There are TWO types of Busy Person…which are you?

Life is busy. You sure don’t need a life coach to tell you that! However – there are two kinds of busy. Which one is more you? There is active, focused, conscious busy …and there is frantic, rushing, juggling, largely unconscious busy. The first feels energising, focused, controlled, productive. Let’s call that Purposeful Busy. The other feels overwhelming, stressful, and out of control. That would be Stressful Busy. Life is always going to be busy. It’s the 2020’s. That just how it is, we don’t really get to change that. What we DO get to control though is WHAT KIND of busy we are personally engaged in BOTH are going to keep you doing stuff all day. Only one is going to not just feel good but move you nearer to where you want to go and the kind of life you want for ourselves. We can all be busy all day and knackered at the end. That however doesn’t tell us if we have been being busy about the right things. The defining factor is WHAT ARE YOU GETTING BUSY ABOUT? How much has been about obligation? And how much about positive choice? How much has required willpower? And how much has been breezy inspired action? Stop. Take a minute. What ARE you filling your day with – to be so busy?! Is it purposefully in alignment with the life you want to have for yourself a year, 3 years from now? How much of your day is a building brick for the future, and how much is going… Read more

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The BIG lie you have been told about “Self-Care”

Yo, listen up lady. You’ve been sold a Big Fat Lie about Self-Care. BIG. Huge. You’ve been sold a lie that Self-Care looks super nice and fluffy. That it looks like pedicures, bubble baths and avo on toast. That it smells of bubble-gum and candyfloss, and it lives, mainly on Insta, striking a well-lit pose.  I know you know what I’m talking about. Self-Care is BIG buck’s y’all. There are a LOT of vested interests in telling you that THIS perfectly manicured, utterly passive image, is what Self Care looks like. Let me tell you something from coaching thousands and thousands of smart women to lead their healthiest, happiest lives peppered with continual personal growth: Real Self Care is actually really ACTIVE: it’s WORK.  And sometimes it’s really HARD. And it pretty much always doesn’t look pretty. Real Self Care doesn’t come with a pink bow on it – real Self-Care looks like this: Sitting down and making a spreadsheet of all your debts and figuring out some sort of payment plan that will start to release you from crushing financial stress – THAT my friend, is not sexy, but it is Self-Care. Walking away from that oh so gorgeous soulmate of a man, with the abs and the flowers and the smile, who also never turns up when he says, lets you down continually and intermittently ghosts – THAT, my friend, IS Self-Care. Scheduling a meeting with your boss to talk through your responsibilities and workload, and remuneration in a well prepared, confident, assertive way – THAT, my friend,… Read more

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3 Steps To Sticking With It!

Let’s think about a healthy habit that you find easy to maintain. Hands up who brushed their teeth this morning? Of course you did. Now, was that a hassle? Was that a major effort of willpower to convince yourself to do it? Of course not. You just got up, wandered into the bathroom and started brushing, right? Brushing your teeth is an effortlessly healthy habit that you put into practice twice a day without even thinking about it. Why is it so easy? One: Your action is in congruence with your deeply held belief, drummed into you since childhood, that oral health is important physically and socially. There is no internal dialogue that goes on every morning about whether teeth brushing is a good thing or not, you have already decided it is, so you act accordingly. Two: It’s set up for you in a way that’s convenient and easy to action. The toothbrush is right next to the sink, with the toothpaste. Easy. And it happens at a regular time of day which further anchors the habit. Three: We get an almost instant reward for carrying out the behaviour. Our teeth feel clean and nice and we can deliver a good morning kiss without fear of embarrassment. Can we use these principles to establish other healthy habits? For sure. We need to make sure we cover all three steps. We deeply believe in why we are doing it. We make it convenient and easy to carry out We build in some sort of reward, especially if the activity itself… Read more

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Dance In Your Own Space

Remember “Dirty Dancing?” The late Patrick Swayze in his prime. The kooky Jennifer Grey (whatever happened to her?) in the most archetypal 80’s movie of froth and fun and burning romance. Oh, the sweet agony of love! Well, you know the scene where he is teaching her to dance? There is a bit where she keeps stepping on him, not holding her arms rigid to create the space between them. “Look, spaghetti arms” he says, marking it out with his arms. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don’t go into yours, you don’t go into mine. You gotta hold the frame”. By being aware of that space between them and honouring it in the way they moved, they both performed so much better. Then, later… the long-awaited moment with the clinch, the tension unbearable, he moves in to kiss her…”You’re invading my dance space. This is my dance space” she retorts coquetishly “That’s yours. Let’s cha-cha”. Here’s the thing about smart busy people who have no energy. They are doing a heap of stuff for other people. Maddy, the extra young grandmother who was doing the parenting for her daughter’s daughter. Harriet who was making 3 meals a day, 7 days a week for her entirely grown-up family of self-sufficient men. Sarah who was breadwinning and working herself literally to the bone to support her entirely capable husband and brother. I see it again, and again and again. Belinda who ran herself ragged doing everything for “the business” from the marketing and comms to fixing the printer at any hours… Read more

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5 Signs You Are Being True To Yourself

It’s an interesting thing – some people just seem to be born knowing who they are and even from a small child you see them plough their individual furrow in life. Their way, right from the Get Go. Right outta the gate, they are true to their unique take on the world and their place within it. The majority of us though…It. Takes. Time. So much people-pleasing to be done first, no! Decades of it! Myriad school, qualification, partner, career, home choices, and so on to be made to fit the vision that other people have or expect. How does it look when you start trusting your own version of you? How do you know when you are starting to live more truly to yourself? 1. You can give yourself permission to change your mind And – you can change your mind without calling it quitting and beating your sweet self up over it. You just know it’s not right for you. Maybe it was before. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was a mistake all along. But – regardless of what other’s judgement might be about you saying the course – you know it’s wrong and you give yourself permission to change direction anyway 2. You’ve outgrown a few relationships or situations and you are not clinging or feeling guilty about it. Life is all about growth: internal and external, and it’s at different speeds and directions for us all. And that’s okay. You may outgrow friendship groups. Or relationships, or careers, or countries and all of that is ok…. Read more

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Dancing On The Edge Of Discomfort

I have a yoga principle for you today  –  that is also, in my opinion, a life principle. In yoga teaching land we say “Work to your edge”. Sounds very cool. But…when I first started yoga waaaayyyy back many moons ago, and the teacher encouragingly whispered “Work to your edge, Louise” to me the first time, I thought… “edge of what, lady?!” I didn’t know what she was on about. I later found out that “Working to your edge” means to take it to your “comfortable maximum”. Basically, this is the place at the top of your body’s ability. The edge of challenge and failure. The place where if you worked any less you’d be slacking, any more and you’d fall on your ass or hurt yourself. It’s a fine line, your edge. I like to say it is “Dancing on the edge of discomfort”  And here’s the important thing to know… The edge of discomfort IS WHERE WE GROW. That is where we find just how much we can expand our heart, our skills, our capacity, our LIFE. The place where we are challenged, scared we will fall on our ass, fail, or fly. Our edge for growth right now may be in business (do I try for that promotion? Start my own business?) in love (do I get vulnerable? Do I ask him/her out?) or in our body (do I take that crossfit class? Sign up to that race?). In order to have a rounded, and expansive life we are touching our edge in all directions… (when we are not, and we are too long in the comfort zone…that’s… Read more

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Tame That To Do List

Habits Of Happiness – Expectation Management Here is an interesting phenomenon. In my experience, people tend to seriously OVER estimate what can be achieved in the short term, and UNDER estimate what can be achieved in the long term. For example, if you are anything like me you start the day with a To-Do list thinking, yep, I can crack through at least 8 of those things today! Bring it on! I have a vision of crossing things off in a frenzy of activity, getting to the end of the day with a list satisfyingly scored with black lines detailing what has been accomplished. But yet, in reality, I will have a super busy day, and yet only 2 things get crossed off.  Some days not even that! I was bemoaning this fact to my partner. He asked “How was your day”, and I responded “Good, but… I didn’t get done everything I wanted to get done”. “You ALWAYS say that!!!!” he said. “Always”. Irritatingly when I thought about it he was absolutely right. Almost every single day I would be beating myself up about the things I had NOT done. Rather than celebrating the progress on the things I HAD accomplished. I had fallen straight into the trap of overestimating what can be achieved in the short term, and it was sucking a bit of joy out of each (actually pretty damn productive!) day. When we routinely overestimate what we can achieve in the short term it can create a whole heap of stress and overwhelm. By overestimating just… Read more

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I Can’t Find The Time!

Finding Time My gorgeous client who I will call Maggie, busy lady, juggling work and home and all that good stuff. No different to you or me. As is really common she is struggling to find time to eat healthily and get in some exercise consistently. “I was going to do it Wednesday but I couldn’t find time” “I just haven’t been able to find the time to get to class.” “I just have to find time to do that. I’ll find time next week”. Yeah yeah yeah. I have heard that before! Here’s the thing. Time is not something you find down the back of the sofa. Time is not something you can rummage for at the bottom of your purse. Time cannot be found. It also cannot be made. It’s not something you whip up in the kitchen like a batch of cupcakes. Time is just time. We all have exactly the same. 24 hours in a day. No more no less. No matter how complicated or full of responsibilities our lives may be you get exactly the same allocation. All you can do with time is prioritise it. You prioritise time. That’s what you do with time. Think about money. If you want a really healthy pension or good medical insurance or enjoy having a nice house or whatever, what do you do? You prioritise that payment, on direct debit so it goes out on payday each month. If good retirement or medical cover is important to you, you prioritise that money. The mortgage or the insurance… Read more

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5 Things I no longer have time for…

Bet you can’t guess #3! You can call it a post-Lockdown burst of clarity, or just getting older and wiser…but here are 5 things I have decided I am done with. Being Done With feels incredibly relieving and I have a real sense of lightness about it – like having a really nice internal spring clean. What is also incredibly pleasing about being Done With 5 things…is that it opens up SO much emotional capacity, physical space and T I M E to do things I really care about. I hope it might inspire you to do your own list …what are you Done With? Here are mine for your inspo! So, good people,  I Am Done With: Hangovers So yeah, this is a big one to start with. I’ve been an enthusiastic drinker of alcohol all my adult life. It’s been at the centre of every celebration, commiseration and Friday night since the year dot. It’s been part of the best of times and the worst of times. My shy, underconfident teenage self used it to make herself feel interesting and to burst through the thick layer of excruciating self-consciousness at house parties. My older self used it to make other people feel interesting at boring dinner and industry parties. It’s been my constant companion in my ever-changing social setting all my adult life. Not so much the last 10 years or so, but y’know, a few wines a few times a week. A very normal amount. Certainly not a problem amount, just a few wines, like you do. Then… Read more

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Kidding Yourself On The Comfort Zone

When is a Comfort Zone not a Comfort Zone, at all? I know for those of you in NZ and Aussy who are already out of lockdown and back in the workplace it can be a mixed emotional bag – for some of you it has been sweet relief and joy to be back at a job you love. For many others, however – returning to the workplace – has been a real catalyst to confirm, for absolute sure, that it’s a role or an environment that longer serves you.    It’s time for change and – however exciting and freeing that feeling is – when you get the offer of the new role, now job, new training, new industry – as one of my favourite sparklicious clients did below – however right it is for you to make a change – that change is still going to come with a dose of fear or anxiety  – even if it’s TOTALLY for your highest good.    Excuse the typos, that’s my brain going faster than my fingers! This women I adore told me she was considering staying put rather then taking the new role she was excited by in a very cool company and industry, because at least her old role was in her Comfort Zone.   Comfort Zone, eh? That old chestnut!   Here’s the thing:   She had been wrestling with an unrealistically high and sustained super pressured workload, an entirely unsympathetic boss, continual restructures,  working kerazeee hours that involved pretty much most weekends, persistent undermining from colleagues and various… Read more

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