I can’t begin to tell you how much stress we cause ourselves by worrying what “everybody” will think if we quit the shiny looking job that sucks our soul/leave the boyfriend who ticks all the boxes but just isn’t quite right/bring store bought cakes to the school fair/order takeout for the dinner party/don’t catch up with that friend we have known since school.
Here’s the thing.
Life is full of millions of tiny decisions.
Worrying about what other people think of those decisions is a waste of mental and emotional energy.
Firstly, most of the time people don’t even NOTICE what we have chosen.
Many of the wonderful women at my Food For Thought seminars were eating when they were not hungry because they were worried about the hostess feeling offended that they hadn’t cleared their plate/taken advantage of their award winning pav.
I got them to try and experiment. To leave food on their plate once they were satisfied. But to say “thanks so much, that was delicious”. To be big and brave and be ready to face the wrath of the hostess.
Guess what. No wrath. Not once. Not one person. “No-one noticed! No-one said ANYTHING!!!” they all said in unison, shocked the next week. No-one thought they were rude. No-one even noticed.
Basically, because our actions are the centre of our own sunshiney universe we assume they are getting the same level of attention from everyone else. NOT SO. 99% of the time people are not just not CARING about the decisions you make, they are not even NOTICING them.
This is especially important to know with small decisions. Truly. NO-ONE REALLY CARES WHAT YOU ARE CHOOSING! THEY DON’T NOTICE AND THEY DON’T CARE! Choose away. Decide at liberty. The scrutiny you are imagining is exactly that. Imaginary.
Here’s the other thing. And the main thing. The thing for big important decisions.
THE MORE YOU LOVE YOUR DECISION THE LESS YOU NEED ANYONE ELSE TO APPROVE OF IT.
And that’s the truth. If you feel completely passionately in your heart that this course of action is absolutely right for you. That you can feel it in your bones. You know it. You want it. It’s what you are doing. Then the less you need anyone else to agree or approve.
Putting our own mental and emotional energy into getting clarity on our own approval is far more rewarding than pouring it into seeking others.
If you love what you have chosen. If it feels completely right to you, the less you need anyone else to concur. Of course it’s lovely if they do. And of course that’s the ideal. And of course some support along the way would be most welcome. But don’t not do the thing that you know is the right choice for you because “everyone” isn’t in agreement.
The more you love your choice the less you need other people to.
What will make you love your choice more? Put your energy there. Whether it’s doing more research. Or hanging with people who have chosen that course of action before you. Or doing your yoga practice to feel centred and calm in your decision. Put your energy into your own surety.
We generally want to convince other people when we are actually unsure ourselves. By convincing them we also want to convince ourselves.
That’s’ a risky policy depending on your audience!
Put the energy towards your own clarity, not others’ conviction.
The more you love your choice the less you need other people to.
And, the irony is, of course, that once you are committed and sure, the people you care about will more than likely support you anyway. The powerful energy of your passion and surety will shine through and draw them with you.
