together and your hair perfect today…focus on the quality of your connections and direction over the long term, and in the words of the great Elizabeth Gilbert “embrace the glorious mess that you are”

 

I have so many clients and Coaching Academy members who were getting down on themselves before learning that it’s not just OKAY to be who they are, but to fully EMBRACE, OWN AND REVEL IN THEIR MORE FLEXIBLE APPROACH TO LIFE.

 

Set yourself free, darling, stop being hard on yourself for not having your shizzle  together – because – in the long run – it matters not! You categorically DO NOT have to have your shizzle together all the time, in order to have a radically successful life.

 

So – own it, if this is you!

 

P.S. Want to feel like you DO have your shizzle together for a moment?! Tick one thing a day from my snappy self-care inspiration, that isn’t the usual “drink more water, oh and have a bubble bath” yawnathon? My book is amazing value, super pretty and…it’s satisfyingly TICKABLE – nothing makes us feel more like we have it all together than a tick in a box! ✅✅✅ You can get it right here.

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2022 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

Breaking through from burnout: When “I’m fine” is really a secret cry for help

Prisha is a busy mum and step-mum, who works part-time AND is an exceptional surveyor in the office. She juggles a lot, mostly with a smile, and is THAT FRIEND. You know, the one you go to who always helps you feel better and knows what to say. 

Prisha had a problem and that was – she was veeeerrry burned out. And that a lot of her “I’m fine!”’s were in fact covering up the fact she was utterly overwhelmed and feeling like she was a hamster on a wheel from the moment she woke up to the moment she closed her eyes at night. 

AND because she was already so busy, she absolutely did NOT have time for yet another spendy wellbeing programme or gym membership that would be gathering dust after the first week. She didn’t need more in her life, she was already up to her limit. 

Prisha joined the Coaching Academy as a bit of a cry for help, really. And she spent the first few weeks just checking in with the daily challenges, as she dipped into the Packing Light module that helped her dial down her tendency to overthink. 

Her big breakthrough came in one of the weekly Coach Spot LIVE sessions. It was a question another Academy member had asked about overwhelm in terms of extended family obligations, and as she listened to the advice and tools given on the live Prisha picked up a HUGE ‘AHA!’ moment for herself that changed the way she had been viewing her responsibilities and her boundaries. 

The other woman’s question unlocked her exact dilemma. Putting it into practice with a simple 5-step conversation (in the Better Boundaries module) changed SO MUCH in her office life and at home to create that breathing space she needed. It was suddenly so CLEAR when it wasn’t her wrestling with her own problem in her own head, but hearing someone get coached on something similar just unlocked that situation for her. 

That’s why we do a new LIVE Coach Spot every week inside the WW Academy. 

Those sorts of live conversations and interactions are BAKED INTO THE ACADEMY. I know it’s not just about the tools and resources in the module that month (and they are awesome!), it’s also about the opportunity to have your personal life issues coached.

One new perspective can be all it takes to unlock an issue that you have been wrestling with for YEARS.

I will never cease to be delighted by how much each weekly Coach Spot session helps SO many other members. There is a universality to what bothers us… and being able to see the nuggets of your own solution hidden in someone else’s question and answer is THE COOLEST THING. 

You might be surprised by how much you’ll get out of these weekly LIVE sessions. You don’t need to join me live (although great if you can!) all the coaching sessions are available for replay in a very tidy and indexed hub where you can go listen as you are out walking the dog or driving to work! 

If the LIVE Coach Spot sessions sound interesting to you, they are WEEKLY, and INCLUDED in your Wellbeing Warriors membership, and you can jump in now and enjoy AND beat the price rise?!

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE COACHING ACADEMY, SIGN UP BEFORE 31ST JULY TO BEAT THE PRICE RISE

Categories
4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Good Enough Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Self Care and Self Love

Wellbeing Is A Verb…

Wellbeing is a verb…it’s something you DO, not something you POSSESS.

It’s not something you ACHIEVE, like a DEGREE…

a certificate on the wall you will have for life, that no-one can ever take away…

Wellbeing a a state of continual, life-long, DOING…

one action, after the next, after the next,

like riding a bicycle, pedal after pedal after pedal…

it’s the perpetual movement that stops you falling over.

With wellbeing there is no getting “THERE”,

there is no settled final destination,

no silver bullet, no “one thing”, “one secret”,

its a million tiny ACTIONS, DOINGS… wellbeing is self-love in ACTION.

It’s not that one-off achievement that you’ll get sorted one day once life is “less busy” (it will never be).

it’s something you commit to in the now, amongst the busyness, an integral part of the busyness…

there’s never a better time to look after our mental health and physical wellbeing than today,

and tomorrow,

and the day after that and the day after that.

The sooner I realised that (and my god it took me a lot longer than it should!)

and I stopped waiting for the right time or that right bit of magical wellbeing information I was missing,

that’s when it all started to fall into place.

Wellbeing is a verb…it’s something you DO, not something you POSSESS.

DO something for the future you TODAY.

Rinse and repeat tomorrow.

Accept it will never be “done” and do it anyway. 

 

Categories
2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Emotional Honesty Energy Boosters High Energy Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

Joy Of Missing Out

I have lost count of the number of gigs/parties/events I have missed out on over the years while I am teaching my fabulous yoga students of an evening. I absolutely love what I do, but I do get the odd grump about missing something every now and again. Sometimes I see my friends from corporate days doing a big glitzy thing on Facebook. The sort of industry event with black ties and champagne and fabulous shoes that I would have been at in years gone by, and I feel I am missing out, just a bit, as I potter about in my yoga pants.

I see numerous clients who are upset about missing out on career opportunities or family opportunities or travel opportunities or run-away-and-join-the-circus opportunities.  If I had a dollar for every time ‘I hate missing out’ has been uttered, I would have enough to host my own black tie and champagne event! In fact, I hear that FOMO (fear of missing out) is now actually in the urban dictionary, e.g. ‘Even though he was exhausted, John’s FOMO got the best of him and he went to the party.’

Here’s the thing. We have so many opportunities today that we live in the age of ‘missing out’. Which actually is a fantastic thing. Not a bad thing at all. I should be saying ‘I missed out!’ with joy and not regret. Why? Because missing out means I had a choice to do something else. It meant I chose another thing and I am actually so lucky to have that choice.

There are so many women around the world who miss out on things because they have no choice. Things like getting to vote, having financial independence, having a career outside the home that doesn’t require a ‘male guardian’. In Saudi Arabia, it is still illegal for women to drive, for example.  Many do not even have the choice over what they wear.

So, when I drive myself to class (rather than to the party I fancied), I am calling out my FOMO for what it is. And I think you should, too. This is all part of the energy-boosting process of embracing empowered choice. Missing out is a fantastic thing. I’ve missed out because I made the choice to run my own fabulous, thriving business. To be financially independent. To drive myself to class. On my own. In my yoga pants.

Missing out is confirmation that I have infinite choice in my life and that I am using it. And that is something to be very happy about indeed. Not the fear of missing out, but the joy of missing out. I shall call it JOMO. JOMO is the new FOMO, my friends. You heard it here first.

I wrote a blog post on this back in 2013 and had many comments from, in particular, mums of young kids. Karen said, ‘As a stay-at-home mum I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on those fabulous work events, too, and today I felt like I was missing out because a friend told me they were having a beer with Friday lunch … those were the days. But, and that but is huge, I’ve chosen not to miss out on my kids growing up, which I think in the long run is way more important than that beer I so feel like on a hot day like today. I have actually made a choice I feel lucky and thrilled to have made, and that’s a good thing to know!

Excerpt taken from The Busy Woman’s Guide To High Energy Happiness – Louise Thompson

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2021 4 Dimensional Wellness Communication Emotional Honesty

This is the Complaints Department – how can I help you?

Comfort V’s resolution. 

I have a complaint to make! Specifically about the amount of complaining that goes on. Go on, tell me, list it right now – what’s one thing/person/situation that’s really winding you up right now? Something that’s been frustrating for a while.

Go: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Okay. Now list for me the last person you told about this problem:  ________________________________________________________________________________

And, just for good measure – what would be a great resolution for you to this totally annoying sitch? What do you want to happen? What would fix it?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Roger that.

So – here’s the thing. What is horribly common with most ongoing complaints, is that pretty much most of the time we don’t take the complaint to the person or place who can actually do something about it. We complain to our spouse about the marketing department delivering creative late again. We complain to our peer that one of our staff or our boss isn’t pulling their weight. We complain to our best friend that our partner doesn’t help round the house enough. We tell the boys that the golf pro is always late turning up for the scheduled lesson. We tell the lady in the coffee shop on the adjacent table that the coffee is good but the cake is a bit dry. We tell the girls that the daycare doesn’t do as much educational play as they should. We tell everyone on Facebook that the flight was delayed. And so on.

Essentially we take our complaints  – not to the Complaints Department  – but to Menswear On Three, or Home Furnishings in the basement. And – sympathetic though those departments may be – they cannot fix the problem. And so – whilst we may feel temporary relief at venting – the situation perpetuates, and our complaining continues.

Why do we so often take our complaint somewhere other than the source? It’s strange when you think about it, given that it’s only the source who actually has a potentially shot at fixing it.

Because its risk free that’s why. It does not require us to step up and be courageous enough to have a tough conversation or take tough action to schedule a meeting to take the Marketing Director to task. It’s much more comfortable to vent to Brenda about the daycare then go meet with the centre manager and say the standard isn’t acceptable and ask what potential changes could be made. It’s easier to gossip in the café than risk offending the nice barista over the disappointing cake. It’s easier to vent with the girls/boys than have an uncomfy convo with the spouse about sex or housework or money. It’s easier to complain about the pay than to front up and ask for a payrise or go do the training course that would put us in line for promotion. Complaining feels like relief because it’s stress free and it’s risk free. Essentially complaining to people other than the source keeps us well within our comfort zone.

The real question then is – do we want to feel comfortable more than we want the situation resolved?  Or, do we want the situation resolved more than we want to feel comfortable?

If the answer is to choose comfort over resolution – then we will be stuck in the loop of complaining for much time to come. And that’s okay – if that is indeed what we want. Stop holding out for a magical resolution or for things to just magically fix themselves and stay comfortable with the venting and the problem itself.

However – if we decide we want the situation resolved and are prepared to feel uncomfortable temporarily in order to achieve that, then a whole new world opens up to us:

If we accept a degree of risk. If we speak up. Request what we want. Demand what we want. Give options. Change our communication. Try something new. Try an alternative. Leave. If we take our complaint to the actual place it has any chance of being resolved – the Complaints Department  – it will require varying degrees of courage – but the only way OUT of a niggling ongoing complaint situation is THROUGH – you have to take it to the place where you can get resolution. And that is the source.

For sure, take your advice and sounding board from others as a sense check if that feels good. A second opinion can be really useful. But then – if you find you are complaining about the same thing for the third coffee catch up in a row  – its time to take the bull by the horns and take it to where it actually belongs.

Be brave.  Take a risk. Ask for efficiency. Ask for respect. Ask for bonus air miles. Ask for a raise.  Ask for fresh baked cake.

The real Complains Department can help you with all of that. You’ve just got to ask.

Categories
2021 Dream and Goals Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration

Set your BEST goals: 12 questions to do it RIGHT + FREE PRINTABLE!

Want to know why many goals fail? I’ll tell you why. Because they are not the right goals.

They are goals that have been slapped together in haste as a New Year’s Resolution or because they are The Expected Thing You Should Want and they will often fail because you simply don’t have the real motivational juice to take you through to the finishing line. In the case of the goals of expectation of others, the only thing worse than not achieving your goal IS achieving it.

So, how to set your goals on a firmer footing? Let’s them percolate for a moment in the form of wishes – let what YOU REALLY desire, (that’s YOU, not your mamma/gramps/boss/spouse/etc) simmer to the surface.

When you set that goal, you want to know it’s 110% the direction that’s RIGHT for you – so you WILL find the commitment required to make it happen.

So – spend a little time in the Wish Creation Department today. Allow yourself the time to explore, play, and create without the pressure of deadlines and tasks. Pause momentarily in the stage of kicking ideas around to see what feels right for you.

This is all about tapping into your imagination, creativity, and the voice of your inner self before you go hard out on the doing. You want to be doing the RIGHT things in the RIGHT direction!

Download your  ‘‘What Do You Really Want’  Guided Workbook here.

There are some Wish Creating questions for you. Answer them honestly, don’t edit yourself. The first response that jumps into your head is usually the right one. Don’t second guess and doubt yourself. Whatever your first instinctive response is, is totally fine.

This is a judgment-free zone – we are just playing with thoughts and words here.

Just see what comes up for you before you rush into action.

Categories
2020 2021 Emotional Honesty Happiness Live Happy Inspiration Reduce Stress Relationships

It’s the most wonderfully dramatic time of the year!

Let’s talk Christmas Drama!

Christmas can be such a trigger as it thrusts people who are used to having their OWN say and OWN space together into a confined space, add in a heap of OLD dynamics (and alcohol!) and old expectations on behaviour and authority and you can get a really explosive mix!

Social conventions that usually apply between friends/ acquaintances/ colleagues often don’t apply in the same way with family so that restraint of social convention doesn’t hold as much water as it does in other situations where things would just not get said and tongues would temporarily get bitten to keep the peace.

This quote today I think is a really nice way of rising above.

We simply DON’T have to attend every argument we are invited to.

We can let other people play out their thing and choose not to get dragged in. To simply say “I’ve heard you” but then not follow them down the rabbit hole. For the few days of festive celebration, this can be a really liberating approach. Basically what happens is because you withdraw your energy from the complaint/argument it’s like a fire starved of oxygen: it will go out.

You become NO FUN to play that old argument/complaint dance with – and so – that person will go seek it elsewhere.

Remember – it’s YOUR energy and focus – YOU get to decide where it goes. You can decide to fuel the fire or starve it.

You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.

Isn’t that good to know?

Categories
2020 Communication Emotional Honesty Live Happy Inspiration Positive Thought Strategy

What You Seek Is Seeking You

Ever feel like things just work out for other people more easily than you, or that life just not unfolding quite as it should.

Do you feel stuck in the struggle? I get it – and I see it – A LOT – with my clients, and I want to help you with that yucky feeling of stuckness today.

So, here’s the thing.

If you are feeling stuck about something it’s because your thinking is stuck about that issue.

If you want to get unstuck you have to be prepared to find a new way to think about that topic.

You can’t expect things to be different but your thinking to stay the same. Period.

Now, this may sound easy, but it isn’t. I see this often.

People desperately want a certain part of their life to be different in some way but they are utterly resistant to changing their point of view on it.

So they keep thinking the same negative thought pattern about it, over and over – for months, years, decades even – and they can’t understand they remain stuck in the same unwanted place.

If you think life is one long series of disappointing situations then it’s going to be one long series of disappointing situations. You are going to miss the small moments of good things that are literally littered through your day, as you will automatically filter them out. The shy smile from the guy on the bus. Missed it. The easy park you got right outside. Missed it. The compliment someone tried to pay you on your shoes. Missed it. Getting the last brownie in the store. Missed it. It will be a disappointing day. The person who doesn’t email you when they said they would. Saw that. The guy that pulled right out in front of you. Saw that. The rain cloud looming. Saw that. Very disappointing.

You get what you look for.

 In fact, you get more of what you look for.

 It’s self-perpetuating.

If you think that life is one never-ending struggle of never enough then that’s what it’s going to be. The free coffee on your coffee card. Missed it. The two for the price of one in the pharmacy. Missed it. The complimentary blow-dry. Missed it. The insurance paying out after a little dink in the car. Missed it. Hitting the car being terribly inconvenient. Saw that. The 10cent increase in gas. Saw that. The colleague that got a raise but you didn’t. Saw that.

What you notice and appreciate grows. Things to appreciate begets more things to appreciate. What you notice and denigrate grows. You notice more and more things to feel bad about.

If you want a life where you believe things are always working out for you your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life where you know there will always be enough your thinking needs to reflect that. If you want a life full of love and lightness your thinking needs to reflect that. That’s what you need to look for.

It’s very easy to get stuck in a loop where we are endlessly playing the same record on a particular issue. The “I’ll never meet anyone” track. Or the “Things work out for everyone but me” track. Or the “I hate my job” track.

It takes effort, willpower, willingness, and consistency to change the tune. The problem is we want to wait for the circumstances to change before we change the song. For the new lover to appear. Or the lottery win. Or the passion-filled new job. The trick is knowing that the fastest route to getting those things is to change your tune ahead of time. Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet said “what you seek is seeking you”.  It is. The way to speed up it finding you is to change your tune.

When you change the way you think about things, things change.

Happens every time.

What can you change your tune on today?

Because what you seek IS seeking you – if you look for it.

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