Over-thinking… sound familiar?!  So common, and at a very real cost to our mental health.

Much (not all, but, a lot) of our stress is (when we step back and evaluate it objectively) self-created. It’s the same thought-loops or stories we have told ourselves over and over about how we are letting someone down / not good enough in some way / something is going to go wrong / so and so we will be upset. These catastrophising stories can run on repeat in our heads, creating anxiety and stress. It’s the over-thinking “What ifs” that drag us down.

A really helpful tip can be getting these endless anxiety-inducing stories out of your head, and onto paper.

Yes, I literally mean get a pen and paper out and write down verbatim what’s going round and round in your head.

I know you think you don’t have time, but, honey, you do. You have likely been overthinking and stressing about Issue X for a day/a week/ a freaking year…you DEFINITELY have 10 minutes to get those thought loops down on paper.

Once you look at them in black and white it’s a lot (and I mean A LOT) easier to slow the over-thinking down, and evaluate them with a more considered perspective:

Is that really true? Is that a fact? 
Where’s the evidence of that? 
What’s the percentage likelihood of that ever occurring? 
If that did happen how would I handle it? 
When have I handled something similar successfully before? 
Is this even my responsibility? 

The problem isn’t that we are thinking – it’s HOW we are thinking.

Pull out a pen and paper (or use the notes page in your phone), acknowledge that thinking, and then assess that story for truth, likelihood, responsibility and your capability.

Overthinking. Let’s do something ABOUT IT today.

The post appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

It sounds almost too simplistic to be true but so many people have issues with this concept. I know: I’ve been there myself, and I help clients with it every day. It’s very easy to get trapped in a weird kind of socially acceptable Double Think where our own needs are always at the end of the To Do list after everyone else has had their desires taken care of and we rarely get to spend time/money/energy doing what we want.

Moving ourselves up our own To Do list can be breaking the habit of a lifetime. The main reasons I see clients avoiding doing this is because of the following misconceptions:

1. My needs are less important than my children/spouse/boss/cat

2. He/She should be able to know what I need/would make me happy

3. If I say what I mean there will be conflict and it will be horrible

What this boils down to is:

1. Completely illogical thinking that other people’s needs are more important than our own. How can that be? It makes no sense. Our needs are equally as important as any other human being.

2. Expecting our spouse, friends and colleagues to be mind readers: which of course they are not. Disappointment guaranteed.

3. Assuming that there will be conflict if we voice our needs. Actually in reality generally other people welcome the clarity and direction. Really.

If you could do with a little more in your life that really pleases you try working through 4 easy steps in 4 easy words:

SAY. WHAT. YOU. MEAN. 

Say: this is key…you need to actually voice it. Yes, that’s out loud! Take responsibility for your needs and voice what’s on your mind. You don’t need to be aggressive, just calmly state what’s important to you. Stop expecting everyone else to be a mind reader.

What: be specific. How can anyone really help or support you if they don’t understand exactly what it is that will make you happy? Instead of something vague ‘I’d like it if I could choose a movie I liked for once’ be specific ‘I’d like to choose the movie on Saturday night this week’.

You: this is often the biggest stumbling block. After so many years of putting the needs of your spouse, children or workplace before your own it can be hard to actually tune into the fact that a) you have a need/preference yourself and b) it matters. Remember: your needs are equally as important as anyone else’s.

Mean: you don’t need to be mean but you do need to mean it! Let go of the false assumption that Saying What You Mean will always lead to conflict. You will be surprised how little it does. As you get more of what you want in your life you will find that you resent less of the things that don’t go your way or that you compromise on.

So, start small…speak up with the accounts department and say when you would like the report and that you think that’s a reasonable request; choose the restaurant that you really want to go to; take turns to pick the movie; say no to the party you just really don’t want to attend.

I challenge my clients to Say What They Mean once a day as they start to break the habit of constantly deferring their own needs. It’s a fascinating process…the first few times they Say What They Mean with utter trepidation waiting for the sky to fall. Then, the sky doesn’t fall, but spooky, they actually start Getting What They Asked For most of the time! They find people like to please them for a change, and before you know it they are accelerating way past the once a day challenge without prompting. Why? Because life becomes easier, more fun, less resentful, when we own what we need to make us happy. They have more energy. Their spouses are happier because they can stop the guessing game of ‘what will keep her happy’. Life becomes a whole lot easier all round.

Will you get what you want every time? Absolutely Not. But sure as sh*t will get it a lot more than you do when you don’t Say What You Mean! Start embracing these four simple little words and the balance of life will start to shift in your favour immediately.

So, could you Say What You Mean a little more?

The post Four simple, yet life-changing words appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

It’s an interesting thing – some people just seem to be born knowing who they are and even from a small child, you see them plough their individual furrow in life. Their way, right from the Get-Go. Right outta the gate they are true to their unique take on the world and their place within it. The majority of us through…It.  Takes. Time. So much people pleasing to be done first, no! Decades of it! Myriad schools, qualifications, partners, career, home choices and so on are made to fit the vision that other people have or expect.

​​​​​​​How does it look when you start trusting your own version of you? 

How do you know when you are starting to live more truly to yourself?

1. You can give yourself permission to change your mind.

And, you can change your mind without calling it quitting and beating your sweet self up over it. You just know it’s not right for you. Maybe it was before. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was a mistake all along. But, regardless of what others’ judgment might be about you saying the course YOU know it’s wrong and you give yourself permission to change direction anyway.

2. You’ve outgrown a few relationships or situations, and you are not clinging or feeling guilty about it.

Life is all about growth: internal and external; it’s at different speeds and directions for us all. And that’s okay. You may outgrow friendship groups. Or relationships, or careers, or countries and all of that is OK. We are not meant to stay the same forever (and nor is anyone else!). In such a global world of possibility and opportunity, our personal journeys are meant to overlap with many others: we might be on parallel tracks for a bit and then one or the other might speed up and away. We are not left behind or in front. We are just on different tracks and that’s more than OK. Release with love.

3. You realise that life doesn’t feel good, all the time, and that’s OK too.

This is a biggie. The “pursuit of happiness” after all is drummed into us left, right and centre from before we can walk. But, as humans, we are programmed to experience and process a range of human emotions: not just happiness. We might be happiness-seeking machines, but we are also programmed to feel sadness, guilt, irritation, boredom, anger, resentment, fear. 

When we can observe these emotions for a moment without frantically trying to escape them (Booze! Drugs! Overworking! Exercising like crazy! Food! Sugar! Pizza! Oh, go on then, just one more slice! Wine! Just a quick one!) we can discern what their message to us is – and how to course correct ourselves.

It is easier to navigate which way happiness is when we know where it isn’t, and we can refine the road all the way. That it’s more efficient to allow ourselves to feel sad, or scared or bored, to move through that feeling, than it is to keep and avoid feeling it with one more wine. When you are being true to yourself, you are being true to what you really feel.

4. Some people like you, some people don’t and that’s OK.

7 billion people on the planet. They ain’t all gonna like you and approve of you and all your choices! It’s an impossibility to even try. You do you. Let them do them. Don’t sweat the haters. Stay in your integrity. The more you love your choices the less you need other people to.

5. You have boundaries that you hold, no matter the consequences.

When you start realising that your boundaries are not things you put up to beat other people with, but merely lines in the sand that keep YOU safe, that you can stand behind – and other people can choose accordingly – that is a huge step on living a life that is true to yourself.

To be able to say “this is ok for me, and this, this is not, this I will not tolerate” and then let others choose how they will behave around you. There is an enormous sense of peace in that. Most will respect your boundaries, and say “of course, that is no problem, I had no idea that was so important to you” and a few will not and test if you really mean it. Being able to voice a boundary is huge. Being able to stand firm on your boundary, and know what is non-negotiable for you IS being true to you. At its very essence, it is where you – stand up and show up – for you.

I hope you have been able to tick at least a few of these today.

The post 5 Signs You Are Being True To Yourself appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

Broadly speaking, the left hemisphere of our brain is where our rational logical mind lives, and our right hemisphere is home to our sense of peace and creativity. At work, we can tend to get stuck in left brain dominance, very task focused and logical: all good things. However, if you want to find a little moment of peace in your day, take 60 seconds to consciously activate more of your right brain. Simply use a few rounds of the Alternate Nostril Breathing that we start class with, OR, you can simply close your mouth AND your RIGHT nostril and breath in and out 10 breaths just through the LEFT nostril SLOWLY to energise the right brain. Take 60 seconds to do this before a meeting and notice how much more calm and focused you are. Spooky.

#2. Relax the face

So much tension can build up in the face, we are sending stress messages to our body just from the determined set of our jaw and our wrinkled brow. Try this great yoga asana ‘Lion’ to release the tension from your face and to send relaxation throughout your body.

You will need to work in an office where you can close the door for this one, or pop to the bathroom to try it unless you have very  incurious colleagues in your open-plan office!

So, sit quietly, put your hands in your lap, then scrunch your face up, tight tight tight, scrunch the forehead, wrinkle the nose, grit the teeth: make a real scrunched old prune face…then…big exhale…do the lion face: open your mouth WIDE and stretch your tongue out, curling its tip down toward the chin, open your eyes wide, contract the muscles on the front of your throat, and exhale the breath slowly out through your mouth with a big “ha” sound. Then just check in with how you are feeling. Better, huh? I know, you don’t realise just how much tension you are holding in your face until you release it. Nice.

#3. Relax the mind

If  you are getting super stressed by a particular task or person ask yourself: how much will this thing, or this person’s opinion of this thing, matter to me 5 years from now? 99% of the time the answer is ‘hmmmm, not so much actually’ and simply, asking the question is accompanied by a release of mental tension. So, just realigning your long-term perspective with this simple question can take much of the emotion and the frustration out of the task or the interaction and make it much simpler to complete. All it takes is 60 seconds to press pause and your body and mind will thank you for it.

The post De-stressing at Work in 60 Seconds 🧘‍♀️ appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

So many of the articles and memes on this frankly exhaust me just by reading them. You know the ones – they trill something like, “Just 19 Simple Steps To Start Your Day RIGHT!”

It will go something like this: Journal for 15 minutes. Meditate for 20 minutes. Make a delicious fresh fruit breakfast with chia in it. Stretch with a simple 10-minute yoga routine. Take a moment to just breeeeeeathe (ahhhhh!). Read something meaningful that stretches your mind. Have a cold shower to invigorate the immune system. Do something nourishing with essential oils. Listen to a mind-expanding podcast. And so on.

I am sure I am not alone here hearing the voice in my head screaming “Yeah RIGHT!” To make all that good stuff happen I’d need to get up at 3am to start my morning routine!

Those 96-point lists will foster nothing but feelings of inadequacy and guilt. The key is to work with your personal circumstances and personal body clock to optimise what is genuinely realistic to tweak for you. If the goal is not to reach instagram-able levels of perfection, but to start and finish your day feeling a little calmer, a little less stressed, and with more appreciation and ease then keep it simple.

Here are two tiny tweaks you can incorporate without drama.

1 – PHYSICAL. Admiral William H. McRaven, a US Navy Seal, has a great 2-minute motivational talk on “changing the world by making your bed”. A simple but mundane task, it means you have accomplished the first task of the day early. It gives you a small sense of pride and creates the momentum to achieve the next task. As he so eloquently demonstrates, the little things in life matter: when we do the small things right we are more likely to do the big things right. Making your bed is a 2-minute investment (tops, unless you have a serious scatter cushion habit) that will start your day with purpose and discipline.

2 – MENTAL. Use your teeth cleaning time in the morning to anchor in some positivity. This takes exactly NO additional time, but will also set your day off on the right foot. Whilst you are brushing ask yourself the simple question, “What would I like to go RIGHT today?” Actively force your mind to start the day worry-free and focus on all the opportunities for connection and productivity you have coming up.

Take a moment to review your regular morning routine. It might (if you are honest with yourself) be “hit snooze 4 times” (time investment 36-minutes) and “noodle on Facebook first thing” (12 minutes). In which case a quick refresh is in order.

These two tips, one physical, one mental, you can incorporate no matter how busy you are, into start each day with purpose and positivity .

The post Two TINY tweaks you CAN make to start your day right appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

Start with YOU.

NO-ONE is as hard on us as we are on ourselves!

Please don’t say things to yourself in your own head that you would never ever E V E R  say out loud to any other human being.

There is wayyyy too much secret internal chatter of the “your bum looks big in that”; “you need to be more efficient” ;“you are just not good enough” variety.

You would not whisper that in the ear of a stranger (let alone a loved one).

Stop it boo!

Be kind. TO YOU.

I know you are kind to others, you have that on lock, but please

BE KIND TO YOU first. Start with YOU.

Lower the bar a little.

Cut yourself a little slack (like you would for others)

You are doing just fine.

Perfectly imperfectly fine.

More than good enough.

Be kind where it matters MOST.

Inside your own head and heart

We cannot give away what we do not replenish: so please, say some nice things to yourself today. Be kind. Give grace. Be patient. Be loving.

I can see you from here. And to me, you look pretty damn fantastic.

The post Being Kind to….who? 🙄 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

Back in my pre-escape corporate days, I had plenty of money, status and many, many great pairs of shoes. What I didn’t have was any damn peace! I felt I was permanently in a state of “rush”, scurrying from one commitment to another in both my personal and professional life and never really at ease or at peace. I kept searching for some peace. Was it to be found on an island beach? In the spa? In a hammock? On a quieter weekend? In a bubble bath? On Waiheke? Down the back of the sofa? Peace was hiding from me, and I had no idea where it could be found.

None of those places as it turned out, including, and – shocker – especially not the spa.

What I learned was that peace wasn’t to be found in a specific location. Whether I was in a hammock, a beauty spa or on the beach I was still wound up. Still thinking about other stuff that needed to be done with work, family, home commitments. I could BE somewhere peaceful but still NOT have the feeling peace in my mind, heart or soul. Frustrating. Finding how to get some peace in my soul was harder to crack than the Da Vinci code.

The answer of course is that inner peace is not OUT THERE, in the spa or on the beach or anywhere external. Peace, clarity and calm are 100% inside job. Peace is something that lives inside us, deep down, but we have covered up with insidious layers and habits of people pleasing; perfectionism; overachievement; self-esteem issues, unachievable body image comparisons and so on. It’s like peeling an onion, peel back the layers that limit us…and low and behold…underneath, right there is peace. It was there all along.

The peace of mind and heart we seek is already with us if we take the time strip away what separates us from it. We can actually have peace and clarity wherever we are. No hammock required.

Great question to ask yourself: WHEN do I feel most peaceful? WHY? The big CLUE here is not where you ARE, or who you are with: it’s what you are THINKING about where you are and who you are with. That’s the start of unravelling your personal path to inner peace. Well worth a moment of your reflection time.

Could you do with more peace?

The post Inner Peace on tap 👀 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

Be. Kind. To. Your. Mind.

Find something that works for YOU to switch it off.

Might be baking

Might be running

Might be one of those meditation colouring books (so not just for kids!) (that’s why I include a new design each month in the Coaching Academy!).

For me, nothing breaks the chatter in my head like smacking the boxing bag. Real hard! Everything else just melts away. 

Whatever your thing is, engage in it with enthusiasm and consistency and (crucially!) without guilt.

The post Be kind to your mind 🧡 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

What to do, what to do? 

There are TWO important strategies for you to get unstuck: 

1. Create increased MOMENTUM in an area of life that is going WELL, where there is NO confusion. Take a step forwards or up or just any kind of simple positive action to AMP UP what is going WELL. Make what is going well go even BETTER. 

Why does this work to get you unstuck on the OTHER thing? 

By UPPING your focus in a positive direction you naturally REDUCE it on what is negative. This can unlock what is not going so well as you have stopped trying to FORCE a solution to something you haven’t been able to solve. You get in the groove of what’s going WELL and that positive energy creates a ripple effect that helps the OTHER thing start to solve not you are not poking at it the whole time. 

2. Take ONE SMALL STEP towards resolving THE THING that is stuck. You don’t need to see HOW THE WHOLE THING will solve or work out or fix itself. You don’t need to see 3 years down the track and how it will all unfold. Just take one small step, one tiny action on it, that feels even just slightly like relief or lightness. Just take a TINY STEP. Don’t think its pointless because it’s small, do it anyway. 

Why does THIS work to get you unstuck? 

Firstly because you will feel a tiny bit of relief from your tiny step, and relief is always good. Secondly, and more importantly, you will gain a NEW PERSPECTIVE from the place just one tiny step further on that you may not have seen. Think of it like a fiendishly hard 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Putting in ONE puzzle piece doesn’t seem like its really doing anything, drop in the ocean when there are still 946 still to place, BUT, that one clicking into place makes just one of the others make a bit more sense, you can see just a hint more of a pattern than you could before which unlocks the next tiny step and tiny piece of the puzzle. Each piece CHANGES THE PERSPECTIVE AVAILABLE to you of the NEXT one. You don’t NEED to see the whole thing to take the next small step, you trust that one will start to REVEAL the other.

(Image credit: wonder_doodles)

___________________________________________________________

While you’re here I have a question for you.

Does overthinking keep you awake at night?

Does this lady provide an accurate representation of how you often feel?!

If so, I would love to help you.

Join me in July 2024 for

The 30-Day Shrinking Overthinking Bootcamp

Stop negative spirals and make your mind a nicer place to live in 30 days.

Join me in July 2024 to learn 6 powerful techniques to manage your mind and reduce anxiety.

As someone who overcame extreme burnout, I’ve helped thousands of women stop overthinking.

Now, I am looking for 50 women who want to learn how to reduce stressful loops of overthinking, stop negative spirals, declutter their mind and feel more in control, to join me for this 30-day challenge inside my Coaching Academy, from 1st July 2024.

It’s £39/month | Risk free | 30-Day Guarantee | Cancel any time!

Click here to learn more.

The post What to do when you don’t know what to do appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

I think we are a lot more aware these days that Mother’s Day does not look like breakfast in bed on a tray with a hand-drawn card and loving partner supervising, like it does in the movies. Life in 2024 is much more aware and compassionate (thank goodness!), but days like this can still sting.

This sting is a natural response to complexity around this primary human relationship; whatever you feel is valid and important to acknowledge, even if that is just a moment of quiet honesty with yourself

Image credit: Bless the Messy

The post The joy and complexity of Mother’s Day 💐 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.