Do You Ever Secretly Feel “Not Good Enough”?

The secret to making 2021 count. There are as many dreams of a different, more fulfilling life than there is tea in China. Each dream as unique as the person. However, the underlying reason why we don’t step up and move towards our dreams is usually the same. Do any of these ring a bell with you? • The middle manager who really wants to be a nutritionist but is scared it won’t work out and they can’t make money • The gorgeous girl who has been unlucky in love and is reluctant to get into online dating, or, who does it, but then cancels the dates at the last minute. • The busy mum who wants to get fit but can’t get a consistent exercise programme going • The new lawyer who graduated with a hard-won degree but it absolutely loathes dragging themselves into the law office each day. They slap on a brave game face and get on with it despite the misery. • The Dad who loves his family but hates his job, but can’t leave because he is the breadwinner. • The girl who wants to travel and do the OE but has no one to go with so doesn’t book it and never goes. • The girl who does the part-time training in massage and wants to make a full time living out of it, but is too scared to make the leap. • The spouse who is desperately unhappy but can’t have the conversation to either improve or leave the marriage. It’s so easy… Read more

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Incomplete Success

What do these things have in common? The client distraught at the collapse of her marriage after finding her husband of 4 years had been cheating for 3, sure she would be a single mother forever and ever, and her life was over. O.V.E.R. A short time later serendipitously meeting an old school friend, getting together, he as an eager co-parent, and happier than ever before. “It was all worth it to be as happy as I am now, I’d never have found out how great things could be if I hadn’t gone through that”. The client who was sure that the eleventy-billionth restructure at the corporate she had devoted the last 12 years of her working life to would end in redundancy. Which it did. Handily just before Christmas. “The market is so tight I’ll never find anything and Big Restructure Corp is all I know…this is a DISASTER”. She is already happy as a clam in a new role, in a medium-sized company with a whole different perspective on people management and culture – she is relaxed, sleeping well, and loving her work in a way she had forgotten she ever could. “Best thing everrrrrrr!” she laughs. The old family friend who got royally blindsided by his business partner embezzling the company funds behind his back. A young family of 4 to support he never saw it coming. Total financial destruction. Overnight. “I had no choice I just had to go and do this job that I honestly thought was beneath me. I would never have done that… Read more

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Set your BEST goals: 12 questions to do it RIGHT + FREE PRINTABLE!

Want to know why many goals fail? I’ll tell you why. Because they are not the right goals. They are goals that have been slapped together in haste as a New Year’s Resolution or because they are The Expected Thing You Should Want and they will often fail because you simply don’t have the real motivational juice to take you through to the finishing line. In the case of the goals of expectation of others, the only thing worse than not achieving your goal IS achieving it. So, how to set your goals on a firmer footing? Let’s them percolate for a moment in the form of wishes – let what YOU REALLY desire, (that’s YOU, not your mamma/gramps/boss/spouse/etc) simmer to the surface. When you set that goal, you want to know it’s 110% the direction that’s RIGHT for you – so you WILL find the commitment required to make it happen. So – spend a little time in the Wish Creation Department today. Allow yourself the time to explore, play, and create without the pressure of deadlines and tasks. Pause momentarily in the stage of kicking ideas around to see what feels right for you. This is all about tapping into your imagination, creativity, and the voice of your inner self before you go hard out on the doing. You want to be doing the RIGHT things in the RIGHT direction! Download your  ‘‘What Do You Really Want’  Guided Workbook here. There are some Wish Creating questions for you. Answer them honestly, don’t edit yourself. The first response that… Read more

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Why You Don’t Need A ‘New You’

“Happy New Year! Happy New You!” How many headlines will you see screaming that this month? Too many to count, I suspect. I am going to be really subversive here (I know, I’m such a rebel) and kick off the New Year with a directly contradictory premise: You don’t need a “New You”. The “You” you are is absolutely perfect in your imperfection. Anyone who tells you you are broken in some way is undermining your personal sovereignty. Especially anyone who tells you you are broken in order to sell something. You are not broken! You are whole and complete. Life and self-improvement is a PROCESS. A process means it’s ongoing. It doesn’t end until you do. It is never complete. Life is always in a state of beautiful incompletion. We are all works in progress. For the whole of our lives. It is never “done”. It can never be done! We will be learning and growing into an ever-expanded version of our best self, our whole life. It’s a glorious process of growth. It’s about expansion and about improvement and inspiration. It’s about reaching a little higher, being a little braver, asking for a little more. It’s not about fixing something that’s broken. You are not broken and anyone who tells you you are is lying. Don’t believe them. A New Year is simply a convenient time to dust off the cobwebs and assess where we are at with our life’s project. Our work in progress. It’s just a milestone in the journey. A reminder to pause and reflect…. Read more

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It’s the most wonderfully dramatic time of the year!

Let’s talk Christmas Drama! Christmas can be such a trigger as it thrusts people who are used to having their OWN say and OWN space together into a confined space, add in a heap of OLD dynamics (and alcohol!) and old expectations on behaviour and authority and you can get a really explosive mix! Social conventions that usually apply between friends/ acquaintances/ colleagues often don’t apply in the same way with family so that restraint of social convention doesn’t hold as much water as it does in other situations where things would just not get said and tongues would temporarily get bitten to keep the peace. This quote today I think is a really nice way of rising above. We simply DON’T have to attend every argument we are invited to. We can let other people play out their thing and choose not to get dragged in. To simply say “I’ve heard you” but then not follow them down the rabbit hole. For the few days of festive celebration, this can be a really liberating approach. Basically what happens is because you withdraw your energy from the complaint/argument it’s like a fire starved of oxygen: it will go out. You become NO FUN to play that old argument/complaint dance with – and so – that person will go seek it elsewhere. Remember – it’s YOUR energy and focus – YOU get to decide where it goes. You can decide to fuel the fire or starve it. You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to. Isn’t that good to know?

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What You Seek Is Seeking You

Ever feel like things just work out for other people more easily than you, or that life just not unfolding quite as it should. Do you feel stuck in the struggle? I get it – and I see it – A LOT – with my clients, and I want to help you with that yucky feeling of stuckness today. So, here’s the thing. If you are feeling stuck about something it’s because your thinking is stuck about that issue. If you want to get unstuck you have to be prepared to find a new way to think about that topic. You can’t expect things to be different but your thinking to stay the same. Period. Now, this may sound easy, but it isn’t. I see this often. People desperately want a certain part of their life to be different in some way but they are utterly resistant to changing their point of view on it. So they keep thinking the same negative thought pattern about it, over and over – for months, years, decades even – and they can’t understand they remain stuck in the same unwanted place. If you think life is one long series of disappointing situations then it’s going to be one long series of disappointing situations. You are going to miss the small moments of good things that are literally littered through your day, as you will automatically filter them out. The shy smile from the guy on the bus. Missed it. The easy park you got right outside. Missed it. The compliment someone tried to… Read more

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The Approval Trap

How to stop caring what other people think Delightful client I’ll call “Evie”. A gentle sweet soul, making her way through life in a quiet and unassuming way. It turns out Evie is NOT doing a whole heap of things that would make her happy. Joining a choir. Making her own clothes. Taking a trip to Asia. Going for a promotion. Why? Because she is so, so, very afraid that each choice will not meet with universal approval. What if she misses a note and people laugh? What if people don’t like that quirkily fashioned skirt? What if no one from the tour wants to talk to her in the temples of Thailand? What if she can’t do the new job perfectly and everyone knows it and thinks she shouldn’t have got it? It paralyses her. And so. And so. She does none of these things. And life stays small. Her fear of not receiving approval stops her from creating opportunities to make her own heart sing. She has handed all her power away. She is not alone. Before you judge Evie take a look inside. There are way more of us who are closet approval seekers than you might think. The rise of social media and the selfie have fueled a culture of approval seeking. Ever had a little lift in mood as you got more “likes” than you anticipated; ever wondered what was wrong with that status update that it got so few (doesn’t anyone care?)?  Approval seeking comes in many forms, and when we base a piece… Read more

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Are You Too Nice?

What do people mean when they say you are “too nice”? Do people ever tell you, you are “too nice”. Maybe at work? Socially? At the school gate? Are you the “nice one” in the family? What do you think? Is “too nice” a good thing…or no? Is it a compliment…or…not? And what does being “too nice” really mean? I bet you have never really thought about it…being the helpful soul I am, I am going to short cut it here for you. But you are not going to like it… (sorry)… Ready? I’ll tell you what people mean when they say you are “too nice”. They mean you are a pushover. Sorry lovely, but they do. “Too nice” is NOT a compliment. It means they can get away with murder. They mean your boundaries are so permeable that you are picking up the slack for others logistically, emotionally, practically, mentally, way too often. They mean you get taken advantage of in a subtle but consistent way. They mean that you usually don’t stand up for what you really need, and defer your priorities behind others way more than is actually good for you. I hate to say it but “Too Nice” is a code. And it’s code for “Pushover”. I know, right?! So – look, I know you ARE a nice person, and you want to be thought of as nice. Totally makes sense, and I support that. So, let me help you do that today. Firstly, understand that there is a HUGE difference between being a Nice Person,… Read more

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The REAL COST Of Not Taking Care Of Your Self-Care

Y’know good people, I am gonna just lay this down: Y’all gotta stop treating self-care like it’s an optional extra! Like it’s the thing you will do… once all the important sh*t is done. Like it’s the side order of fries rather than the burger. Like it’s an optional extra to think about…when you have time. Like it’s a freaking LUXURY. We treat self-care like there is NO COST to NOT doing it. Be super clear: If you are not taking care of your precious self And by that, I mean not just your physical wellbeing But your mental, emotional and spiritual health too You will be practicing self-care-compensation instead: and it costs us far more than genuine self-care. There is an immediate cost to not taking care of ourselves: it’s expensive and it looks like this: We will be drinking wine to feel better after a hard day because we do not have a regular mental or emotional health practice to tap into to unwind and rebalance. Expensive. We will be trying on 15 outfits and creating a floordrobe or buying clothes in sizes we don’t want to compensate for the activity we didn’t do. Expensive. We will be buying shiny new shoes because they are the only thing we can guarantee to fit to compensate for the stress-eating we did. Expensive. We will be losing our rag at someone we didn’t mean to, in a way we regret because we didn’t do our own emotional boundary work before we had the conversation. Expensive. We will be feeling pissed off or sad… Read more

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Is someone being mean to you? I won’t have that!

Why does this person keep upsetting me?  Does someone in your life keep upsetting you? It happens to the best of us, and I am afraid to say that experiencing pain and hurt is part of the human experience for us all. However – there are things we can do – and I believe that starts with us asking ourselves the right question.  It could be a friend who repeatedly cancels your plans.  A colleague who doesn’t pull their weight.  A partner who repeatedly talks over you.  A family member who cuts you down time and time again.  It can become a repetitive pattern of hurt in the fabric of your life.  And what are we likely to do? We keep questioning “Why does that person keep hurting me?” They can see it hurts me, why do they keep doing or saying that thing? Can’t they see how much it is hurting me? We wonder “How can they do or say that thing?” We turn these questions over and over in our minds.  And nothing changes. We keep feeling hurt and we wonder why they continue to do it.  Here’s the thing. We are asking ourselves the wrong question. The question isn’t “Why does that person keep hurting me?” The real question is “Why do I keep letting them?” When we change the question and bring the power back to ourselves by directing it at ourselves, “I”, not the hurtful person in question, we can start getting some answers that will actually help.  “Why do I keep letting them hurt… Read more

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