Full disclosure: I absolutely believe that there is someone out there for everyone. Not a “I’ll settle” person, not a “that’s who is left so they’ll do” or a “that’s the best I can do” or “it’s better than being alone” person. But Mister or Ms. Right. Mister or Ms, Perfect Fit. Call me totally sentimental and a hopeless romantic but I believe this absolutely completely true. There is someone for everyone. Every teapot has its lid. They may be a long time making themselves known but they are out there.
So, if you have been working through this series you have had the cleanest and most compassionate breakup you can, you have processed the emotions that came with that and you are ready for the next chapter:
1. Single can be a lot of fun. No-one stealing the duvet or leaving wet towels on the floor or hogging the remote. You get to have life your way, all the time. It’s actually pretty damn liberating. You get back in touch with what your preferences really are when you are not compromising or bending them to fit around someone else. Very good for the soul. Very, very good. Once you get over the shock of the breakup it can actually be the most delicious feeling of freedom.
2. It’s a great time to reassess what you want from life and to focus on YOU. Reassess your goals and dreams. Download the free How to be a Time Ninja booklet and get a handle on that clarity right now.
3. New You. New Chapter. New Look. Cant emphasise enough how helpful and healing it is in the newly single phase to have a massive clear-out and de-clutter. Out with the old and in with the new. Not just the house either, get a new haircut, some new threads, give yourself a mini-makeover. You look better: you feel better. Fact.
4. Put your “Brave Wings” on. Get out there. Apparently over a third of people meet their new partner online. But that still leaves a huge amount who meet offline in the traditional boy meets girl in bar scenario. Or the longing glances over the photocopier at work. Getting out and about by strapping your “Brave wings” firmly on is scary but when the time is right don’t hesitate. Expanding your social circle. Being open the new experiences. Get out and about.
5. Open energy. Can’t emhasise this enough. One thing I know for sure is that when you evaluate every first date on the “will they walk down the aisle/have children” criteria before the coffee cup is even emptied on Date One then it’s a recipe for failure. It somehow pushes needy energy out out, which pushes away the thing we really want. Try and just focus on the conversation, having fun, and letting things unfold naturally rather than coming from a place of trying to force something into a particular direction. It’s an energy thing. The Universe will send you Mister or Ms. Right when you are in an energetic state of abundance around love, intimacy and companionship.
6. Don’t get stuck in “why not me?” energy. You know the thing, when you are single and all you seem to see is couples in café’s holding hands. Every bit of post is a wedding invitation. It’s very, very easy, and I speak from experience, to get sucked into “poor me” and “why not me?” and to take every sight of loving coupled -upness as confirmation of how unloved and alone we are. Please try and flip the filter and see those loving couples not as a reinforcement of your aloneness but as EVIDENCE that true love exists, everywhere! That love is literally all around. That you can tap into it. That it’s abundant and available.
7. Know when it’s right and know when it’s wrong. Next weeks post all about knowing when its right. When you have found “The One”. For this week though be mindful not to settle when it’s wrong. You know when it’s wrong. You don’t need me to tell you. You can feel it. You know it. You cab feel it in your gut and your heart. So don’t let words in your head whispering “lonely” and “left on the shelf” override the good sense and truth you can feel deep down. Keep the faith. Choose you.
Part One: How not to let the break up break you
Part Three: Should you stay friends after?