If you are having a rough ride at the moment this one’s for you…

There is no more important time to be taking good care of yourself than during a crisis. Unfortunately, this is generally when it feels the hardest to do it!

 It’s difficult to connect with eating nourishing food being a priority when you have suffered such a huge loss that nothing can fill it. However, improved self-care is exactly what we need to do at this time.

 We can meet adversity with more resolve when we have slept well, have eaten well, are hydrated, and up and dressed ready to face the world, even when we just want to hide under the duvet and hope it will all go away.

 Going back to basics with sleep/nutrition/exercise non-negotiables gives us a platform of physical resiliency to deal with whatever faces us emotionally.​​​​

 A crisis situation is what it is; but it is always going to be better to face it with a good night’s sleep and a full belly than being wired and tired.

When life has thrown a curve ball and looking after yourself feels like more than you can handle right now.

1. Reach out for support. People care. They WILL help you. At my darkest times I have been amazed at the kindness of friends gently shepherding my self-care forwards. Looking after me when I can’t do it myself.
2. Don’t try and do All The Things. Just doing ONE piece of self-care will feel empowering and that you are controlling SOMETHING, when life itself feels out of control. Just do ONE good thing for yourself. Don’t set the bar too high. Just do ONE.
3. If you need ideas, you can get my book (it’s so pretty and easy to use you will love it) and tick off one new self-care action each day. You don’t even need to have the energy to think of a thing, I’ve done it for you, and broken it down into 8 different categories of self-care. All you need to do is ONE a day. They will all gently move you forwards.

You can get it here: 101 Self-Care Ideas

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Where do you give the balance of your attention?

It’s an important question to ask of ourselves.

Especially if life isn’t going super well for us right now.

Because whatever we focus on GROWS

Focus on the love and opportunity present in your life…you will get more

Focus on the drama and difficulty in your life…more will come join it

This isn’t about ignoring or avoiding reality (you can’t, anyway!)

It’s about looking at where you direct your focus once you have taken care of what you need to.

What you choose to water your mind with is what will grow

Water it with thoughts of your own capability rather than worry

Water it with memories of good times if the now is feeling hard

Water it with lists of your achievements or your loves rather than your fears

Yes this is work – directing our mind IS work

Yes this sounds woo-woo. However, does that matter if we feel happier?!

Our FOCUS is really important

Direct it to what you want MORE of in your life

What you focus on is what will GROW

And I want you to have more of the good stuff!

Remember what we choose to focus on GROWS What will you choose to focus on this week?

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It’s funny because we all know it rings true.

Thing is, shouldn’t adulting be more than this?!

More than the “daily grind”.

We have totally normalised tiredness in our culture.

Filed permanently pushing through each day under “it is what it is”.

Accepting that being knackered and endlessly juggling balls is just the way life is.

Thing is, being tired all the time is NOT normal. 

Being tired is NOT (repeat not!) a sign to get another flat white.

Continual tiredness is NOT NORMAL.

It is a sign to look at your boundaries and your priorities. 

Easier to just get an espresso and ignore the big questions and the messages from our body, I know…

I did that. For years and years and yeeeears. Ended up descending into a hellish burnout that meant I was bedridden for four months and couldn’t work AT ALL for over a year. I couldn’t in fact do any effective adulting for over  a year. Wowsers.

(You can read all about this in my Penguin published book High Energy Happiness, and get a copy delivered to your door if you like )

Ignoring my continual tiredness was a very expensive mistake! Hiding my tiredness in caffeine was okay short-term but disastrous long term. It was really counterproductive adulting. I had no idea there was another way to do life. I just did what I had always done. And that’s what I know many of you will do. You will start 2023 all full of excitement and good intentions, but you will end the year on your knees physically and emotionally exhausted, like every damn year.

There is another way. 

If you are living life from one coffee to the next, I’d love to invite you to think about doing adulting differently in 2023 and have me as your coach.

We will be opening the doors to my Coaching Academy where we will be coaching on those boundaries and priorities in a supported environment at New Year. I’d love to help you do adulting differently next year. You can waitlist right here.

If you are feeling knackered, it’s affecting your adulting, and you want to see where you are on the 7 Stages of Tiredness you can download that for free here. It’s pretty illuminating, and I wish I had known this information before I burned myself out completely! ​​​​​​​

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Just because other people can’t see it or applaud yet, IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT HAPPENING!

Success is not always what you can see.

Just because it’s not on Facebook or Instagram doesn’t mean that quiet, steady acts of brilliance and commitment are not happening quietly and powerfully every minute of the day.

Saluting all you quiet achievers.

Keep up that amazing work.

The post Success Is Not Always What You See appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

I see numerous clients who are upset about missing out on career opportunities or family opportunities or travel opportunities or run-away-and-join-the-circus opportunities.  If I had a dollar for every time ‘I hate missing out’ has been uttered, I would have enough to host my own black tie and champagne event! In fact, I hear that FOMO (fear of missing out) is now actually in the urban dictionary, e.g. ‘Even though he was exhausted, John’s FOMO got the best of him and he went to the party.’

Here’s the thing. We have so many opportunities today that we live in the age of ‘missing out’. Which actually is a fantastic thing. Not a bad thing at all. I should be saying ‘I missed out!’ with joy and not regret. Why? Because missing out means I had a choice to do something else. It meant I chose another thing and I am actually so lucky to have that choice.

There are so many women around the world who miss out on things because they have no choice. Things like getting to vote, having financial independence, having a career outside the home that doesn’t require a ‘male guardian’. In Saudi Arabia, it is still illegal for women to drive, for example.  Many do not even have the choice over what they wear.

So, when I drive myself to class (rather than to the party I fancied), I am calling out my FOMO for what it is. And I think you should, too. This is all part of the energy-boosting process of embracing empowered choice. Missing out is a fantastic thing. I’ve missed out because I made the choice to run my own fabulous, thriving business. To be financially independent. To drive myself to class. On my own. In my yoga pants.

Missing out is confirmation that I have infinite choice in my life and that I am using it. And that is something to be very happy about indeed. Not the fear of missing out, but the joy of missing out. I shall call it JOMO. JOMO is the new FOMO, my friends. You heard it here first.

I wrote a blog post on this back in 2013 and had many comments from, in particular, mums of young kids. Karen said, ‘As a stay-at-home mum I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on those fabulous work events, too, and today I felt like I was missing out because a friend told me they were having a beer with Friday lunch … those were the days. But, and that but is huge, I’ve chosen not to miss out on my kids growing up, which I think in the long run is way more important than that beer I so feel like on a hot day like today. I have actually made a choice I feel lucky and thrilled to have made, and that’s a good thing to know!‘

Excerpt taken from The Busy Woman’s Guide To High Energy Happiness – Louise Thompson

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Well, you know the scene where he is teaching her to dance? There is a bit where she keeps stepping on him, not holding her arms rigid to create the space between them. “Look, spaghetti arms” he says, marking it out with his arms. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don’t go into yours, you don’t go into mine. You gotta hold the frame”. By being aware of that space between them and honouring it in the way they moved, they both performed so much better. Then, later… the long-awaited moment with the clinch, the tension unbearable, he moves in to kiss her…”You’re invading my dance space. This is my dance space” she retorts coquetishly “That’s yours. Let’s cha-cha”.

Here’s the thing about smart busy people who have no energy. They are doing a heap of stuff for other people.

Maddy, the extra young grandmother who was doing the parenting for her daughter’s daughter. Harriet who was making 3 meals a day, 7 days a week for her entirely grown-up family of self-sufficient men. Sarah who was breadwinning and working herself literally to the bone to support her entirely capable husband and brother. I see it again, and again and again. Belinda who ran herself ragged doing everything for “the business” from the marketing and comms to fixing the printer at any hours or the day or night. Whatever it took.

Understand this.

If you take more responsibility that is actually reasonable, and you make that your role, then eventually everyone around you will expect that. Let’s be honest, if someone was happy to get up and feed your child in the middle of the night and you could sleep through, or make and clear up all your meals, or pay your rent, or do all your work so you don’t have to pay to hire someone else…well…that great isn’t it!? They must love doing that shit, if they keep doing it. That’s the obvious assumption to make.

Basically what has happened is you have stepped into someone else’s dance space, scooped up their responsibilities, and in a completely non-manipulative way (usually) that suits the other party just fine too. They think you LIKE doing all that stuff!!! So they step away. So you keep doing it. So the more you do. And the more tired you get.

This may or may not be accompanied by moaning. “I have to get to the supermarket, if I asked Bob to do it it would never happen”, or “If I don’t pick up that project it just won’t get done and the business will suffer”. Well sure, honey. But  – hear this – the status quo is never going to change if there is no consequences for the other party. If there is no pain point to get attention for someone to step up and own their own dance space they ain’t gonna just spontaneously do it.

The fascinating thing is that when YOU change up the status quo, provide the pain point or consequences, in a consistently delivered way then things change faster than you can ever believe. My clients are blown away by how quickly the people in their lives will step up into the void in their dance space if they themselves leave it.

So, make the change Spaghetti Arms. Get real, where are you actually stepping past the boundary of your own dance space into someone else’s? Start by step back, but in a smart transitioned way like Harriet did with her houseful of grown men for whom she was doing all the washing and cooking. She calmly explained why the change needed to happen and exactly what each person would be responsible for, She trained them on the new menu. She ordered the groceries so it would be easy and smooth and a good experience for everyone as they got started. She praised their efforts even when things were a little burned to start with. She didn’t expect perfection straight away (of course they are not going to do it exactly like you, but you know what, if you want more energy then you need to accept that some things will be done other people’s way, and that’s just fine). Guide them, then step back from their dance space and leave that space for them to step into. If you are permanently blocking it they will never step up or in.

YOU need to create the space. Now. Let’s Cha-Cha.

You can get the full series of questions and actions steps from this chapter in my (excellent and super helpful, if I say so myself!) book High Energy Happiness.

The post Dance In Your Own Space appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

Physical wellbeing is *obviously* really important.

But it is often given far higher importance than our emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing.

The interesting thing is that when we attend to our mental, emotional and spiritual health (with smart, easy to apply coaching tools) we start to feel comfortable in our own skin in a way we may never have done: and that becomes the foundation for almost effortless physical health choices.

Those diets that stop, start, stop, start: you just start to eat healthy ongoing because you want to.

It stops being hard, and becomes the obvious choice.

That excessive habit wagon you have fallen in and off time and time again? You don’t need another 30-Day miracle boot camp promising you the world or a gym membership that lapses and you feel guilty about; you need to attend to your boundaries, learn why you worry about stuff and exactly how to stop it, and generally expand your level of self-awareness and trust: and, guess what…you’ll exercise regularly because you want to, because it’s just what you do. No fuss. No struggle.

That crazy lack of rest and downtime, running on empty and lack of balance? Do the deep work and watch that fall into place. Start honouring your mind and body with appropriate self-care without force or guilt.

If you are O.V.E.R. doing the same thing, listening to the same old promises, falling on and off the same ole wagon with the same ole excuses…

Do. Something. Different.

Learn how to take care of your wellbeing – emotional, mental and spiritual – and watch your physical wellbeing fall into place.

Do. Something. Different. For. You.

Something that the woman you want to be in 2019 will thank you for.

You want change?

You want to look different?

Feel different?

Change. The. Game.

Join 700 smart women in my life coaching Academy, and do wellbeing differently.

We have been doing it differently in there for 3 years now.

We have a formula that changes the game because it changes YOU.

If you are ready for real change; then I’m ready for you.

Join up right now, you won’t regret it!

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It makes the immortal quote from Ferris himself even more poignant, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”  Well, we don’t want that. We want to pack it with as many joyful and happy moments as possible. So, I thought a Joy List could be in order today.

We want our lives to be defined by as much light, love, laughter, and joy as possible. The more of that we have the more resilience we have to weather the inevitable squally patches we will all encounter. The thing is, when we are head down, bum up, absorbed in busy-ness and getting things done, actively seeing joy can be something we defer to later. Let’s not shall we? Let’s take a moment today to stop and look around at what brings us joy so we can deliberately sprinkle more of that stuff everywhere.

Make your own Joy List right here:

3 places that make me happy:

How much time do you spend there? How regular is it? Can you find a way to increase that? What do you need to do to make that happen? Or, if it’s somewhere far afield – like Mexico, say – can you bring a bit of a feel good Mexico vibe to you? Taco night. Hang that Mexican rug on the wall that you promised you would when you bought it in that dusty market. Get some special tequila. Can you bring the essence of that joyful place to you?

3 people who bring me joy and uplift me when I spend time with them:

Note: it might not be the people you feel you “should” be putting down there. That’s okay. It’s your Joy List, no one has to see it but you. How much time do you spend with the people who spark joy for you? If it’s your cousin but you only see each other once every few months, it’s time to up the priority. Maybe you can FaceTime more or maybe it’s a great excuse to organise a girls’ trip to Melbourne. Subtly realign the way you spend your time to get more of the people who lift you up.

3 times I laughed out loud in the last week:

Studies show kids laugh hundreds of times a day. Pure spontaneous joy. Adults – not so much. Half a dozen at best. Our lol score is pitiful. Who or what makes you laugh? Genuine joyful laughter? Make deliberate plans to tickle your funny bone more often.

3 activities that light me up

Where do you lose track of time? Get so absorbed that the minutes or hours fly by. Surfing? Knitting? Cooking? DIY-ing? Hiking? How much time do you actually spend doing that stuff? As a percentage of your week or month? What can you gently let go of in order to allow a little more joy time in?

We all have the same 10,080 minutes in a week. The same 8,769 hours in a year. We can’t change that. What we spend them on, where we spend them, and who with – we can. Cramming as much joy into each seems like a good plan to me. Life does indeed move pretty fast. Look around once in a while, don’t miss it.

The post Make A Joy List appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

What I want you to articulate is how you are feeling right now. What three words would you use to describe your emotional state over the summer break? Relaxed. Engaged. Excited, maybe. Or Connected, calm, joyful? See if you can name three prevalent emotions. We’ll circle back to them in a minute.

The thing with the luxurious long summer break  (I know, some of you still have weeks to go yet. Weeks!)  is that we sink into it and feel so good that we forget how life rolls the rest of the year. You know, when there is traffic. And rain. Pickups. Email. And so we set our resolutions for the New Year from this magical holiday place of connection, peace, calm and fun. “It’ll be easy! “we say. “This year is SO the year I go walking before work every day/join the gym and actually go to it/ lose 10kgs!”

These resolutions feel like they are in the bag. We have such confidence in ourselves because we are projecting forwards from our place of connection, calm and fun. Everything feels doable from that energetic place. It’s a delicious place to be. Hell, we even convince ourselves we will not just join and go to the gym, but we like it when we get there! Of course, we will! We will become one of those people. The ones in front of the mirror. It’s on.

And then. Real life starts again and the resolutions start stopping. Why? Because what with the traffic, and drop-offs, and the email and what not we shift out of a feeling state of being calm, connected and fun when we MADE the resolution, to stressed, frustrated and harried (or similar) when we actually have to DO the resolution. So much harder to keep that intention going when we are in a completely different emotional state than when we committed to it.

Well, life is life, there is always going to be traffic, drop-offs, and email. Opting out is unlikely to be an option. So it’s deciding to get yourself back into the emotional state when you MADE the resolutions in order that you can actually carry them out. Figuring out how to bring Connected, calm, joyful to working out, rather than stressed, frustrated and harried. That might look like sorting workout clothes the night before so you are calm and organised (and maybe treating yourself to some cute new ones, go on, I give you full permission), or making a fixed date with your sister to meet on Tuesday’s for pilates so you look forward to the connection and joy that that interaction brings. Or it might be managing your own thought processes around it to bring calm and connection. “I should go workout, I said I would” is a demotivating energy of push unlikely to succeed long term. Choosing instead to think “Regular exercise s something I gift to myself in 2018, and I love having that precious time just for me” will connect you to the emotional state in which you made it, and get you there with consistency.

One of the main reasons so many resolutions fail is because they don’t take feelings into account. Feelings are ultimately the only reason why we do anything! Ignore them in goal setting at your peril.  For success, bottle that glorious holiday feeling you have right now so you can tap into it through the year to drive the change you seek.

The post How to keep exercising in 2018 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

A quick word on busyness this morning. It’s a great topic, because – well, we are all super busy, right? Life is a veritable whirlwind these days. Which can be a good thing. Can be a bad thing. There is much that has been written on this topic in recent years since we all got so hyper-connected.

Here’s the really good thing about being busy. It’s like shining a spotlight on your true priorities. Not what you say your priorities are. What they really are. It’s like shining a spotlight on your goals and plans and wishes and wants. Not what you say that they are. What they really are.

When that friend or family member “would have loved to catch up, but life’s been so busy” – that’s not a reflection on how busy their life is – it’s a reflection of how important your spot is in their diary.

When you miss boot camp for the 4^th time in a row – that’s a reflection that the thing you are doing instead – working late; looking after the kids; watching Netflix – that that’s is more important to you right now than your fitness.

When you are too busy to help out or to socialise in the lunchroom because you are checking Facebook for the 11^th time that day – that’s not a judgement – it’s just a direct reflection that your virtual relationships are more important than your real life relationships that day.

If you are staying late because you have to get to inbox zero rather than organising date night, it’s a reflection that reducing anxiety around work tasks is more important than creating fun and connection with your partner.

When you drag yourself out of bed in the dark to train for that triathlon it’s a reflection that your body and completing that event is more important than a lie in.

When you turn down the party to work on your novel it shows your true priority is to be a published author.

When you skip Friday wines to take the kids to laser quest your true priorities are laid bare.

The thing about how busy life is these days is that we are confronted with an almost endless conveyor belt of choices for us to make over our time. We are constantly choosing whether we realise it or not. Every choice adds up to a pattern – when we look at our pattern of choices – that’s when our true priorities are revealed.  We are what we consistently do, not what we say we want to do or would like to do.

Busyness is not the enemy. It’s an amazing opportunity to assess your true priorities without judgement. This is not, repeat not, an opportunity for you to beat yourself (and everyone around you) up! It’s a chance to reflect on the real balance of your time and priorities. It’s an opening of awareness to reflect on your relationships and the respective energy and priority that they are for both you and the other person.

Have a look, without judgement, at what you consistently choose to prioritise. Is it in line with what you really want and who you truly want to be?

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