I have a client who I will call Bella. She is an amazing woman. She is fearless and continues to astound and amaze me with the life situations she takes in her stride that would have the vast majority of the rest of us cowering under the duvet. Cancer? Take that. Sick parent? Deal with it. Divorce? Get it done. Solo parenting. Boom. She does not miss a beat. The woman is indomitable. But then, here’s an interesting thing. Like so many women who have had a career break, re-entering the workforce has her freaking out. Her confidence is really shaky and it just goes to show that a crisis of confidence can happen to the very best of us. And let me tell you, this woman is truly one of the best.

Confidence can be a very fragile flower. It needs tending, watering and nurturing. If it gets ignored it can wither on the vine. Life can knock us around a bit. Though we might feel really confident in one area of our life, we can feel horribly insecure in another. We might rock it out without a thought in the office, but we might feel eye-wateringly under-confident when it comes to dating. Or we may be confident and secure in how our body looks and moves, but self-conscious and under-confident in our parenting skills. Or vice versa.

Life is easier with robust self-confidence. Here are four techniques I used with Bella to raise her confidence that you can start applying today:

1. Mirror your high confidence areas. Look at the areas where you DO feel confident in your life. What words describe you in that situation? Strong? Empowered? Capable? Efficient? These are all transferable skills. You ARE that person in the office, it stands to reason you CAN be that person in the bedroom, boardroom or at the school gates. Channel the person you are in your most confident situations and know that you ARE her wherever you are.

2. Channel a superpower. Think of someone who is super-confident in the situation where you find yourself under-confident. Then channel them, take a moment to absorb the essence of them and “borrow” their confidence temporarily. After a while, you will find it just comes naturally. I have to admit I used this technique a lot when I did my first few live TV appearances. I was freaking OUT (to put it mildly). But I knew it was a great opportunity to spread wellness and goodness more widely and I wanted to do it. So, I thought about one of my role models (a very cool and composed kickass business coach from New York) and I thought: how would Marie handle this? She would be open and warm with everyone she meets, she would be confident in what she was saying, she would hold her head high and pull her shoulders back, she would think “of course I should be here doing this thing!”. The more I channeled Marie, the more my confidence grew. This smart woman can be confident on live TV, and I am a smart woman, so why should I be any different?

3. Don’t fall into the trap of comparisonitus. Bella had well and truly fallen down the rabbit hole of comparisonitus. With her fledgling career she was looking at all the very established people in a similar field and looking at all the ways she didn’t measure up. Of course you don’t: they have been in the business for 3 years, 8 years, 20 years! Do not fall into the trap of comparing your chapter 1 with someone else’s chapter 15. It will suck the confidence right out of you. Instead, turn it right around: seeing loads of smart women succeeding in that industry just shows what a demand there is in the market. What it demonstrates is how eminently do-able it all is. Take confidence from that fact. Also, none of them is you. You are bringing something unique and special.

4. What would you do/say if you KNEW you could not fail? It’s a good question to ask yourself to get out of your own way when you are feeling underconfident. If you could approach the situation with confidence and without fear, what would you do or say then? Who would you be? Put your fear to one side as much as you possibly can (it’s just an uncomfortable sensation, it’s not REAL) and act as if that is the truth.

Whenever you are feeling under-confident, pick one of these 4 strategies to challenge and change that self -perception. Pick the one that resonates the most for you and put it into practice. Go get ’em, Tiger

The post My FOUR tried & true strategies for a confidence boost appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

The phenomenon of using food to comfort eat is well-documented. Think back to Bridget Jones and her Darcy-less weekends of ice cream and vodka binging! It’s something I think is important to look at without judgement: I would say 99% of us have comfort eaten at some point, and for some it is a regular coping strategy after a hard day or a bruising life encounter. So, why is that? What’s going on? Why do we keep doing it even though we know really, we don’t want to?

The thing with comfort eating is … well … it kind of works. Temporarily we do get comfort. We can forget about being sad while we eat – yay! And then, mere moments after we have finished the half litre of ice cream, we can forget about being sad as we can focus on hating ourselves for eating all that ice cream! Genius! The self-hating talk can fill the gap where the sadness would be. We do get comfort from feeing sad / frustrated / alone / whatever. In a while, however, that wears off and we start to feel sad again, which doesn’t feel good, so to escape it, the next cycle of comfort eating will begin. And on we go…

What’s the solution? Well, sorry to say it, but the way out of feeling sad / frustrated / guilty and so on is by allowing yourself to feel that sadness in the short term. Allow it. Feel it and then let it move through you. Let yourself feel what you feel. Acknowledge it. Painful emotions can’t actually be healed, dissolved, dodged, escaped or avoided with ice cream: they only get hidden to bite us again in the bum later.

If we can pause long enough to put down the spoon, we would be better served to ask ourselves the following questions:

> Why am I sad?

> What can I do to release this sadness? How can I be brave and allow myself to feel it? Maybe it’s having a good long cry. Maybe it’s a solo walk on the beach. Maybe it’s a sad songs playlist. Maybe it’s talking things through with your mum or best friend. Whatever works for you.

> What NON-food things bring me genuine comfort or connection? It might be calling a friend, or watching a particular movie, or walking in nature, or a girls’ night out or a great podcast that always makes you feel understood.

If you turn to comfort eating, I’d challenge you to be kind to yourself and list10 non-food things that bring you comfort or connection. Remember, we eat emotionally because we are trying to change our emotional state. So, think of 10 things that can be your “go to” list that create new and positive emotions in you, calorie free.

Action step

Remember: Comfort eating does not really bring comfort. It just blocks the thoughts of sadness. It doesn’t make them disappear, it just stores them up for another day. It’s not food’s job to deal with your sadness. It’s yours. Allow yourself to be sad if you are sad. There is no emotion so extreme or powerful that you cannot bear it. Support yourself with non-food-based sources of comfort and you will come through.

The post Overcoming emotional eating appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

I wanted to create a safe space where I could take the coaching principles we talk about in Wellbeing Wednesday and take them to the next level with supported implementation so people could take what was resonating and put it into real practice in their life, in a supported way. High quality coaching which represented extraordinary value for money: an entire YEAR’S worth of coaching for what just one or two sessions would cost.

I had no idea that in 2023 the Academy would be on its third technical upgrade (we have THE most gorgeous, elegant, easy-to-use Members Hub ever!), or that we would have hundreds of amazing members in 14 different countries round the globe. And that it would be the focus point of my working life, and the sum of my life’s work. At the time, I just wanted an alternative to waitlisting for one-on-one coaching!

I do feel so proud of every woman in the Academy and her journey: it is the most extraordinary community of women and I feel honoured to work with them each day. Getting to hug so many of them in person at the weekend – some of whom I have been lucky enough to work with since 2015 – was absolutely epic, and deeply emotional for me. The atmosphere in that room I will remember forever

So, does that sound like something you’d like to get involved in? Why not lock in your annual membership today, and you could be joining us at next year’s LIVE Masterclass event? The Wellbeing Warriors Coaching Academy might only be LIVE once a year, but 24/7/365 it’s on your phone, on your laptop, it’s commutable, you can travel anywhere with it. Your wellbeing is where you are. It’s like having a life coach (ME!) in your pocket! Click HERE to find out more.

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“You are fearless” said the email “fearless! The way you put yourself out there. I couldn’t do that”.

Thank you, I said, but please don’t mistake my work rate for an absence of fear! 

I love the perception of being fearless – but it’s far from the truth. 

The truth is this:

The first time I did live TV I was terrified. Terr. I. Fied.

The second time I was still terrified.

The third time, I was terrified minus one percentage point.

Out of about a thousand.

When my book got published by Penguin and went “out there” into the world I was elated, excited but more than a little scared of what the reception might be to such a controversial wellness topic delivered in a pretty bullish style.

Each week when I pressed send on my column for The New Zealand Herald, knowing it will be read by tens of thousands – sometimes there is a little prickle of worry about how it might go down.

So, I’m absolutely not fearless despite how it may look! 

Here’s how it works for me:

I have fear. Of course I do.

But I also have a message to share, and my message is bigger than my fear.

It has to be.

My fear of not doing what I am meant to do

My fear of not serving the world in the way I know I am here for

Is bigger than my fear of failing

Is bigger than my fear of looking stupid.

My message of self-empowerment around women’s mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing 

Is bigger than my fear of falling

Is bigger than my fear of not being perfect

I know I cannot really fail because even if I help one woman live bigger, reach higher, expand into the woman she is meant to be with the life and PEACE (of heart and mind) she deserves – I have done my job.

I know nothing is ever completely perfect. And I certainly am not!

So, I will keep taking perfectly imperfect action forwards.

Being fearless does not mean having no fear.

Being fearless means believing in something bigger than your fear.

So, that thing you are scared of? Can you believe in the having of it more than your fear? If we wait to be “not scared” to do something….we can wait (and waste) a lifetime. Choose that your conviction is bigger than your fear.

The post The truth about being FEARLESS 💪 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

Collective action and shared ownership for driving gender parity is what makes International Women’s Day impactful.

Equity isn’t just a nice-to-have, it’s a must-have.

Imagine a gender equal world. A world free of bias, stereotypes, and discrimination. A world that’s diverse, equitable, and inclusive. A world where difference is valued and celebrated. Together we can forge women’s equality. All small actions play a part in creating progress and momentum.

For me I like to play my tiny part coaching women to find their voice, and stop being afraid to use it to ask for what they need. To understand what boundaries are, how to define them, how to communicate them effectively. To learn how to prioritise their own mental health and put their own oxygen mask on first. These may all seem small things but they have so many beautiful ripple effects not just in the women themselves in countless small but personally significant victories but also in the knock-on effects to their daughters, friends, colleagues, mothers…as well as their sons, husbands and communities.  It’s about a woman claiming her own voice and power in her own life.

With these International celebration days, important though they are, there can be a tendency to celebrate the achievements of The Big Hitters. The incredible women who are captains of industry, innovation, technology, medicine and so on(as well as all the inevitable fluff on Instagram of The Highly Visible). For me however, I’d like to turn the focus to the ordinary woman, the you and the me. The regular women living regular lives…who in our own quiet way keep the world turning each day. And so for  International Women’s Day you would enjoy a list of just observations, qualities, characteristics of the amazing, ordinary, extraordinary, regular, fabulous, normal, everyday every woman I have the pleasure of working with every day.

15 things a woman standing quietly in her own power does: 

1. She takes time for herself without beating herself up for it. Taking the time but feeling guilty negates the freedom of the commitment. Guilt-free me time is the way to go: they choose it AND enjoy it.
2. She set’s boundaries that honour who she is. The job, the relationship, the way the house runs, how they spend their leisure time. They are not trying to be someone else for someone else. They are themselves regardless of context.
3. She knows the difference between a problem and a fact. If it’s a problem they find a solution. If it’s a fact they acknowledge that and then stop fighting it. Let go. Move on.
4. They know worry is a waste of energy. It’s using the imagination for bad rather than good. They take their focus to what they can affect and let go of the rest.
5. They spend much more time emphasizing their strengths than improving their weaknesses. Life is too short to address weaknesses: she hire’s or barter’s to address them and spends her time in the happy zone rocking what she is more naturally good at.
6. They own their emotions. All of them. They don’t drown then in alcohol, or smother them in cupcakes, or try and run away from them with excessive exercise or workaholism. They feel them. They know there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” emotion any more than there is good or bad weather. We need sunshine as much as rain to make this world a beautiful place
7. They know rest is as important as action. That play is as important as work.
8. They don’t take life or themselves too seriously. They laugh. A lot.
9. They are brave when they need to be. They also understand the difference between quitting and graceful surrender to something not meant for us.
10.  They do not worry too much about what “everybody” thinks.
11.  They know how to ask for what they need, and are not afraid to ask. Knowing that rather than offending people nine times out of ten voiced clarity is welcomed and embraced
12. They know what their real priorities in life are and consciously decide in favour of them.
13. They know that everything in life is a choice. All we have to do is breathe. After that everything else is a choice. They choose wisely and without regret.
14. They don’t settle for second best in matters of the heart. Forever is a reeeeeeeeeeally long time.
15. They love without fear, and know they are strong enough to handle whatever happens.

I am willing to bet you already embody many of these qualities, and there may be a few you might like to work on and acquire. Happy International Women’s Day to you…may more and more progress continue to be made. Even those of us who live with considerable privilege (I acknowledge I am white, grew up in a middle-class family, had great quality state education in a country with free healthcare) know we have the freedoms and opportunities we enjoy were built on the shoulders of the brave women who went before us. There is so much more to be done.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

P.S. Grab your copy of my book:  The Busy Woman’s Guide To High Energy Happiness, published by Penguin Random House. NZ ONLY: Order your copy here $38.00 with free NZ shipping

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I’m calling time on saying sorry for sh*t we don’t need to apologise for.

Have you noticed how much (especially as women) we tend to over-apologise and say sorry when it’s not actually required?! It’s a weird habit, and one worth revising. Things I am no longer apologising for:

• Not always being available (time, attention and energy are limited, it’s not personal, it’s just freaking MATHS)
• Prioritising the things that matter (to ME)
• Not giving an answer right away (it’s ok to think about it)
• Working at the pace that’s right for me on voluntary projects (it needs to fit in with my life, not the other way round!)
• When it’s not actually MY FAULT there is an issue! (why the hell am I saying sorry – YOU say sorry!)

Forget the bubble bath. This. Is. Real. Self. Care. #thisisrealselfcare

What about you, my lovely? What do you want to STOP apologising for? This is a primary  boundary of self-care where we show up for ourselves. I’m all ears. Let me know here.

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Just because other people can’t see it or applaud yet, IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT HAPPENING!

Success is not always what you can see.

Just because it’s not on Facebook or Instagram doesn’t mean that quiet, steady acts of brilliance and commitment are not happening quietly and powerfully every minute of the day.

Saluting all you quiet achievers.

Keep up that amazing work.

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There are as many dreams of a different, more fulfilling life than there is tea in China. Each dream as unique as the person. However, the underlying reason why we don’t step up and move towards our dreams is usually the same.

Do any of these ring a bell with you?

• The middle manager who really wants to be a nutritionist but is scared it won’t work out and they can’t make money
• The gorgeous girl who has been unlucky in love and is reluctant to get into online dating, or, who does it, but then cancels the dates at the last minute.
• The busy mum who wants to get fit but can’t get a consistent exercise programme going
• The new lawyer who graduated with a hard-won degree but it absolutely loathes dragging themselves into the law office each day. They slap on a brave game face and get on with it despite the misery.
• The Dad who loves his family but hates his job, but can’t leave because he is the breadwinner.
• The girl who wants to travel and do the OE but has no one to go with so doesn’t book it and never goes.
• The girl who does the part-time training in massage and wants to make a full time living out of it, but is too scared to make the leap.
• The spouse who is desperately unhappy but can’t have the conversation to either improve or leave the marriage.

It’s so easy for us to “get by”, day after day. Not truly connected with what makes us happy and fulfilling our life’s purpose. And then the next day, and the next day after that. And before we know it years have gone by in the “it’s okay” zone, but the amount of time we feel truly connected, alive and at peace is next to nothing.

Why?

The number one reason I see people holding themselves back is a fear that on some level they won’t be “good enough”.

• Not good enough to make a new business in the wellbeing field make enough money and be successful enough to support a good lifestyle
• Not good enough to trust that there is a loving and respectful partner out there who will make her soul sing. Not good enough to be loved completely and be loved in return.
• Not good enough to put herself and the needs of her body first sometimes, that doing that will mean she is a not good enough mum, that she is selfish.
• Not good enough to pack in the shiny yet unfulfilling career path and do something that the family might not approve of. Not good enough to stand up to the inevitable familial pressure.
• Not good enough to make the break and create a career change that is bold yet pragmatic. Not good enough to make the leap.
• Not good enough to make friends along the trail. What if people don’t like me? What if I never meet anyone?
• Not good enough to do the non-traditional thing. That’s for other people, the brave ones who are good enough. More talented. More special.
• Not good enough to make a stand and stick to it. Not good enough to live my own and make an independent life. I’ll never make it work.

Not good enough is a universal fear. It’s also a universal lie. And believing it keeps us playing small in the world. It dashes countless hopes and dreams. It’s an all-pervasive, silent assassin of living our life’s purpose.

When you look around at people who are living their life’s mission, what do you see? You see that they do feel good enough to give it a go. To back themselves. To trust that when they are honouring the messages of their soul that things will work out. That they have the courage, resilience, and passion to overcome any obstacle.

People who are living their life’s purpose don’t wait to feel good enough to make it happen. They know that that feeling comes from the action of leaping towards their passion.

Because – here’s the secret they are in on:

You are ALREADY good enough.

Why? Because “Good Enough” is an impossible standard to define. When you think about it, what does it even MEAN? Define for me someone who is good enough? Hard right? We are all imperfectly imperfect. No-one, and everyone, is already good enough.

If we wait to feel good enough on some level before summoning the courage to live the life we know we are meant to live, we will be waiting a very long time. We have to take action before we feel good enough, in the knowledge that the truth is we are already more than good enough to handle whatever comes up.

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is proceeding with your soul’s calling DESPITE the fear.

You are ALREADY good enough.

You can do this. Make 2021 count.

The post Do You Ever Secretly Feel “Not Good Enough”? appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

The client distraught at the collapse of her marriage after finding her husband of 4 years had been cheating for 3, sure she would be a single mother forever and ever, and her life was over. O.V.E.R. A short time later serendipitously meeting an old school friend, getting together, he as an eager co-parent, and happier than ever before. “It was all worth it to be as happy as I am now, I’d never have found out how great things could be if I hadn’t gone through that”.

The client who was sure that the eleventy-billionth restructure at the corporate she had devoted the last 12 years of her working life to would end in redundancy. Which it did. Handily just before Christmas. “The market is so tight I’ll never find anything and Big Restructure Corp is all I know…this is a DISASTER”. She is already happy as a clam in a new role, in a medium-sized company with a whole different perspective on people management and culture – she is relaxed, sleeping well, and loving her work in a way she had forgotten she ever could. “Best thing everrrrrrr!” she laughs.

The old family friend who got royally blindsided by his business partner embezzling the company funds behind his back. A young family of 4 to support he never saw it coming. Total financial destruction. Overnight. “I had no choice I just had to go and do this job that I honestly thought was beneath me. I would never have done that work before”. Turned out that the owners loved what he did so much they offered to fund a whole new business partnership that he ended up selling down the line for millions.

I could list dozens of these, and let’s be honest – you can too. A slew of personal anecdotes exist of someone “failing” cataclysmically, only to later snatch a much more prized victory from the jaws of defeat. What they “failed at” and left behind later becoming something they wouldn’t even want for themselves anymore. That what awaited on the other side of that failure was something so much shiner, a much bigger success they could ever have imagined for themselves.

The lesson in these common tales is that we tend to take score too way early. That if you are in the grip of what seems like an unmitigated failure right now, to see that perhaps…just perhaps…it’s a foundation leading you to something way superior. You just can’t see it yet. Perhaps it’s not failure at all. Perhaps there was something you needed to learn there. Something you needed to let go of, in an albeit brutal fashion, in order to make way for something that will serve you better in the future.

Consider the possibility that failure is not failure at all. Maybe it’s just incomplete success in disguise. Doesn’t that feel better? Whether it’s in the career area, or the money area, or the relationship space, or the owing your own home space or the health and fitness place – whatever it may be for you – maybe you are not experiencing failure at all. You are just in the slightly messy transition phase of incomplete success. That’s all it is.

Incomplete success.

So hold fast. Don’t call it too soon. You can’t hear singing. The fat lady hasn’t even started warming up yet.

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