A seasons sprinkling of final top tips for a harmonious festive season for you today, plus a little Christmas gift for you at the end!
#3. YOU teach other people how to treat you, and you are allowed to update that treatment from 1985.
One of the core principles I work on with my clients and my Wellbeing Warrior programme members is, “What you allow is what you endorse”. Essentially, we teach people how to treat us. We educate others what is acceptable to us by the way we lay out our expectations and the way we react to their behaviour around us. Strengthening our boundaries is the way we keep the good stuff in and bad stuff out. It’s that simple, and in adult life we are generally pretty okay at it. When it comes to family though…well…whoa….that can be a whole different kettle of fush and chups. If we have been allowing a certain behaviour since childhood for example, when we had minimal say in the matter, it can be much harder to assert a new boundary as an adult of, “it’s not okay to speak to me like that”. However, it can be done.
You are allowed to have different standards of behaviour that you expect for yourself and your life than you did in 1985. And you are allowed to update that standard and bring it into 2018. Being able to firmly state “It’s not okay to talk to me like that” and reiterate it with consistency to the point that it becomes the new standard is possible. I would pick your battles here though, some are so small and you may see your family so infrequently, it might not be worth the drama to you. But, for the big things if it needs an update; be firm, don’t whine, don’t argue. Just state what you need and expect, spell out the consequences and follow through if need be. You are a grown-ass man/woman: you are allowed.
#4. Don’t sweat the small stuff (and most of it is small stuff!).
Most of the Christmas stuff is small stuff, isn’t it? The detail of it all. That’s what causes most of the arguments and overwhelm: the myriad of tiny details and expectations of ourselves and others. Being able to stop, step back and gain some perspective is key.
The big picture is that however annoying someone might be in the moment (and like we said last week, no one pushes buttons so effectively as family!) you actually love them. The big picture is we love them very much. That for every family member tearing their hair out about the way that Dad insists on making such an all-encompassing performance about the turkey or Aunty Pat’s penchant for un-PC jokes after too many sherry brandies, there is someone silently weeping that they do not get to spend that time with those that they love or loved. The big picture is that the small stuff is not worth sweating and that Christmas is something you feel not something you do. The details only matter if we let them. The big picture is really where it’s at.
I do hope you are spending your festive season with people you care about and who hold you in their warm embrace. I wish you all the most fabulous Christmas time, thank you for being along for the ride this year and I can’t wait for more in 2019.
I do have a special Christmas present for you all to thank you for reading this year, and for all the amazing emails and messages you have sent me. I have ONE scholarship to my online life coaching programme ~Wellbeing Warriors~ to gift to you lovely readers this festive season! To enter just hop over to www.louisethompson.com/winascholarship and take 30 seconds to enter to be in to win a year of your best wellbeing with support from me! One lucky winner will be drawn on 21 December 2018 and advised by email.