Very annoyingly the Smug Marrieds did appear to be onto something when they told me “You’ll just know when you know”. “But….how?????” I would bleat. “How can I be sure…really sure, 100%”. Well the fact I was asking that is actually evidence of my unsurity and the “not rightness”. It turns out that when you know you know and you don’t need anyone else’s confirmation, validation, or stamp of approval that you are on the right track. You do just “know”. Annoying, but true. I had to kiss far too many frogs to figure this out, so here are some other signs that you are in the presence of The One that are a little more tangible than “you just know”.
1. He/She is your safe place. You feel safe, even if you argue you still know you are safe.
2. You can be yourself. You feel like you are the best version of yourself when they are around.
3. They are not trying to change you. They love you just as you are. They are also open to you growing and evolving
4. You are not trying to change them. You love them just as you are. You are also open to them growing and evolving.
I want this to be a longer list, But you know, I don’t think that’s possible. Here’s the thing. You are either a fit or you are not. And we waste so much energy trying to make something be a fit when it isn’t. Because we have invested so much in it, or because we so much want it to be “it”. Or they really, really want us to be “it”. But wanting it to be “it” and it being “it” are different things. Trying to put a round peg in a square hole is a lot of effort to keep convincing yourself on a daily basis that a circle is a square. And eventually the truth will out. We can only suspend our disbelief for so long. So it really does come down to that indefinable feeling state after all. It’s not a checklist. There is nothing to be checked off. When it’s it, you will know it: recognise it immediately. Why? Because, quite simply, “it” feels like home.
How not to let the break up break you –
Part One: How not to let the break up break you
Part Two: 7 essentials to think about when they break up with you
Part Three: Should you stay friends after?
Part Four: 7 ways to be happily single