1. Lordy this can be very hard, especially if it comes totally out of the blue.
I am so sorry honey-child. I just want you to know though that you are far better out of a relationship if the other person doesn’t actually want to be in it with you. The fact of the matter is, they had a choice: they could have chosen you, but …they didn’t. They didn’t choose you. It’s hard I know but that is the truth. So, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t choose you? Would you put up with that in a regular friendship? Someone who would rather be on their own or with another friend than you? Hell no. So, accept that a choice has been made, you don’t need to agree with it, but you do need to accept it. They could have chosen you, but, they didn’t. Tough, but true. Acceptance is the first step forward in terms of moving on.
2. Beware the passive aggressive breakup.
When the other person withdraws or acts in such a way that they almost force you to break up with them because they haven’t got the guts to do it themselves, you can feel it happening. If someone is too cowardly to actually own their own feelings and break up with you then they are not worthy of you! Not worthy do you hear me! Recognise when you are being broken up with without them actually doing the deed. Realise you don’t want to be with someone that weak. Be brave, do the deed and move on.
3. Happily Single is FAR better than unhappily coupled up.
Please don’t be scared to be “on your own”. You can create a full and fun life and fill it with what suits and pleases you, much much better than slogging on in a relationship you (or they) know is wrong. A period of time on your own can actually be very healthy, empowering and above all clarifying. You get to figure out what you really need, want and desire. What’s essential, what’s negotiable. Pleeeeeease don’t try to stay with someone who treats you badly because you are too scared to go solo for a while.
4. Someone breaking up with you might be a good thing in disguise.
You won’t be able to see it now but later, down the track, maybe years hence, you might be able to see that it was the right thing. That if it hadn’t happened you wouldn’t be the person you are with the situation you have today. I know this is almost impossible to see when you are in it. But, trust me, it’s the truth. There is a whole post on just this right here: This shouldn’t be happening to me.
5. We can’t always be saved from a broken heart.
I know it all started so well, with so much promise, but…sometimes feelings do change. It’s a very, very hard part of life but it is life. The fact they have been honest enough to tell you is huge. Would you rather someone was with you faking their feelings? Of course not, right? You deserve better than that, and so do they. Having a broken heart, it seems to me, is a right of passage for us all. It’s a part of a life where we pursue love and we take risks. That’s what makes life the adventure it is. Please don’t get stuck in a victim type mentality. The only person that damages is yourself. I did this once, and wow, well it worked a treat in terms of getting me much sympathy and attention but it sure also kept me really stuck in that story which made it so much harder for me to move on. I am so not proud of that victim-y period of my life. The way out of a broken heart is through cry and scream, let the emotion out, until you reach the point you have no tears left. Then take this as your cue to move on and create a better future. Staying stuck in the role of victim, however badly you may have been treated, does you no favours at all. Do not let this difficult episode in your life define your future.
6. Throw your energy FORWARDS.
Whatever feels like fun or release for you, do that. Get your friends around you. Go do some fun activities together. Take a few classes. Try something new. Learn something you have always wanted to learn. Mix with some new people. Accept random invitations. Bring fun and new energy into your life. I had a client who was stringing out the divorce from her faithless husband because “it’s fun to torment him”. I understand the need for revenge honey I honestly do, but it’s that old adage about it being like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You are the one steeped in that toxic energy. Getting stuck in that revenge story is pouring toxic energy into your life and the only person that affects is YOU. It keeps you trapped in the story and energy of the past. Go find something that is truly fun in the now, whether that’s learning to salsa or taking the kids kayaking. Get the paperwork done sure. Ensure your rights are being well represented by a professional. Then get clean with your energy and start projecting it forwards.
7. There is something sparkelicious waiting for you.
A shiny new future. Trust in that. It’s all going to be absolutely okay. I promise.
In case you missed PART 1: 7 essentials to think about when you think you might want to break up with them
Next week: do you stay friends after the break-up? A classic conundrum! Please do feel free to forward share this article with someone who needs a little inspiration on this topic right now! Make sure you are in the loop for the rest of the series by signing up for “Wellbeing Wednesday” direct to your inbox right here.
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