I can’t begin to tell you how much stress we cause ourselves by worrying what “everybody” will think if we quit the shiny looking job that sucks our soul/leave the boyfriend who ticks all the boxes but just isn’t quite right/bring store-bought cakes to the school fair/order takeout for the dinner party/don’t catch up with that friend we have known since school.
Worrying about the judgment of the world at large is the fastest way to derail plans that are right for your heart; your career; your body; your life. In short, it’s a dangerous way to live.
Here’s the thing.
Worrying about what other people think of those decisions is a waste of mental and emotional energy you can much better invest elsewhere.
Why do we get so concerned about approval from others? Because our actions are the centre of our own universe we can come to assume they are getting the same level of scrutiny from everyone else. Not so. It’s really good to know that the vast majority of the time people are not just only not caring about the decisions you make, they are not even noticing them. They are head down bum up focusing on their own stuff.
This is good to know with small decisions. Truly. It’s liberating! NO ONE REALLY CARES WHAT YOU ARE CHOOSING! Most of the time THEY DON’T NOTICE AND THEY DON’T CARE! So, decide at will. The scrutiny you are imagining is exactly that. Imaginary. Don’t let that imaginary judgment interfere with your joyful day to day life choices.
Here’s the other thing. The main thing, actually. The thing to bear in mind for big important decisions. The ones that deep down scare and thrill you all at the same time.
Putting our own mental and emotional energy into getting clarity on our own approval is far more rewarding than pouring it into seeking others approval.
If you love what you have chosen, if it feels completely right to you: the less you need anyone else to concur. Of course, it’s lovely if they do. And of course, that’s the ideal. And of course, some support along the way would be most welcome. But don’t not do the thing that you know is the right choice for you because “everyone” isn’t in agreement.
What will make you love your choice more? Put your energy there. Put your focus on it. Whether it’s doing more research. Or hanging with people who have chosen that course of action before you. Or putting in place strategies to allow you to roll your decision out one step at a time. Own your decision. Put your energy into your own surety.
It’s good to know we generally want to convince other people when we are actually unsure ourselves. By convincing them we also want to convince ourselves.
That’s a risky policy depending on your audience!
Put the energy towards your own clarity not others conviction. The more you love your choice the less you need other people to.
The irony is, of course, that once we are committed and sure the people we care about will more than likely support us anyway. The powerful energy of our passion and surety will shine through and draw them along for the ride.
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