Let’s talk about the biggest F-word there is: Forgiveness.
Easy to say. Hard to do.
We tend to not want to do it for the very good reason, “we don’t want to let them off the hook”. I hear this again and again. And, I get it.
When someone has done something which we perceive to be so boundary transgressing that they require our forgiveness, we easily get all tangled up in the push and pull of “letting them off the hook”.
That by forgiving whatever the betrayal, or series of betrayals (and believe me, in my job I hear it ALL), we are in some way condoning their actions, attitude, choices. Which we absolutely do not want to do!
There is no way we support, approve or condone. Forgiving can feel like we are complicit with the original hurt.
So we hold onto our betrayal, slight or pain. There is nowhere else for it to go.
The thing is, they are not on the hook: you are.
You become stuck in the pain of the original injury through unforgiveness.
Here’s what I want you to know:
- You can forgive and still choose not to see that person ever again.
- You can forgive and be absolutely clear you will never put yourself in that position again.
- You can forgive even if they are not sorry and that apology will never come.
- You can forgive and absolutely have the strongest boundaries about any future communication or contact.
And why? Why should you forgive them?
They are not dangling on the hook of guilt and shame you imagine them to be.
The forgiveness is not for them, sweet one, it’s for you.
It gives you peace in your heart: and let’s face it, your heart is the one that’s important here.
Forgive, and let yourself off the hook. It’s time.