How To Move Forward After A Big Setback In Love Or Life

Getting over Set BacksSometimes life can get annoyingly off track. It can seem that we are not where we thought we would be by a certain point in our life. It wasn’t supposed to look like this! And it certainly wasn’t meant to feel like this. We can look around and see a tsunami of examples of people who seem to have “got it together”. Perfect ‘forever’ house. Perfect relationship. Perfect 2.4 kids, family + dog. Summer bach. Overseas holiday. Their own business. Bouncing baby. High flying job. Thrilling social life. Banging body. The list goes on and on.

If life has thrown us a curly one, it can get very easy to spiral into thinking that somehow life is passing us by in one area. Or that things work out for everyone else and not for us. (And why the hell is that? I’m a good person dammit! When is my “everything sorted” going to come along?!)

Here’s the thing. Sometimes obsessing over solving our whole life can be seriously counterproductive. It can keep us more stuck and more separated from what we want. We can get stuck in a whirl of “comparisonitus”, and so focused on the big stuff other people have going on that we don’t, that we get completely disassociated from anything good that we DO actually have in our lives.

There’s an easy fix. Instead of trying to fix your whole life in one go – just stop and pause. Focus, not on the Magical Big Thing that will fix it, but just on the NEXT thing that would feel good. Start collecting small good things. People. Experiences. Tasks. Moods. Small good things. The Next Small Good Thing is what you are after.

Consciously start to add in “What is the Next Small Good Thing I can add to my life right now?” It might be a quick phone call to a bestie, or just a raising a smile at the barista. It might be a Netflix marathon or decluttering the wardrobe. It might be a 10K run, a 1K walk, or buying a bunch of flowers for the neighbour. It might be pulling some weeds or doing the dishes to feel at least one bit of the house is under control. It doesn’t matter what it is. Think of each Next Small Good Thing as a lucky penny you get to collect in a jar, and then another and another. Layer Next Small Good Thing, onto Next Small Good Thing, and watch your jar of metaphorical feel-good pennies grow.

The fuller that jar gets, the easier and happier each day becomes. There is more to be appreciative of. Life will start to unfold with far more ease and flow. The big stuff will start to seem more possible and accessible. The more we consciously collect the Next Small Good Things and add them to each day, the stronger our foundation to address the big questions when we are ready.

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