You will be spending too much of your EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL ENERGY ON THINGS THAT ARE OUTSIDE YOUR CONTROL.

We all do this. I do this. I find I am in a right old frazzle and then stop to see what it is I am feeling so overwhelmed about and sure enough…it will be something outside my DIRECT control. Der Louise! That’s basic, but SO easy to slip up on!

Checking in on this cuts through the overwhelm instantly as it allows us to self-direct our mental and emotional energy to the place where it has the most impact. Overwhelm dissipates pretty much immediately.

Here’s a handy graphic and a list below for you

So, if you are feeling overwhelmed check in and see if your attention is one (or more) of these…

Out Of My Control…

• What other people believe, think, say, or post online
• What other people choose to do, including their behaviour, decisions, priorities, and boundaries
• Other people’s feelings, including how they feel about me (yup, sorry!)
• Other people’s opinions or worries
• Other people’s time
• Outcomes (as opposed to my effort)
• Timing of external events
• Random events or luck
• The past
• Global news
• Market conditions or economic shifts
• Cultural norms or societal expectations
• How quickly others change or grow
• External opportunities appearing or not appearing
• Illness or unexpected health events
• Aging
• Time
• Tax
• Traffic
• The weather

Hmmm…quite the list huh? There is A LOT that we do not control, my friend. Like A LOT. When we focus on it, and how it coulda/woulda/shoulda be different it is a fast track to feeling overwhelmed. We want things to be different, but we have no control in them being different, equals overwhelm. It’s a real waste of our mental and emotional energy.

So, here is where should we redirect ourselves to:

In My Control…

• What I say, including my words and tone
• What I think – full control over my own brain!
• What I do, including my actions and responses, priorities and focus
• My opinions about myself and others
• How I interpret situations and the meaning I give events
• My effort and consistency
• The standards I set for myself
• Whether I follow through on commitments
• How I spend my time and attention
• What I look at online and choose to put into my mind
• My self-care choices and how I choose to take care of my body
• What I consume (food, media, information, influences)
• My habits and routines
• Who I hang out with
• The boundaries I voice
• The questions I ask myself
• Whether I ask for help or support
• When I choose to persist or pivot

Notice how you feel, when you read the first list, as compared to when you read the second list…quite different, yes?

Whenever you feel overwhelmed (and this is life in 2026, that is inevitable) the key is to see WHY you are overwhelmed, track it back to the first list. Accept that it is out of your control and then take your attention – and therefore your MOOD – where it matters, back to your own sphere of control. Your power and your positivity lie right there, and are available anytime.

I hope this helps

P.S, If you’d like to know more about my Academy, click here

The post Overwhelm: the list you need to change the pattern appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

ITS OKAY TO NOT HAVE “A BIG DREAM” or be “FOLLOWING YOUR PASSION” or, indeed, to even know what “your passion” actually even is.

I know that weight of opinion is to the contrary, but I will tell you this from coaching smart women every day for over a decade and a half…

When the world is in what feels like such peril and such chaos

Where there is so much that is important to us that we cannot change or effect

Having a “Big Dream” (and therefore a Big Journey ahead) can feel totally overwhelming or pointless or a million other emotions

And then we can judge ourselves in a whole heap of not enough-ness ways for not having enough direction of “dreaming big enough”

I know many of you will know what I am talking about in a “Louise I am just about keeping the balls of my life in the air each day, I simple CANNOT handle a “Big Dream” on top of that right now, if I could even knew what it was”. 

I hear you. And I am hearing it A LOT in my coaching room these days.

I want you to know it’s a totally NORMAL response to the world we are living in right now. When the noise in the world has got so BIG, it can make us want to deliberately, strategically, unapologetically Go Small.

It’s totally normal to say “Y’know, I just want feeling peace in my soul, enough money not to be stressed, to connect with the people and animals who are important to me, and  look after my body and my family, spent time on the hobbies I love in a few places I love and honestly that’s perfect – I have no grander plan than that”…that that, in fact, IS a grand plan. A peaceful plan. Own it with pride.

Plans do not have to be big and splendid. They do not have to be what in corporate buzz speak in years gone by was called a “BHAG” – “A Big Hairy Audacious Goal” (pass the sick bucket! I can’t believe we all fell for all that crap! Way to drive your staff to burnout by dressing it up as a personal growth plan ).

You absolutely do NOT need a “BHAG” to be happy. You can have a Small, Peaceful, Achievable Goal and be more than happy. A SPAG rather than a BHAG.

Sometimes it’s not the time to Go Big Or Go Home, it’s the time to Go Small, and Stay Home!  Life moves in chapters my friend, we are not meant to be thrashing it all the time.

The post In defence of SMALL dreams… appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now”.

So good, yes?

What do you wish you had started 5 years ago that you had continued right through to today?

• Small monthly contribution to an investment plan?
• 5 minute morning journalling habit?
• Weekly phone call to your Gran for 10 minutes?
• Joined Wellbeing Warriors and done the 2-minute daily challenge each day
• Stopped eating processed sugar or drinking alcohol?
• 7000 steps a day whatever the weather

Who would you BE now if you had done those things every day/week/month for the last 5 years? If they were baked into your being and your life now? How would your body/bank account/happiness/connection be after 1825 days / 60 months / 260 weeks of continuous low-level investment?

Literally WHO WOULD YOU BE NOW?

Whoever she is, remember that proverb we started with

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now”.

And start today.

Here is the perfect image for this principle:

The post What if I could wind the clock back 5 years for you? appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

Life would be a LOT easier if only other people (boss/partner/sister/ex) changed what they were doing/saying so it suited us better or was (what we perceived to be) better for them.

If other people were more reliable/fun/on-to-it/organised/truthful/adult/well-intentioned/ thoughtful, our lives (and potentially theirs) would be SO MUCH EASIER!

However….

Giving up the illusion that other people could/should/will change to suit us is a huge personal growth milestone.

 People will never change unless THEY want to.

 Even then it might not be consistent or lasting.

 People will not change unless they want to and are READY to.

You can try and cajole, beg, guilt, shame, plead…use logic, use emotion, but until it’s what they want and are ready for it’s not going to happen. It will be their timetable, not yours.

They will be ready when they are ready.

(Which might be NEVER)

Change is hard – it requires choice and commitment. Parking the need for others to be different in order for us to be happy is HUGE. It allows us to put that wasted energy where it can make a genuine difference.

The ONLY place we can truly effect change?

Changing ourselves. 

The post Want the people around you to CHANGE? appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

It sounds almost too simplistic to be true but so many people have issues with this concept. I know: I’ve been there myself, and I help clients with it every day. It’s very easy to get trapped in a weird kind of socially acceptable Double Think where our own needs are always at the end of the To Do list after everyone else has had their desires taken care of and we rarely get to spend time/money/energy doing what we want.

Moving ourselves up our own To Do list can be breaking the habit of a lifetime. The main reasons I see clients avoiding doing this is because of the following misconceptions:

1. My needs are less important than my children/spouse/boss/cat

2. He/She should be able to know what I need/would make me happy

3. If I say what I mean there will be conflict and it will be horrible

What this boils down to is:

1. Completely illogical thinking that other people’s needs are more important than our own. How can that be? It makes no sense. Our needs are equally as important as any other human being.

2. Expecting our spouse, friends and colleagues to be mind readers: which of course they are not. Disappointment guaranteed.

3. Assuming that there will be conflict if we voice our needs. Actually in reality generally other people welcome the clarity and direction. Really.

If you could do with a little more in your life that really pleases you try working through 4 easy steps in 4 easy words:

SAY. WHAT. YOU. MEAN. 

Say: this is key…you need to actually voice it. Yes, that’s out loud! Take responsibility for your needs and voice what’s on your mind. You don’t need to be aggressive, just calmly state what’s important to you. Stop expecting everyone else to be a mind reader.

What: be specific. How can anyone really help or support you if they don’t understand exactly what it is that will make you happy? Instead of something vague ‘I’d like it if I could choose a movie I liked for once’ be specific ‘I’d like to choose the movie on Saturday night this week’.

You: this is often the biggest stumbling block. After so many years of putting the needs of your spouse, children or workplace before your own it can be hard to actually tune into the fact that a) you have a need/preference yourself and b) it matters. Remember: your needs are equally as important as anyone else’s.

Mean: you don’t need to be mean but you do need to mean it! Let go of the false assumption that Saying What You Mean will always lead to conflict. You will be surprised how little it does. As you get more of what you want in your life you will find that you resent less of the things that don’t go your way or that you compromise on.

So, start small…speak up with the accounts department and say when you would like the report and that you think that’s a reasonable request; choose the restaurant that you really want to go to; take turns to pick the movie; say no to the party you just really don’t want to attend.

I challenge my clients to Say What They Mean once a day as they start to break the habit of constantly deferring their own needs. It’s a fascinating process…the first few times they Say What They Mean with utter trepidation waiting for the sky to fall. Then, the sky doesn’t fall, but spooky, they actually start Getting What They Asked For most of the time! They find people like to please them for a change, and before you know it they are accelerating way past the once a day challenge without prompting. Why? Because life becomes easier, more fun, less resentful, when we own what we need to make us happy. They have more energy. Their spouses are happier because they can stop the guessing game of ‘what will keep her happy’. Life becomes a whole lot easier all round.

Will you get what you want every time? Absolutely Not. But sure as sh*t will get it a lot more than you do when you don’t Say What You Mean! Start embracing these four simple little words and the balance of life will start to shift in your favour immediately.

So, could you Say What You Mean a little more?

The post Four simple, yet life-changing words appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

Be. Kind. To. Your. Mind.

Find something that works for YOU to switch it off.

Might be baking

Might be running

Might be one of those meditation colouring books (so not just for kids!) (that’s why I include a new design each month in the Coaching Academy!).

For me, nothing breaks the chatter in my head like smacking the boxing bag. Real hard! Everything else just melts away. 

Whatever your thing is, engage in it with enthusiasm and consistency and (crucially!) without guilt.

The post Be kind to your mind 🧡 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

What to do, what to do? 

There are TWO important strategies for you to get unstuck: 

1. Create increased MOMENTUM in an area of life that is going WELL, where there is NO confusion. Take a step forwards or up or just any kind of simple positive action to AMP UP what is going WELL. Make what is going well go even BETTER. 

Why does this work to get you unstuck on the OTHER thing? 

By UPPING your focus in a positive direction you naturally REDUCE it on what is negative. This can unlock what is not going so well as you have stopped trying to FORCE a solution to something you haven’t been able to solve. You get in the groove of what’s going WELL and that positive energy creates a ripple effect that helps the OTHER thing start to solve not you are not poking at it the whole time. 

2. Take ONE SMALL STEP towards resolving THE THING that is stuck. You don’t need to see HOW THE WHOLE THING will solve or work out or fix itself. You don’t need to see 3 years down the track and how it will all unfold. Just take one small step, one tiny action on it, that feels even just slightly like relief or lightness. Just take a TINY STEP. Don’t think its pointless because it’s small, do it anyway. 

Why does THIS work to get you unstuck? 

Firstly because you will feel a tiny bit of relief from your tiny step, and relief is always good. Secondly, and more importantly, you will gain a NEW PERSPECTIVE from the place just one tiny step further on that you may not have seen. Think of it like a fiendishly hard 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Putting in ONE puzzle piece doesn’t seem like its really doing anything, drop in the ocean when there are still 946 still to place, BUT, that one clicking into place makes just one of the others make a bit more sense, you can see just a hint more of a pattern than you could before which unlocks the next tiny step and tiny piece of the puzzle. Each piece CHANGES THE PERSPECTIVE AVAILABLE to you of the NEXT one. You don’t NEED to see the whole thing to take the next small step, you trust that one will start to REVEAL the other.

(Image credit: wonder_doodles)

___________________________________________________________

While you’re here I have a question for you.

Does overthinking keep you awake at night?

Does this lady provide an accurate representation of how you often feel?!

If so, I would love to help you.

Join me in July 2024 for

The 30-Day Shrinking Overthinking Bootcamp

Stop negative spirals and make your mind a nicer place to live in 30 days.

Join me in July 2024 to learn 6 powerful techniques to manage your mind and reduce anxiety.

As someone who overcame extreme burnout, I’ve helped thousands of women stop overthinking.

Now, I am looking for 50 women who want to learn how to reduce stressful loops of overthinking, stop negative spirals, declutter their mind and feel more in control, to join me for this 30-day challenge inside my Coaching Academy, from 1st July 2024.

It’s £39/month | Risk free | 30-Day Guarantee | Cancel any time!

Click here to learn more.

The post What to do when you don’t know what to do appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

I think we are a lot more aware these days that Mother’s Day does not look like breakfast in bed on a tray with a hand-drawn card and loving partner supervising, like it does in the movies. Life in 2024 is much more aware and compassionate (thank goodness!), but days like this can still sting.

This sting is a natural response to complexity around this primary human relationship; whatever you feel is valid and important to acknowledge, even if that is just a moment of quiet honesty with yourself

Image credit: Bless the Messy

The post The joy and complexity of Mother’s Day 💐 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

If you are anything like me I expect you do a bit each day…put this and that away, unload the dishwasher, wipe the surfaces, pick up that towel (that only I seem able to see ) and so on…

Why? Well again, same as me I guess you do a little bit of a tidy up each day for the same reasons:

If you leave it more than a few days it’s just so much harder to sort out, mess seems to breed mess!

I can’t RELAX in a messy space, I don’t work well, but I also don’t relax well either

  I just feel better if I keep on top if things

Same, yes?

So, that’s what we all do to keep on top of our living space, to ensure it’s a clean and tidy place to live, rest and work. Somewhere we enjoy spending time. Enjoy connecting. Enjoy hanging out. 

Now then {first_name}, what if I asked you the same about your INTERNAL SPACE? Your brain and mind .

How do you tidy THAT each day? 

How do you ensure that you do a little and often to keep your internal space (your mental health) clean and ordered so it’s a space where you are happy hanging out and spending time? How do you clear up so small issues don’t become big ones because they have been left ignored in a pile or swept under the carpet? Do you feel relaxed and connected in your own mind?

Much tricker question, yes? 

We are so much better at prioritising our EXTERNAL living space, to our INTERNAL living space, and yes…and yet…the one that has the biggest impact on our mental health? INSIDE OUR OWN HEADS! Remember, we take that space everywhere with us! It’s at home, at work, in the car, at the airport, at the dentist’s office, at the concert, in the supermarket…we are IN that space every waking moment of every single day. It’s actually our MOST IMPORTANT SPACE. 

Given that’s the space we actually spend the most time in – how do we make sure we keep that clean and clear and that it’s a nice place to be?

___________________________________________________________

While you’re here I have a question for you.

Does overthinking keep you awake at night?

Does this lady provide an accurate representation of how you often feel?!

If so, I would love to help you.

Join me in July 2024 for

The 30-Day Shrinking Overthinking Bootcamp

Stop negative spirals and make your mind a nicer place to live in 30 days.

Join me in July 2024 to learn 6 powerful techniques to manage your mind and reduce anxiety.

As someone who overcame extreme burnout, I’ve helped thousands of women stop overthinking.

Now, I am looking for 50 women who want to learn how to reduce stressful loops of overthinking, stop negative spirals, declutter their mind and feel more in control, to join me for this 30-day challenge inside my Coaching Academy, from 1st July 2024.

It’s £39 | Risk free | 30-Day Guarantee | Cancel any time!

Click here to learn more.

The post How often do you tidy the house? 🏡 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.

When a whole new decade is bearing down on us we seem far more likely to ask ourselves if our life is all that it “should be” by this stage. Are we hitting the milestones we had always privately set for ourselves at this marker? Life can be thrown into sharp relief by contemporaries around us ticking past the same clock and the same milestones.

A change of decade can be the most incredible kick up the pahootie to refocus and get serious about what we want to achieve in the next decade, harnessing that natural motivation can be all powerful. But I also see it as a time where more regret will also surface as a result of the reflection. 

Of milestones not met or exceeded, statuses not reached. 

The trick here is not to get sucked into a whirlpool of regret, but to take any relevant lessons and use them to push forwards once again. 

To not look sorrowfully at the time that has been “lost” but focus all that is to come. To take it as a clean fresh page and begin again. Start anew. Double down. Make it happen. 

The quote attributed to C. S. Lewis says it best “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending”. 

We have the power to write ourselves a new ending any time we choose. We can do it whenever we take the time to reflect and refocus: not just when the year reads “9”, or a day of the week starts with an M. That no matter what is past, we get to say how our story will end. Starting now.  You can write yourself a new ending, starting today. 

The post Write yourself a new ending 💞 appeared first on Louise Thompson, Life Coach, Wellbeing Writer and Speaker.