What if it DOESN’T happen for a reason?

A little something on the blog today for those of you who are struggling through at the moment. If anyone is saying to you “everything happens for a reason!” and you want to SCREAM as they say that…well, I’ve got something for you today.


I am the Queen of Finding The Silver Lining. The Duchess of Making Lemons Outta Lemonade. The High Priestess of Making The Best Of Things. I believe we have so much more room for optimism in our daily lives than we tend to create. I believe life is our life coaching laboratory and we can learn and improve so much just by approaching the day to day with consciousness: observing the patterns and meaning in what is going on around and inside of us. However. Recently a good friend lost her husband and so there is also that. Another friend has breast cancer and undergoing chemo. Many of you have recently lost your houses or livelihoods in extreme weather events. I’ve just heard that a friend’s sister-in-law has sepsis and has lost both her lower legs.  Both!


Sometimes you simply cannot put a positive spin on things. Sometimes things really are just bloody appalling. And it’s okay to let them be horrendous and not pretend otherwise.


Sometimes there is no hidden meaning for us to wrestle with.


Sometimes people trill “It will make you stronger!” and “it’s all happened for a reason!” in a well-meaning fashion that totally subverts the scale of your personal tragedy…. it’s okay to want to high five them, in the face, with a chair.


Sometimes you need to know it’s okay not to have your game face on. It’s okay to find a quiet corner and try to absorb the blow.


In order to rally (and you will) you need to acknowledge and feel the sides of your loss – the breadth and the depth of it. But what you don’t always need to do is find a hidden meaning.


Sometimes crappy things don’t have a purpose. They are just crappy. And that’s how it is.


Sometimes things don’t make sense in the moment, and they may never do. There is no hidden meaning or purpose. They just are.


You can drive yourself bonkers trying to work out why it happened to you, or how it will ultimately serve you, or what you inadvertently did to make it happen in the first place or what the hell it’s supposed to mean.


Here’s the thing. Periods of intense suffering are part of the human experience. I wish it were not so but it is. Transcending those periods are also part of the human experience. Those that do that with the most speed and grace are those who acknowledge the reality and scale of what’s occurred and don’t bury it in burgers or booze or pretend it’s fine when it really is not.


It’s okay not to always be strong and to let your game face slip for a time. You don’t have to always be strong. You can drop the mask of hardihood for a time. It’s okay.


Sometimes bad things just happen. They come. You endure. You rise. You move on. Maybe not the same as before but onward you will go.


There doesn’t need to be a hidden message or for it all to make sense. Maybe it will, ten, twenty years hence. Maybe it was all for a reason. Or maybe, it wasn’t and it won’t.


So you will get through. You cry. You get seriously unproductive for a while. You drop a few balls. You reach out. You hunker down. You endure. And then you move on.


Sometimes things are just bloody shocking. It happens to us all at some point, in a variety of hideous guises. You don’t need to find a purpose for it; you need to persevere through it. Look for your perseverance. It’s there. Be strong: keep going.


P.S. If you want support from me in the form of weekly answers to your questions and personal dilemmas, as well as an incredible community at your back and more coaching tools than you can conceive of then do check out my Life Coaching Academy. It’s the gold standard in strategic personal support and I’d be honoured to assist you through whatever is going on for you. You can also check out my VIP package if you need help. I’m here 🙂

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