Today’s blog is inspired by a few lovely clients and members who have been feeling taken for granted. What can we learn? Let’s dive into an exploration of consideration today…just might ring some bells for you,!
I like to think of myself as a considerate person. I expect you do too!
I’d like to ask a controversial question today on that topic:
When is it okay to stop being considerate?
I think there is a very specific time when this is more than okay:
It’s when YOU aren’t being considered.
When there is a consistent pattern that YOU are not being considered or factored in.
(consistent pattern is important, we can all have an off day)
I’ve seen it with a number of clients lately
Walking on eggshells around a sibling who is routinely dismissive and inconsiderate of their needs, situation and emotions. Not receiving acknowledgement, let alone reciprocity, for their consideration.
Trying to please an unpleasable colleague by picking up some of their share of work, which is a favour never returned. The consideration of helping them out taken totally for granted.
Supporting a friend’s business in various ways over time, being happy to do it! But realising over many years that there has been exactly zero support of her own equally important business. Realising on closer inspection that lack of consideration indicates it’s not quite the close friendship of value they thought in a number of ways.
These examples of a lack of consideration might be SUPER DISAPPOINTING realisations.
However, I can promise you, they are good to know.
Consideration is part of the social glue of life: it keeps the wheels running smoothly socially, personally, professionally, relationally.
Thing is consideration takes time, focus, effort, choice, attention, emotional management, logistical management – it’s a long list.
Consideration may be what’s polite but it’s not a free pass
And it can be very much taken for granted
Pay attention if it’s not being reciprocated
Consideration is a two-way street
It’s something you can grant with grace
And it is something you can also gracefully withdraw
That doesn’t mean you need to be as difficult as hell
It just means you withdraw the energetic compromise of considering their needs
and emotions equally with (or higher than) your own
It’s simply a recalibration of your emotional investment
Which you are perfectly entitled to make
When is it okay to stop being considerate?
When you are not being considered, my friend.
