I am the Queen of Finding The Silver Lining. The Duchess of Making Lemons Outta Lemonade. The High Priestess of Making The Best OF Things. I believe we have so much more room for optimism in our lives than we tend to take day to day.
However, recently a friend lost her husband and so there is also this.
Sometimes you simply can’t put a positive spin on things. Sometimes things really are just crappy. And it’s okay to let them be crappy and not pretend otherwise.
Sometimes there is no hidden meaning for us to wrestle with.
Sometimes people trilling “It will make you stronger!” and “it’s all happened for a reason!” in a well-meaning fashion that totally subverts the scale of your personal tragedy…. it’s okay to want to high five them, in the face, with a chair (don’t actually do it, obvs, just know it’s okay to feel it in your darkest moments).
Sometimes you need to know it’s okay not to have your game face on. It’s okay to find a quiet corner and absorb the blow.
In order to rally, and you will, you need to acknowledge and feel the sides of your loss – the breadth and the depth of it. But what you don’t always need to do is find a hidden meaning.
Sometimes crappy things don’t have a purpose. They are just crappy. And that’s how it is.
There is no hidden meaning or purpose. They just are. And that’s okay too.
You can drive yourself bonkers trying to work out why it happened, or how it will ultimately serve you, or what you inadvertently did to make it happen in the first place or what the hell it’s supposed to mean.
Here’s the thing. Periods of suffering are part of the human experience. Transcending those periods are also part of the human experience. Those that do that with the most speed and grace are those who acknowledge the reality and scale of what’s occurred and don’t bury it in burgers or booze.
It’s okay not to always be strong and to let your game face slip for a time. You don’t have to always be strong. You can drop the mask of hardihood for a time. It’s okay.
There doesn’t need to be a hidden message or for it all to make sense. Maybe it will, ten, twenty years hence. Maybe it was all for a reason. Or maybe, it wasn’t and it won’t.
So you get through. You cry. You eat Ben and Jerry’s. You get seriously unproductive for a while. You drop a few balls. You reach out. You hunker down. You endure. And then you move on.
Sometimes things are just plain bad. That’s life. It happens to us all at some point, in a variety of guises. You don’t need to find a purpose for it; you need to persevere through it.