Where are my fellow Gen X’ers at?
Many of you read Wellbeing Wednesday I know.
Gen X were born between 1965 and 1980 in a time characterised by the rise of dual-income homes, rising divorces and the “latch-key kid” era. Gen X kids were expected to entertain themselves, solve problems independently, use their initiative and generally figure it out and look after themselves. As a result, self-reliance became far more than a skill; for Gen X it became a hard-wired part of their identity that is different to the generations before and after (I talk about them a bit later, keep reading!).
What I notice with this group of awesome individuals in coaching is that the pride taken in being capable, resourceful, and not wanting to be a burden to others, can have a downside in that many Gen Xers find it much easier to offer support than to ask for it, and may not realise when healthy independence has quietly tipped into isolation.
How can we tell when a good (great!) trait of self-reliance and independence has tipped a little too far into isolation? Here are 6 ways to tell you might want to reach out for a little coaching assistance to let those walls of independence down a little:
1. We stop asking for help
What begins as competence can quietly become a refusal to lean on others, even when support would make life easier.
2. We convince ourselves nobody understands
Rather than sharing what’s going on, we keep everything inside and assume other people wouldn’t “get it” anyway.
3. We pull away when life gets difficult
Instead of reaching out during challenging times, we retreat further into ourselves and try to carry the load alone.
4. We mistake distance for strength
Sometimes what feels like resilience is self-protection. We tell ourselves we’re fine when we’re really disconnected.
5. We struggle to receive
Advice, compliments, practical help, emotional support. Independent people are often much better at giving than receiving.
6. We wear self-reliance as an identity
Being independent becomes part of how we see ourselves. The danger is that we stop noticing when a healthy strength has become a barrier to closeness.
If that is ringing bells please do take a moment to think about what you need to start gradually opening up, brining your walls down, and connecting. If a coach is what you need, my community is a beautiful first step to doing just that, and we are right here.
Before I go this week, just a little more on this generational stuff as I find it SO fascinating – and I am thinking you are too? Here is a very short and obviously highly generalised summary of the generations take on independence so you can see where you might fit:
- Boomers often derive identity from duty and responsibility.
- Gen X often derives identity from independence and self-sufficiency.
- Millennials often derive identity from authenticity and connection.
The stereotypical Boomer response to a problem might be:
“I’ll just get on with it.”
The stereotypical Gen X response:
“I’ll sort it out myself.”
The stereotypical Millennial response:
“Let’s talk about it.”
All three approaches have strengths.
Boomers often bring persistence and commitment.
Gen X often brings adaptability and resilience.
Millennials often bring emotional awareness and collaboration.
Of course, these are broad cultural patterns, not rules. Obviously a huge amount depends on personality, family background, culture, and life experience but I know many of you will recognise yourselves and loved ones here.
Now I know you are going ask, what about Gen Z? Those who are between 14 – 29 now? They are the first generation who have grown up in a time of unlimited information. Rather than they are far more likely to say “Let’s understand it.” and reach out to the myriad sources they have available from TikTok to AI before maybe friends or family.
The great thing is each generation steps into the blind spot of the generation before, and on we all evolve. SO fascinating. I will be doing a course on this in the near future – are you interested? You can waitlist here.
Be well. Do good.
Lxx
