What are we talking about today? TIME…we are talking about time and the impact on our mental health: As humans, we habitually a) OVERestimate what we can do in a DAY and b) UNDERestimate what we can accomplish in a YEAR For a QUICK SNAPSHOT of where you will be a YEAR from now, look at your habits TODAY: Do you have a habit of being busy all the time just racing from one thing to the next? Do you have a habit of people pleasing and putting your own needs to the back of the queue? Do you have a habit of starting a healthy habit but very quickly falling off the wagon? Do you think you’ll sort these things “when there is time”? That time pretty much never comes Genuine change is building tiny habits IN THE NOW: A daily mental health practice that keeps you up and moving forwards. Purposefully your body daily in some way daily, no matter what. Being aware of your true priorities for the YEAR and allocation your time, energy and attention in line with that in the moment. These are all things that are built into my Coaching Academy Wellbeing Warriors – all you need to do it show up and be amazed at what you can accomplish in a year. If you don’t have a structure and a system for making good choices easier and supported for yourself then either join one or create one for yourself. If you want to know how your life will look a year from now…you can find the answer in… Read more
Last week I observed someone who was sharing (with a certain amount of bravery I might add) the details of a breakup with a friend (sister?) in a cafe. They were met with a disappointing lack of empathy and a heap of really unhelpful “advice” they so clearly were SO not ready for. It was hard to hear! This is what I would have liked the friend/sister to have known… Just how annoying the “You should just…” is when you share something that is troubling you 🤔 Some of the time we are just venting or processing out loud and not looking for input or solutions. Having a solution rammed down our throat and our hurt invalidated does NOT feel good and it not helpful 😬 We can all get better at this and model helpful behaviour so we have more chance of getting it in return later. 🧚♀️ “That sounds hard. Tell me more” 🧚♀️ “That sounds really tough. Do you want to bounce possible solutions or do you just need to vent right now? What do you need? I’m listening”. 🧚♀️ ”I haven’t been in your shoes on this but I’d love to help you. What do you need most right now?” If someone is ASKING for your input and advice – give it! That fresh perspective can be SO helpful. But…listen closely before you jump in…ARE they asking for it yet?! 🤷♀️ Maybe the most helpful thing you can do in this moment is listen really closely and offer a shoulder. If you are not sure if… Read more
If there is one phrase I would like to remove from the English language, it is “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Seriously people, we have to stop saying this to traumatised individuals. I realise it’s coming from a place of good intent and trying to be helpful, but, IT IS NOT. It utterly invalidates other people’s experience, pain and trauma…AND (as if that were not enough!) also implies they should somehow be GRATEFUL for their suffering as it’s creating some handy personal development 😲 I can’t even! I know when this has been said to me in the depths of personal hellscape, it made me feel… a) ANGRY (you want me to to grateful for this hell?) and b) ALONE (you obviously have NO IDEA what I am really going through here or you would not have said something so insulting / idiotic) So, please let’s stop using this phrase, I know it’s well intentioned but it is unhelpful verging on damaging. If you are unsure of what to say to someone who is in a personal hellscape, try these instead.. “I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I’m here for you in any way you need” or “I don’t know what to say but I do know I care about you deeply, and you can share anything you need with me, I’m here” or “This is all so shocking, it’s going to take you time to come to terms with it. I’m here for you” Because, whether what doesn’t kill you may or may not make… Read more
Short but important question for you to ask yourself today: Where do you give the balance of your attention? It’s an important question to ask of ourselves. Especially if life isn’t going super well for us right now. Because whatever we focus on GROWS Focus on the love and opportunity present in your life…you will get more Focus on the drama and difficulty in your life…more will come join it This isn’t about ignoring or avoiding reality (you can’t, anyway!) It’s about looking at where you direct your focus once you have taken care of what you need to. What you choose to water your mind with is what will grow Water it with thoughts of your own capability rather than worry Water it with memories of good times if the now is feeling hard Water it with lists of your achievements or your loves rather than your fears Yes this is work – directing our mind IS work Yes this sounds woo-woo. However does that matter if we feel happier?! Our FOCUS is really important Direct it to what you want MORE of in your life What you focus on is what will GROW And I want you to have more of the good stuff!
In the era where the To Do list is King (Queen? ) it’s all to easy to DEFER OUR HAPPINESS to: * when we are “on top of things” * when life is “less full on” * when “things calm down a bit” It is 2022. Life is FAST. This time will NEVER COME! Happiness is only accessible in the present moment. It lives NOW. We have to grab it, plan for it, relish it TODAY. Yes, big things count like family celebrations and going off on your holibobs, but don’t discount injecting more MICRO-MOMENTS of happiness into right now… * Appreciating your partner/BFF/colleague with a kind word or message * Playing a practical joke on the kids – deliberately create laughter and connection * Fussing the cat or dog – they live in the moment naturally * Taking a moment BEFORE you start the next thing to reflect on a job well done * Feeling happy about just how cute your hair/shoes/cardi look today Make space for happy amid the whirl of doing. Micro-moments of happy. They all add up. And honestly, if we can’t do that, what is the point of all that we strive for?
We often want things in our life to change, but are unwilling to effect that change for the simple reason that it feel scary. So, we wait for things to magically change themselves, which most of the time, they just don’t. Avoidance of the temporary scared feeling can lead us to choose to stay stuck with the status quo for weeks, years, decades sometimes. Thing is, feeling stuck is a very uncomfortable emotion to live with too. So, in essence we are swapping experiencing one uncomfortable emotional state (fear) for another one (stuckness) rather than avoiding it all together. Allowing ourselves to experience the temporary emotion of nerves, scariness, fear – is PART of creating positive change. It doesn’t last forever, but it is often an integral part of the ride. The more we can accept it, welcome it even, the faster we can unstick ourselves and include more of what our heart desires in our life. What’s more scary? Experiencing fear on the way to what you want, or, living in a state of stuck status quo long term? I know you know the answer.
That change you are working to effect in your own life? Just because other people can’t see it or applaud yet, IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT HAPPENING! Success is not always what you can see. Just because it’s not on Facebook or Instagram doesn’t mean that quiet, steady acts of brilliance and commitment are not happening quietly and powerfully every minute of the day. Saluting all you quiet achievers. Keep up that amazing work.
Over-thinking… sound familiar?! So common, and at a very real cost to our mental health. Much (not all, but a lot) of our stress is (when we step back and evaluate it objectively) self-created. It’s the same thought-loops or stories we have told ourselves over and over about how we are letting someone down / not good enough in some way / something is going to go wrong / so and so will be upset. These catastophising stories can run on repeat in our heads creating anxiety and stress. It’s all the over-thinking “What ifs” that can drag us down. A really helpful tip can be getting these endless anxiety-inducing stories out of your head, and into paper. Once you look at them in black and white it’s a lot easier to slow the over-thinking down, and evaluate them with a more considered perspective: Is that really true? Is that a fact? Where’s the evidence of that? What’s the percentage likelihood of that ever occurring? If that did happen how would I handle it? When have I handled something similar successfully before? Is this even my responsibility? The problem isn’t that we are thinking – it’s HOW we are thinking. Pull out a pen and paper (or use the notes page in your phone) acknowledge that thinking, and then assess that story for truth, likelihood, responsibility and your capability.
Are you waiting for the right time to… Run your own business? Retrain and do what you love? Have a baby? Get healthy? Join the gym? Run a marathon? Start juicing? Leave something or someone who sucks your soul? Go to that ashram in India? Are you waiting til… You have the money? The kids are older? The mortgage is paid off? You’ve lost 10kgs? You are less busy? Things are a bit less “full on”? I’ll let you into a secret! When it comes to making effective and lasting change in your life on something you really care about (like your health and happiness, or following your passion) THERE NEVER IS A “RIGHT TIME”. There is only ever a succession of NOW’s, NOW is where your POWER lives. Stop deferring, Stop stalling, The RIGHT TIME to start doing the RIGHT THING for yourself is RIGHT NOW. What’s one small positive step you can take TODAY? Take one teeny tiny step forwards in the DIRECTION YOU WANT TO GO, The DIRECTION is much more important than the SIZE OF THE STEP. Could you… Spend 10 minutes researching that training course you fancy? Make one phone call to someone who could help you? Put your trainers on and go for a walk, RIGHT NOW, just for TEN minutes? Make the NEXT meal a healthy one, just the NEXT meal, the NEXT thing you put in your mouth? Unfollow three “influencers” who make you feel like crap , done done done Get the juicer out and put it on the kitchen… Read more
Wellbeing is a verb…it’s something you DO, not something you POSSESS. It’s not something you ACHIEVE, like a DEGREE… a certificate on the wall you will have for life, that no-one can ever take away… Wellbeing a a state of continual, life-long, DOING… one action, after the next, after the next, like riding a bicycle, pedal after pedal after pedal… it’s the perpetual movement that stops you falling over. With wellbeing there is no getting “THERE”, there is no settled final destination, no silver bullet, no “one thing”, “one secret”, its a million tiny ACTIONS, DOINGS… wellbeing is self-love in ACTION. It’s not that one-off achievement that you’ll get sorted one day once life is “less busy” (it will never be). it’s something you commit to in the now, amongst the busyness, an integral part of the busyness… there’s never a better time to look after our mental health and physical wellbeing than today, and tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that. The sooner I realised that (and my god it took me a lot longer than it should!) and I stopped waiting for the right time or that right bit of magical wellbeing information I was missing, that’s when it all started to fall into place. Wellbeing is a verb…it’s something you DO, not something you POSSESS. DO something for the future you TODAY. Rinse and repeat tomorrow. Accept it will never be “done” and do it anyway.